Sebastian awoke the next morning facing the wall, his back to Kurt's side of the bed. As his mind cleared of the sleep fog, it took a moment for him to realise that something was off. Frowning slightly, he rolled over and was met by the cold, empty sheets next to him.

Disappointment rose up in his throat and he swallowed it down. He cast his eyes around the room until they fell onto the sleeping form of his boyfriend. He was curled up awkwardly in the chair, a blanket draped over himself as he slept.

Sebastian felt tears well in his eyes and he rolled over again, the pain in his chest growing. Now Kurt couldn't even bear sleeping in the same bed with him. It made Sebastian feel dirty. He didn't blame Kurt for not wanting to be near him. He probably only sat with him yesterday to keep face in front of their friends.

Scowling, Sebastian got out of bed and dressed. He could hear Paul up and moving around, no doubt getting ready to take the girls out.

Sebastian would see if he could go with them again. Maybe giving Kurt some space would help.

As Marc woke up, he was a little surprised at how late it was. He hadn't even noticed Paul getting up. Yawning a little, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, taking stock of his body's needs. He felt well-rested, be it a bit groggy. Marc stood up, stretching his arms wide until he heard the satisfying crack. He shivered and reached for his glasses, put them on, and walked into the bathroom.

On his way to the kitchen, he passed Kurt and Sebastian's bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and he could hear someone move around inside, so he figured the boys were awake. He pushed the door open and saw Kurt folding up clothes and putting them in his overnight bag. He frowned.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Kurt looked up. His eyes were red-rimmed. He pressed his lips together and turned away, resuming his task.

"Are you packing?" Marc asked sharply. "Sebastian is hardly ready to leave."

"He's not," Kurt said, his voice sounding rough. "I am."

Marc stood shocked for a moment before shaking himself and fixing Kurt with a steely glare.

"You're giving up?" he asked, feeling as though he was seeing Kurt clearly for the first time.

Kurt looked away and continued packing. "It's for the best," he said softly.

Marc walked forwards and stood on the other side of the bed, facing him. "Better for whom? Sebastian? Or you?"

Kurt's head snapped up, shooting Marc an angry look. "For Sebastian!" he replied. "My being here is making everything worse."

"Of course it's not," Marc argued. "He's getting better. His nightmares have stopped-"

"He still has nightmares. He just doesn't remember them. They haven't stopped," Kurt said. "And it's my fault!" He threw up his hands in frustration. "He wants me to be with him, to hold him - but I...my body does not have an off-switch, okay? And then-"

"So...what? You're leaving because he's not putting out?" Marc asked incredulously. "If that's what you want from him, I'm throwing you out, myself."

"No! Of course not! You don't understand. I do not want to have sex with him!" Kurt said loudly, feeling frustrated.

In the hallway, Paul and Sebastian stood frozen to the spot. They had entered just in time to overhear Kurt raise his voice.

Pain and sadness flooded through Sebastian as he listened to Kurt talk. He doesn't want to have sex with me...he doesn't want to touch me, or be around me...he's leaving. So much for never giving up on me.

Hurt, Sebastian turned to leave. A hand on his shoulder stopped him.

Paul looked at him and shook his head. He could see the hurt in Sebastian's eyes, but knew there had to have been more to the conversation. He knew Kurt loved Sebastian, and there had to be a reason for this. He wanted Sebastian equipped with all the information before he acted.

Paul turned Sebastian around and kept his hands on his shoulders in a reassuring way, urging him to listen to what Kurt would say next.

"Then what do you want?" Marc demanded. "He can't help it if he's still having nightmares. I can't believe you'd be so selfish-"

"You don't get it!" Kurt shouted at him. "I'm the reason he's having those nightmares in the first place! As long as he sleeps alone, he's fine!"

Sebastian's eyes widened. The news that his nightmares hadn't stopped startled him. He thought he was getting better.

"And leaving is your best solution?" Marc asked Kurt.

Sebastian swallowed as he waited for Kurt's answer.

Kurt let out a shuddering breath and shrugged. "I leave...he sleeps...and rest makes him better," he said softly. "But...it's not just the nightmares."

