"That's all for today," Ackbar announces, dismissing Ben. Luke takes hold of Ben's arm.
Mother's nodding at him. Rey—her love beats inside his mind. Even Finn gives him a smile, and Ben feels unexpectedly light, as if all the secrets he's been keeping inside have actually been poisoning him, and letting them out rejuvenates him.
"Master Ben!" calls a golden droid, a familiar golden droid that Ben used to tease mercilessly during his childhood, with Father's encouragement.
"3PO," Ben greets the droid.
"Oh," says 3PO. "It's so good to see you." Only sincerity rings in his voice. "You look so much like Han Solo."
"3PO," Mother intervenes.
I look like him, Ben thinks as Luke and Chewie lead him away. But I'm nothing like him.
"When I grow up," Ben murmured, age four and after a day spent watching his father bicker and outrun crooked shipping merchants, infuriating Mother for putting him in danger and exhilarating Ben. "I want to be just like you."
Father cradled Ben's head against his chest, saying nothing, but he didn't need to.
What would you think of me now? Ben wonders as Luke opens the door to his cell. Which is really a room, but functions as a cell.
Chewie lets our a low growl, and then Ben feels a furry hand on his shoulder, spinning him around. Ben gasps as the Wookiee clutches Ben's jaw between his hand. All he'd have to do is squeeze, and Ben's head would pop.
But Chewie's eyes scan Ben up and down, absorbing his fear, his stilted breaths, his scarred face and the features passed down by his best friend.
He lets Ben go and slaps him. Ben gasps, thrown to the floor.
"Chewie, don't!" cries Luke.
But the Wookiee lunges and grabs Ben by his arm, hauling him up. Ben squeezes his eyes shut, expecting to find himself armless in all of two seconds.
Instead, Chewie wraps his arms around Ben, holding him close. What the hell?
And then Chewie pushes him away, turning at the door to address Ben, who clutches his knees and pants. Make him proud.
"I'll try," Ben promises.
"You're off to a good start," Luke tells him, before closing the door.
However, being locked up is not ideal. Ben can only pace, tapping into his bond with Rey.
Lots of potential plans being tossed around, she reports.
Let me guess. They're planning to blow Snoke up.
Yeah, pretty much. She's smiling. He can tell, and Ben leans back against the wall.
When they're done, I'll come down, she offers. If you want me to.
Ben's face warms. Yes. I'd like that.
But when the door opens an hour later, it's not just Rey who enters. His mother, Poe, BB-8, and Finn all come.
This isn't what I had in mind, he thinks.
Rey narrows her eyes. Be patient.
"When are you blowing Snoke's base up?" Ben questions, scrambling to his feet.
"That hasn't been determined yet," Poe says. "But—yeah. Soon." He clears his throat. "We're kind of going to need your assistance. We need to know schedules, what kind of scanners they have—"
Ben blanches. "I don't know that."
"What?" Finn's jaw drops. BB-8 makes a doubtful squeak.
"I don't know that," Ben repeats. "I do know that they have a fleet of TIE fighters, and pilots, there. They'll give you a fight like the one you had on the Starkiller."
"Where a lot of our best got killed," Mother mumbles.
Ben flinches. "I can't tell you what I don't know. I would tell you, if I did know."
"He's telling the truth," Rey confirms. "He doesn't know."
BB-8's head slumps.
Poe regards Rey, biting his lip. "Well, this Force bond thing does come in handy, I suppose." He turns back to Ben. "So what would you suggest?"
"I do think a bombing run is your best shot," Ben affirms, clenching his fists because he can't help them, he won't be able to tell them what they need to know, and now a lot of them could die. He won't be able to make his father proud, make things right. "But if you don't know the exact layouts—combined with Snoke's habits—and their scanners and their weaknesses—it might just amount to needless deaths."
Finn glances at Poe, his Adam's apple bobbing.
"How can you not know Snoke's habits?" Mother demands.
"Because he's not training me anymore, so I presume they've changed," Ben snaps, and instantly regrets it. "I'm sorry. I just—I don't know."
"Starting to sound like you're upset some of us might get killed," Poe comments.
"Of course I am. You all saved my life."
Poe's jaw drops as if he hadn't expected Ben to admit that so readily. "Well, then."
"I'll go over what I do know with you," Ben says. "It just might not be enough."
"What if someone were to infiltrate the base?" Finn suggests. "Like we did?" He looks to Poe.
"Yeah, that worked out really brilliantly," Rey retorts.
"It's a risk, but if there's any success, it might lead to better odds," Finn points out. "That's all I'm saying. We risk our entire fleet on incomplete information, or we risk one or two men or women."
