HELPED

I swallowed hard as I stared over the wooden desk filled with books and scrolls and letters. My hands were folded neatly on my lap, but I couldn't ignore the sweat appearing in my palms. In front of me the Ambassador of the Inquisition sat. She was Antivan, that you could see immediately. She had beautiful olive skin, high cheekbones and dark brown hair that was put up in a sophisticated hairdo. The woman looked up at me while scribbling something with a long feather onto a scroll. Then, she stood up, the scroll still in her royal hands, and walked with a steady pace to the scout standing in the doorway. They nodded at each other silently. The scout then left, closing the door behind him, and the Ambassador walked back to her seat behind the desk. She looked back to me then, a kind smile curling on her full lips, her posture straight but inviting.

'Andaran atish'an', she smiled at me, her voice like honey with a thick Antivan accent smeared on top of it. I noticed she was wearing a pretty formal attire with lots of ruffles and golden poufy sleeves.

I smiled politely back at her. 'You speak Elven?' I remarked.

'You just heard the entirety of it, I'm afraid', she smiled back at me while putting away a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 'So, Saeris, right?'

'Right'

'My name is Josephine Montilyet, you might've already heard of me?' She inclined her head.

'Y… yes I have. I am pleased to meet you.'

'Likewise', she smiled again, 'I have here your wage, since you're helping the Inquisition, we are inclined to compensate you for it.' She handed me another scroll and I saw my name with small numbers underneath it. They were giving me more coin than I used to make in a week.

'Please, I volunteered, this is too much', I said as I looked back up to her.

Josephine shook her head, 'You may repay us by helping.'

I shut my mouth, not knowing how to truly answer. I was grateful, but I felt guilty for receiving money without having done anything yet.

'In the reports I was given, it is mentioned you have rented a room above the Singing Maiden?'

I nodded.

'Well, we will arrange a more… appropriate accommodation for you.'

I nodded again. I liked my room above the tavern, but I understood that I couldn't stay there forever. Flissa had rented it for me for free, and I bet she was losing profit. Maybe I should indeed make place for pilgrims who actually paid for their stay.

Josephine scribbled something onto a paper and looked back up to me. 'You are now an official member of the Inquisition, and, to be more precise, a member of the Herald's own inner circle.'

'What does that mean?'

'It means you will be joining him on his travels to other cities and noble houses and help him when necessary. You will be representing the Inquisition on the front line, and as the Herald, eyes will be on you, not that they haven't been already.' Josephine looked at me under her thick eyelashes.

'Is that a good idea? I'm not precisely a representative Fereldan and Orlesian nobility are used to, let alone respect.' I crossed my arms over my chest. I was better off behind the scenes, besides, why would they want an elf representing their "sacred" mission?

'On the contrary, tales of the Herald's saviour are already spreading through noble circles. Rumours like these travel fast, and if influenced correctly, they can be used to our cause.' Josephine smiled innocently again. But I realized this woman was not just an innocent Lady, she knew the tricks and games of the court, of Orlais, the very country I detested. But somewhere, I really admired her. It mustn't be easy to know your way around nobility and courtly gossip.

'You know a great deal about dealing with nobility, Lady Montilyet', I inclined politely.

'For some years, I was the royally appointed Court Ambassador from Antiva to Orlais. The nobility of Thedas is a rather singular sphere. Those I'm not acquainted with, I know through reputation.'

'Then, the Inquisition is really lucky they have you as their advocate.' If she knew how to deal with Orlesians, she must already have some balls of steel.

'Thank you', she smiled, 'Let us hope so. Thedas' politics have become… agitated as of late. I hope to guide us down to smoother paths. Our situation is in dire need of resurrection.'

'Why? Is our situation so bad? I though this Inquisition was justified by the late Divine Justinia's writ.' I lifted my chin and was proud of my question. See? I have been paying attention…

'We are a symbol of everything that's gone wrong. We're heretics for harbouring a self-proclaimed Herald of Andraste and the Chantry is frightened. The remaining clerics have already declared it blasphemy. They can bury us simply with their words.' Josephine bent over the desk, locking eyes with me. There were very few people who had dared to do that. 'Yet, the Herald can help by speaking to the Chantry cleric who goes by the name of Mother Giselle. She has asked to speak with him, and the Herald has already accepted. You will travel with him, and other Inquisition members, to the Hinterlands, near Redcliffe. Her assistance is invaluable. You must help the Herald find agents to expand our reach beyond this valley. And who's better suited than the Herald and his saviour to recruit them?'

