Harbors of Our Own

A/N: Hey people! Back from my day long break. My wisdom teeth procedure went fine, and so far, I haven't really been in that much pain, so it's safe to say that I'm back. Anyway, here's another chapter. And all I have to say is "meh...I'm not really sure about Ivan's inner conflict thingy in this chapter." I feel that it makes sense. Though I am not sure if I like it...Anyway. Here's the next chapter! Onwards! Also, who's watching the Olympics? I'm not watching all the events, but I am watching some.

Also, my beta, Pansychic27213 drew some fanart for this story! I'll link it on my profile as soon as I can. Also, the offer is still out there, if anyone else would like to illustrate some art for this too.

Chapter XXI

From then, Ivan lived in Yao's bathtub. The Asian cooked and cared for him, and the man spent most of his time just sitting on the closed toilet lid, talking to Ivan, and sketching. It came to a point where Yao basically lived with the merman in the bathroom.

Every morning, Yao would come in, greet Ivan with a kiss, and then make him breakfast. He would give him his breakfast, and then leave for work, leaving music on for the merman to enjoy while he laid in the bathtub. During his lunch break, Yao would come home to spend it with the merman, then he would go back to work and return home around 4:30, make dinner, and they would spend the evening together, oftentimes going down to the beach so Ivan could stretch his tail. Then, they would return home and Yao would go to bed, and then the routine would repeat the next day. On weekends, they would go down to the beach and spend full days there. They would go to their little island, or visit their friends in the mixed pod.

They grew accustomed to this new routine, and life was good.

However, the bathroom was quite small, and it was secluded from everything else. So when Yao was at work, or he was doing something else, Ivan was stuck in the lonely, tiny bathtub, in the isolated bathroom, and he did not like it. He felt confined. He wished he could be in the main room. Truth was, he kind of hated it.

There wasn't a whole lot a merman could do on land. He laid in the tub, and looked around at the small, good smelling, oriental-decorated bathroom, listened to music, and got lost in thought. He practiced writing, and even drew pictures. They weren't near as good as Yao could do, but it was still something to do. He thought about Yao, and flirts and compliments to use on him, but above all, he spent a lot of time missing his pod. He could feel, with the mental link he still had, that they missed him too. Some of them at least. It made him sad.

He was happy with Yao though, he just hated living in the freaking bathtub. He loved him. But he still missed his family. He missed Winter's motherly instinct and aura, Kitty's cry-baby and sweet self, Toris's calm, selfless personality, Karina's cute, sweet nature, Vlad and Milen's antics, adorable, hyper little Andrei, Emma's calculating, mild manners and occasional snarkiness...he missed his little sister Natalya's hidden, inner personality, and he even missed flamboyant, sassy Felicija. He sighed. He had hurt them all. He had betrayed them all. Everything he had had been tossed out a window. But to say he wished he'd never fallen for Yao would be a lie. Did he sometimes wish they were the same species? Yes, though that was only when he felt particular down about everything. But did it really, truly matter in the end? No.

He was once again more angry with his stupid code. It was neither him or Yao's fault. They didn't choose to fall in love. It just happened. He was also angry with Natalya. It was her fault he was banished in the first place. If she had not followed, if she had kept what she knew to herself instead of tattling about it, he could still be in the pod. But he could not stay angry with her forever. She had done what she did on instinct. She had been scared. She was only trying to protect them. That was all. He hated the rules he had to follow above everything else. He wished humans and merfolk hadn't been born enemies.

Sometimes, I wish I could show them that Yao isn't that bad. I wish I could show them that not every human is out to get us...but I can't. I'm a rogue. I'm a loner. I have no power here. I can't go anywhere or do anything. I have no power over the code. I can't reverse my banishment! I don't like not having control! If I did I could make everything better! Some how! I could!

You have power over Yao. He's way smaller than you... Where the h*ll did that voice come from!? This voice was cold, unfriendly and provocative. Ivan didn't like it. He had never heard it before.

Why in the SEVEN SEAS would you even REMOTELY think that Ivan!?

