A/N: This chapter is named after the song 'Beginners' by Slow Club. You should check out the music video - you will see a very familiar face! Also, I'm sorry, but you're probably going to hate me for this chapter. I apologise in advance.
Writing inspiration struck me at last so I'm able to post this right on schedule. Enjoy!
On another note, I made a tumblr for writing and fanfiction stuff! It's buzzybeewrites and I haven't posted anything yet but I hope to soon. It would be amazing if you followed!
Chapter 20: Beginners
"You know these moments, they take years to pass"
The first thing Albus became aware of was the noise; an everlasting, eternal, never-ending pounding in his head. He groaned, pulled his pillow over his head, stuffed his hands into his ears, anything to make it stop, make it go away. It never stopped; never went away.
The second thing Albus became aware of was the warmth at his side, a warm, heavy weight pressed against his back, a feeling of familiarity and comfort unlike anything he thought he had ever felt. He thought about that, and the pounding went away for a little while.
The third thing Albus became aware of was that the noise wasn't coming from inside of him, but externally, somewhere outside of his consciousness, and it was only when he realised this that he was jolted awake, a shift from asleep to not so sudden he had to give himself a few seconds just to breathe, to get a bearing on his surroundings.
He gently nudged Scorpius' arm from his back and pulled himself up with a great amount of exertion. Merlin, his eyes were burning, and so bleary he could barely tell which way was up. The pounding, which he now understood came from the door, grew more frantic. With a great deal more effort, he pulled himself to his feet and stumbled blindly to the door, fumbling at the door handle until he had it in his grip and yanking the door open.
If he had expected anybody at all to be knocking at his door at 2am, Professor Zabini was probably the last person on earth. He looked as bleary and half-awake as Albus felt, an imposing figure in the doorway with his dark robes and lantern, which shone directly into Albus' eyes and made him squint.
"Professor?" He asked, once he had gathered his senses and wits together, "What are you doing here?"
"Mr. Potter, I'm terribly sorry, but you need to come to Professor Shacklebolt's office immediately. There has been… An incident." Albus caught a glimpse of uncertainty, of fear, in his professor's eyes, and a jolt of shock went through him. Suddenly he felt more alert than he had ever been in his life.
"What's wrong? What happened?" Albus demanded, casting a glance back towards the beds, wondering how quickly he could get dressed.
"I'm afraid I don't know all of the specifics." Zabini admitted, his head bowed low. Suddenly, a shuffling noise came from Albus' bed and Scorpius stumbled out of it, rubbing at his eyes and blinking wearily at Albus and the professor. Zabini glanced furtively at the trunk at the bottom of the bed, which had Albus' initials emblazoned upon it, and then back to Scorpius, who was beginning to look a little more alert. His lips twitched and he raised his eyebrows slightly, but Albus didn't notice.
"Can Scorpius come with me?" Albus asked as Scorpius stretched and looked at him questioningly.
"Actually… That would probably be for the best. Professor Longbottom was instructed to retrieve him from the Gryffindor dorms, but quite clearly he will not be found there. I'll give you five minutes to get dressed while I send a Patronus to Professor Longbottom," Without another word, Zabini turned and strode proudly out of the room.
"What's going on?" Scorpius asked through the sounds of snoring that came from Marcus' bed. He could sleep through anything, something which Albus envied him greatly for at that moment.
"I don't know. Zabini says we have to go see Shacklebolt." Albus shrugged and began to pull of his pyjama top. In moments, the pair of them were fully dressed, whispering anxiously among themselves about what could possibly be happening.
The walk to Shacklebolt's office was sombre. Nobody dared speak. Zabini led them, his lantern held high, and somewhere on the third floor they met up with Professor Longbottom, who had his lips pursed and his fists clenched. Both teachers looked more tense and on edge than Albus had ever seen them before, and Albus would have been lying if he'd said he wasn't more than a little afraid in that moment. He glanced over to Scorpius, who was pale-faced, and squeezed his hand. He received a watery smile in return.
"Felix Felicis," Zabini mumbled once they reached the gargoyle that would take them up to Shacklebolt's office. Albus had never been before, having never been in a great amount of trouble and having never had any other particular reason to. Albus almost leapt back in shock as the gargoyle jumped to the side, revealing a stairwell, which they immediately went up.
