Chapter Twenty

Burning In a New Mentality

MARK

On the hangar deck I stared up at the ceiling with the racks of fighters and the catwalks as pilots got out of their ships. There was one salvage corvette lying in the corner and crews cleaning up from the many frigate infiltrations that had been done. They still had quite a bit of cleaning to do.

"Chief on deck!" someone said. People dropped what they were doing and saluted me. I hate formalities.

"At ease I'm not a general or anything, I'm just a pilot like you. Now get back to work I want to be able to eat off this deck where the ship was being torn into!" I said.

"Tough words for some regular pilot." Isel said walking past me and punching me in the shoulder.

"So how's your ship?" I asked.

"Oh . . . well sadly, it's gonna need a whole new back end . . . you know, one of those jobs where it's more convenient to just get a whole new ship. I'm thinking about it actually. Those new cloaked fighters seem like some pretty cool ships don't you think?"

"And get rid of number one?" I said joking.

"Oh please. I'm not in love with my ship like you. Then again to be fair you did put some pretty kickass upgrades into her."

"Damn right. The last thing those imperials will see is the bloody red stripes of the Ferin Sha."

"But if I get a Spectre no one will see what hit them at all." She said.

"Nah I'd give 'em the chance to at least see me. But hey, it's your choice." I said as we met up with Eric and Triikor.

"So . . . I hear you actually got a face to face with the rebel leader?" She said.

"Really? Word travels that fast?"

"Apparently so. What'd he say?"

"Stuff, the formation of the rebellion, their next plans, we talked about our tactics and basic stuff really."

"What about the situation on Hiigara?" she asked.

"He didn't say. He just said that he needed to get to a relay in some Karos place." I said. She wasn't very eager to hear anything anymore.

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing. It's just that . . . well you're in for a bit of a surprise when you get there." She said and walked away. Obviously she didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't going to insist.

"Hey don't just leave us wondering like tha—"

"Let it go. We'll find out eventually." I said cutting Isel off.

We climbed up some stairs at the side of the hangar. Arazis joined us after leaving the other swarmer pilots to their conversations, and we headed up and towards the main deck where the pilots' rooms are.

We were walking out into the hall when we saw someone we didn't expect. I didn't recognize him at first, but she sure did.

"Saiin!"

"Did anyone miss me?" he said.

Later on, we were in a lounge area at a round white table just talking and speaking our minds.

"I woke up expecting some huge battle. What's this all about?" he asked.

"Well, we were ambushed. But that didn't last too long." Eric said.

"Well that's no fun for me you know. I actually had the chance to go out, but there weren't any swarmers left in the hangar so I just leaned on the railing of the observation deck and watched ships get captured and pulled into the hangar above me. The background looks much different too."

"You missed one pretty impressive light show. The Bentusi showed us a hologram of our history. About the exile and how we came to Kadesh and them to Kharak." Arazis said.

He seemed interested in the conversation, which was a change from his solitary lifestyle earlier where he just wanted to be alone. I knew the feeling of that. Hell once I was so bored I took some psychedelics and painted wings on my ceiling out of sheer boredom. At least now I have a cool sight to fall asleep to though.

"So . . . I guess you're feeling better?" Triikor asked."

"Much. I don't know what they had me on, or if that freezing affected my mind, but I feel great. I feel like I could sprint across the hangar deck and back!"

"Maybe you should come running with us later then?" Eric offered. There's a makeshift gym in some of the upper decks where the bulkhead is. It's meant to bear the weight of the entire ship as it's basically its spine, and take a serious beating. So it's a large open area with thick armor walls and many supports everywhere. They made a running track by laying rubber mats down on some catwalks on the side that went all the way around. I've been once or twice. It's cool but very poorly lit and loud because of the general creaking and moaning of the ship.

I kind of strayed off from the conversation and was staring into space.

"Hey are you still here?" Isel said snapping her fingers pulling me back to reality.

"Huh? Oh sorry about that, I think I'm just a bit exhausted.

"Agreed." Eric said.

"Oh please. You don't know the meaning. I have to take pills to avoid vomiting after I step out of my fighter." Triikor said.

"Well it was nice seeing you again Saiin." I said.

"Well it felt like maybe yesterday to me." He said.

My door flew open, and I walked in and collapsed on my bed. I reached across to my night stand and took a small blue gel capsule. Headache relief.

I forgot to close the door, but it didn't really matter because the halls around the crew quarters were dimly lit with dark orange lights. It was a simulated night time. I stared at the blue wings on the ceiling that stretched off from the Angelmoon and off to the sides of Hiigara, at least what I crudely drew it to look like. The winds were a design from the Pedestal of Truth, the thing the Guidestone was sitting on in Khar-Toba.

I had to laugh a little at it. I stood up and reheated a bowl of agriisak stew, something Lisa taught me to make while I was on the Mothership. I felt like I reconnected with her most of all out of the Paktu side of my family. I never actually had a mother besides her.

Dane was great and all, but he was never really a father figure to me. He never tried. He kept his distance from me, as if knowing that eventually I would journey back to the north to find my father, who was a planet wide hero of all people.

Either way, when I finished eating I fell into my bed and slept the fake night away, hoping I could submerge into a spatial dream of some sort, maybe the same one or maybe different, but that rarely ever happens. All that really mattered is that I wasn't staying up until morning this time.

SAIIN

"So you're sure you aren't gonna go suicidal on us anymore?" Triikor said.

"Oh I'm pretty sure. Besides, what happens to my sister if I die? She's not too stable mentally. I have to think of everyone else too. Also I think I want to see the homeworld." Saiin responded.

