Usual Disclaimer:

The characters in this story belong to EA/Bioware and others, and not me, though I claim my version of their Cousland Noble and his dog as my own.

This chapter contains quite a bit of slash/fluff, as will happen when two long-long time lovers get together. I got some inspiration while writing when Love Song by The Cure came on.

Chapter 21 Whenever I'm Alone with You

The moon had become cloaked by clouds while Nigel was at work inside Hoff's mansion, and the soft drizzle that had begun to fall when he left was turning into a steady rain by the time he returned to Hawke's estate. Nigel leaped lightly across a narrow lane that ran between mansions. Despite the rain, the air still was heavy with the foulness that crept up to Hightown from the lower parts of the city.

He could imagine Hawke's reaction upon first setting foot in this city when his ship had docked all those years ago, having narrowly escaped the Blight only to wind up in the slums of Lowtown, and that only after he and his brother pledged a year of service to a mercenary company, but they had nowhere else to go. There were worse places in Thedas Hawke and his family could have landed, but Nigel couldn't name any off the top of his head. Nigel imagined that one must become accustomed to the fetid air and the gloom over time.

Perhaps that was why Hawke had stayed, rather than taking his spoils from his Deep Roads expedition and returning to Ferelden after his mother's murder. He had made friends and started a new life. Or more likely, it was because he genuinely cared about the people here. Luckily for the citizens of Kirkwall, Hawke seemed fully aware of the political corruption that was also obvious to an outsider, and Nigel guessed that was also why he had stayed, to try to make things better. He respected him for that.

He paused and looked around, and he felt a giddy grin spread across his face, accompanied by a feeling of heat that shot through his slender frame, when he spotted a familiar shrouded form on an adjoining roof. The figure was moving in his direction, and from the way he carried himself, Nigel had instantly recognized it as that of his love. He raised a hand and waved, though he felt foolish when he did, and he was glad Zev wasn't close enough to see his silly grin, though he knew remnants of it would still be visible when they reunited.

It was a surprise that he and Zev arrived back at Hawke's estate at nearly the same time, as Nigel's conscience had prodded him so much that he had risked discovery and crept quickly through the servants' quarters, tucking coins in various places around them as they slept, in a shoe here, or under a pillow there. He had figured that should more than tide them over until they found other employment, or so that they could afford to leave this city, assuming they saw it as he could with an outsider's eyes.

He had also decided it was prudent to ensure that Zev's poison had worked, and it had. Of course it had. Zev was too thorough an assassin for it to fail. Hoff was sprawled in his chair, his wine glass dangling precariously from his fingers. Ennis looked like he had gone out the balcony for air. He was sprawled across the threshold, lying face down in a pool of his own vomit, and a casual investigator might assume he choked on it and leave it at that.

As he checked for Hoff's pulse, he noticed that the meat Hoff and his guests had been eating had an off-smell he hadn't noticed before, and they were probably too drunk to notice it either. He speared some on a fork, put it in Hoff's other hand, and curled his fingers around it. Nothing like an opportunity to turn an assassination into an accidental food poisoning, and this was an assassination, and not cold-blooded murder, he reminded himself to still a nagging voice in the back of his mind. After an earnest prayer to The Maker to treat them more kindly than they had treated the Fereldan refugees and the elves who had been at their mercy, he slipped out the window and climbed up to the roof.

Watching Zev coming him near drove all other thoughts from his mind. Zev had only planned to follow his quarry home, and he should have arrived back here before Nigel did, but it appeared that he had a change of plans. Nigel knew his love well; if an opportunity for a clean kill had presented itself, he would have taken it, though that was true of any good assassin. He was certain one had once Zev got close enough that he could smell the metallic tang of blood, despite the rain, and could see the sticky glistening of it on his armor in the faint light. His heart leaped in alarm, and he ran to the edge as Zev stepped over a low wall to Hawke's roof.

"My love!" Nigel gasped, failing to keep his alarm out of his voice. "Let me get you a healer!" He reached for a small vial of a healing potion in one of the pockets inside his doublet, but he knew it might not be enough to do more than keep him alive until he could get him help. Isabela had said Anders' clinic wasn't too far from the bottom of the stairs on the left, leading from Hawke's secret rooms. Better yet, he would rouse his host from his sleep if his love's wounds required immediate attention, despite Hawke having told him he hadn't studied many spells in the healing school, other than the basic ones that his father had insisted he learn.