Albus looked around Shacklebolt's office wondrously, if only granting himself a few seconds for the luxury as he knew there were more important things that had to be dealt with. A portrait of a man who appeared to be fast asleep and could only have been Albus Dumbledore opened his eyes suddenly and smiled sadly down at him. Albus gulped and took another step towards Shacklebolt's desk.
Kingsley Shacklebolt looked less resplendent than Albus had ever seen him before, in relatively plain robes of deep maroon. More than anything, he looked tired.
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy," He greeted, nodding solemnly at them, "I'm sorry to have had to drag you here at such an early hour, but I had no other choice. Mr. Potter, I regret to inform you that your father is in an Intensive Care unit at St. Mungo's."
Albus felt like the entire world had just been taken from underneath his feet. His father, his wonderful, unstoppable, incredible father, was in intensive care? It didn't seem possible.
"I'm sorry, Professor Shacklebolt, but what do I have to do with all this?" Scorpius asked, his hand still clasped tightly to Albus'. The sensation of it grounded him somewhat, though it couldn't stop the bile rising in his throat or the tears prickling behind his eyes.
"He was with your mother and father at the time," Shacklebolt began. When Scorpius said no more, he continued, "They were out for dinner when somebody – we don't know who – attacked. We don't know who the main target was either but it was Harry Potter who took the fall."
"Is mum alright?" Albus asked, once he could finally speak again.
"She's fine, don't you worry," Well, Albus considered, it was a little late for that, "You can use my fireplace to floo to St. Mungo's, where a Mediwitch or Wizard will great you. And once again, I give you my condolences."
The way Shacklebolt said it, it was almost as if his father had died already. Albus reluctantly let go of Scorpius' hand and approached the fireplace, floo powder in hand. Seconds later, he found himself stumbling out of the fireplace and landing in a clean, sterile room, bustling with people. Seconds later, Scorpius joined him, and they looked around apprehensively.
"Albus?" It was Victoire. She looked more grown-up and beautiful than Albus had ever seen her before, even in her robes, which were as sterile and white as the rest of the place. With her pale blonde hair, she blended in perfectly, "Oh, I was so sorry to hear about what happened! Come on, I'll take you to go see your dad. You can come along too, Scorpius."
"Don't be too shocked when you see him," She warned as she led the pair of them through long corridors and up endless stairwells, "There was rather a lot of spell damage and for a while it was touch and go, which is why you weren't told until now, but we're certain that he'll make a full recovery."
She was so little like the girl he had grown up with, who used to tug his hair and make him play with her dolls when Fleur was babysitting them. It felt strange to see her as a professional working woman and to know that most of his cousins were in the same position, with jobs abroad or in the ministry. Even Fred was working abroad as a trainee curse-breaker.
Albus saw Draco Malfoy and his wife first, sitting anxiously outside a closed off room. Scorpius ran to them immediately and wrapped them both up in a hug, fussing over them and making sure the baby was alright. Albus hung back, watching the scene unfold before him.
"I'm afraid your father's not quite ready for visitors yet," Victoire informed him as she checked over the clipboard at the door to his room, "Ginny's just gone to get a cup of coffee, she'll be back shortly, and James and Lily will be arriving soon. Now, I have to go, I have rounds to do. See you later, Albus."
Albus simply nodded stiffly as Victoire kissed him briefly on the top of his head and bustled away down the otherwise deserted corridor. Scorpius beckoned to him, and he went and sat down awkwardly next to him, staring vacantly into the distance.
"I'm really sorry about what happened, Albus," Draco Malfoy said suddenly, clearing his throat from the other side of Scorpius.
"Me too, Mr. Malfoy," Albus said, shrugging his shoulders petulantly, "I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but why were you at dinner with my parents?"
"We've been exchanging letters ever since – ever since the summer," Draco explained, sighing, "I think we both felt bad for the way things had ended twenty years ago,"
"We decided to meet tonight," Astoria began, fumbling around in her handbag, "For dinner. Just to talk about everything that's happened over the last twenty years – you know, how we managed to adapt to a Muggle lifestyle, what it's like bringing up children in this 'new world'. Here, boys, have some chocolate, it'll help."
