This one was hard. But I feel like it fills out the other two nicely. Gave Quatre his moment – now it's Hadji's turn!

Enjoy!

"How are you feeling?"

Hadji looked up to see Dr Quest coming in with a tray. He managed a smile. "I still have something of a headache, but otherwise I believe I am fully recovered."

"I can't tell you how glad I am to hear it," Benton smiled as he set the tray on a table next to the bed. He pulled up a seat of his own. "Here. I thought you might want something."

"Oh, Dr Quest," Hadji opened his eyes comically wide, "you have brought me tea. You have my loyalty forever."

"Yes, Jonny said you might feel that way," he chuckled, pouring a cup and handing it to the young man fixed with lemon as he took it. Then he made a cup for himself with milk and no sugar. "I believe he would be here fighting with you for the cookies, but Race conveniently found something to keep him and Jessie occupied, possibly chasing Bandit out of the Preventers hangar."

"Business as usual, then," Hadji replied, breathing in the warmth of his cup of tea. "Dr Quest, can you tell me if Quatre is well?"

"Yes, that's the other reason I came in," he nodded and took a sip. "Quatre is awake and from what I have been told, he is all right. Chang Wufei wishes to speak to you about precisely what you did, but I told him you might not be ready just yet."

"I…am very relieved to hear that Quatre is well," Hadji felt a tension he had not been willing to acknowledge begin to slide from him. "And I would be happy to speak to Agent Chang if I can be of some help."

"Do you feel up to such an interview now or would you prefer to wait?"

"We may as well get through it while all is fresh in my mind," Hadji answered. "I am certain Agent Chang will appreciate the clarity of my thoughts as they are now before I muddle them with assumptions." He smiled wryly.

"I understand. Would you like me to leave you alone for it?" It was obvious that he did not want to separate from his adopted son, but he could not help but offer.

"No, certainly not. There is nothing I would say that I do not feel comfortable sharing with you, Dr Quest," Hadji reassured him.

Dr Quest nodded and rose to summon the Preventers agent, while Hadji prepared a cup of tea from the tray for him. Within minutes, Wufei had settled himself on a chair next to the bed, teacup in hand. Hadji had motioned to get out of bed and face him properly, but was outvoted.

"I hardly care whether you are balancing on your head or sitting there," Wufei said dismissively. "It is foolish to stand on false pride."

"I know you are mostly recovered," Benton added, "but there's no reason to rush."

"Very well. Then, Agent Chang, I suppose I am at your disposal. Ask what you will," Hadji leaned back. He really did feel mostly fine, but it was a relief not to have to hold up himself if he became fatigued.

"Winner has said next to nothing to me," he began, "but he does seem to remember you in his mind somehow. Perhaps if you could tell me what you experienced, I would be better able to analyze precisely what you accomplished."

Hadji nodded and explained, as best he knew how, what he had seen and done while in his meditation. He vividly remembered the bright spirit of Quatre, the choking shell of scales that had covered it, and his decision to disrupt all the branches leading outward in an attempt to interfere with ZERO. As with his previous lesson with Wufei, he was allowed to speak uninterrupted through the end of his recollection once before the questions began.

"Did you have any sense for what those branches or 'roots' as you call them might have been?"

"I believed they were his empathic bonds or his awareness of others, and that by interfering with them he would become unsettled."

"Did they seem to resist being cut?"

"Yes, quite severely. It took all my strength to break some of them."

"Is it possible the breaking of those connections is the reason it took Winner so long to wake up?"

"Entirely. I suspected that one of those may have been the connection of his spiritual self to his body, and that by cutting that I would cause him to become psychically dislocated, which would have the greatest possible impact on ZERO. Still, it seemed necessary as you had impressed on my the importance of ensuring complete success in my part of the mission."

"What happened to the shell of scales when you were cutting through the connections?"

"It seemed to melt away or dissolve after prolonged exposure to my psychic interference."

"And you believe this shell was the manifestation of ZERO which was strangling Winner's spiritual essence, lessening and confining him?"

"That was my assumption, yes."

"Why did you not just focus on eliminating the scales, then, and leave the branches alone?"

That question brought Hadji up short and he had to consider before answering. "I suppose it never really occurred to me. Cutting the connections outward seemed the most logical course of action." Before Wufei could launch another barrage, he held up a hand. "Did my actions cause harm to Quatre?"

