Chapter 20

Somehow I had managed to find my way home. I stood staring at the backdoor, debating on whether or not I wanted to go inside. My arms were wrapped tightly around myself—not to conceal my nakedness but to try and hold myself together. Part of me wanted to sink to the ground and cry; the other part of me wanted to run over to Jacob's house and kick his door down. I gave a bitter laugh at that. Really, I didn't even know where he was. Jacob wanted to be alone—that was all that I knew for certain.

I sighed as I heard someone's foot steps coming behind me, but I didn't turn around. I knew it was Seth.

"Leah, are you okay?" he asked, sounding concerned.

I only shrugged my shoulders as he came to a stop beside me. He glanced between me and the door, wondering why I wasn't going inside. Seth bit down on his lip, then, as he sometimes does when he's trying to think of what to do.

"Jared's leg isn't as bad as we thought," he spoke as if I actually cared about Jared's stupid leg, "The guys didn't have to re-break the bones or anything!"

I didn't respond. Seth examined my face as I continued to stand motionless in front of the door, and I wished so bad that he would just go inside.

"Can you believe what Jake did?" he asked suddenly and the mention of the name made my heart start, "He used an Alpha command on Sam! The guys can't stop talking about it! Do you think Jake's gonna led the pack now?"

I groaned loudly and then pushed through the back door and into the house. I walked passed my mom and her worried expression. Whatever. Let Seth explain things to her—He's so damn talkative all-of-a-sudden! I closed my bedroom door with my back and then stood there for a moment. I considered calling him. I considered phasing into a wolf to track him down. Ultimately, I decided to do nothing. Jacob had had his head bashed-in again, and this time, it gave him his memories back. I told myself that something like that was majorly stressful and he just needed a moment...or two. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a tank top and a pair of shorts. I worried that his "moment" would turn into days, weeks, months—forever? I put my clothes on and then climbed under my sheets. My arms wrapped around my pillow as I buried my face into it. Soon, the pillow case became damp against my face and my chest heaved with broken sobs until I became too tired to shed a tear.

I didn't dream, but I did a lot of tossing and turning...

.

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December 5, 2006, 1:24 PM

A metallic scrapping sound wrenched me from my sleep and my eyes shot open, but they immediately closed. The daylight filtered-in through the thin white sheet that was pulled over my head. My eyes, which were still sore from having cried like a pathetic, whiny girl, weren't yet ready to deal with the light of day. I was aware though, however, that I wasn't alone. I pulled the sheet down from my face as the scrapping sound I had heard was followed by a pop as the bottom half of my window rose up to meet the top half. Jacob climbed-in backwards through the window. He was shirtless, shoeless, and wearing a pair of draw string shorts that looked like they had once been pants, cut-off at the knees. I sat up in my bed and my hope-filled heart pounded in my chest as he stood to his full height and then turned around to see me. His body went rigid as our eyes met and he stared at me as if he expected me to sleep through the whole process of him climbing through my window.

"I guess you're done being alone now," My voice sounded a little more snippy than I meant for it to, "Did you forget that I have a front door?"

Jacob rolled his eyes and then threw his thumb in the direction of my bedroom door.

"Charlie and Sue are in the kitchen. I didn't come to see them. I came to see you."

My breathing quickened at his words but I didn't yet know whether to be happy or worried. Jacob took two long strides towards my bed and then sat down on the edge of the mattress. My bed dipped under his weight and my thigh brushed against his hip as I slid into him. I could tell by his closeness that I had no reason to worry, but as I looked into his eyes Jacob looked away. I watched him as he stared out my opened window and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"That was a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be," he said as he glanced at me, his eyes twinkling as he smiled, "Probably the easiest window I've ever climbed through."

A frown formed on my face.

"Oh?" I questioned, "Have you climbed through a lot of other windows?"

Jacob's smile faded and he looked out the window again.

"A few."

There was a silence between us as I realized that I had already known which "few" he meant, and it made me re-think the idea that I had "no reason to worry".

"Why did you come to see me?"

Jacob's head spun in my direction. His eyebrows were lowered over his eyes and his mouth curled up like my question offended him.

"Because I promised not to hurt you," he explained, "And I try to keep my promises—best I can," Jacob paused as he scooted closer to me and then raised a hand to brush a strand of hair from my face, "I've decided something," the words were almost a whisper, "I've decided to leave the pack. I'm not going to phase anymore."

My back went straight as a board and my mouth fell open.

