To Be Human
Author Note: I honestly did not expect to have this chapter ready for you, but here it is! And it's all one point of view, yay! It's also a lot more intense than I thought it was going to be... Anyway, please enjoy, and leave a review if you get the chance!
Akito's gaze followed the bracelet as if clattered free of the monster's claws and struck the ground. Confusion dampened her rage as she watched his eyes close, those eyes that had laid her soul bare, pierced her plans and machinations, and had been utterly disgusted. She had seen herself reflected in them, a loathsome crawling thing of darkness. There had been no pity there, nor love or awe. Even the monster of the Zodiac could not understand her, or care for her or bother to know why she had done it. I am not so strong as you think! the child in her screamed. I am not as strong as the that girl Shigure took in, with her shining eyes and caring smiles. I must fight from the shadows so you do not hate me, but her.... It all comes so easily to her, you all love her so effortlessly. But I cannot understand, I was not taught how to earn love and I don't know how to keep it. Please, try to understand me. You must love me because I do not know how to love myself. And please, please, do not leave me!
But Kyo's eyes were closed, and those beads lay on the floor because he no longer needed another human's sacrifice to protect himself from his own darkness. Or from hers. In that black space within her, where now only eleven chords stretched into the distance, she could feel something happening inside of Kyo. The darkness was breaking free around his heart like ice during a thaw, except the light came from within, and it was brighter than any sun. It washed down the bond they shared, and Akito gasped as relief so strong it brought tears to her eyes almost dropped her to her knees.
What have I done? she thought. There was so much light here, where she had spread only darkness, pouring her anger and fear like sludge into pure water. She had stopped this brightness, she had hurt her Cat, her own Zodiac, until he had almost died under the weight of her pain. How close had she come to losing him?
Her vision blurred with unshed tears, so that for a moment the original form and Kyo seemed to hover within the same space. Then the twisted monster dissipated and flowed free of Kyo's body as though the boy was stepping free of a nightmare. The stench of the grave dissipated and the vice-like grip around her wrist was replaced by the soft, but firm grip of human flesh. She could feel the bruises that were already beginning to form in the shape of the original form's claw, and patches of her suit was soaked with blood where the wool and the fragile skin beneath it had been pierced. Kyo opened his eyes, no longer that inhuman shade of violet, and stared into hers. His forehead gleamed with a faint sheen of sweat and his copper hair stuck to it in places. He was naked to the waist, and the khakis he had worn during his imprisonment in the Cat's House hung loosely on his hips. She had never seen him so thin, the outline of his ribs and hips clearly visible, it had been impossible to tell how much weight he had lost in the original form. And yet there was no weakness in his stance or expression, instead he seemed to burn from within.
She had never seen him so strong.
"How…how did you…?" defeat that darkness, she wanted to ask. How did you take the dregs of the horror inside me and turn it into light? But she could see he did not understand, his face was twisted as if he was looking at a particularly loathsome insect.
"What does it matter to you?" he said with utter contempt. Her wrist stung as he released it, practically flinging it from his grasp as if touching her made him ill. She clutched the bruised wrist to her chest, and her vision cleared as the hot tears slipped free of her eyes.
Kyo took a step forward and she saw his knees buckle, his shoulders shake as he fell into a half-crouch, then the stiffening of his body as he forced himself upward, as he made himself to stand like a human. She hadn't realized how tall he had become. He barely spared a glance down at her as he began to walk past, towards the open door.
"Where are you going?" He turned. There was no regard for her in his gaze, his face was shuttered. His eyes were like those of Kureno but worse because she knew he was still bound to her and it didn't matter. He just didn't care about her at all, not even enough to fear her.
"I'm leaving. I'm going find Tohru and apologize to her for what I did. And then I'm going to tell her and everyone else the truth," he said.
She could hear the unsaid words. He was going to leave her here, drowning in the darkness of this prison meant for monsters. Then he was going to take everyone else away from her. He was going to bring them all with him to that girl, to Tohru Honda.
And there was no guilt there anymore, no weapons or weaknesses left for her to exploit. There was no love to call on, and there never had been, not for her. There had only been fear and awe, and they were both gone. He would tell them, and one by one they would abandon her, they would hate her and they would go to that Honda bitch just like Shigure.
Just like Shigure…
For the first time since she had left him at the restaurant, Akito felt that gaping emptiness like a wound inside her. It was real, her most precious person was gone and there was no reason for him to come back. Shigure…
I think…that all of us will soon be moving.
She clutched at herself, twisting her arms around her torso. She felt as if she would fly to pieces with a breath. It was all falling apart, and she was going first. They would all leave her and she would be alone in the ruins of herself. And there would be no comfort for her, no comfort for the little girl who had been born a god and had never been told how to be human. Here the end would begin, as soon as the Cat stepped out of his prison.
No, NO, NO!
It can't end this way!
Kyo was staring at her, his hands poised as if he meant to come to her side. At some point she had fallen to her knees, and her face was inches from the floor, her arms wrapped in a vice around her body. She still could not be sure she wouldn't fall apart.
"You will not leave," Akito growled into the floor. Her head snapped up and she glared at him. "Do you hear me? You will not leave me!"
