Vin spent the most agreeable morning of his hospital stay so far, with his CD player earphones on, listening to Beethoven, and his laptop and a can of ginger ale on the overbed table in front of him.
Best of all – he'd been taken off the catheter permanently.
Life was good.
He wished his hands worked better though. He'd never been a whiz at typing, but now his hunt and peck was more like hope and pray. His mind was flying, and his hands were crawling, hitting the wrong key, or too many keys, or the right key too many times.
He kept plugging away.
Right on schedule, Chris walked through his door at 9am.
"Hey, where'd you get the gear?" Vin pulled off the earphones and wrangled with the 'stop' button.
"Dad dropped them off before he went to work this morning. He said he'd take it home at night and bring it back every morning. Least I won't be going stir crazy now."
"You better watch it. You start complaining too much, they're liable to send you home."
"Please God, I wish they would."
Once the CD player was taken care of, Vin turned his attention to saving his work and shutting off his laptop.
"Finally got me off the catheter."
"Thank Heaven for small favors." Chris said and Vin turned a hurt look on him.
"I'll have you know that it was a big favor."
But Chris folded his arms and scowled at him.
"It's a decent favor."
"I've been told that it's a magnificent favor." Vin insisted.
Chris patted him on the arm and said in his most patronizing tone:
"That's all right Vin, it's not the size of the key, it's whether or not it can turn the lock."
Vin laughed and brushed his hand off.
"Dad brought me checkers, wanna play?"
"Sure." Chris looked at his watch. "I got time enough to win a few games before I head over to work."
Now Vin scowled at him, and pointed to the backpack on the chair.
"Game's in there. So.they're letting you back into work finally, hunh? They must be gone then."
"Yeah." Chris turned serious.
"Gotta lot of work backed up?"
"Sort of, I guess. Buck and I are going to try and catch up on some things." he wouldn't look at Vin as he pulled the brand new game out of the backpack. "I expect to be back here by three."
"If it has something to do with me, I wish you'd just tell me." Vin said. Chris set the box on the table, and leaned his arms on the bedrail.
"We're going over notes, old files and cases. See if we can find any link to anybody who might've wanted you hurt. Anybody with a grudge, or anybody I pissed off more than usual."
Vin wanted to joke and say Chris would have to expand his search globally – but he couldn't joke about this. Just thinking about it filled his throat with fear and nausea. He suddenly didn't feel like checkers, or Beethoven, or anything. Chris must've read his thoughts. He gripped Vin's shoulder.
"It'll be okay. We'll get him."
"I know."
"But?" Chris prompted.
"I lived through it once Chris. And it was so horrific that my mind won't let me remember hardly any of it coherently. If you do catch the guy, and it goes to trial.everything that happened to me will become public property. There won't be any place I can get away from it. Reporters and news crews and lunatics sending hate mail and death threats -."
He watched for Chris' reaction.
"You go through the mail that gets sent to me here at the hospital, I know you do. For every dozen get-well notes from people I don't know, I figure there's at least one crackpot wanting me to know I got what I deserved."
Chris squinted and stared down at the bed.
"Same thing happened to me after Sarah and Adam died."
"I remember, that's why I figure it's happening this time.I know that I'm safe and that you'll protect me, I know I'll recover and my life will go on. I just hate the waiting, and not really knowing what I'll go through in the meantime."
"I know. I know how you feel." Chris kept his hand on Vin's shoulder. "It's scary, and it feels like it'll never be okay again. Like nothing will ever be the same again. I wish there was something I could say to you that'd make it all better all at once."
Vin shrugged and shook his head and started to say something before he really knew what he wanted to say.
"I just have to hang on, I know. Take each step as it comes. I know." he let out a deep breath. "I don't feel much like checkers now."
"Me either." Chris agreed. He pulled Vin closer. "It'll be okay." He promised. "It will be okay."
M7*M7*M7
Chris stood in the empty room in ICU. The equipment had been shut off, the bed remade, the floor mopped. Nothing remained of the nearly three weeks Vin had been a patient on this unit, in this room, in this bed. Nothing echoed of the pain, frustration, and tears that had so often filled these walls. He could find no trace of the courage, affection and pride that had even more often been part of Vin's recovery. Everything was quiet, clean, and still.
After several minutes, Chris felt someone come into the small room behind him; he turned to find Joan, one of Vin's nurses.
"Did you forget something?" she asked.
"No, just.thinking." Chris put his hands on the cold railing on the bed. "I remember the night we brought him here. He looked so small in this bed, he looked so vulnerable. I mean – he's my baby brother, I'm supposed to take care of him. I didn't have the slightest clue what to do for him."
"Oh, I don't know Chris." Joan walked around the other side of Chris and smoothed the blanket over the pillow. "From what I saw, you did a pretty good job of taking care of him while he was in here. Even when you weren't actually in the room, anytime he was anxious, or in pain, or restless, we only had to get him talking about you and he'd forget everything else."