The Chinese agent looked into Hadji's eyes intensely for a moment before saying, "We don't think so. Not permanently."

"But there was some sort of effect? Something happened. Please, you must tell me," Hadji leaned forward, cold gripping his throat.

"When Quatre was pulled out of ZERO, Yuy and Barton reported that they could not sense their bond with him. It was not until after he had woken that it seemed to repair itself," he said simply.

"So Hadji succeeded?" Benton put in. "He actually did cut Quatre off from the people around him."

"So it seems."

Hadji let out a slow breath and curled his hands into fists. "Then I have done my friend a terrible wrong."

"I fail to see how," Wufei said.

He looked up at the two men facing him, one with near-contempt and one quizzically. Somehow, the fact that neither seemed to understand his reaction upset him even more. He glared at the Preventers agent angrily.

"I may well accept that we had little choice but to attack Quatre or risk losing his life," he bit out, "but do not expect me to blithely ignore the fact that I have acted against my own code of honor and ethics in this. Even if the effects were not permanent, I have used my gift for evil, to cause harm to a fellow human-being. No justification absolves me of that."

"Hadji," Dr Quest looked concerned, "I know you didn't mean to hurt Quatre, and if there had been any other way…"

"If I do not intend to cause harm, and yet I do, am I free of the blame or the guilt?" he returned. "I took action I deemed necessary, but the cost to both our souls may have been too great." He looked at Wufei with a dark smile that was not at all happy. "If Quatre's bonds had not come back, if I had permanently harmed his empathy, can you say for certain I would not be visited by an agent of vengeance, or two, and perhaps rightly so?"

"Yuy and Barton would not hurt you if it had been permanent," Wufei said solidly. "Winner ordered them not to, apparently. Besides, they would know better. Eliminating you would not solve the problem. They could demand you repair it, but that would be fairly reasonable, I think."

At that, some of the fire leeched out of Hadji and he took a breath. He was becoming overly upset and losing his perspective. He breathed in and out a few times, gathering his thoughts.

"I have long cherished my belief," he said after a minute of stillness, "that we are called upon to create good in the world, to seek enlightenment, and to harm none on our journey. Forgive me for my vehemence. It is…disturbing to learn that I have inadvertently tread so close to breaking my own oaths."

"Hadji, if you cannot forgive yourself for saving the life of a friend, I fear there is no wisdom I can offer you," Benton said gently, "but I hope you know that I do not hold you in less than the highest regard no matter your feelings on the matter. In my experience, there is no black and white, no absolutes. And amidst the shades of grey, you did the best you could do. It may not have been ideal, but Quatre is alive thanks to your efforts. I hope that offers you some solace."

"I do not agree with your philosophy, but I respect you for holding to such a code of honor," Wufei said suddenly, meeting Hadji's gaze steadily. "In my long search for justice I committed many injustices myself. I have been mistaken many times, led astray by my own pride. A man must follow his honor. I will not apologize for asking you to do this, because without you I believe we would not have been able to save Quatre, and his life is worth more to me than your ethics. But I do not believe you have dishonored yourself. It is only my belief, however. You are permitted to disagree."

"What is justice?" Hadji found himself asking.

"I am still not sure," Wufei admitted quietly, "but it would not be justice for Quatre to die. That I do know. If you have betrayed yourself, you must face it. But I believe the greater injustice would have been to do nothing."

"I…will have to think about this," Hadji said, nodding. "I feel ill at ease, but perhaps that is because I am acutely aware that I took away that which my friend cherishes – his bonds to others. The memory of doing such is rather fresh and painful, doubly so now that I realize fully the consequences of my choice. Perhaps I will feel differently when I am assured he has forgiven me my actions."

"I think you will feel a lot better when you can see Quatre and prove to yourself he's okay," Dr Quest agreed. "Until then, try not to think on it so harshly, Hadji. I know you intended no harm. In my book, that's worth a lot."

"Perhaps," he replied. But even so, Hadji wasn't entirely sure.

"It is a good matter to consider," Wufei said surprisingly gently. "I have often thought I would do better to evaluate more my own preconceptions. Our beliefs are different, but if you wish to have a philosophical discussion, I would be more than willing to entertain it. You have a worthy perspective, and you are logical and reasonable." He snorted. "Among those who normally darken my days, both are somewhat rare."