Zev looked himself over, and his eyes widened in mock alarm, and then he chuckled teasingly. He removed the leather jerkin he wore, then stripped off the dove gray shirt under it. He whispered as he examined a cut on his left bicep, "That look on your face is priceless! Have no fear, mi amor. Most of this isn't mine, and I've already taken a potion that should set me rights, you see? This one is healing, and the others are finished. A thorough cleaning will take care of the armor, though I think not tonight." He met Nigel's eyes and said lustily, "We have a date for dessert, no?"

He casually spread the shirt over the top of a bush, and the rain was already washing away the blood, which dripped down into the soil below. "That should be good for the Champion's hydrangeas. The morning sun will dry it, though I suppose it is rather inconsiderate of me to leave my dirty laundry lying about on the Champion's shrubbery, not that his housemaid doesn't do the same thing."

"Let me look at you." Despite Zev's protest, Nigel examined him thoroughly, trying not to be distracted by the promise of sex, or by the feel of his love's smooth skin as his fingers glided lightly across it, before he allowed himself to relax. He put his hands to either side of his love's face and smiled wanly. "What happened?"

Zev jumped up and wrapped his legs around Nigel's waist and draped his arms around his neck as Nigel gasped and caught him. He snuggled close to his warmth. His love was always so warm. Pity it was due to the darkspawn taint that was slowly killing him. "It is rather an amusing tale. It seems that innocent prostitute I set out to rescue from her savage brute of a customer was neither as innocent, nor as in need of rescuing as I had presumed. In fact, it was she who gave me this wound and another, and he was her intended victim, that is, assuming a man such as he can be a victim."

Nigel shifted his love's weight, trying not to be distracted by the taut thighs in his hands. "This is an interesting turn. Mind that dagger though, love."

Zev reluctantly disentangled himself, though he kept his arms around his neck. "Yes, it seems that she and a pair of thugs had chosen him for their next mark, based upon his reputation among the Lowtown prostitutes as a customer to be avoided, unless one was desperate. It is said more than one of them has vanished after being hired by him. I'm certain it was no accident that he noticed her in his travels around the city and sent his man back to procure her for his later pleasure. I'm also sure she and her companions had been stalking him for weeks. She was quite cross that I spoiled her fun, though she had gotten to finish him, while I was not at all cross with her that she spoiled mine."

Nigel gave him a kiss on the lips. "Fascinating tale, but you were speaking of pleasure..." It did sound like an interesting tale that he very much wanted to hear, but now that the crisis was over, it could wait. Holding him in his arms again was driving him mad. It had been so long, and it was all Nigel could do not to have him right here on the roof. Zev was pressing against him, and he was more than ready too.

"I like the way you think, mi amor." Zev kissed him hard, then drew back and nodded towards a patch of mossy grass under a small tree. He gave Nigel an impish grin and echoed his thoughts. "It has been too long, and an even longer time since we've had one other out-of-doors, with only The Maker to witness our lovemaking, no?"

Nigel's response was to kiss him along his jaw, savoring the smoothness of his skin. He nipped at the skin under his ear and felt him shiver in pleasure. He continued up to his nearly lobe-less ear up to the pointed tip, and was rewarded by a soft moan. Here then; the hidden room down the ladder seemed so far away. But they had reason to be on guard, and that was enough to make him pause. He murmured in his ear, "What if someone is watching this mansion? I'd hate to be caught with my pants down by a passing burglar, or another assassin."

Zev chuckled as he worked his knuckles down his love's back, knowing he was anything but shy, and agreeing that he was right to be cautious. "Trust me. It's safe enough up here. The templars spy on The Champion, but the ones assigned to spy on him aren't skilled in rooftop work. This foolish Knight-Commander Meredith who has made herself the ruler of the city has transferred all those who were to other posts. Not good enough for her. Note too that there are no windows facing this way."

Nigel chuckled. "It sounds as if you've been watching the estate yourself. Spying on our pretty 'Bela, are you?" Voicing that, however, provoked a twinge of jealousy that he knew he had no right to feel.