"Well I hope you believed only half of the good things – and all of the remarkable things." Chris joked. Her remark warmed him though.
"You have definitely been spending too much time with Buck Wilmington."
"I guess I have." He gestured to the bed. "It was just easier when Vin was little, you know? His Mom died when he was five, or just about five. She was sick his whole life until then so he didn't get a lot of physical affection. I remember, just after I met them – watching Jim was like watching a man with a newborn in his arms for the first time. Not quite sure what to do, where to put his hands, almost afraid any touch would hurt the poor little kid.
"Once they both got the hang of it though, Vin just craved it. Being touched. I couldn't hardly sit down to tie my sneakers without him climbing into my lap or hanging onto my arms. He just loved being held. Especially when he was sick. It didn't matter how bad he was feeling, as long as one of us would sit with him in the rocker, it seemed to make things easier for him. Now -." Chris sighed. "I wish it was still that easy."
"I'm sure every parent feels that way." Joan said, and patted Chris' arm. "And every big brother. Is he getting settled in all right downstairs?"
"Yeah, he's glad to be in a real room finally, with real visiting hours. I think he's scared though too. He won't say anything but - "
"But you can tell." Joan finished for him.
"Yeah." Chris said and smiled at Joan. "I can tell. "
"I wish my kids were as close as you and Vin are. It's nice to see brothers who are best friends."
She turned to leave the room, and pressed a gentle hand against Chris' back.
"C'mon, he must be wondering where you are."
Chris didn't want to leave the room, though he couldn't say exactly why. He'd left Vin downstairs, getting settled into his regular, private room with Mom and a couple of nurses, and he'd wandered to this floor on his way to the cafeteria. But coming here now was more than just habit. It was – security. The place where he'd known Vin was safe and on the mend. The place where the world had less of a chance to intrude.
"It's going to be hard having him in a regular room." Chris said, surprising himself by saying out loud.
"What do you mean?" Joan asked. Chris found he was embarrassed to say.
"Up here – he was sicker. He was more vulnerable, more frail I guess. If he needed me to sit with him and hold his hand, it just seemed more okay to do it here. If holding him while he slept meant he got a better night's sleep, I could do that." Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Now, with him being downstairs, I'll probably still want to do that for him, but maybe."
OK, that thought was just too stupid so he didn't finish it. But it seemed Joan knew what he meant.
"Maybe he won't want you to?"
"That obvious, hunh?" Chris asked. She smiled.
"Just a little. He's still going to need you Chris. Maybe not as much, but he's sure not out of the woods emotionally. He's still going to need you."
"Yeah."
They left the room, and Joan walked with Chris toward the automatic door that led to the hallway.
"I lost my wife and son three years ago in a fire." He said. Joan nodded. Vin must've told her. "He took care of me after that. I lived with him nearly a year. And it was not easy on him, let me tell you. But – he never gave up. He never wavered. He was always there, even when I didn't want him to be." Chris trailed off, remembering all the many moments of anger, depression, and grief Vin had seen him through.
"I mean – I hate what happened to Vin. And I intend to disembowel anybody who had a part in it. But I'm glad I've been able to give something back to him. I feel like I've been just wandering around these past few years. It's nice to be needed again. It's nice to feel needed." He fiddled with the change in his pocket. "I should be going, I told Vin I'd buy him a chocolate milkshake to celebrate his move. Maybe I'll get him a stuffed bear or something too.just to really embarrass him."
He punched the oversized button, and the automatic doors swung open.
"You know, I have heard from all of your friends, and Vin, and your mother what a hard case you can be, Chris Larabee." Joan said. She walked with him into the hallway. "Sometimes I do wonder who they're talking about."
"Me? I'm as sweet as the day is long." Chris said.
Joan answered him seriously.
"Yes you are. Especially when it comes to the people you love." She offered her hand. "Don't be a stranger as long as Vin is in the hospital. Then I never want to see you here again."
Instead of shaking hands though, Chris took her into his arms for a strong and heartfelt hug.
"Thank you for taking care of Vin. And for putting up with me. I expect one was a lot easier than the other."
"Oh yeah, I always hate to have handsome men underfoot. It gets so tedious." She tightened her hold on him. "You take care of yourself too Chris. I know from experience - it's no picnic being the person standing next to the bed either."
Chris felt her shift her stance a little, as though she might let go. He held on a few moments longer, and repeated
"Thank you. More than you know – thank you."
"You're welcome Chris." She finally pulled back from him, and leaned up to give him a kiss. "Now go on and get Vin that chocolate milkshake. He deserves it."
"Okay." With a final squeeze of her hand, Chris turned and headed for the elevators. When he turned, he found that Joan had waited in the hallway until he was safely on. He smiled and gave her a final wave as the doors slid closed.
To Be Continued