Paul felt Sebastian's shoulders droop under his hands and stepped closer, pulling him back against his chest.

"I don't think he wants to be with me anymore." Kurt faltered. "He's become distant, withdrawn. I know what that means, I've been through this before. It's the beginning of the end."

Sebastian, heart broken, pulled out of Paul's touch and walked into the bedroom.

"Kurt," he choked out. "Please don't leave, I need you here, I need you."

Kurt gasped, startled to find Sebastian had overheard them. He let go of the shirt he was folding. It dropped to the floor.

"Bas..." he sighed. "I don't understand. You...hardly want me around."

Sebastian shook his head, "I was giving you space. It's you who doesn't want to be near me," Sebastian said quietly. "You-you can barely look at me, or t-touch me, and...you keep putting up barriers between us and then th-this morning you weren't even sleeping in the bed." He let out a shuddery breath.

"I-I know that I c-can't do stuff at the moment, but I still need you. Please don't give up on me. I-I can't lose you, please don't go." He wrapped his arms around his waist and looked at Kurt, trying with all his might to fight back the tears.

Kurt felt his heart start to break at Sebastian's words, and the look on his face did the rest.

"No," Kurt whispered. He knew this as a moment where the choice between the truth and a lie could mean all or nothing.

"You've been having nightmares. Last night...the nights before. You may think you haven't, but you did. You just don't remember. I know I promised to wake you, but...I discovered that the way to stop them was just to...let you go. Once I stopped touching you, you'd drift back into a peaceful sleep."

Sebastian sucked in a breath, so it was true. He was still having nightmares. "You should have told me," he whispered. "You promised to tell me."

Kurt closed his eyes and nodded remorsefully. "I know." He swallowed, and took in a steadying breath. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be afraid of going to sleep again. I could tell you were improving with every extra hour of sleep and I didn't want to sabotage that. Even if it meant...keeping away from you."

He paused. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you."

"Yes," Sebastian whispered. "You should have. Kurt," he said looking at his boyfriend. "If I'm going to get better I need all the information...y-you can't just not tell me stuff...I thought you d-didn't want me anymore. I thought you were staying out of obligation..."

"I'm not- I'd never-" Kurt broke off, shaking his head.

Suddenly he realised he hadn't been the only one plagued by memories of his previous relationship. Sebastian knew there was precedent for Kurt staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Kurt had never even considered that Sebastian might think it would apply to them that way.

In a flash of clarity, he also recalled Alice's words from that day at Coney Island. He's been cast aside by people who were supposed to love him far too many times. It hit Kurt like a slushie to the face.

After everything they had been through together, Sebastian still assumed that one day, Kurt would leave him because he was not good enough, like his family had.

He looked Sebastian straight into his eyes. "I love you, and I still want you. I'll always want you."

"Then why did you tell Marc you didn't want to have sex with me?" Sebastian asked timidly.

Kurt shook his head. "Because I know that it not what you need right now. But that doesn't mean I'm not still every bit as attracted to you as I was before!

I want to be close to you. I'm just afraid of making you feel pressured, or worse. I don't ever want you to be afraid of me, or go along with something just because I want it. So when the feel of my body was triggering your nightmares, I did the only thing I could think of, and that was keeping away. "

He gave Sebastian a pleading look. "But I do, I do, I do love you and want you more than I can say."

Sebastian bit his lip and blinked back tears, his arms still wrapped around himself. "Me too," he whispered. "I love you Kurt. I still pinch myself every day to make sure I'm not dreaming. You're so incredibly beautiful and I'm still attracted to you, too...I just can't have sex." He stepped forward a little,"but that absolutely doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm sorry. It must sound stupid..."

Kurt shook his head and crossed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Sebastian. "It's not your fault," he said, holding him tightly. "I am sorry I made you feel like I didn't want to touch you. I should have talked to you instead of doing what I thought you needed."

He was grateful Sebastian had stopped him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Walking away from this, from him, was something he would regret forever.

Sebastian closed his eyes and crumbled into Kurt's arms. He curled his fists into Kurt's top and held on tightly.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered. "We're normally better than this at communication."