Kyo recoiled and she felt the sharp pulse of alarm that shot across the bond.
She surged to her feet and reached to snap her fingers around his throat. Kyo dodged easily, long years of training overpowering his shock, but it did not matter. She had not expected to reach him.
No, she had meant to show him.
With a snarl she poured her fear, her pain, and her terrible loneliness down the bond. Let him see, let him understand! Was there anything more terrible than being a god amongst humans? What horror could compete with that terrible solitude? He would see that his suffering was only a fraction of what she endured there, at the heart of the Curse.
With an answering howl, Kyo collapsed to the floor clutching at his heart. Violet flashed in his eyes and gobs of flesh oozed beneath the skin of his face. One hand scraped at the ground as the familiar contortions raced down his spine and swelled his fingers to claws.
"It was you!" Kyo choked. Another spasm tore a cry from his throat and he fell to all fours, groaning against the agony of the transformation. "You…did this the first day…to make me change," he gasped. "How?"
"What does it matter to you?" Akito snapped. "You think that becoming human for a few minutes changes anything? You are still the Cat, you are still destined to spend your life imprisoned in this house." She stumbled to her feet, grasping at the doorframe to steady herself. "That Honda bitch is never going to know what happened here. I will find her, and Hatori will wipe her memories." Kyo groaned as her rage joined the torrent of emotions pouring down the bond and over as the transformation distended his limbs. "Then you will all stay with me. You will not leave me once she's forgotten you!"
"Leave…her alone," Kyo wheezed, "It's not…her fault."
"Shut up! It is her fault, without her none of you would have left me. Everything will be better with her—" Akito gasped as pain like a thunderbolt tore through her. The bond! It was quivering like a struck harp string and with each ounce of rage she poured down it towards Kyo she could feel it fraying, threatening to snap. "—gone," she whispered, staring into nothingness.
She stopped her onslaught and Kyo fell bonelessly to his side. He was gasping for breath and she could see the small cuts in his arm where his extending claws had dug in to fight the pain. He pushed himself weakly to his hands and knees, one partially-transformed hand scrabbling blindly until it came to rest on the bracelet. He wrapped his tremblings fingers around it collapsed to the floor.
Akito tentatively reached out within her mind to the eleventh chord. It was still there, frail, but there. What had happened? Had her emotional attack somehow damaged it? Had she almost lost him too?
She looked down as Kyo mumbled something incoherent. Yes, he was still conscious. She could dimly feel the pulse of anger on the other end of his bond. He was trying to force it down even now, and the fear for the girl's memories that came with it. He struggled to keep from transforming, fighting the need to put on the bracelet and stop the onslaught that now came from within. Bit by bit the features of the original form began to fade, the spine straighten, the limbs return to their normal size.
Akito backed away from him, stepping out of the Cat's House into the night air. With shaking hands she closed the door and began to slide the bolts one by one. When she finished locking the door she could not help but wrap a slim white hand around the bars and watch her Cat as he whimpered into his arms, fighting down the monster inside him.
"Put the bracelet on, Kyo," she said, unable to keep the sorrow from her voice as she remembered that brief moment when he had glowed from within and filled her with that incredible sense of peace. The light was dimmed now, tarnished once again by his brush with the original form and the drumming fear in his heart for that damned girl.
"No," he rasped. He remained face down and she had to strain to hear him. "I can beat this, and you."
"Are you really so strong, my Cat? That bracelet is far more powerful than you are at restraining monsters," said Akito.
"Then maybe you should wear it," Kyo growled, pushing himself onto his hands and knees. Only his eyes still showed the transformation, with their slit pupils and violet glow. But even as Akito watched they darkened again to maroon and the pupils rounded to circles. Kyo's knuckles were white where they clenched the beads but he made no move to put them on. He shot a savage grin at Akito.
She bristled. What good was it caring for the wretched beast if he was just going to fling her concern back in her face? "Smile all you want, Kyo, but I will find the Honda girl, and I will have her memories erased. Perhaps you should be careful about what you say to the other Zodiac members, in case I should decide to do something worse. And I will know. Believe me, I will know," said Akito and swept away from the door.
She had only gone a few steps when the screaming began. She did not turn to look, she could feel the fury like a forest fire on the other end of the bond, hear the alien tones of the original form fade in and out of the human howl of pure rage, the pounding as Kyo began to hammer and claw at the door of the Cat's House.
Akito clenched her hands to ears and ran.
Author Note: So…this chapter surprised me. A lot. I didn't expect Akito's remorse (or her nervous breakdown) and I did not expect the rather disturbing turn of Kyo's fluctuating transformations. I like it though, because I'm a terrible person. It's also worth noting that in the very earliest drafts the story ended around here, with Kyo leaving the Cat's House. Then Akito reminded me that she would never allow that to happen. I think the story will be better this way. However, the end is beginning and action is going to pick up, but that doesn't mean it will all be sunshine and roses. Oh no, not yet.
If you liked the chapter, please review! I know for a fact that only about 1 in 100 readers bothers to leave a comment, and this makes me a sad panda. I would dearly love to hear your thoughts on the story, especially if you haven't had the chance to do so yet.