Astoria handed them each a few squares of chocolate. Albus ate his slowly, considerately, but he couldn't deny that he immediately felt a little better. Scorpius smiled at him gently from the next seat as he nibbled delicately on his chocolate and Draco and Astoria continued with their story.
"How all this happened – we really don't know," Draco admitted, his eyes tight, "One minute we were discussing the Ministry reform, the next – everything went white, and there was a blast so loud I immediately thought I'd never be able to hear again."
"The next thing we knew, we were lying on the floor and your mother had her arms cradled around your father. She was screaming – we were all screaming. I haven't seen anything like it, not since -" Astoria paused, looking horror stricken. Her hair and face were streaked with something dark, like soot. She didn't need to say the words.
"Luckily it didn't take long for word to spread, and for the Aurors to arrive," Draco continued, his expression dark and unreadable, "Harry got rushed here, of course. Unfortunately I'm fairly certain I saw Rita Skeeter skulking about. God only knows what the headlines are going to be like this morning."
Albus grimaced along with the rest of them at the thought of that.
At that moment, a familiar figure with long, auburn hair tied neatly back and hands full of cups of coffee rounded the corner, coming to an immediate halt as she surveyed the scene in front of her. Albus jumped to his feet, wanting nothing more than to run to his mum and let her embrace him and never let him go.
Instead he waited until she had doled out the coffee to Scorpius' parents before wrapping her up in a bone-crunching hug. She hugged him back just as tightly, and they stayed like that for minutes or hours or eternity. At one point he started crying but he didn't even realise until Ginny released him and silently handed him a tissue.
"Why's this happening?" He asked, scrubbing frantically at his eyes and trying desperately to ignore the way his knees and shoulders were shaking.
"I don't know, love," Ginny admitted, gently stroking his hair, "Come on, sit down, James and Lily should be here any minute."
Albus sat down unwillingly and at last got a good look at his mother. There was soot or ash smudged across her cheeks, and what could have been a streak of dried blood on her arm. She looked more tired than Albus had ever seen her before, with deep, dark shadows under her red-rimmed eyes.
True to her word, James and Lily arrived only moments later. James looked almost as tired as Ginny, his auror robes hanging loosely from his body as if he'd barely had time to get dressed. Lily was still in her pyjamas and had her old teddy bear clutched tightly to her chest. She wandered over to sit next to Albus, stifling a yawn as she did so.
Nobody spoke for what felt like hours. It was as if nobody dared to, as if by speaking something precious would be broken. So they waited in perpetual silence, as Lily fell asleep with her head on Albus' shoulder and Scorpius hesitantly took his hand once again. Ginny and James, who were seated opposite them, watched them carefully, eyes tight.
In fact, the only sounds were those of coffee being softly slurped and the incessant ticking of a clock somewhere down the hall. Albus' eyelids began to feel heavy, and he was quite tempted just to rest his head on Scorpius' shoulder and drift off to sleep as Lily had done, but he couldn't bring himself to. He stayed awake, as difficult as it may have been, pinching himself from time to time if he felt too close to unconsciousness.
His mind was whirring, throwing up every possibility, every outcome. At times he almost wished he was asleep, just so the thoughts would stop for a little while. He imagined a solemn witch or wizard informing him that his father had died, or that the damage was irreparable, or that he would live, but he would never be the same again. It was absolutely mentally exhausting.
Suddenly Ginny sprung to her feet as the door to Harry's room was opened by a Mediwitch who looked just as weary as the rest of them felt. She gave Ginny a small smile, a smile that seemed to say 'the worst is over, he'll be okay' before she gestured to them to go inside. Albus exhaled a breath he hadn't even been aware that he was holding.
"Family only," She said as Draco and Astoria got to their feet. With a frustrated sigh each, they sat back down. Albus nudged Lily awake and together, the four of them entered Harry's room, muscles tensed and nerves steeled.
Inside, the room was as cold and sterile as the rest of the hospital. Harry was there, awake, propped up with numerous pillows. Albus heart almost came to a stuttering halt when he spotted the large gash down his cheek. It was stitched up and no longer bleeding, but there was no doubt in Albus' mind that his dad would now have a scar to match the faded lightning bolt on his forehead.