Zev gave him a soft kiss and lay his head against his chest before he looked up at him. "You are not jealous, mi amor? I was curious about what manner of man this Champion of Kirkwall was when I discovered Isabela was living with him, so I learned all I could about him. She and I have had sex a few times, but it is only sex, as it always has been the case between us. She persuaded him to join us the first time, after they helped me deal with a Crow cell that had been hunting me, but he wasn't interested in joining us a second time, so it has been just the two of us. I don't believe he even knows I am still in Kirkwall. I also do not think he is unaware she takes other lovers on occasion, such as their companion Fenris. Yet it is Hawke's bed she returns to. Freedom is very important to him, and so he understands her needs too."

Nigel kissed the top of his head and stroked his hair. "Forgive me, my love. I have no right. You've had a long history with her, and it isn't as if I'm as chaste as a Chantry sister while we're apart. I admit I wouldn't have hesitated to spend a pleasant hour with them before the reception, if he had been inclined. Perhaps you are right about Hawke and the importance of freedom to him. I got the impression he might have been content living a scholarly life in a Circle, if he had freedom to come and go as he pleased and wasn't under the constant scrutiny of templars."

Zev did like to gossip, though sometimes his timing was off. "Oh indeed! He has a reputation for spending the evening in his study or his library, unless he is reluctantly dragged out by Isabela or their cohorts, or more often by the business of the city, so the consensus of all except the Knight Commander is there is little point in watching him. He is also probably unaware that his dwarven friend Varric has made a deal with the local Carta to keep the burglars away. A foolish man once tried anyway, knowing he was away from home, and was caught by his mabari and forced to hide in a wardrobe until the Champion returned home and freed him, though he was chased back to Lowtown by the mabari the entire way."

Nigel chuckled then kissed the top of his head. "I can picture that. No doubt Messere Tethras has already written about it." Leliana had taught him that anything he heard, even the most insignificant bit of gossip, might prove useful later, but another pressing desire was greater than the desire to hear Zev's tales, no matter how much he had missed hearing them. Nigel sighed as Zev worked on a spot at the base of his neck where he knew Nigel held his tension. "Maker's breath, that's the spot. Allow me to reciprocate later."

Zev whispered, "Yes, I was chattering away again, wasn't I? Count on it, but later. As I was saying, we are safe enough here. Besides, I also like some danger, and so do you, if memory serves."

"I can't argue with that, love. You know me too well." More than the danger or chance of getting caught, there was also the thrill of getting away with something that went back to when he was a boy, climbing up the castle walls, breaking in to locked rooms and chests and re-locking them with no one the wiser, and then later as a youth, successfully sneaking out at night or sneaking a lover into and out of his room.

Zev gazed lovingly into his eyes and caressed his cheek. "You are as handsome as ever. It is as if you have stopped time. I'm glad you still wear your hair long. You still look like you did that day I first met you, when you slapped me awake, and I found myself skillfully tied up, and you glowering at me, with your knee pressing on my chest holding me down, and your dagger at my throat. I was naturally desperate to talk you out of killing me, as was your right, but also oddly aroused. Was it the same with you, despite your anger?" Zev ran his fingers through Nigel's wheat-colored hair, then wrapped his hand around it and pulled it back, exposing his throat, and covered it with kisses and little bites, some that would leave a mark. He smiled at the moan that provoked.

When he could speak, Nigel replied, "You're the reason I still do, and yes, I was, but only after I had decided to spare you." He shuddered at another nip, then led him over to the moss and pulled him down, and dropped beside him. He used one hand to unfasten his own leather doublet while the other caressed Zev's sinewy body. His fingers found the buttons on Zev's pants, and he discovered he could indeed unfasten them with only one hand. The carpet of moss was softer than he expected, and the rich, earthy smell of it, brought out by the rain, increased his passion.

Zev also made short work of removing Nigel's doublet and shirt and undid the strings that laced up his pants. "Enough talking for now, mi amor. "

"I couldn't agree more."

They lay there a while later, both thinking they were beyond caring if anyone might be watching, though both had daggers in easy reach. Neither talked, but they exchanged kisses and gentle caresses until Zev began shivering. It dawned on Nigel that it was because of the coolness of the night air on Zev's damp skin, though the rain had slowed to a fine mist. He pulled him close. "Forgive me, my love. You must be freezing. I won't have you catching a cold on my account."

Zev chuckled. "That would indeed be an ironic way to die."

Nigel sat up and reached for his discarded clothing. "Come. There's a bed downstairs with thick, warm blankets that's big enough for the two of us, if we lie close."