I nodded dutifully. As long as I was close to Maxwell, I didn't care where they would send me to. I only needed to be able to protect him.

Josephine took another paper that laid on her desk and handed it over to me. 'In this report, you can read everything about the Hinterlands' situation. It is at your best interest if you read through it carefully, since you'll be leaving in three days' time.'

'I will be prepared', I answered instantly.

Josephine gave me a faint smile again, and then dropped a bag of coins on the table. My wage. I took it silently and bound the pouch on my belt. No gambling with this money.

'But please excuse me', Josephine took another scroll from her desk and dipped her feather in black ink, 'I've much work to do before the day is done.'
Every noble house, every throne, was eyeing this newfound organisation. Ambassador Josephine had a tough job, one I was happy not to have been troubled with.

I smiled at Josephine and bid my farewells. After I left the room and entered the big Chantry hall, my shoulders slumped a little. Josephine was a good woman, but under that mask of politeness, I saw a viper who knew her way around everything. And sometimes, words are the most powerful weapons. And after meeting her, I was sure she could win over any noble she wanted to. Secretly though, I prayed that Orlesian nobles would stay away. I still detested them, even though they weren't guilty for what their ancestors had done. I knew that, and shouldn't keep being bitter about it.
Going to the Hinterlands, on the other hand, made me even more nervous. Not that I didn't like the area, it had luscious green forests and beautiful, picturesque meadows and valleys, but it was the mage-Templar war that had me shivering to my bones. I wanted to forget the ten years I had thrown away being in that Circle. I could've helped refugees in Kirkwall, or help battle darkspawn in Lothering, but no, I was curled up somewhere, learning nothing at all but how great Andraste must've been. I didn't want to see those Circle mages, who were probably in Redcliffe, who had looked down on me. I didn't want to be around Templars, the few that had joined the Inquisition already gave me the creeps and they weren't even hostile towards me. I imagined Tibald crossing me on the bloody meadows of the Hinterlands or Simon dragging me back to the tower where he would prey on me. I imagined killing them all, and loving it. I was scared of myself and what I could do. When multiple Templars and mages would start attacking me, I would not have time to just merely knock them out. I would need to kill again. All of them.

I walked outside with a fast pace stuck on my heels. I needed to be alone for a moment. Haven had become so busy the last couple of days, there wasn't even enough room for all the pilgrims. Haven had become a town instead of a village, but hadn't grown in space, just in people. You could see everyone was becoming uncomfortable, and the streets were starting to smell like sweat and… well I guess you could imagine.
I doubted that Josephine would even be able to find a new cabin for me. Maybe I had to share one. I could live with that, everyone but Solas though. In the Fade, he had almost given me a calming feeling, but when I woke up, my stomach turned again at the sight of him. I felt anxious if he was near, as if I was in danger. Nobody seemed to share my feelings though, and I started wondering if it was all just in my head. I had promised Solas I would let him teach me shaping the Fade, but he hadn't shown up yet. I was quite comforted by that actually. Every night as I wandered through my meadow, I dreaded his return as I stared at the treeline. Maybe he was giving me time to adjust to everything, or he was busy himself.
I walked towards the military camp outside Haven. The Inquisition had only been up for a week at best, and already hundreds of able men and women had joined the cause. Recruits were training just outside the gates. You could hear the clashing of swords and the grunts of the soldiers even in the Chantry hall. It thundered through the village, and only at night, peace returned to the sacred landscape. Hundreds of tents were scattered throughout the open space outside Haven's walls, all the way down to the frozen lake below.

I looked up to Maxwell who was standing next to Commander Cullen, his back towards me. They seemed deep in conversation. Maxwell was a good fighter, and he loved to train with the recruits. The men looked up to him, not only as the herald of their holy prophet, but also as a brother in arms.
Cullen pointed towards the valley and Maxwell nodded and put his hands in his sides. I neared them quietly, but was discovered when the recruits that were training in front of Maxwell and Cullen, suddenly looked up to me and straightened their backs, their eyes shifting to me and back to the ground. Maxwell turned around as he followed their gaze and smiled broadly as he saw me nearing. Cullen stepped back as he dipped his head in acknowledgement, a soft but polite smile on his lips.