"Who would volunteer for that?" Ben snaps.
"I would," Rey says.
"No," Ben and Finn both say.
"Seriously, he'll sense you," Ben informs Rey. "He will."
"I would," Poe says. "And as a pilot, I'd be better. Maybe I can even damage some of their machines from the inside."
Finn cringes. BB-8 lets out a series of swears.
"Hush," Poe tells his droid.
"We'll talk about this as a group," Mother declares.
"Okay." Poe nods.
"Poe," Ben calls as he turns to leave.
"Yeah?" Poe puts his fists on his hips. BB-8 slides its head over to study Ben.
"I'm—I want to talk to you."
Rey crosses her arms.
"Shoot," Poe invites him, waving his hand. Mother pauses, and Finn raises his eyebrows.
Ben draws in his breath. "I'm sorry for hurting you. On Jakku. And on the Finalizer."
"You're sorry for torturing me?"
"I am." Ben remembers the man's screams, his attempt at defiance that Kylo knew would be futile in the end, the satisfaction he felt at getting the map combined with the prickles of guilt in his stomach as he watched Poe's face grimace, as he heard Poe scream. But in that moment, the map was all that mattered.
Now, Poe matters. To Rey, to his mother, to Finn. To Ben.
"Do you have any idea what that felt like?" Poe demands, voice ragged. "How humiliating—how—"
He wasn't exactly expecting forgiveness from Poe, but Ben steps back nonetheless. Memories tear through his mind, of Snoke snaking through his innermost thoughts, pulling them out one at a time, Kylo knowing it was necessary but hating it and hating himself for hating it. He meets Poe's eyes.
Poe's jaw drops. "You do know."
"What?" Mother asks.
"Why'd you do it then?" Poe asks, voice raw.
Ben shakes his head. "Snoke." Because I believed it was right, the ends justified the means. "I'm sorry."
Poe nods and steps towards Ben, sticking out his hand. "I think we've proven we've got each others' backs."
Ben takes Poe's hand and nods.
"What if I just made things worse for them?" Finn wonders aloud as Poe finds him pacing in the hallway. "Like if Hux found them—or decided to take his anger out on them—what if by trying to help I made things worse?"
"You did all you could to help," Poe says, leaning against the doorframe. "With the little time and little resources we had. No, it probably wasn't perfect, but you cared enough to try. Hopefully some of them will recognize that."
"And if they don't?"
Poe draws himself away from the frame and comes closer to Finn. "You still left."
"I don't want to be alone," Finn confides as Poe wraps his arms around him.
"Have you talked to the others we have here? Jess says the woman's named Akka. Jess helped her pick it, apparently." Poe smirks.
"I probably should," Finn says, sighing. "I just—they're our only hope."
"What?" Poe pulls back, peering into Finn's eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I mean—even if we take out Snoke, if your bombing run is successful—there are others. Not Force users, but people like Hux who will take over. If they can't control the stormtroopers, though—"
Poe cocks his head, biting his lip as his hands trace the side of Finn's face. "I like how you think. Chaos from the inside."
Finn shrugs. "Basically, yeah."
"You are way to smart to be just a stormtrooper," Poe informs him.
"I was the best in my class," Finn teases, but with a lilt of pride to his voice. He frowns. "And that's kind of the point. What other people—politicians, artists, the whole lot—are being forced into one mold?"
"It's wrong," Poe spits. "I mean—when you told me that you were called by that number, and not a name, I just—my heart kind of broke for you."
Finn snorts. "We were being shot at!"
"So?" Poe winks.
"So what did you decide about the bombing run?" Finn inquires, changing the subject.
Poe groans. "Nothing. We can't decide. Ben can give us more information tomorrow, but I believe him when he says whatever he offers us won't be much help. I'm betting Snoke has some bombing-proof bunkers, and it's not like the Starkiller. It's a planet, not a former-planet-turned-into-a-weapon."
"What if Ben went with you?"
Poe laughs, loudly. Finn doesn't.
Poe blanches. "Like Ackbar or Statura would have that. For that matter, like I'd have that. And if Snoke will sense Rey, won't he sense Ben?"
"Ben knows more about that planet than Rey does. He's been there," Finn points out.
"Snoke will still sense him."
"That's a pretty good way to ensure that Snoke is where he needs to be when you bomb him. And no, I'm not suggesting Ben be there too… Ben will know the tunnels or roads or whatever the hell Snoke has to take to meet him, wherever he is. You bomb them when he's on his way."
Poe shakes his head, but Finn can tell he's mulling it over. "Like General Organa's going to have us using her son as bait."
"If Ackbar agrees, and he agrees, I don't see her opposing it." Although she'll cry, and Finn's heart hurts for that.