"I like the sound of that!" Zev sat up too and wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed his upper arms. "Thank you, mi amor. I was reluctant to end the moment, but the thought of sharing a warm bed with you... It's also been rare we've been able to sleep together freely, without fear of being attacked, or of some servant or courtier or guard walking in on us. How I've missed that." He thought, or your wife walking in on us, also, as he pulled his pants up over his slender hips. He chided himself—Now who is acting the jealous one, and I know it is without reason. He didn't bother with the buttons. After quickly gathering his things, he followed Nigel to the trap door in the gardener's shed and down the ladder inside.

Nigel picked up the lantern at the bottom of the ladder he had left lit to guide their way, and Zev opened the door to the secret room. They quickly undressed again, and Zev jumped into bed and pulled the blankets up to his chin and watched his love. Nigel set the lantern on the floor, then spread their damp clothing across the chair and over the chests to dry before he joined him. They lay on their sides entwined, facing one another, and neither of them could stop smiling. After a few more kisses, Zev snuggled close to his hot-blooded prince, and they fell into a peaceful sleep.

The lantern had gone out when Nigel awakened. It was difficult to tell how long he had slept because of the total darkness in the room, but he guessed from his tiredness it was very early in the morning. He had turned over in his sleep, and Zev was holding him tightly, his arm snug around Nigel's chest. How long had it taken all those years ago before he had let his guard down enough to turn his back on him, even after he became his lover? He turned his attention to his surroundings. It was quiet, but the stone was thick enough that most sound wouldn't carry, so he wasn't sure he would be able to tell if anyone in the house was awake unless someone entered the next room. He breathed as if he were still asleep and listened carefully, giving in to the familiar fear that something or someone might have awakened him.

He didn't allow himself to relax again for several minutes until he was certain they were alone. He put his hand over Zevran's and squeezed it, then closed his eyes. Zevran murmured something, and Nigel's skin tingled from his warm breath on the back of his neck. How he had missed this simple intimacy. It seemed a shame to waste what little time they had together sleeping, but he closed his eyes and let sleep take him anyway, hoping he could find his love in the Fade.

It was Zev who awakened first the next time. He nimbly climbed over Nigel and lit the lantern so he could see to relieve himself in the chamber pot. Nigel woke up despite Zev's carefulness and did the same, then opened the door to the passageway out. If he didn't know it was twenty-one paces to the ladder up, it would be difficult to find it.

Faint light was coming from somewhere in the other direction, but it didn't look like sunlight. It reminded him of some of the glowing fungi that lit the tunnels he had seen in the Deep Roads. He wouldn't be surprised if the dwarves who built this part of the city cultivated the fungi to provide light in the tunnels. They may have even enhanced the natural tunnels in the cliffs the city was built on out of homesickness for the dwarven city they would never see again. Or perhaps this city was built over a forgotten branch of the Deep Roads. Hawke had said they had fought darkspawn in the surrounding area. Perhaps that was why the Wardens had traveled here. He could sense something faint, but then again, it could be paranoia.

Zev walked out beside him, put his arm around his waist, leaned his head against his shoulder, then looked up at him with a loving smile. "Good morning, mi amor. I bet you're hungry for food, and for other things?"

Nigel stretched and yawned, then put his arm around him too. "Oddly I'm not as hungry as I should be, for anything. Truth be told, I'm still sleepy. It seems unfair. I finally get to be with you, and all I want to do is sleep. I must be getting old, though just being alone with you makes me feel young again."

Zev chuckled as he took his hand, leading him back to the bed. "Old? And you are not quite thirty! I would rather suspect you have kept long hours, as has always been your habit, and it is now catching up to you. Life is rarely fair, mi amor, but we must make the best of what life we are given by the Maker, no?"

Nigel lay on his back and smiled invitingly as he pulled back the blankets. Zev got in beside him, then stretched out over his chest, leaning up on his elbows so they could see each other as they talked. It was another old habit of his.

Nigel wrapped his arms around the slender elf's waist. "I recall the first time you lay on me like this. You had been staying in my tent for several weeks rather than going back to your own after we had finished, but that morning was different. The act itself was casual, and intimate, but it did not feel at all sexual. I think it was at that moment that I realized our relationship had progressed beyond mutual pleasure, and that we were becoming something, though I didn't think you had realized it yet."

Zev smiled at the memory. "I remember that morning. On the way out of the Brecillian Forest, wasn't it?"