Kurt let out a pained chuckle. "Yeah...though it did take me months to see my best friend had a crush on me...and even longer to admit I felt the same way."

Sebastian smirked.

He pulled away a little to look into Sebastian's eyes. He raised his hand to his face. The bruises had turned to a palette of greens and yellows. Soon, they'd fade. Kurt wished his memories of that horrible night would fade as quickly.

Sebastian closed his eyes at Kurt's touch, sighing a little.

"I will try to stop assuming I know what's best for you, and just ask. And maybe you try telling me what you need-" He paused. "Even if you think that might hurt me."

He remembered their fight of the other day, and how much it had hurt to hear Sebastian lash out at him; but if he needed more space - or less, for that matter - even hard words worked better than none at all.

"I promise," Sebastian whispered, pressing his forehead against Kurt's. "You have to promise to wake me, okay? If I have a nightmare, I need to know. Otherwise I think I'm getting better when I'm not. Promise me, please?"

"Yes," Kurt whispered. "I promise."

Marc, who'd been quietly standing by the door, took Paul's hand. For a moment it had seemed everything was falling apart between their young guests, and his own fears had made him assume the worst about Kurt. Marc felt awful about it, though he suddenly understood their friend Alice a little better.

Paul closed his hand around Marc's. "Let's go," he whispered. "They'll be okay."

Kurt and Sebastian were kissing; softly, tentatively, like anything too fast might break them.

"I wish my subconscious recognised this as a safe place," Sebastian said quietly, drawing away a little from Kurt's arms.

It will," Kurt said. "Maybe, instead of sharing a bed at night, we could spend some time together when you wake up...make it part of our morning routine? It might help your mind remember."

Sebastian sucked in a breath and held Kurt close. "No," he whispered. "I don't want you in a separate bed." He paused. "The um...the pillow worked the other night, right?"

Kurt nodded.

"Okay, so...now that I know what it's for...maybe we keep doing that?"

"Okay," Kurt agreed. "We can try." He offered Sebastian a smile. "We'll figure this out together." He glanced at the bag on the bed, then back at Sebastian. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

Sebastian sighed in relief and nodded. He kissed Kurt again and buried his face in Kurt's neck, wrapping his arms around him tight.

Out in the hallway Marc and Paul looked at each other. Somewhere in their past they heard the echo of shouting, a door slamming and a night where neither of them slept.

Marc swallowed and stepped closer to his husband, wrapping his arms around Paul's waist and tucking his head up under Paul's chin.

Paul knocked on the bedroom door a little before midday and when given permission, pushed the door open. He smiled a little at the sight and felt a flicker of hope in his chest.

Kurt laid with his head on Sebastian's chest, their arms around each other and their legs intertwined. They were talking quietly, reconnecting after weeks of miscommunication.

"Hey guys," Paul greeted quietly. "As neither of you really ate this morning, Marc and I thought it might be nice if we treat you to lunch? There's a really cute French place just on the other side of the park that we sometimes go to, if you're up for it."

Sebastian's stomach rumbled at the mention of food and he grinned sheepishly down at Kurt. "How about it babe?"

"You had me at French," Kurt replied, beaming at him. He kissed Sebastian's cheek and sat up. He knew just what to wear, too.

Half an hour later, they were on their way. Marc and Kurt were walking up front, walking faster than the others. Paul and Sebastian were waiting for Poppy and Lola to stop sniffing trees and marking their territory.

"Kurt, I owe you an apology for earlier," Marc said. "I shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

"Oh, that's-" Kurt started, but Marc stopped and put a hand on his arm.

"No, I mean it. Even if I didn't agree with what you were going to do, I shouldn't have doubted your motive. I'm sorry."

Kurt looked at him and then slowly nodded. It was still a bit strange to have adults (real adults, he added in his mind, not really counting himself as one yet) apologise to him. "Thank you," he said. "I appreciate you telling me."

Marc offered him a smile. "Are we good?"

Kurt nodded and returned the smile. "We're good." They started walking again.

"And you and Seb? Are you good, too?"

Kurt thought of that morning and smiled. "I think so. I mean, it's not like before...and it probably won't be for a while. But we're together again. It's not...Sebastian and his handsome male nurse anymore." He winked at Marc.