"WHAT? You can't! It's our responsibility! It's our heritage! Why—"

Jacob reached for my hands and held them in his as his eyes searched mine. He gave a shrug of his shoulders and then said:

"Can't imprint if I ignore the wolf."

I exhaled a breath that I felt like I had been holding for a long time and my tensed-up shoulders relaxed.

"Jacob," I breathed his name, "That's crazy. That's a lot to give-up just for me."

His hands slid up my arms and around my back as he pulled me against his chest.

"I never wanted any of this and I don't want to risk hurting you the same way you've been hurt before."

My arms wrapped around his back and my cheek pressed against his bare shoulder as I hugged him tight, shutting my eyes for a moment as I said a prayer of thanks.

"I half expected you to tell me that you still had feelings for Bella Swan."

Jacob's hands moved to my shoulders and he gently pushed me away so he could look me in the eye.

"I do," he admitted, and for a moment my heart stopped beating.

Jacob's eyes averted down to the mattress and his expression looked conflicted.

"Leah," he spoke my name as his eyes rose to meet mine, "Imagine if you had lived the same life twice—only, you made different choices in both of them—and one day, you woke up, and your two lives came crashing together, like a head-on collision. It's been confusing. I admit it. But I'm not confused about how I feel about you."

I shook my head at his words.

"Sure. You say that now because Bella Swan's a walking corpse and I'm the only decent prospect you have left."

Jacob snorted out a laugh.

"Prospect?" he rolled his eyes, "Leah, you can't even handle the word 'boyfriend'. Don't you realize that a 'prospect' implies taking it to the next level?"

I examined his face. He was still the same Jacob whose eyes twinkled when they looked into mine, and whose smile did funny things to my insides. Yet, there was something in the way that he held himself—something about the way he moved that seemed different—that made him seem older or more experienced or maybe a little bit jaded like I was.

"You don't remember this," I began, "Because you were passed out when I said it...but I made a promise to you, too."

A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"Remind me," he said and I swallowed before speaking and then uncomfortably averted my eyes toward the ceiling.

"I promised that if you just woke up that I'd be your girlfriend, your wife—whatever."

A broad grin formed on Jacob's face as I said those words and his arms found their way around me, pulling me against him quicker than before. I braced my hands against his bare chest, feeling his quick heart beat under my palm as he searched my eyes.

"I'll settle on 'girlfriend'...for now," he said as his head turned and then leaned in.

I gazed up at him through lowered eyelids and my hands slid down his chest to his sides.

"I can handle that," I replied just before his lips found mine and he kissed me.

His kiss was different. The pressure of his soft, warm lips on mine felt stronger, more determined. I could feel this new, unyielding passion as his mouth moved with mine. It was something that hadn't quite been there before, but I could feel it in the way he touched me now—rougher, but with a skill that made my temperature rise. His lips left mine for a moment as his mouth placed a kiss just under my ear.

"I love you," he whispered and I could only hum my response before he brought his mouth back down on mine.

We kissed with a heated intensity that made my head spin and I was barely aware that he had eased me back down on to my mattress. His lips pulled away from mine then, and he stared down at me as he held himself up with his arms. I smiled devilishly and moved my legs underneath him, raising my knees up around him so that he was cradled between them. Jacob quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Leah," he said as he lowered himself on top of me and then placed a quick kiss on my lips, "I like Seth. He's a good kid. Let's not do something that might scar him for life while he's in the next room, okay?"

With that, Jacob climbed off of me and then offered me his hand to help me up. I took it and he pulled me up with more strength than was necessary. I collided into him, and I stayed there, gazing up at him with my hands pressed to his chest.

"Did you really mean what you said?" I asked, "Are you really going to stop phasing?"

Jacob sighed as he stared down at me.

"Yeah, I really meant it. Besides," he paused as his smile broke into a grin, "I'll start aging so I can catch-up with you. No point in risking that someone might call you a cradle robber if we can prevent it."

I rolled my eyes and then shoved him with my hands that were already on his chest.

"I'm not that much older than you! Only 3 years!"

His grin grew even wider—if that was possible—and his eyes twinkled with a happiness that was almost contagious.

"Some girls consider '2 years' to be Corruption of a Minor."

My eyes narrowed suspiciously as I guessed which "girl" he meant.

"Some girls are stupid.

Jacob laughed at that and then reached for my hand.

"Come with me," he said as he pulled me towards my bedroom door.

I allowed him to lead me. It was either out of my own curiosity or my general desire just to be near him that I followed. He pulled me by my hand through my own house: passed Seth who stood in his bedroom doorway with an annoyed look on his face, and passed my mom and Charlie who gawked at us from the kitchen table.