Nigel reached up and pushed his hair out of his face. "Just so. I remember Buddy raised his head and looked over at us for a moment, then got up and padded out of the tent. But he paused to give me a glance over his shoulder on his way through the tent flap that told me he knew something was different too, as if to say, 'I will leave you two alone.' That had also been a first."

That had been the first time in a long time Nigel had felt that giddiness sweep over him, but the feeling had been immediately followed with concern, and even fear that chilled him to the bones. It had been one thing to have sex as a welcome reprieve from the chaos of their lives, but that was the first time he had realized he was developing feelings for the elf. He hadn't felt that way since he was a boy, in the throes of puppy love with Darlea, but it had felt like so much more. It was done in Ferelden, but not often openly.

He gazed into Zev's eyes and stroked his cheek. "I was confused about what it meant. All I knew for a certainty was that I didn't ever want that moment with you to end." He cupped his hand over the back of his head and pulled him into a soft kiss.

Zev kissed him back and smiled. "If you recall, it did a moment later Alistair poked his head in to see why you weren't up yet. I think he still expected me to try to assassinate you. I remember how his eyes widened and he blushed when he saw us, and then you kissed me as you did just now. You looked over at him and winked, as it to claim me for your own. Or were you inviting him to join us? He pulled his head back out so quickly he shook the tent. Remember, I joked about how Alistair, virginal as he was, must have honestly believed we were exchanging massages."

Nigel laughed heartily. "Well we were sometimes, though we weren't specific about the parts used to give or receive the massage. Remember Wynne's complaints about how much noise we were making, keeping her awake? I think he was the only one who didn't know. Even the Sten gave me looks."

Zev grinned slyly, "Ah, the Sten. How long was it until we figured out that was his job, not his name? I have learned something else. Remember that word he would call you towards the end, 'kadan'?"

Nigel nodded. "I assume it meant 'friend,' or as close to friendship as Qunari are allowed, and I was honored."

Zev chuckled. "A bit more than that, as it turns out. I was telling the tale of our Sten to a Qunari mercenary I met here, one of their Tal Vashoth defectors, and he told me it does not mean what we thought it did. According to him, it's actually the closest word they have to 'beloved' and is not often, and certainly not casually, used."

Nigel's eyes widened in surprise. "Does it? I never would have guessed he felt that way. I can't imagine that's encouraged under their Qun. I assumed that sexual urges outside of breeding new Qunari with their women were to be deeply suppressed, let alone feelings of friendship or love."

Zev trailed a finger lazily across Nigel's jaw. "I had assumed that as well, and he didn't wish to discuss the matter in much detail. The conversation ended with him throwing up his arm and growling, 'pashera!' at me, but it seems they consider regular release with a willing partner, male or female, or alone, if need be, to be not only healthy, but even necessary, as he eventually showed me."

"I'm surprised you can still walk. Poor Sten. All that time he was feeling empty and lost without his sword, and that took him how many weeks to trust me enough to confess it? I thought him merely grateful for all the effort we went through finding it when he first called me that. Only Morrigan showed him any sexual interest, and that was because she thought him challenging."

Unrequited longing in his former companion was too sad to think about, and so he changed the subject. Nigel folded his hands in the small of Zev's back. "Enough about that. Tell me that tale you've been dying to tell me of the beautiful prostitute and her pair of thugs."

Zev laughed heartily. "Did I say two? I am certain there were three of them, now that I think about it. One of them had spotted me following on the roof and thought I was planning to steal their mark. If only he knew. So he attacked me, and we fought while I tried to get him to listen to reason. His friends heard the commotion and came to his aid, and much blood was spilled by all, but mostly them."

Nigel chuckled softly. "With you, I don't doubt that. What about the beautiful prostitute?"

"I was getting to her, mi impacienta." Zev pinched his cheek lightly. "In the mean time, our target had gone into his house to claim his purchase for the night, who was wondering why her companions didn't come in through the window she had opened after he came in the door so they could hide, as they had arranged. I imagine her first thought was that she had been betrayed, though she said she realized they must be in trouble. Nevertheless, she was left to face him alone and so had decided to abandon their plan, but too late."

"This is a good tale! What happened next?"