You need to have some power. You've basically lost control of your entire life. Except, you have control over him. He loves you remember? People are stupid. They do stupid things in the name of love. Since he's so in love with you, you can control him. Make him do what YOU want. You'd have some of your power back...merman. It's in your blood...to seduce and control humans. You're still his predator. You want to feel the satisfaction of control.

Stop it! Who are you!? Get out of my head! That was our old ways! Not anymore!I would never do something so cruel and cold to the man I love! I would never use him for anything that could hurt him! I would never hurt him! I do not want to hurt him or use him!

You had no problem doing that to poor Emma.

GO AWAY! Now you have gone too far! I was confused and heartbroken! And she made me happy! So I embraced my feelings for her, and acted on them! It was never my idea to use her for distraction. I was just confused about what I felt for her, that is all.

You still hurt her.

Without meaning to! I would never intentionally hurt someone! Go away! The only time I would ever hurt someone is if they threatened and hurt me or someone I love and care about.

Really? You cared about Natalya, so why did you physcially attack her?

I was protecting Yao! She was trying to hurt him!

What about the rest of your pod then? You hurt them. Betraying them for a human. And you say you would not hurt the people you love? Ha! You've already done it several times, Vanya dear. And you'll continue to do it. One day you're going to hurt Yao without knowning. You're still a sadistic, dangerous predator, regardless of how much you have "evolved" or "changed" or "calmed down", you still have the instinct that makes you want to hurt people. And you still act on it. You still love that feeling of power. Of control. And it drives you mad that you have lost it.

Stop it!

You use people and hurt people, Vanya dear. Face it. Predator...

"STOP IT!" Ivan exclaimed, "Just go away! I do not want to hear you anymore! I know! I know I have done terrible things! I have hurt others! I'm so...I'm so guilty..." He put his face in his hands. He did not like when his thoughts went crazy like this.

-xXx-

The familiar sound of the door opening drew Ivan's attention back to it. He had been lying under the water with his face and chest submerged for a while, and his tail sticking up out of the water, upon the wall, because it was helping to calm him down from the disturbing thoughts he had been having earlier.

Yao closed the bathroom door when he left the house, so the sound of it opening reassured him that the Chinaman was home. He sat up quickly, splashing water out with his sudden shook some excess water out of his hair, and then turned as the Chinaman entered the room. He smiled.

"Hello Yao-Yao." he said cheerfully.

"Ni-hao, Vanechka." he walked up to the tub and kneeled beside it, cupping the merman's cheeks and giving him a chaste little kiss.

"Hi Yao-Yao." Ivan said happily. He had no idea how Yao had come up with the pet name "Vanechka" but he liked it. He remembered when they had been discussing pet names. The Chinaman wanted a pet name for the merman, since the merman had already given him one the first day they met. He was Yao-Yao, and that was what stuck. That was the name Yao liked. The Chinaman had tried various pet names, but none seemed to fit. The cliche "babe", "honey", and "baby" made him gag. He had tried "darling" and "dear" but those felt unfitting for the Chinaman to say. He felt that those terms were more for his siblings or for a mother to call their child. He had tried "panda" and "panda bear"-those almost stuck-but Yao found them juvenile. So, he had proceeded to ask Ivan what his pet name was. He had replied with the name "Vanya" with an adorable, embarrassed blush on his face. That name had stuck for a while, until the Chinaman had manage to evolve it into the name "Vanechka". That stuck. And now, that was the name that stuck and the name that Yao called him.

"I got you something today."

"You did!?" he asked excitedly.

"Shi. Let me got get it, aru. I'll be right back." He turned and exited the bathroom. He came back a few moments later, with a box in his hands. The picture of the box was an almost translucent blue round thing with cartoony fish on it that looked like a bowl.

"What is it?" Ivan asked.

"It's a kiddie pool. I can blow it up and fill it with water and put it in the living room, aru. So you don't have to live in the bathtub and you can be out in a more open area and out with me and we do not constantly have to be stuck in here, aru."

"You mean I can move out of bathtub?"

"Shi, aru."

"Yay! It was getting really stuffy."

Yao chuckled.