"Rey?" Poe prompts.
"Well, we're going to need another Force user to keep him in line."
"Yeah. Luke. Everyone's aware of the fact that they're in love. And what if we don't get to Snoke in time? It's going to be a big air battle, and he could easily get killed."
Finn shrugs. "Well, it's an idea. It's up to you what you do with it."
"I think it just might work," Poe says softly.
"I'm willing to do it," Ben says automatically two weeks later.
Mother scowls, and Rey looks stricken. Maz smiles at him and nods.
"Luke and Chewie will keep him in line," adds Poe. Luke nods, and Chewie growls.
"But, General—" protests C-3PO.
"You'll leave next week," Ackbar dictates. He shakes his giant red head, clearly not sold on trusting Ben.
Rey and Mother both wait until he's back in his cell before exploding.
"What is this about?" Rey demands.
"They asked me to help. I want to help." Ben clenches his fists. Do they still think being around Snoke will make him turn back to the Dark Side?
What if it does?
It won't, Ben dismisses those thoughts.
"No, Ben." She glares at him. "Is this about helping the Resistance, or is about atoning?"
"Of course I want to atone—"
"Atoning by dying?" She glares at him, and in their bond, Ben sees memories of that woman, the only one who ever showed thirteen-year-old Rey some kindness, only to die in a dust storm. Rey found her body and dug a grave, missing a whole day of work, a whole day's food, just to try. In the end, the winds swept the grave apart, and her efforts meant nothing.
I'm not leaving you, he defends himself. I'm not.
"Can you tell me you don't think you should die?" Rey asks, her voice shaking.
Will you help me?
Yes. Anything.
A flash of red, and then the pain that felt as if a lightsaber were piercing his own heart, and yet he tried to ignore it, told himself this was it, he'd succeeded, he'd won.
Thank you.
And the moment Father fell, Ben knew he might as well have fallen into the abyss.
"Oh, Ben," Mother groans.
"I killed him! Of course I deserve to die!" Ben cries out. His fists slam into his cot, swing towards his thigh, his scar, but he stops and crumples.
"You have people to live for!" Rey screams at him. "You have your mother! You have me!"
Aren't I worth it?
It's an unfair question to ask, but it's unfair of him that she has to ask it.
"Rey," he says, and she shakes her head, eyes flashing.
"Ben," Mother says, reaching for him.
"I want to do this," he insists, knowing he'll sound selfish, but he doesn't want to hide it. "I need to—Snoke—he can't continue on or it will never stop."
"The First Order?" Mother questions.
"Not just the First Order—the stormtrooper program, Hux, the Dark Side—Snoke dying won't end it, but it will help." Ben shakes his head.
"Kill him," Snoke ordered, as Agar, one of the newest knights of Ren, cowered on the ground. Agar fled at a major battle in the outer Rim. They lost Luke's lightsaber because of it—because of a pirate woman who stole it.
"He had a moment of fear," Kylo insisted. "He's still committed to our cause—he's—"
"Proven himself unworthy," Snoke hisses.
"We can still use him. I know it," Kylo counters.
"And I," Snoke returns. "Know the Force better than you, Kylo Ren. Or have you forgotten?" He turns to another knight. "Shiv?"
Dammit. Kylo ignites his lightsaber and swipes down, ending a promising life—or two.
"Snoke's a monster," Rey whispers.
"I have to stop him," Ben whispers.
"Haven't I given you everything?" Snoke roared when he wanted Ben to wipe out Luke's temple. "Do it now, or I'll do it, and you'll be among the casualties. Don't think you can protect them, or that you can dissuade your uncle from traveling. He wants that piece of the map, and he'll get it."
When the Knights of Ren showed up then, sweat soaked Ben's tunic. He'd been training for thirteen years for this—and now it was all going to die. It deserved to, he knew that, but still—
"It's what Father would have done," Ben offers at last, meeting Mother's eyes. "You know it's true."
She rushes to him, holding him close, and Ben holds her, his mother, the woman he swore was a liar for deceiving him about his heritage, the woman Snoke assured him did not love him as much as she loved her job, turning Ben into the very thing that he mistakenly thought hurt him. "Come back. Make sure you come back."
"I'll try," he promises his mother.
Rey stands to their side, and Ben reaches for her, his fingers brushing her face. "Don't be afraid."
"I'm allowed to be afraid for you," she retorts, but then she leans in and kisses him, not caring that his mother's watching. Her lips plunge into his, and her hands grip his hair.
Mother sniffles, and Ben looks at her. Surely she knows he doesn't deserve Rey—and yet she looks at them both like they're gifts.