Chapter 21: A Ray of Hope

EPOV:

I had no idea what Joe's letter contained, but listening to Bella as she recounted the details over and over again gave me a clear picture of what Joe had written. He had asked Bella to live. To live.

That was all I wanted for Bella.

I thanked Joe in silence for making Bella see the light. Life had to go on despite his absence. I could see Bella wrestling with the truth. He was an incredibly remarkable man who truly loved his wife. Bella made good with her promise for the next several weeks. She tried to come out more and most importantly, smiled a bit more.

When I brought up the delicate topic of attending AA meeting one day, her shoulders sagged momentarily when she looked up at me. Her eyes full of questions.

"You really think it could help me?" She asked, putting her book down and sitting up on her bed. She unconsciously fixed her hair, tucking some stray strands behind her ear. Color started appearing on her once gaunt cheeks, her appearance had changed for the better. The circles under her eyes were almost non-existent, replaced by a little glow.

I nodded. "I really do. If you decide to attend, do you want me to come with you?" I asked tentatively, not wanting to push her if she wasn't ready.

She thought for a moment, her mind filled with concern. Would people judge her? Would they make her tell her life story which was the cause of her reluctance, having to live through her nightmare again? Her fears, shame and guilt tore through her as she wrestled with my offer. I realized this would happen, the woman I spoke with told me that people dealing with alcoholism were expected to dread exposing their weaknesses in public. Acceptance would be the key.

I continued to watch Bella wrestle with her emotions as I stood in the doorway. I have the tendency to give Bella enough room to move. Crowding her might push her away. It was like threading between two extremes; I simply had to find the middle ground, where I could draw her out and let her take the rest of the way in her own way.

"Will you go with me?" Her question filled me with hope.

"Yes, every single time you go." I replied to quickly, unable to mask the relief in my voice. I walked toward Bella's direction and sat on the chair facing her bed.

"Okay…I guess I can give it a try."

"Good, do you want me to give the counselor your name and tell her you're coming?"

"I'll do it." Bella said.

It was the first step on her road to recovery, acceptance and willingness to put herself out there. 90 days and 90 meetings, also known as 90-90. It sounded too stringent for many people but Bella and I went to every meeting, and she took it a day at a time. One day at a time was enough for her to carry on and continue her path to sobriety.

"My name is Bella Davis and I am an alcoholic." The words made her cringe when she uttered them but I beamed with pride as I squeezed her hand. She took the first and most difficult step with her acknowledgement and I knew then that she would be okay.

It was a major change from her daily routine. It changed her outlook slowly and I watched as the subtle changes began to emerge, little by little. She continued with her medication while we provided her with company to get her mind off her misery at first. Lucy, Emmett, Sidney and the entire crew at Midnight Blue pitched in.

To say that it came easy was laughable. I watched Bella struggle through those 90 days. She seesawed back and forth between acceptance, doubt, withdrawal and determination. I held her hand during her moments of weakness, when I sensed her closing in on a road block. Bella took it in strides, identifying and accepting her weakness. We took baby steps, little ones that might appear insignificant to some people.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Midnight Blue. My name is Edward Cullen and together with Emmett McCarthy, we will provide your entertainment tonight. As usual, after our segment, we are open to play any song you request. Also, please say hello to the newest member of our family, Bella Davis."

I saw Bella squirm a little from her post when people started looking around for her, before she reluctantly raised her hand and waved to everyone's applause. She threw me a glare before she resumed helping a customer locate an empty booth. I laughed a little before the lights dimmed and Emmett started to adlib the melody of I'm waiting for you after which we followed up with Take a look at me now.

My fingers pounded on the ivories with renewed hope. I felt the energy course through my veins as I watched Bella covertly. She had changed so much, and this time, it seemed like it was for the better. I saw Sidney chuckling to himself from the corner of my eye. He knew how I felt for Bella and he shared my triumph.

It's all good my man. He spoke to me quietly and I dipped my head in response. We played our line-up non-stop until it was time to take a brief break before we start playing the requested songs. As the lights came back on and a jazz tune came on the speakers, Emmett jumped in excitement after replacing his saxophone the stand and hurried in Lucy's direction.

I walked down from the stage and headed to the bar where a glass of Lagavulin and a grinning Sidney awaited me. I took a seat on the last barstool at the end of the bar before downing the drink in one fast motion. People around me were oblivious to anything but having a good time and listening to the music. It was electrifying to say the least. Everything seemed to be lining up in place, including my Bella.

I watched her as she stood behind the hostess table while she greeted bar patrons with a welcoming smile and obvious enthusiasm.

"Hey boss, cut that stupid smile a notch will ya? You look like a fool." Sidney chuckled from behind the bar right in front of me. I threw him a dirty look in which he raised both his hands up in mock surrender. "Just sayin', just sayin'." He quipped.

I spent the remainder of our 15 minute break watching Bella, immersed in her thoughts of loving what she was doing now. It was a breath of fresh air, to hear her think of more pleasant thoughts now which had replaced the hopeless and morbid feelings she had before.

