NOTE: To those of you who didn't think the Carson/John scene in the last chapter was in character for either man, I take full responsibility for that. It wasn't meant to be Carson as a bully and John cowering in submission. My thoughts were that Carson had a lot of built up frustration at not having his advice/orders taken seriously combined with worry for what that might do to his patient and he'd just had enough of it and decided to lay down the law for once. As for John, I saw his reaction as guilt, knowing that he had lied to his friend and gone against medical orders. The worst part was that now he realizes he didn't have to do that to get some time alone, all he had to do was to trust his friends and talk to them, so he's feeling pretty foolish. I apologize to those of you who think I basically goofed that scene up. ----- Titan5 ------

HAUNTED...part 21

John fiddled with his lunch. He knew he was supposed to be eating it and he was getting evil glares of warning from one of the nurses he wasn't familiar with, but he didn't have any appetite. He felt too guilty to eat. And the cause of his guilt came barreling into the infirmary, as if conjured up.

Wincing, John watched Rodney stomp over to his bed. "Hey," he offered in greeting, because he felt pretty much at a loss for words.

"You lied to me!" Rodney was pissed and not even bothering to hide it. Not that he was one to hide anything he was feeling.

"I know...sorry." John wasn't sure what else to say. "I told Beckett not to blame you for what happened." He added that hopefully.

Rodney scowled at him. "He didn't blame me. And why would he? I'm not the one that lied!"

The volume of Rodney's voice made John's head hurt and he waved a hand at him in a shushing gesture. "I'm sorry, Rodney. Really. I didn't mean to lie to you. That was wrong of me."

"You know what makes it so wrong?" Rodney countered, as he fisted his hands on his hips and continued glaring at John.

"What?" John figured it was best to just play along. Rodney had earned his anger, after all.

A huff of surprise from Rodney, maybe because John was being rather meek at the moment, then the scientist was blurting out, "It's that you planned it all along. I know you. You planned on cutting out on me when all you had to do was ask and I would have let you be by yourself, or walked you to the balcony and covered for you for an hour or so. Something! All you had to do was ask!" And then, just like that, Rodney seemed to deflate.

John felt guilt rush over him in waves because he realized, just like with Ronon, that his friends would have supported him in every way and he hadn't trusted them enough. He was an idiot. But he did have a reason for his idiocy, and he hoped it would be apology enough. "I didn't want you to get into trouble, Rodney," John explained.

"Heh." Rodney didn't look impressed, although he did snag a nearby chair and sat down. "I heard Carson reamed you a new one."

"At first," John allowed, letting himself smile a bit because he could tell Rodney wasn't pissed at him anymore and they were going to be all right. "But now he's agreed to give me more space."

Rodney nodded. "I know. We've been over the new schedule. I have a four hour shift in the afternoon now."

A soft sigh escaped John. He couldn't help it. Not being watched 24/7 was going to be great, but he still hated the fact he needed a keeper. Hated it mostly because he knew he really did need them around. "You don't have to do this, Rodney. I'm sure Carson could assign a nurse. I know you're busy."

"I want to do it." Rodney's tone was soft but firm. He meant what he said.

"Thanks." John didn't know what else to say. Not that he could have said it. A huge yawn caught him off guard.

Rodney chuckled. "Looks like someone needs a nap," he commented.

Resisting the urge to glare at Rodney, because the man was right, he was tired enough to fall asleep on the spot. Still, John made a show of being wide awake, resisting the urge to scrub at his eyes. "I'm tired of being stuck in here," he complained, because he knew McKay would understand.

"When do you get out?" Rodney countered.

"Hopefully tomorrow." John whispered the reply because he saw the nurse fast approaching and he was afraid he would jinx it if she overheard him.

Before Rodney could respond, the nurse was there, fussing with John's covers. "Time for some rest, Colonel," she stated firmly, turning cold eyes on McKay.

Rodney was out of his chair and backing away in a heartbeat. "See you tomorrow!" he called out to John, but he threw an overly dramatic wink at John before departing hastily.

Which made John happy. He knew Rodney would be back later, maybe with his lap top and they could play a game or something to relieve his boredom.