"In the next moment he was there in the room! She tried to leave anyway, complaining of a headache, and she said he shoved her down roughly onto the floor and looked at her with such hatred, like he wanted to kill her. She was afraid she was about to disappear, like others had, so she she drew a stiletto concealed in her hair and silenced him with a stab to the throat, and killed him with the aid of a local poison made of mushrooms they call the Black Dog."

"She told you all of this?" Nigel teased, tickling his sides.

Zev chuckled, tickled him back, and then rolled off to lie beside him. "Indeed. She told me all this as we fought, because I asked. She pushed him off her and left him dying on the floor."

He lay his head on Nigel's chest because his neck was getting stiff, so Nigel instinctively massaged it while he listened, and then replied, "She's lucky his manservant didn't hear anything and come to his master's aid, or summon the Guard. Did she use that poison on you?"

Zev groaned in pleasure at Nigel's touch. "Of course. I laughed when I felt its little sting, and I not only told her what it was, but that it merely tickled someone as experienced with poison as I am. Oh, that is so good. I taught you well, mi amor."

Nigel worked up to the base of Zev's skull and continued up his scalp. "You taught me so many things well, love, the least of which involves poisons or massage."

Zev relaxed under his lover's touch and smiled as he thought about the many lovely things he had taught his relatively inexperienced, but very eager young partner all those years ago. "Such as? Oh, I can think of one. I still remember that priceless look of shock on your face as you said, 'You want to put it where?' The memory makes me chuckle. I was afraid I would never enjoy your mouth again. But in truth, I think you were still afraid to turn your back to me for fear I would give you my dagger instead."

Nigel scowled at him in mock annoyance then chuckled and ruffled his hair. "You also taught me I need not turn my back on you. Besides, if you had wanted me dead, you could have introduced poison into my food or drink many times, even with the others watching you like a pack of mabaris, or simply looked the other way when I needed help in a battle. I was well aware of that by then. You had gained my trust, and that's why I invited you into my tent in the first place."

"I remember that look of desperation on your face that night, though you tried to hide it. You almost called it off when I teased you about why you needed me in your tent. It saved me having to talk you into a massage with benefits, which I had planned to do that very night, however, as I had needs as well." Zev laughed as he sat up and drew up his knees to his chest, locking his arms around them. "But I might have been merely lulling you into false confidence, no?"

Nigel sat up beside him and took his hand. "You might have been, and the thought crossed my mind. but I didn't think so. Finish your story. Did you introduce her to your own poison?"

Zev lay back, pulling Nigel down beside him. "Yes, and no. As I was saying, she came looking for them. We weren't very far away, and they weren't yet dead, though one was very close, so she took his place. I teased her as we fought that the real reason she was angry was because she realized she hadn't taken the time to rob him and loot his home as they had planned, and that her companions wouldn't appreciate her coming to their aid empty-handed, the one that still lived, anyway. As far as his manservant, I pointed out that it would be prudent to flee rather than fight because he had surely heard the commotion and summoned the guard. She countered that they had studied their mark and knew that his man would go to his own room, which was at the opposite end of the house, as soon as he possibly could."

"You discussed all of this with her as you fought?" Nigel teased, though he knew that Zev did have a habit of talking while he was in a fight, which helped him weigh whether his opponent deserved to live or die. He also knew he couldn't resist pointing out how much better he was, after critiquing his opponents' fighting style.

Zev put his arms around him. "Oh, but of course. It is only fair, as was leaving a vial of the antidote to my poison on that roof, within crawling distance for her and her last accomplice, assuming he was still alive. How else will the survivors learn from their mistakes so they do better the next time? And I should know, being a survivor of such training myself." Zev sighed and closed his eyes to drive away the ghosts of the past. He listened to his love's heartbeat, an act that always left him feeling grounded.

"You are the best, my love, and you deserve so much." Nigel sighed too and kissed his forehead. "My life has turned out very different than I planned, and I fear you have had to suffer the most. I thought I would marry Anora to put her on the throne, and if I survived the Archdemon, get her with child within a year or two, and that would be that. I would be free to go my way, with her blessing."

Zev took his hands in his own, looking down as he voiced his fears. "But things changed. Have you finally fallen in love with your wife, or is it merely that you are now a slave to duty?"