"The first requested song we are going to play tonight is a request from…" Emmett turned his head in Bella's direction before he mentioned her name. "Bella Davis. She wants us to play Piano in the dark." Emmett smiled knowingly at me before he adjusted his saxophone into his mouth and waited for my cue. I couldn't help myself when I turned my microphone on to add, "This is for you Bella." And ripples of applause echoed inside the standing room only lounge.

~~~~Time to listen to the playlist you can find on my profile~~~~

When I find myself watching the time
I never think about all the funny things you said
I feel like it's dead
Where is it leading me now

I turn around in the still of the room
Knowing this is when I'm gonna make my move
Can't wait any longer
And I'm feeling stronger but oh

Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
It's pullin' me back
Back to love you

I know I'm caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no, gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark

He holds me close like a thief of the heart
He plays a melody
Born to tear me all apart
The silence is broken
And no words are spoken but oh

Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
It's pullin' me back
Back to love you

I know I'm caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no, gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark.

"Would you like to visit Joe in the morning?" I had asked Bella as soon as Sidney and the rest of the crew left. We were getting ready to call it a night. I glanced at Bella from across the booth where she was sitting with her shoes off her feet, feeling the aches of being on her feet all evening.

"Thanks. That would be nice." Bella answered, a little smile grazing her lovely face.

"You're welcome."

It had been almost a year after her AA graduation. She had been clean and sober and mostly, contented. I knew it was just a matter of time before she told me what I dreaded to hear but otherwise had no control of. My gaze didn't waver as I waited for her to voice out what she had in mind.

"I…um…don't mean to sound ungrateful for everything you have done for me Edward. But I think it's time for me to go…be on my own." Bella said in a little voice that shook. Her eyes met mine.

"I understand."

"But…I still want to work here if you don't mind…" Uncertainty crept in her voice.

"Of course I don't mind Bella. There's nothing I want more in this world but to see you every day." There, it was all out in the open. I couldn't hold it any longer.

Hearing what she tried to deliberate in her mind was nearly comical as the expressions that crossed her face. The sudden racing of her pulse and the erratic jerk of her heart beat gave me a slight bit of hope. Need I dare to act on it?

It has been almost two years. I still miss Joe like crazy, it is still painful to think about him but I must move on as he wanted me to. Is this right? Should I let someone in? Is it fair to Joe and…Edward? God, what could he be thinking right now? Oh my…those eyes! The way they looked at me, as if he can read my mind. Bella's thoughts grilled my mind. I wanted to believe fervently that there was hope for me, for us.

"You do?" her question came out sounding as unsure as she felt.

"More than anything." Emboldened, I slowly moved my hands on the table and rested them on top of her hands. She didn't pull her hands away as I expected she would, instead, Bella turned her hand upward and squeezed mine.

I have always been careful with my actions around her, fearing that any display of unwanted or even unexpected affection might drive her away. Be it as it may, I allowed my instincts take over this time, hoping that Bella wouldn't push me away. I stood up slowly, conscious of what she was thinking and carefully reading into her body language as I moved around the table and sat next to her.

Bella's reaction was to move aside to give me enough room. Wow, I thought eagerly.

"I've been dying to do this Bella," I said before my fingers came up to touch her chin and tilted her to face me. Her eyes grew by a fraction as I lowered my mouth onto hers. I kissed her gently on her lips waiting for her to push me away. Instead, I felt her mouth quiver and respond by kissing me back. Both my hands cupped her face before she turned her body to me while we continued our kiss. Happiness swirled around me.

After a minute of exploring each other tentatively, Bella gently pushed me to catch some air as color started rising up her cheeks and face. I watched her squirm in discomfort but I gave her space. I remained close to her, our bodies still touching. She tried to look away but I held her face, letting her feel that I wanted her.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, smiling at her and savoring the taste of her mouth.

"Yes, I…" she stuttered, exactly at loss for words. Blinking, she looked up to me and she smiled despite her embarrassment.

"Is it okay that I kissed you?" I asked even though I knew her answer already, just by listening to her heart jamming against her ribcage. It was music to my ears.

"Yes…" More color flooded her face and her body arched closer.

Oh Lord! If this was how people who'd won the lottery felt, then I should be counted as the biggest winner. I felt my body shudder at her proximity.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

My mouth descended on hers without waiting for her answer. This time, it was a hungry kiss. It felt like all the urges I stifled all these years came flooding out, without mercy. My tongue darted hungrily inside her mouth to start probing and hers answered with equal intensity and passion.

I placed my hand in the small of her back until her body molded into mine and her hands found their way around my waist, feeling the warmth of Bella's body clashed against my cold body. The kiss lasted longer this time, with more emotions and desire written across our faces by the time it ended.

A/N: I hope the chapter was satisfying enough. I did promise better days right? Like it? Love it? Hate it? I want to hear it. Please leave me some love before you go. I just want to make sure that you know that we only have a few chapters left. I won't give any hints but will answer your questions as long as it won't ruin the ending for everyone else.

Just a quick thanks to EE for being such a trooper and getting this chapter back to me even if she had difficulty typing with one arm being in a sling. Thanks BB, you know you're awesome. Thanks to SK and Keye for getting the chapters back to me in record time. What will I do without you? lol

Thanks to all who have taken this journey with me from the very beginning. You know who you are and I'm grateful for that.