'Saeris!' Maxwell stomped towards me, his hazel eyes glistering in the sun. 'Heard you and Josephine had a little rendezvous. Seems like you survived.'

'The Ambassador was most delightful', I smiled back, 'and look! I got a wage.' I pushed my cape away and showed the little pouch that hung around my waist. Maxwell stared at it and nodded in excitement. Cullen threw a glance at my hips and then quickly looked away. I swear he was blushing.

'That means drinks tonight!' Maxwell threw his hands up in the air.

'Maybe not, I think I'll save this for the Hinterlands.' I grinned back at him.

'You're going with us? Great!' Maxwell put his right hand on my shoulder, giving me a small pinch, 'You and Varric'll be better company than grumpy Cassandra and Solas…'

'Do mind your words, Herald, she might hear you.' Cullen snickered, covering his chin in his fur cowl.

'Where are you going now? Shall I accompany you?' Maxwell lifted one eyebrow as he put his arm up with swagger.

'I was planning to go for a walk', I lifted my chin towards the open forest at our right that followed the path that lead away from Haven, 'but you seemed busy, I don't want to intrude.' I looked to Cullen and cocked my head.

'The Herald and I were more or less done', Cullen nodded back to me, his eyes squinting. How could a man look so tired? Was he even sleeping, like ever?

Maxwell wiggled on his heels as he poked me with his elbow. I chuckled and folded my arm around his. Maxwell craned his neck towards Cullen as we strolled towards the path leading to the forest and said, 'I'll catch you later, Curly!'

'Let me guess, you got that from Varric?' I smiled up at Maxwell.

'Who else?' he lifted his shoulders up.

We hadn't been walking for long when we encountered a small wooden cabin behind a big rock, almost buried between the trees. As we neared it, I immediately noticed that the cabin had been abandoned. The door was slightly crooked and the curtains behind the windows were swung open. I let go of Maxwell's arm and walked towards the cabin door. It wasn't locked.

'How spooky', Maxwell giggled.

But inside, the cabin wasn't creepy at all. Papers were scattered on the ground. There was little to no furniture, just a table, a chamber pot and a rickety bed, all covered with a thick layer of grey dust. Yet, it had charm and instinctively reminded me of my apartment in Kirkwall I had shared with Sybil.

'It's actually quite nice', I remarked as I looked around. There was a fireplace, but it clearly wasn't used in a long time. But I could make something of this. And then, an idea popped into my head. 'Maybe, after some cleaning, I could stay here?' I mumbled to myself.

'You mad? I'll ask Josephine for a much… cleaner cabin if you want to', Maxwell gawked at his finger as he swiped it across the dusty table.

'No, no I'll clean it up, put some fresh flowers here and there… and maybe some candles…' I muttered while I glanced at the fireplace and imagined the cosy room this hovel could become. It wasn't far from Haven, and I wouldn't be disturbing anyone. But most of all, it was almost quiet here. I relished in the soft sounds of the camp not far away, of the gentle whispers of the forest. I could hear the leaves rustle here, the gentle scratching of critters on the grassy grounds,…

'I'll help you', Maxwell sighed while crossing his arms over his chest. He resembled my Sybil so much…

'Thank you', I said softly.

We rolled up our sleeves and started right away. I found a broom standing in a corner of the room and tasked Maxwell with swiping the floors, while I opened all the windows and let the gentle breeze enter the cabin.

'Am I doing this right? Or should I swipe it… like this?' Maxwell said as he swished the broom through the room.

'You never cleaned a room before?' I cocked an eyebrow at him.

'Not really, no, I had servants for that.' Ah yes, Maxwell was from noble lineage, a Trevelyan. He had said so not too long ago, and I had read it in a report Leliana had given me. A noble from Ostwick, out of all places. We silently had decided not to talk about his home. He was missing it, and I hated it with all of my being, so talking about it didn't feel right. Or at least not with each other. I knew he could talk to Varric for that. I didn't need to be reminded of the city my prison was in.