Nigel pulled his chin up so he could see his eyes, trying to find the words to explain. "What changed...wasn't that, though we've developed something of a friendship, which I admit has surprised me. Nor do I have any illusions that she needs me to help rule her kingdom. She is more than capable on her own, and can hold her own against the graspers and sycophants who plague any court. I help when I can, offer advice, let my own people sort things out in the shadows as her unofficial spymaster, and I'm not afraid to tell her when I disagree, but... I do care very much for our people, and I want to protect them from those who would take advantage while Ferelden is still recovering. There is always danger from somewhere, but I fear it is worse this time." Nigel explained his current mission to Orlais.

Zev sat up beside him facing him and drew the blanket up around himself as he listened. "You could have used me beside you, though I don't think the queen would have been pleased if I stayed. If only the Crows would end their foolish vendetta against me, then I could at least see you more often."

Nigel knew though that his absence had little to do with his wife, and he felt compelled to defend her. A more important reason why Zev hadn't stayed beside him was he craved freedom. "Truth be told, I think you never would have been content to stay in Denerim, no matter how lavish a life I could have given you. A pity I'm not Orlesian. At least there few would give my having a paramour, even another man, living with us and attending balls and soirees with us a second thought."

"Except that your wife outranks you, and except for my being elven, that is. There are whispers about Empress Celene's elven handmaiden, who seems to be closer to her than merely a lifelong friend, though even that would raise eyebrows."

Nigel said nothing as he listened and rubbed his back through the blanket, and a part of himself hated that he filed that information away for later.

Zev smiled sadly and drew the blanket tighter. "It is true that I can't see myself living as a kept man, no matter how fine the silk sheets on my bed, and no matter how much love I have for the keeper, mi amor. I had been little more than a slave to the Crows since I was a boy, and now I find that I grow restless if I stay in one place too long. I also know I couldn't bear waiting around until you had some time to share with me. I had hoped we would have a few years to see the world until your Calling came, and then I planned to travel to the Deep Roads at your side, and die with you."

Nigel fought back tears as he pulled him into a tight embrace. "I had hoped to travel to Antiva with you and kill every Crow foolish enough to oppose us until they relent, love, though from what I've heard, you've done a good job on your own."

Zev chuckled despite his sadness. "What can I say, I always try to do my best in my work."

Nigel held him in the tight embrace. "You are also so very good at turning adversaries into allies, as you did with me, and with The Champion, though knowing Isabela undoubtedly helped."

Zev chuckled dryly and looked up at him. "Perhaps not. Do you know how she vouched for me when he asked? She shrugged and told him, 'I've had better.'"

Nigel laughed. "That sounds like her. Well, I haven't." He was quiet for a minute, his eyes closed tightly, savoring the feeling of his body against his own, before making his own confession. "What's really kept me in Denerim besides my duty to my people is my children. I never expected that. Sometimes I wonder if the Maker is amused that I've found four little someones I love as much as you, or perhaps He gave them to us to keep me there."

Zev looked surprised. "Perhaps it was because I never knew my own parents, but I've never felt very paternal, not towards the one son I know of, let alone the others who must exist. Four, you say? You haven't had contact with Morrigan about your child with her, have you?"

Nigel shook his head. "No, nor have I searched for them. Though I would love to meet our son, I've kept to the agreement I made with her. Actually counting him, it would be six. I am better acquainted with the son of my youth now. I care for him, but it's not the same as the other four. No, I speak of my three girls, and our son Gerard."

"Our son? Can you really mean that?" Zev could see the earnestness in his love's eyes though. He had always trusted that he would see to the boy's needs, but he never expected that he would care for him as if he was his own child.

Nigel answered as if he could hear his thoughts. "Indeed, I consider him our son. I had no part in his conception, but I love his father with all my heart, and I've loved our son since I first looked into his eyes when he was born. Anora and I sat with Erlina while she labored, and I helped a sister wrap him in a clean towel and handed him to his mother."

"I can imagine the tongue-wagging that provoked, until he was born elven and not human." Zev didn't know how he should feel. He felt so many conflicting emotions—pride in his love, and shame because of his own lack of feelings for the boy. But they had been there and watched him grow inside his mother, while he had thought it prudent to leave not long after Erlina had revealed her pregnancy. For their safety, he had told her, though he knew that was only part of the reason.

Nigel took his hands again, his eyes shining with love. "Erlina may have done us the favor of giving birth to him since neither one of us could do it, no matter how much sex we have, but I still consider him our son. And he's a wonderful child. He even has your laugh. My only regret is that I can only claim him as my ward, and not my son."