"Don't we all?" Eric said. They were walking around the track on the top floor. It was cold in there, probably due to the lack of heating systems in that part of the ship.

It was so cold they could see their breath. Eric thought it was funny to make it look like he was smoking but no one seemed to get the joke. The Kadeshi don't do that, and the Taiidan have other ways to ruin their health.

"What about you? You said you have a brother right?" Saiin asked.

"Caleb. He's fifteen by now I think. It's been so long." She said. "What about you Eric, I don't think you've ever spoken about any family."

He stopped and walked to the railing and stared down at the many other catwalks in this open area. "It's because . . . I just don't have any." He said. "Even before they invaded the ruins of Saju-Ka, I never had any siblings or a father. My mother was the only person I actually talked to. I was young at the time. I was then sent to an adoption agency, but no one would take me because of my lineage. I was fourteen when I ditched that place, and I found a peaceful group of Gaalsien on the edge of the mountains, out of the way of the main conflict between the so-called extremist groups and the Daiamid."

"You and Mark have a lot in common then." He said.

"Sort of. I tend to think my story has a bit more pain and suffering than his, but I see your point."

After their short break, they started walking again.

He could feel his feet hurting, so they decided to call it quits. "How can you just keep walking like this?" he said.

"Practice I guess." Eric said.

"Well I've been doing this long before I was even part of this fleet. On a carrier full of gross smelly mercenaries a girl's gotta defend herself. Especially since the bar is the only active place on that hellhole."

"I guess I need to start doing this a lot then." He said as they walked out the door into the orange-lit halls. They all smelled like sweat.

They talked farther and got to the pilot section. "We're gonna go take a shower. I guess we'll see you later." Eric said.

He left them and walked to the hangar. He stared over the railing as he did so often before. The hangar was redesigned. It held nearly fifty fighters and twenty five corvettes. He never imagined so many ships could fit in the carrier. It was amazing to see so many ships in one place. At least thirty of the fighters were swarmers, which was even stranger to see because this was nothing like a Needleship hangar.

On those, fighters are docked on the front section and all launch outwards. It could hold more than a hundred swarmers if it was completely full, and the general nebulous feel was much different than the bright blue with the yellow color of space outside.

This carrier was much smaller. It was definitely built for the sole purpose to carry. The walls were filled with ships, and above his head there were corvettes held in place on the ceiling.

There were catwalks everywhere. When they were walking and jogging, he asked about it. Eric said there was very little gravity up there, so it didn't take much to anchor the ships in place. Pilot uniforms have magnetic boots, so that wasn't an issue.

The Needleships used artificial gravity since it was much easier in energy requirements. Arazis told him it was magnetic, but he showed her wrong by taking a magnet and trying to have it repel against the floor. It didn't work as he already knew. She assumed it was because of the way the ship lifts off.

He then imagined this bulky thing trying to lift off. It would disintegrate most likely. There was a huge hole in the front. But then again the Taiidan carriers seem to manage fine. It was confusing him so he stopped thinking about it.

He stayed awake the whole night. He made his way to the bridge at one point where he saw John and Fiira making out, so he walked off quietly.

There was a huge room, more than three decks tall. It was like an open opera house. It must have been the place they described these Kadeshi meet ups to be. The candles were lit already. But no one was there.

He went down to the ground floor to get a good look at this place. He stood on a small glass platform. Below him he could see the emptiness of space, and the blue glow of the hangars. Above was most likely the bulkhead section.

He stood in awe . . . it looked like some kind of old temple on First. Candles were the only things lighting the room giving it a warm feeling.

He had missed out on a lot. But he wouldn't let that happen again. He had been to his room after leaving the huge room, and found many things.

He found the rope that had many bad memories on it. He untied the knot and placed it in the trash. He also found papers that he had drawn in his drawer, very dark images resulting from his depression. He hated the sight of them. They were images of death, stuff burning, and the bodies in the ocean of his past, and others that were of the same type.

He crumpled them up and threw them in the trash. The ones he hated the sight of he tore apart into as many pieces as possible. He came upon one image. It was a rough but accurate sketch of Arazis. He drew it completely from memory. This one, he decided, was worthy of keeping. So he placed it back in the drawer.

He took a lighter, and lit the trash on fire. He enjoyed seeing this hatred and anger burn away. It was calming and reassuring. He knew he would have the same amount of time on his hands, but he decided there were much more productive ways to spend it.

He tried to sleep, but there was a feeling itching at him. He wanted to draw. He didn't consider himself an artist by any means, but after destroying the evil work, he decided to draw something he liked. Something big. Something beautiful. He found his papers from the store. He still had some left. He took out the roll, and cut a large piece off, and taped it to his wall after he moved his desk. He picked up his pencil, and started making marks, that would eventually coalesce into something incredible to his eyes. That whole night, again from memory, attempted to draw a masterpiece.

MARK

It worked alright. I was there again, afloat in space watching the same old battle above the planet below.

I couldn't make out who was winning. I could see red and blue ion beams everywhere in the distance, and explosions of many sizes. I could see the sun. It was bright even through my visor, a nice yellow, unlike the incredibly bright white of Khar-Illume.

I floated there for what felt like hours. But that couldn't be right. The suit only has thirty minutes of air. I then saw an explosion that was blinding, and outshone the Hiigaran sun for a brief moment.

Then I fell off my bed and hit the cold metal floor.

I was disoriented for a few seconds, and then crawled back on my bed. It was not yet morning, so I fell back asleep this time with no dreams.