'Ah, I forgot, your majesty', I bumped my fist against his chest and took the broom from his hands. 'Let me do it, you're just spraying dust everywhere.' I winked at him and he scratched his back awkwardly. 'Here, take this bucket and go fill it with ice, so I can mop the floor with it.'

'Yes, Serah!' Maxwell straightened his back laughingly and marched outside.

I think I could become friends with him.

XXX

It took us about two hours to clean the room up a bit. Maxwell had run back to Haven and had brought some blankets and pillows with him. The cabin still required some repairing and cleaning to do, but I could make it work. After Maxwell and I were done, we strolled some more through the small forest. I think Maxwell also needed to be away from it all for a moment. I couldn't imagine what he had been feeling up to now. He had been bombarded into the Fade, walked out of it with a painful glowing mark on his hand, thrown into prison, thrown out of prison to close the hole in the sky, and then turned into a Herald of Andraste, running a new organisation to stop a war and a world from being destroyed. And after all of that, the guy just picked up where he left, lifted his chin up, smiled and started working. He should receive a reward or something.

He was worth protecting, worth giving my life for.

After our stroll through the forest, the sky had begun darkening with night and stars. We walked back to the Singing Maiden, harassing Flissa for free drinks. The girl was still somewhat afraid, but I noticed she was warming up to me already. Most people still pissed themselves when I barely glanced at them, so I was winning ground.
I didn't drink that night, maybe one cup, but I had learned my lesson. Together with Maxwell and Varric, we played until the moon stood high in the starry sky.

'Come on, Twinkle! One more game! Allow me some dignity', Varric grinned, small hairs falling out of his bun at the back of his head.

Maxwell stomped with his feet on the ground like a little child, 'Yes, Saeris c'mon!'

I stood up from behind the table. 'Be happy Varric! One more game and you're broke!' I grinned as I assembled my profit and dropped it into my pouch. 'I will return for the night.'
I looked over my shoulder to Flissa, who nodded. I had told her I was moving out. She had been relieved, and I wasn't sure if it was because she was still nervous around me, or because she could rent it for payment again. My belongings and spare clothes were already brought to the cabin by Elven servants, who I had tipped generously. Elves already had a hard life, and here in Haven, it wasn't much better. Leliana and Josephine were doing everything in their power to make sure the servants were treated with respect, and paid accordingly, like anyone else. But I knew how hard it was to live as a second-class citizen.

Tomorrow, I would send a letter to Josephine to tell her I had found new accommodation by myself and that I didn't need help furnishing it. The woman was busy enough as she was, and so were the Elven servants.

I walked through the dark streets of Haven towards the gate and the camp that laid behind it. I heaved and counted the clouds that drifted from my lips. As I passed through the village's high wooden gates, I noticed the silent and deserted military camp outside. During the day you couldn't hear your own thoughts through the loud noise of swords clashing and men grunting, but now, everything was silent. No clashing of swords, no screaming captains, no heaving breaths but my own. Everyone seemed fast asleep or up at the tavern drowning their worries.
I silently waded my way through the thick snow towards the forest and my new cabin. And then suddenly, I heard someone scream loudly. The camp, though, remained quiet, nobody moving to check for danger. The scream ringed through the camp again, and sounded almost frightful, like someone was being buried alive and begging for help. And I recognized the voice, because it had echoed in old dreams of myself. It was Daniel's voice, but not at all, for he was dead. Yet, this voice was real, the person in terror and maybe even in pain. I ran towards the tent the screams were coming from, which was bigger from the rest, and I heard heavy rustling inside.

Inside the tent, it was utterly dark, only the moon was casting grey shadows through the ivory fabric of the tent. My eyes adjusted slowly and I saw the contours of a table in the centre of the space. Papers were spread across it, and I noticed a burned candle that had melted over the edges of the desk. And in the corner of the tent, at the far left, there stood a chair. Clothes were draped over it, something with fur and steel, if I guessed correctly. At the far right of the tent, a bed stood. Blankets were laying on the floor next to it and I could hear someone breathe heavily and quickly. Carefully, I took a step closer and saw the figure of a man curled up in the shaky bed, sweat gleaming in the moonlight.
Suddenly, the man in the bed started roaring again, his hands grabbing the bed's edges like he was about to be thrown out of it. His knuckles turned white as the bed creaked and he screamed again in agony. I leaped through the tent now, towards the hurt man. This person was not in any physical pain though, he was having a nightmare, a terrible one at a guess. His face was contorted into an angry, but also sad grimace as he kept screaming. My hands started glowing as I reached towards his head to calm his mind, when all of a sudden, the man's eyes flew open. He cried out ferociously and grabbed my wrists, pulling me down onto the ground, his body toppling over the bed and crashing into mine, crushing the air out of my lungs.