He smiled as they entered, a smile that didn't reach his eyes and couldn't adequately disguise the pain or the effort of it. He looked small, somehow, swamped by pillows and bedsheets and tubes and wires as he was. Albus couldn't even begin to fathom what they could be for.
"Dad!" Lily cried, rushing up to the bed and wrapping him up in a big but gentle hug. With slow, pained movements he managed to wrap his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest. Ginny walked stiffly around to sit at his other side, clasping his hand. They kissed, but for once nobody made gagging noises or diverted their eyes. It was the only thing she could have done.
Albus hesitated at the door before James pushed him forward, gesturing towards Harry. He smiled at his brother before hurrying over to join Lily at their dad's side. James joined Ginny at the other side of the bed and the five of them stayed like that, all wrapped up in each other's presence, all so incredibly relieved that they were even there right now, able to hug their father and tell him how much they loved him.
A million and one different emotions were running through Albus, so fast that he couldn't get a handle on them. He was stressed, he was exhausted, he was the happiest person in the world, he was terrified, he wanted nothing more than to hide away from the world. He was somehow all of those things at once, and it made him dizzy and nauseous and a crying wreck all at once.
"I'm so happy you're here," Harry said, his voice a low croak, "I wish it were under different circumstances, of course,"
Lily lifted her head briefly to glare at him, and everybody laughed. It was as if all the tension that had been building up in the room, tension Albus hadn't even realised was there, had been released. Albus suddenly felt like he could breathe.
"How long do you think you'll be here, dad?" Albus asked, glancing at the clock. It was now sometime after four o'clock.
"Not too long, I hope," He creaked, grinning the easy smile he always had just for Albus, "They'll need to keep me in for a few days for observation, but I'm sure I'll be fit as a fiddle in no time."
"You're still going to play Quidditch in the garden with me though, right?" Lily demanded, sitting up straight. She had left a big damp patch on the duvet from where she had been crying, but she seemed reassured by her dad's upbeat attitude. Albus wasn't quite as convinced, but he tried his best to remain optimistic.
"Of course, I wouldn't give that up for the world," Harry ascertained, bumping awkward fists with her.
"I'm going to go tell Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy you're alright," Albus announced, "And go get something to eat. I don't feel too good."
When both his parents had nodded their consent, Albus turned and left. The atmosphere in there had been almost stifling, and when he was out in the corridor he was rather glad to have the opportunity to be away from his family for a moment or two. He loved them dearly and deeply, of course, but when he was younger he had always felt like the odd one out, a feeling that still lingered at times.
Draco got to his feet as he entered the hallway. Next to him, Astoria was yawning widely whilst Scorpius was fast asleep in his chair. At the sounds of the door closing, he jolted awake, and smiled sleepily at Albus.
"Is he alright?" Draco asked, furrowing his brows.
"I think so, Mr. Malfoy," Albus replied, "He's sitting up and making jokes so I think that means he's alright."
"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that," Astoria said, her hand pressed to her chest.
"Me too," Albus agreed, grinning, "I'm just going to get some food, if you'd like some?"
"I'll have another coffee, if that's not too much to ask," Draco asked politely before sitting back down next to Astoria. Albus nodded and turned to leave.
"I'll come with you," Scorpius announced, getting to his feet and stretching, his fingertips almost brushing the ceiling. The pair of them wandered down endless, vast white corridors and up and down stairs in search of the cafeteria, until at long last they found a large, circular, surgically white room. At this hour, it was almost empty, and the witches and wizards occupying the plastic seats all looked to be on the brink of sleep.
Along one stretch of wall was a series of windows, and Albus blinked in weary surprise at the slowly lightening sky outside and the magnificent view of Muggle London that he could see, all skyscrapers and sharp, silhouetted outlines. He would have given anything to be on the other side of that window.
"Are you alright?" Scorpius asked as he joined Albus at the window. Albus breathed out a heavy sigh that carried with it the weight of everything that had happened that night.
"Not really, no." He admitted, inexplicably feeling tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "I guess I thought he was invincible. Like, growing up, dad was the saviour of our world, the head auror, the bravest man anyone ever knew, and look at him now. Hooked up to all these strange wires and machines and barely even able to lift a finger or smile at his children."
"I'm sorry, Al," Scorpius said, "He'll get better though, I'm sure. I think part of growing up is realising your parents aren't the superheroes you've made them out to be… It's totally shit the way you had to realise it, though."