That won him a huff of laughter from Hadji and a brighter smile from Dr Quest. Wufei stood up. "I believe I have enough information to draw my own conclusions about what has occurred between you and Winner. I will leave you to rest now."

Before he reached the door, however, he bowed his head once in Hadji's direction.

"Thank you," he said softly. "The harm to you was great, and I understand that. But selfishly, thank you for it anyway. You delivered Quatre to us. We are in your debt."

He left without another word and Benton and Hadji exchanged glances.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dr Quest asked. Hadji shook his head.

"No. I shall meditate on it before I approach it again."

"Very well." Benton went back to his abandoned cup and refilled it.

They drank their tea in comfortable quiet for a bit, Dr Quest eventually snagging one of the cookies and dunking it directly into the cup of milk he'd brought for his tea, earning a conspiratorial grin from his adopted son; if Jonny had done such a thing, he might have been scolded, but Dr Quest was not above a bit of indulgence of his own now and again.

"Hadji, I did want to talk to you specifically," Benton said eventually, with the air of finally getting to the heart of the matter. "But I do not want to trouble you after you have already been upset, so we can postpone if you would like."

"I surmised as much. Do not fear. I am much more eased in my mind and would welcome another topic for consideration. Please, Dr Quest, I am all attention."

Dr Quest smiled at the polite and old-fashioned air of his adopted son and set down his mostly-empty cup of tea. Leaning forward, he put his thoughts in order. "Hadji, I cannot tell you how proud I am of you for what you were willing to do to rescue a friend. And I will not admonish you for the risk I know you took, in spite of its dangerous consequences to yourself."

Hadji nodded but didn't say anything. He knew Dr Quest well enough to know when to let the man wind up in to a lecture without interruption.

"But there was something you said as you were coming around the first time that I wanted to ask you about."

Hadji tilted his head to one side and considered. He had the vaguest of vague memories of the first few times he had woken from the astral, confused and exhausted, before at last natural sleep had claimed him and he'd felt much more himself afterwards. There was an almost feverish recollection of Jonny and Dr Quest bending over him at one point, trying to soothe him. He wondered what he might have said.

"You were mumbling to yourself," Dr Quest answered his unvoiced question. "But at one point you looked straight at Jonny and said, 'I'm still your brother, aren't I?' Do you remember that?"

"No," Hadji shook his head. "No, I do not recall it at all."

"Jonny was very worried. He said a number of things before you again closed your eyes, but I don't know if you really heard any of them. I did, however." Benton scooted his chair a bit closer and looked Hadji square in the eye. "Hadji, it's important to me to know how you feel about your place in our family."

"Oh no," he sighed. "Not you, too. Dr Quest, I assure you, I do not have doubts as to your feelings, or Jonny's, and I am not in the least insecure about my place. Please do believe me."

"I do believe you," Dr Quest said kindly, "but I think you may yet underestimate us and yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Jonny mentioned something about how you refer to me as 'Dr Quest' instead of 'dad' as he does when I asked him to explain himself," he answered. "He admitted that he was very worried it meant you did not feel comfortable with me in the role of your father."

"And I told him myself that he was mistaken," Hadji said quickly.

"I believe you," Dr Quest said again. "I know you too well, Hadji. You would never consciously show any amount of disrespect to me, nor to yourself, nor would you allow Jonny to be concerned over nothing. But that does not mean that he is not correct in noticing that pattern."

Hadji made to speak but Benton held up a hand for silence.

"Do not think I have not caught the times you refer to 'your family' instead of 'our,' Hadji. It is in my nature, and yours too, to notice details. But I have never been affronted by it and am not now, so please do not feel that you must apologize. It is I who should apologize to you."

"But, what for?" He was truly surprised.

"Hadji, when we adopted you from Calcutta, I told you that you would be a son to me, not a servant. And from that moment, you have never looked upon yourself as less than Jonny. However, you did maintain a certain distance, one I believe you saw as properly respectful given your circumstances. You sought my approval right along with Jonny as might any boy, but you never asked for my affection. You have never shown fear that I might someday send you away, but you have also hesitated to draw yourself closer."

"Dr, Quest, I assure you –"

"I realized some time ago that this was an unconscious behavior on your part," he interrupted. "And observation quickly told me that it was not one you employed due to any feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. So I have allowed it to remain unchallenged. I did not believe it was causing you undo distress to separate yourself as you did. But this experience has shown me that it may well have upset others around us, others who did not see why you made the choices you did."