'CULLEN!' I yelled as I stared into his wild golden-brown eyes.

It took the Commander a moment before he realised that he was awake, his nightmare had ended. His anxious eyes softened, his strong chest moving slower against mine as his conscience returned to him. His hands on my wrists relaxed, but still held onto them as he stared into my eyes, blinking once, then twice. His face was right above mine, and I could feel his shivering breath on my cheeks. He smelled like elderflower and oakmoss. I held in my breath as I suddenly felt him shift.

'Maker's breath', he whispered and let go of me, fumbling to get back on his feet.

I laid on the ground while letting what just happened sink in.

'Lady Saeris? Are you alright?' Cullen reached one hand towards me, 'Maker, forgive me, I…'

'It's quite alright, Commander', I interrupted and took his hand. Cullen lifted me back on my feet. I noticed he was wearing a long, damp nightshirt, but I didn't dare look down. That would've been inappropriate, right? 'It was my fault, I shouldn't have come into your tent. I just heard you scream and it was… I just wanted to help.'

'Thank you… I merely had a nightmare.' Cullen scratched the back of his neck while I took a step back and looked away as I noticed his nightshirt lifting up with his arm.

'I'm sorry, but if I may… I can help you sleep?' Maybe he had this nightmare every night? Who knew? And the recruits were already used to it? Perhaps, that's why the man looked so dead tired.

'N… no, I will manage.' Cullen looked as uncomfortable as I was.

'Please', I said then. I wanted to help. This is what I do, I help people, heal them, make whole. 'Let me help you.'

Cullen slightly grunted awkwardly. I was secretly happy that it was so dark in the tent, so he couldn't see the expression on my face. I was being awkward, my face dishevelled. 'Andraste preserve me, if you insist', Cullen dipped his head and I heard him shuffle back to his bed, pulling the blankets that laid on the ground over him. I slowly walked towards his bed, standing behind it.
The Commander flinched as my hands started glowing. Was he afraid of my magic? Well, he had been a Templar after all, I knew they didn't like magic even if it was healing magic. I remember how Simon… no stop thinking.

'It is alright, close your eyes.' I whispered. Cullen breathed heavily as my long fingers hovered over his temples, and my magic curled over his forehead. 'It's okay', I hushed again and felt Cullen relax, my magic buzzing softly in his head, rocking him to sleep, a ward protecting him from nightmares. I counted his breaths, how they went from heaving to humming and then slowly to the soft inhaling and exhaling as he entered the Fade, a good dream waiting for him. I carefully retracted my hands from his temples and stood up, closing my eyes for a second, recollecting myself before I walked out of Cullen's tent. I was ashamed of myself. I shouldn't have barged in there like that, making the man so uncomfortable. But what should I have done then? Let him scream? At least now, he could rest properly, at least for one night.

I looked over my shoulder as I closed the flap of the tent, throwing one quick look at Cullen's dark figure in the bed, and I saw the blankets slowly rising up and down. A soft smile appeared on my lips as I dropped the flap and continued my walk to my cabin.

I hoped he was somewhere nice now.

XXX

The sun seeped through the cloudy sky, entering my room. I sighed. I had fallen asleep so quickly, dosing off between the soft warm blankets Maxwell had given me. I had slept so deeply, I didn't even enter the Fade. A dreamless night. The old bed creaked under my weight as I pushed myself up, wiping the rheum out of the corners of my eyes. I wiggled my toes as I placed them on the cold, wooden floor. I should put a carpet in here somewhere, for warmth. I slept in a long, woollen shirt, and walked out of the door with it, the wind hugging my bare legs. Then, I filled up a bucket with ice, put my hands in it and summoned fire, until the ice turned into steaming water. I washed my body quickly, using fresh herbs I bought from Adan, and wetted my hair, the wind drying it with ease. After that, I put on my regular clothes, my foot wraps and my cape, leaving my long white hair down to my back.