"Hey, Sue. Hey, Charlie." Jacob greeted with an all too pleased smile on his face just before he pulled us out the front door.

He glanced back at me with a broad grin as he pulled me down the driveway and then onto the street.

"Are you worried?" he asked as his pace slowed until I was walking in step with him.

My eyebrows lowered.

"Worried about what?"

"About what Charlie and Sue thought when they saw me come out of your bedroom, half naked, and them not knowing I was even there?"

I thought about it for a moment and then a carefree smile crossed my face.

"I don't care," I said as I looked him in the eye, "In fact, Charlie can think that I'm pregnant for all I care!"

Jacob snorted-out a laugh.

"Guess your not ashamed of me anymore, then."

I frowned at that and my feet stopped walking.

"I was never ashamed of you, Jacob. I was just...scared to lose you...and calling you my 'boyfriend' meant that you were mine. Mine to lose."

Jacob stopped walking and turned to face me. He shook his head and then made tisk tisk sounds.

"See," he said as he cupped my face between his hands, "You won't have to think like that anymore. Never again. I'm giving up immortality for you. I'm all yours. I'm going to make sure that no one could cause you to lose me. Now, come on—"

His fingers laced through mine and he tugged at my hand as we started moving again.

"Where exactly are we going?"

I looked up at Jacob's profile and watched as the corner of his mouth pulled-up into a smile.

"We're going to give your old flame the happy news."

I scowled at the way he chose to describe Sam and I squeezed his fingers between mine until I felt them crack.

"OW!" he complained as he pulled his hand from my grasp to flex his fingers, "Hey! Don't deny it! I still remember how you used to think about Sam all the time," Jacob rose a finger to his head and tapped, "Vivid mental images that can't be removed once they've been seen."

I cringed a little at that, but then pointed an accusing finger at him.

"What about YOU and all your disgusting thoughts about Bella Swan? Don't you think that I have some vivid mental images that I would like removed?"

Jacob chuckled and shrugged it off as if it were nothing. We walked side-by-side then—not talking, not holding hands. I shot him scowls while he shot me amused glances.

"Hey?" he asked suddenly as if he just remembered something, "What did you do with my stuff? My 'Bella' stuff?"

My eyes widened for an instant and then I decided to play dumb.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied as I picked-up my pace.

I could hear him laughing under his breath as I walked ahead of him.

"Don't lie. I remember seeing my wolf carvings on your dresser."

I winced at his blasted memory!

"You're imagining things," I replied as I walked a little faster.

"Le-ah..." he chided me like I was a kid who had done something bad, "What did you do with my stuff?"

I could hear his pace quicken behind me.

"What do you care?" I spat as I started power walking, "You planning to add more to your precious Bella Swan collection?

"No, I just want to know what you did with it! I don't want it back."

I stopped walking then, and he stopped walking too. I looked over my shoulder at him as a devious smile spread across my face.

"Good! Cuz I'm not telling you!"

I ran then, towards the trees that would lead to the Uley's house and Jacob ran after me. I let out a playful scream as his hands latched around my waist and we went down to the ground, rolling over one another. There was a smile on my face that matched his as he hovered over me.

"Tell me," he said as he forced his expression to turn serious, "What did you do?"

I smirked at him as I raised up a hand to touch his face.

"I destroyed everything except for the wolves," I confessed as I ran my fingers through his hair and then gripped the back of his neck, "Apparently, it was the closest I could get to actually destroying your memory of her."

Jacob sighed and then shook his head at me.

"No," he disagreed, "You came the closest by showing me how love is supposed to be: mutual, not one-sided. Not forced, but easy and natural."

"Easy?" I laughed as I pulled him closer, "Are you calling me easy?"

"You kidding?" he teased as a grin formed on his face, "'Difficult' is your middle name," his head lowered to mine then, "But I'm always up for a challenge."

I smiled.

"I'll always be up for challenging you."

His lips brushed against mine then and I pulled him down on top of me until there was no air between us. I wanted to keep it that way—at least for a little while longer—but I knew we'd have to move at some point. Until that time came, I pushed-out every niggling thought, every worry, and I got lost in the moment. I got lost in him. His hot skin didn't feel so hot with the cold wind blowing around us. It was invitingly warm, and his lips on mine made me feel whole. I didn't need to tell him how I felt about him—it was there in the way that I touched him, wrapping my arms around him so he couldn't get away. And I wouldn't let him. Not ever. He was mine. I was his. And I would lie, cheat, steal and fight dirty for Jacob Black.