"You're telling me," Albus scoffed, "This must be hard for you too, though."
"Yeah," Scorpius nodded, "Like, it could've been dad, you know? Who's to say who the real target of this attack was?"
"I can't believe this is all happening again." Albus said, sighing and turning away from the window as a clock chimed, signalling that it was now six o'clock in the morning. Albus wasn't sure he'd ever be able to sleep again after all of this. "Come on, let's grab something to eat."
They bought a couple of sandwiches and chocolate bars from a grumpy looking wizard at the kiosk, as well as a cup of coffee for Scorpius' dad, and set off back through the labyrinth of the hospital to find his dad's room.
They managed to find the place eventually, and the four of them sat, eating or drinking, in complete silence, thoughts weighing on the events of the evening. Albus could barely even let himself imagine what it must have been like, being in that restaurant, eating a meal safe in the knowledge that everything in the world was safe and good when suddenly – suddenly – one person or a group of people decided they were just going to fuck everything up. Something deep inside Albus burned in rage at the thought of the perpetrators, somewhere deep inside of him that he hadn't even known existed until this evening.
He hadn't even realised how much he was shaking until a gentle hand was placed on his, which were trembling in his lap. He glanced up and was surprised to see Lily at his side. He'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and hatred and exhaustion that he hadn't even noticed the door opening.
Lily smiled encouragingly and squeezed his hand. She looked almost as tired as Albus felt, with dark shadows under her bloodshot eyes and her long ginger hair scraped back into a messy ponytail.
"Ooh, you saved some sandwich for me!" She exclaimed, grabbing the packet from where it lay discarded on the seat next to him. He hadn't, in fact, saved any of his sandwich for her, but he wasn't sure he could stomach another bite of the slightly stale bread and thinly-spread tuna mayonnaise. Within seconds, the sandwich was gone. Albus chuckled slightly and Lily whacked him over the head with the empty packet.
"Oh, by the way Mr. Malfoy, Dad says he wants to talk to you," Lily said brightly. Albus marvelled at how she managed to be so alert and optimistic at a time like this, and he envied her greatly for it. Draco paled slightly, something Albus wouldn't have thought possible except that he had seen Scorpius do it several times, and rose to his feet, Astoria at his side.
As they entered Harry's room, James left, peering at them suspiciously. Albus rolled his eyes at him as he came and sat down at Lily's other side. The four of them sat there awkwardly as the soft sounds of adult conversation penetrated the silence.
"What do you think they're talking about?" Lily asked.
"Grown-up stuff, you wouldn't understand," James said, patting her dismissively on the head.
"We could always eavesdrop," She suggested with a small smile, rising to her feet. She tiptoed over to the room and pressed her ear to the door. Abruptly the conversation stopped and she sighed, stomping back over and flopping down into her seat, "Bloody Muffliatus,"
"Come on, we should try and get some sleep," Albus said, though sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. Scorpius nodded sleepily from beside him; he'd been completely silent since they returned from the cafeteria and Albus couldn't blame him in the slightest.
"What if something happens to dad?" Lily asked, her bottom lip wobbling.
"Then someone'll wake us up," Albus replied, taking her hand briefly and squeezing it. She looked a little reassured as he continued, "But it's not going to happen. So don't worry about it."
James shoved everyone unwillingly out of their seats, ignoring their complaints as he transfigured the hard plastic chairs into plush armchairs. With reluctant thank yous, everyone took their seats again. Albus admitted a little grudgingly that he was much more comfortable now. The hard plastic had been beginning to make his back ache like nothing he'd ever felt before.
It was really quite miraculous how quickly Albus felt exhaustion take hold once he wasn't sitting anxiously on the very edge of his seat. He snuggled contentedly into the chair, sighing as he leaned his head sleepily on Scorpius' shoulder. Lily was fast asleep already, her thumb in her mouth as she managed to lean against both James and Albus at the same time.
For the time being, Albus could almost forget everything that had happened that evening. He knew he would have to face it all head on when he woke, but for now he was ready to dream of better things.
After a little while, Albus heard the comings and goings of doctors and adults, but he was simply too tired to care.
Next: Albus tries his very best to recover from the incident, but it's not going to be easy. The First Task takes place.