On the table in my cabin laid some scraps of paper and some ink. I wrote a short letter to Josephine, stating I'd found new accommodation, that I could give to one of the scouts later to deliver it to her.

Tomorrow, we would be leaving for the Hinterlands, so I had to head towards Harritt and Adan for supplies. I needed some daggers, as extra protection, and some herbs for the trip. There was also the question of what my mount would be. I knew the Inquisition was short on mounts, but I knew we would all require one if we were to travel fast.
It was still quite early when I crossed through the military camp. Some soldiers were already up, running around doing their daily tasks. I eyed the camp, the tents, but could not see Cullen anywhere. Was he still sleeping? I honestly hoped so.

As I walked up the path towards Adan's apothecary, I noticed the slight behind Solas' cabin's window. Seemed like he too was up early. I lingered for a moment, my feet stopping in front of his door. What was he doing? Was he researching the Breach? There was a slight noise coming from inside, papers rustling, feet walking from one corner of the room to another. I took a step forward, my feet crunching on the snow. The noise from inside stopped, and an uncomfortable feeling gnarled in my stomach again. I took a step back and continued towards Adan's place, feeling how the tension in my body disappeared the further away I walked from Solas' cabin.
Adan was up too, rubbing his hands with a strong-smelling lotion while a small woman was talking to him.

'Flissa said to check with you to make sure these are safe to serve', the woman said with a high voice, holding a little pouch in front of her filled with brown mushrooms.

'They're fine.', the cranky alchemist snorted, 'Nobody will take sick as long as she boils them right. Smart woman for asking, though.'

The woman nodded and closed her pouch. She turned on her heels, but faltered as she noticed me standing there. She hurried past me through the door, mumbling a polite, but scared curtsy.

'I should keep you here, let you stand in the doorway. Nobody will dare to come in', Adan snickered as he looked up to me.

'A scarecrow has always been the career I imagined I would be having.' I dipped my head, smiling.

Adan hummed with content and said, 'Well, what can I do for 'ya?'

'I need some herbs for the trip to the Hinterlands. Two pouches of dried elfroot and half a pouch of spindleweed, if you have some of course.'

Adan nodded and turned around, looking into a big barrel at the back of the room.

'Half a pouch of spindleweed I can do, but two pouches of elfroot… it's going to be just one if you don't mind. Short on supplies.' He inclined.

'That is alright, I'll gather some during my travel, if I require more.'

'Is that all?' Adan asked while scooping the herbs in tiny, leather pouches.

'Yes… no, wait. Is there a… potion or tonic for… a good night's rest?' I asked, suddenly thinking about the Commander again.

'Trouble sleeping?' Adan commented as he gave the two pouches to me.

'It's for… a friend. Could you help?' I didn't know if other people knew of Cullen's nightmares, but maybe it was best if I kept quiet about it. It wasn't my place to spread rumours.

'I can craft some', Adan scratched his long beard and turned to his table. I stared at how swift his hands were at crunching and pouring and liquefying and boiling. His face was always in a cranky snare, but while crafting potions, I saw a light in his eyes. This man truly loved his job. After a couple of minutes, he was done and held up a medium-sized bottle in front of him, containing a dark, muddy green liquid. 'Here', he said, 'this will help. It deepens one's sleep, making the chance of entering the Fade less likely. Though, it won't help every night…'

'Thank you!' I smiled as I took the bottle and studied it.

'Three drops before going to bed. No more than that.' He hummed.

I nodded and handed him the payment. Herbs were covered by the Inquisition, but potions I had to pay for, and they were quite expensive. But I paid it gladly, for I knew I could make someone happy with it.
I left the apothecary and walked down towards the blacksmith with a confident trod.

'Greetings, Saeris.' Solas stepped onto my path. I yelped and almost stumbled, but recollected myself just in time. That sneaky elf, why was he so damn quiet?

'Good morning', I mumbled, looking up to him. There it was again, that anxious feeling.