Zev leaned close and kissed him. "I confess I used to be jealous sometimes when you talked about your childhood, and I would wonder what I might have become if I had been raised in a normal family instead of a brothel. Probably a wood cutter or a laborer now that I think about it, living in some filthy hovel, and I never would have met you."

Nigel smiled at him. "I believe you would have made something of yourself anyway, my love, even if it was just the foreman of the laborers. I used to blame myself for my parents' murder, believing that if I had married the Howe girl, Howe wouldn't have had reason for his coup. But it doesn't follow that I would have been happy in that life. It was hate at first sight anyway. I shudder to think of what married life with her would have been like. I probably would have died from drink at an early age, or dueling, of some other misadventure."

Zev was more prosaic. "That is often the case when one chooses to live a lie. I think from what I know of him, Howe would have gotten rid of you as soon as you produced an heir, unless you became a loyal lackey, and I don't see that happening. Besides, we both thought Howe's goal was to take Anora's throne after placing all the blame for his crimes on Loghain."

Nigel closed his eyes and held him like he would never let him go. "I don't want to talk about him now. As you said, the Maker has a plan if we trust him, and he still cares for us even when we don't."

He sighed and gave him a kiss, then looked into his eyes. "What I really want to ask of you is to take care of them after I die. I'm honored, but I don't want you to die by my side. I want you to live well and find love again, and it's too much to ask, but I'd like you to watch over them if I die before they're old enough to take care of themselves. If you don't want this great responsibility, I understand, but could you consider it?"

Zev looked away and frowned, but after a minute's thought, looked back and nodded. "Life is all about responsibility, isn't it, no matter how much we might wish to avoid it. The things we do for love, no?"

He took Nigel's hands and kissed them, being reminded of that night when they pledged their lives and hearts. "Whether you have only a few years, or another ten, or even more before the Calling claims you, I pledge to be more a part of your life, and theirs. I don't want to regret that I didn't find more time for you when it is too late. I also don't want to be the handsome stranger who appears after your death to try to guide them. I suppose it would be better for them to be a handsome uncle who pops in from time to time with gifts and advice, so that they will have grown to trust me if the time comes."

"Very handsome. And Maker willing, they will love you as much as I do." Nigel wiped away a few tears, smiled at him, then pulled him into a kiss. "It's settled then. I feel like we just got married again, and I never did take you on a proper honeymoon. Come with me. Please?"

Zev lay him back on the bed and looked down at him. "Now that would cause a scandal that some little bird is sure to carry to your wife, no? As much as I am jealous that she is the one who gets to claim you as her spouse when it was I who married you first, I would not wish that on her. I did come to like her, in my fashion."

Nigel put his arms around him and drew his knee up beside his love's hip. "It very isn't fair of me to you to invite you along then ask you to be discreet, is it? I want to go everywhere with you on my arm, but you're right."

Zev smiled and caressed the back of his love's thigh. "In addition, mi amor, it will be harder for you to flirt, much less bed others if I am with you in Val Royeaux. And you must be free to do that in order to learn what you need to know about any plots against Ferelden, or to lure others to your side, or to cause trouble, as I know you love to do. And there is more."

Nigel massaged his chest, wondering how much time they had before someone opened that door. "And what is that?"

"Besides whether we have time for sex before they come for us, which I know you are thinking too?" He glanced over his shoulder at the door. "It is something I can't explain, mi amor, but I feel strongly that I need to be here because something is amiss. You sense it too, no? I cannot put my finger on the cause of it, but I think that is why you feel compelled to persuade your countrymen to leave."

Nigel gasped then grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss. "You've never had a problem with where to put your finger, love. Come with me as far as Jader then, and my ship can bring you back here after we reach Val Royeaux. That's the beauty of having a ship."

"As they say, mi amor, it is good to be the prince, or at least be the love of one. Very well, let us honeymoon on the way to Jader and maybe on to Val Royeaux, and then your ship can drop me along the coast here. If nothing comes of my feeling that I need to be here, I'll wait for you back in Denerim. Now, if there is nothing else?"

Nigel answered him with a kiss. His solemn duty of taking the ashes of Anton to his mother in Jader wouldn't give them much time together, but he knew there would be invitations there he shouldn't refuse once word spread that he was in the city, which might give them a few days together before they pursued his main objective in Val Royeaux. It was only a few precious days, but he would take all he could.