"You didn't eat, Colonel," the nurse chided as she checked his vitals.

"I'll eat later." John got cut off by another yawn and he let his eyes drift closed. Rodney wasn't mad at him anymore and he'd be back to his room tomorrow. For now, life was as good as it gets for John and he was content to drift away.

OoO

John was reading when the knock sounded on his door. "Come in!" he called out, expecting it to be Ronon. But to his surprise, it was Elizabeth. He waved her over, sitting up on the bed and swinging his legs over to give her room to sit. Plus he felt less invalid like sitting up normally.

Elizabeth moved to his side, smiling. "How are you feeling, John?" she asked.

"I'm good." He meant it. He'd been back to his room for three days and having his team on half shifts gave him the space he needed. He didn't add that it was harder being on his own than he had expected it to be. He'd ended up on the floor, due to weakness, more than once. Not that he'd ever say anything to anyone, especially Carson. He knew Teyla and Ronon had guessed though. Well, Teyla had guessed. Ronon had caught him on the floor just yesterday, too weak to get up on his own. But he hadn't said anything about it, not even to John. For which John was grateful.

"You look good," Elizabeth replied. She moved to sit beside him. "I talked to Teyla." She said it casually enough.

But John knew exactly what she was leading up to. He'd been walking with Teyla yesterday when he'd suffered a bit of a meltdown. His knees had buckled on him, unexpectedly, and he would have hit the floor had Teyla not caught his arm. At which point John had pulled away, ended up on the floor anyway, and had nearly busted his hand when he threw a punch at the wall. Would have busted it for sure had Teyla not snapped his arm at the last second. Instead he just had a set of sore knuckles that only hurt if he rubbed them. "What did she tell you?" John asked, because he knew Teyla wouldn't have tattled on him. But she would have answered Elizabeth honestly, if asked the right question. Elizabeth had a way of doing that.

Locking eyes with John, Elizabeth said softly, "She said you were having difficulties adjusting to your...weakness."

"Guess you could call it that," John allowed. Then he decided he owed Elizabeth the truth. "I hate not having control over my own body! It drives me nuts that I can be walking along and then..boom. My legs give out."

"Because you push yourself too hard too fast, John." Elizabeth held up a hand to stop him from responding. "Let me finish. I've talked to all of your team and the gist is that you're pushing yourself too hard. I know you want to get better as fast as you can, but you have to listen to your body. It's going to heal at its own leisure. The only one that told me you were doing fine was Ronon, and even he admitted you needed to back off a bit. Maybe." Elizabeth was smiling as she said that, but it soon faded. She reached out and touched his arm. "You have to be patient, John. If you push too hard you'll just impede your recovery.

He knew that but he hated hearing it. Over and over again. Beckett was like a broken record on that subject. "I just...I feel like my world has narrowed down to these four damn walls!" He gestured to his room. "Atlantis just doesn't feel big enough right now."

Elizabeth nodded. "I have an idea that might help," she offered.

"I'm listening." At this point John was ready to try anything.

"How would you like to spend a few days on the mainland with Teyla's people," Elizabeth replied. "You and your team. I think you all could use a change of scenery."

John knew his team sure could. He knew Ronon, in particular, was itching to get back through the gate. So he rather liked this idea. "You serious?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Very. I've discussed it with Carson and Kate and they both think it could be helpful in your recovery. But keep in mind, you have to behave yourself. Carson is even talking about going along. Things are a bit slow right now and I think he's still worried about you."

"Figures," John muttered beneath his breath. But he still liked the idea. Anything to get out of here for a while. "When can we leave?"

"In the morning?" Elizabeth stood up then reached out to squeeze John's shoulder. She gave him a look of understanding.

Which he appreciated. "Sounds like a plan. Can we go for a week?"

Elizabeth laughed. "How about we go for three days and see how you're doing. We can extend it from there."

"Fair enough." John knew not to push it. "I promise to be good."

"I know you promise," Elizabeth allowed. "But let's see what happens." With that she left the room.

John smiled and went back to his book, only to find himself drifting off to dreams about fresh air and sunshine on a tropical beach.

THE END...of part 21