Solas peered down to me, his favourite cold and scholarly look behind his soft blue eyes. 'It has come to my knowledge that you will be joining us to the Hinterlands.' He said while clasping his hands behind his back.

'That is true', I quirked an eyebrow. What was he up to?

'I hope you have rested well, it will be a consuming journey.' He glanced down to the pouches I was carrying, in particular to the bottle with the tonic.

'Just doing some last preparations', I smiled politely. 'If you'll excuse me.'

Solas nodded and stepped aside, but I could feel his gaze pricking in my shoulder blades like a sharp needle. My heart thumped in my throat maybe a million times per second.
My pace quickened and my heart was nearly springing out of my chest when I turned around the corner, shadowed from Solas' gaze.
I placed my cold fingers on my chest, willing my lungs to calm down. What was wrong with me? Or in better words… what was wrong with Solas?

I walked back down the path towards the gates of Haven, to the blacksmith outside. Most soldiers were up now, and the familiar clashing and grunting wallowed through the mountains. I glanced up at the tents, and noticed the Commander standing in front of the training ground. He had his hands on his waist, his voice raised as he yelled at the sweating recruits.

'You there! There's a shield in your hand. Block with it.' He grunted. 'If this man were your enemy, you would be dead!' He then turned towards the soldier standing next to him. The man straightened his back, his look respectful. 'Lieutenant, don't hold back. The recruits must prepare for a real fight, not a practice one.'

'Yes, Commander.' The lieutenant said and pumped his chest with his fist.

I walked towards them, but grunted as I saw the symbol of the Templar Order on the lieutenant's chest. I had seen him training recruits before, and always felt his angry stare on my back. Templars gave me the shivers, but I knew were here to help. The man turned his head towards me a second before Cullen had, a disapproving look on his face.
Cullen followed the lieutenant's gaze and gazed up towards were I stood. His confident eyes faltered a little.
As the Commander walked towards me, the lieutenant looked away and took off towards his struggling recruits.

I smiled softly as Cullen stopped before me, but noticed the people around us quieting and staring. 'Good day, Commander.'

Cullen looked uncomfortable. 'My Lady, I wanted to thank you… for…', he exhaled deeply.

'It's alright', I said, noticing the dark circles under his eyes had lightened, his skin gleaming like it hadn't before, 'I hope it helped.'

Cullen dipped his head, like he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.

'But I apologize for barging in there like that', I shook my head. What does he think of me now? And why did I care?

'No, I understand why you did. And… I thank you for it.' He gave me small smile, but it didn't go to his eyes.

'Perhaps, I should leave you be, I think there are more urgent matters in need of your attention.' I said politely, taking a step back to distance myself as I noticed the scouts impatiently waiting for the Commander near his tent, piles of reports in their hands. 'But, to make things right, I asked Adan to make this… I didn't tell him why or for who, just in case you… never mind.' I took the potion from underneath my cape and presented it to him. 'It's… to help you sleep deeper, so you're less likely to enter the Fade and… receive bad dreams.'

'You should not have…' Cullen's eyes were big and full of questions, his eyebrows furrowed. But he took the bottle, staring into the muddy green liquid, almost suspiciously.

'It's perfectly safe, just herbs and plants, no magic. Adan has written down the ingredients at the back, on the label, so you can check.' I said to soothe his suspicion. 'Three drops before you're going to bed, nothing more. It might not work, but maybe it's worth the try.'

Cullen hummed, a soft expression taking over the worried one.

'Just to make sure I don't have to barge into your tent again', I grinned, trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

'Truly, thank you, Lady Saeris.' He smiled while dangling the bottle in his hands.

'I hope it helps.' I said and then lifted my chin towards the scouts that were shifting on their feet as they stared at us. 'I will leave you be now, Commander.'

'I, ah, yes. Of course.' He looked to the bottle in his hands and back to me. 'Another time then, my Lady.'

I dipped my chin as Cullen turned towards his scouts, his back straight, his voice confident as he spoke to the men. My lips curled into a soft smile, knowing I had helped someone. Even if it was just a little. I was helping.

I turned back towards the blacksmith, my heart lighter again, to get my daggers. I would need all the protection I could get in the Hinterlands.

And it was going to be a tough journey.