Further back, Paul watched Sebastian encourage their dogs to get moving, promising them something about lamb chops under the table. He smiled.

He waited for Sebastian to join up with him again, then decided to broach a subject he'd been thinking about the last few days.

"Sebastian...would you consider talking to a therapist?"

Sebastian's step faltered as he fell into line next to Paul. Therapy. Therapy was for people who had something seriously wrong with them, wasn't it? Was he really that far in? But then, Sebastian thought, how much more serious did it have to get?

"Um...I hadn't considered it, no." He looked ahead at Kurt and Marc, thinking over that morning and the past few weeks. "But...maybe?" He hesitated. Admitting he needed help was one thing...but therapists were also expensive . "I dunno if I could afford it though, if I can't work at the moment."

Paul shook his head. "That shouldn't be a reason not to try, Seb. You know we will help you with that."

They walked on in silence for a moment.

"I won't make you go," Paul said. "Apart from it being unproductive, I've already bossed you around enough the past couple of weeks. This is something long-term, that you'd need to commit to voluntarily and keep up after moving back to your own place."

Sebastian bit his lip. He was still getting used to the idea that he had parents to help with things. He hadn't had that in a long time.

"I want to get better," he said softly. "I don't want to keep pushing people away. It's what I did before...when I first moved to America and I was miserable...I don't want to do that again, especially to Kurt."

Maybe therapy would help him.

"Is therapy...how would it work? Like...what would I need to do?"

"Wanting to try is the first step," Paul said. "Then, we find a therapist that feels right. It needs to be someone you trust, someone who understands you. You may need to talk to a few before you find someone. I know that NYU offers free short-term counselling and a psychiatric assessment through their student insurance program-" he paused. Marc had told him Sebastian had dropped his insurance after immatriculation to cut costs. "But it can also be paid for privately. And there are other other options. I have a few contacts, but it's not my area of expertise, so I can only point you in a general direction." He sounded apologetic.

"There are many different approaches, different kinds of therapy. I can talk you through, but there's a lot of good information online as well. I think maybe cognitive behaviour therapy could work in your case, but I have no personal experience with it. It's said to have a high success rate, though."

He looked at Sebastian. "I know it sounds like hard work, and it is, in a way. But you're worth it, Seb." He cleared his throat, and fell back into the safety of his profession. "Until you find someone, you could also consider going to a group meeting. They are guided by professional counsellors and are open for all and usually relatively inexpensive."

Sebastian pondered that thought for a moment. While he knew the people in his life would listen to him talk about his feelings any time of day, none of them were able to offer the support that he really needed - because none of them had ever experienced anything close to this. They had no prior knowledge or experience to fall back on.

Even Paul as a qualified doctor could only do so much...Perhaps talking to other people who did have similar pasts would help.

"That might be something to try," Sebastian said. It sounded a damn sight better than laying on a shrink's couch being asked how he felt .

Paul nodded. "Sometimes it's for family and loved ones too. Kurt could join you, if you want." He'd given it a lot of thought, but wasn't sure what Sebastian would prefer. "We can google for the nearest meetings in your area after lunch and then when I get to work later I'll ask around if my colleagues in the psych department know the counsellors who lead them."

He stopped to look at Sebastian. "That wasn't supposed to sound like I am kicking you out."

Sebastian smiled and shook his head, "I didn't take it that way." He paused for a moment. "Paul, I-" he let out a breath and then stepped forwards and hugged Paul tightly. "Thank you, for everything you've done for me...I know I haven't made it easy, but thank you, it really means a lot."

Paul froze for a moment, then let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around Sebastian. "I wish I could do more," he admitted softly. "We really care about you, Seb."

Sebastian closed his eyes and relaxed a little into Paul's embrace. "I know," he whispered. "I maybe didn't realise how much before, but I do now...Thanks, dad."

Paul tightened his grip on Sebastian and held him close, words, for once, failing him.

A/N: If you are considering seeking help and need information or resources, try psychology today dot com – it lets you search for your area.

Also, if you need a pick me up after the heavy chapters, we've also posted ch2 of our '4 Men and A Little Lady AU' :)