Chapter 21

(A.N: This chapter is twice as long as usual.)

When his eyes finally fluttered open his first thought was 'hell is colder than I expected' and his second was 'why did the devil put tubes in my arms'. His brain couldn't seem to comprehend anything, his eyes not wanting to open up fully. As his eyes fluttered he caught glimpses of light blue walls, white curtains, big metal machines. It made no sense to him.

When his brain starting clearing he realised he was also lying on his side, there was a tube in his mouth. He could feel himself almost gagging from it. He also saw an I.V pole with a bunch of bags on it beside him, the contents slinking into his arm, the arm that was free. He felt so tired, his whole body ached, his head was killing him and he didn't know where he was. He didn't understand why hell would be so quiet and so bright. He certainly couldn't be in heaven, he thought. Suicide was a sin, even Hamlet had known that. He thought maybe he had been lucky, and was sent to purgatory, but then, why all the medical equipment.

A lady in a blue scrub came into the room, she went to the I.V pole, than faced him. "You're up? Well I better get the doctor then." Before she left though she turned him onto his back, and ran out of the room, then came back in with something metal in her hands. He felt the cold metal on both his wrists and only realised when the nurse had left what these objects were, they were handcuffs. Maybe he was in hell.

Not too long after a tall women with black hair came into the room. She sported a lad coat and a clipboard. Dave's eyes struggled to focus on her, he felt so sleepy. He wouldn't go to sleep though, he was sure this woman could answer his burning questions about why he was here. The woman walked over to Dave and detached the tube that was in his throat, as it was slipping out he felt his gag reflex go crazy. When it was out he coughed and gasped. The woman put her hand on Dave's shoulder "It's okay, you're going to be fine, just relax" she was right, as soon as he relaxed he could breathe again, though his throat killed. "I know your throat hurts, but do you think you could answer some questions for me?" Dave nodded, then opened his mouth and tried to talk, it was hard, his mouth was really dry but he managed a creaky 'yes'. The woman walked over to his right where there was a little desk and grabbed a white cup with a straw. "Drink slowly" he sipped a bit, wanting to swallow all the water in one gulp but knowing she was probably right. "Okay, my name is Dr. Manatough do you know what your name is?"

"David Paul Karofsky" Dave managed. His voice sounded as though his throat was coated with sandpaper and dirt.

"Good, do you know your father's name?"

"Paul Jonathan Karofsky" Dave thought he was lucky to have remembered his dad's middle name as well, he thought it made him seem smarter.

"Do you what town you live in?"

"Lima, Ohio."

"Do you know where you are right now David?" Dave shook his head, that's what he wanted to know.

"Well I can see you have no brain damage which is lucky, right now you are in Lima General Hospital. You had some alcohol poisoning, and you overdosed on painkillers. We luckily were able to pump your stomach and treat you fast enough. You are very lucky to be here right now young man. We will have somebody in to talk to you in a little while, but it seems that you almost have all the toxins out of your system. You are very lucky young man." Dave's head was spinning, Lima General Hospital, alcohol poisoning, overdose, lucky?

"Wait!" He screamed, regretting it immediately as his throat felt as though it was being scratched by kittens. The Doctor turned back to Dave, her eyebrow raised, and walked back to the bed.

"Yes?"

"How long have I been in here?"

"You arrived here early Friday morning, so about a day and a half."

"It's ...Sunday?"

"Yes. Is that all?" Dave nodded and the doctor left. Dave stared at the ceiling stunned. He wasn't dead; he couldn't even kill himself properly. Now all his school friends would find out, everyone would think he was crazy. One thing was for certain, he wasn't going to try that again. If anything next time he would shoot himself in the face, that way he couldn't be so 'lucky'.

He wondered for a moment where his father was, but realised right away that he was probably at work. His father couldn't be bothered with such silliness as his attempted suicide he thought bitterly. He had probably just waited to see if they could stabilize him, if that. For the first time Dave realised how alone he really was. He had always felt alone, but here in the hospital he felt like he was the only person on the earth, and he wondered how much of that feeling was his own fault?

He nodded off a couple of times, the intense sleepiness he felt making his eyes feel heavy. Each time he opened his eyes another nurse was there, checking his vitals, or putting a new bag on the I.V pole. He almost fell into a deep sleep when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His eyes opened to see an older man with kind deep gray eyes, salt and pepper hair, and a warm smile. Now that he admitted to himself that he was gay, he could also admit that the doctor was quite attractive. "Hello David, may I call you David, you can just nod or shake your head if it hurts too much to talk."

"It's okay, if you want to I guess."

"Is that what you like to be called?"

"I, uh, I prefer Dave, but David's fine. Most people call me Karofsky." The talking made him cough, the doctor patiently waited for him to finish.

"Okay Dave, I'm Dr. Kilgore, you may call me Tim if you want." He smiled at Dave, then looked at a clipboard in his hands. "How are you feeling Dave?"

"Stupid."

"Why is that?"

"Why do you think, I drank way too much, then I took a bunch of pills, landing myself in the hospital. I could have died." He didn't add that, that had been the plan.

"That isn't stupid Dave, you are not stupid. Do you know I once got so drunk I made out with my best friend? He wasn't too happy with that, neither was my girlfriend. I honestly thought he was my girlfriend at the time. Alcohol clouds you vision sometimes. What lead you to drink so much?"

"I don't know. It felt good I guess. I was partying with a friend. I got stu...my judgement was compromised." He wanted to rub his eyes, but couldn't

"How did you get these cuts?" The doctor asked pointing to a bunch of cuts on his arm.

"I think I broke a mirror, yeah...I broke a mirror and the glass went in my arm."

"Why did you break a mirror Dave?"

"I was drunk, I have no idea why." Again he failed to mention that he did it on purpose. The doctor took notes on the clipboard and then smiled at him.

"What happened to your nose?"

"I'm a football player, I got tackled a little hard, and my nose was broken." He didn't want to bring his Uncle into anything; he really hoped no one had told him what happened.

"Do you like playing football?"

"I love it, it's my life."

"How about school, do you like school?"

"Yeah, I mean, its school, but it's not bad."

"It says here you were expelled from school for a short period of time, why was that?" Dave gulped, and took a deep breath.

"I was uh, picking on this kid."

"Why was that Dave?"

"I thought he was weird, strange, different. It was really juvenile. I was just being immature." Dave hoped the doctor wouldn't think he was lying, he was really telling the truth.

"Do you feel bad about that? Making fun of this kid?"

"Yes, I really do. I feel horrible about it, the kid didn't deserve it."

"What about these pills Dave, why do you think you took so many?"

"I had a really bad headache from the party, I didn't realise how many pills there were in my hand. I just wanted to get rid of the headache."

"Your father said the two of you had an altercation before the incident. He said you kept saying some abnormal things, but wouldn't expand on that, can you explain?"

Dave tried to remember. He had been so wasted he wasn't sure. Then he remembered "I asked him what if I was gay."

The doctor's eyebrows rose "Why did you ask him that Dave?"

"We were talking about the kid I made fun of, he was gay. I wanted to know what he would do if I was gay."

"Why did you want to know this Dave?"

"I don't know, I just wanted to know." He looked away from the doctor, not ready to tell anyone his discovery.

"Have you been under any stress lately?"

"Only the regular teenage kind, you know."

"Listen Dave, I think you're a good kid. We're going to keep you here for a day or two just to observe you, but I want you to know, that you can talk to me about anything. If you need me ask the nurses. I'll be in to talk to you tomorrow. Dave, do you have anything you want to add before I leave?"

"No." The doctor left, and only when he was sure the doctor was gone did he cry. He was crying more than he had ever cried before in his life lately. He could rub his eyes because of the cuffs; the doctor didn't fully trust him. The doctor knew he was gay. He was going to be the butt of everyone's jokes, yet even through all the feelings of depression, a little part of him was thankful he was still alive.