"I never intended to imply in any way that I do not feel welcome with you," Hadji said defensively, wishing to lay to rest any concerns. But Benton shook his head.

"And you did not. I believe even you may not realize the reason for these careful constructs. Do you recognize them?"

"Yes, I do," Hadji answered slowly. "Jonny has pointed out to me rather recently the verbal patterns you mention. I had not considered it worth examining, however, as they were not based in, as you say, feelings of insecurity."

"If you do choose to examine them, I would like you to consider my hypothesis, then," Dr Quest said warmly. "Because I believe you separate yourself, not out of fear or shame or even uncertainty. I believe you do it because you love us all that much."

"At first glance and from an entirely objective perspective," Hadji raised an eyebrow, "that would make little sense."

"Which is of course why it is only a hypothesis, but it is also the only one that fits all of the facts," Benton smiled broadly. "Faced with the situation of a boy who suffered so terribly, who found himself suddenly gifted with everything he could ever want – a family to love him and the opportunity to pursue his various mental and intellectual passions, a boy who was obviously happy – I had to construct an explanation rooted in similar positive things."

"And what did you conclude?" Hadji felt his throat inexplicably tighten.

"That you chose to emulate not my biological son, but my best friend in showing your appreciation and respect for what I had given you. The relationship between a father and son can be fraught with struggles, as you have witnessed firsthand, and you also know from observation that multiple children can be very trying to parents. So by addressing me as Race does, without using my first name when you were admittedly a little young to do so, you relieved the tension on that dynamic. You were offering to be more than a son to me, more than one more child in the family to require I extend my energies on your behalf. You were willing to shoulder the burdens of a partner, an assistant, and let Jonny be the only son with whom I need concern myself."

He reached out and took Hadji's hand, suddenly cold, in his warmer and larger one.

"You learned long before I ever met you, Hadji, that fathers can forget to love their sons, to your own detriment. I believe you know by now that I am not one of them, but perhaps those lessons of your childhood are more firmly rooted than either of us realized. Whatever place you wish in our family is yours. You are a fine young man, brave and honest and wise, and I could not be prouder of you. But I wish you always to know that you are my son first and a friend later and that is the most I could ever ask of you."

"I…" he tried, but Hadji could not find the words. He compulsively gripped the hand that seemed to be anchoring him.

"Jonny loves you," Benton said. "And so do I. Race regards you just as he does Jonny, like sons to him. You do not need to be another Race, steady and reliable and entirely independent, even for my sake. I do not need you to spare me the work of another son. I would never ask it of you, and you have given it all these years out of your own kindness."

"I…there is much that feels true in your words," Hadji finally managed around a dry tightness in his throat. "I remember seeing women with many children lamenting that she had so many, that she could not possibly feed or care for them all, and it is true I have never wished to burden you. I never connected those two facts, however."

"I thought as much. Do not trouble yourself," Dr Quest squeezed his hand again. "I am not upset with you in any way. I never have been, not for this. But given the recent events, and Jonny with this like Bandit with a bone, I thought I would speak to you at last and apologize."

"Yes, you said that, but I don't understand why you feel you must." Hadji looked closely into Dr Quest's face, confused. "I cannot see where you might owe me any sort of apology."

"Because I am going to tell you something I have told you before, but perhaps I ought to have said more often. I've realized that every day was not enough to tell Jonny's mother how much I loved her. Perhaps I did not truly learn that lesson until now. So I am sorry, Hadji, for not saying this more when you have earned it every hour you have been with us: You are my son, and I love you as such, just as you are. You do not have to be anything but what you are for me or anyone. Be yourself. You are no different in my eyes than Jonny, and you can ask anytime if you ever need me to tell you so."

Hadji felt a tear track down his face and he swallowed hard against the unexpected pressure in his chest. It wasn't anything he didn't know, hadn't told himself many, many times. But he so rarely heard it, just for him, and it brought feelings that were childlike in their simple intensity storming into his heart.

Dr Quest dropped his hand and moved to sit on the bed, taking his son in his arms. He didn't care in that moment that Hadji Singh Quest was almost a grown man himself. No matter how old, sometimes a person just needs their father. And as a few more tears soaked into his shirt and Hadji settled into the hug, he knew he had been correct.

"You're a remarkable, amazing young man," he said softly. "You love us all so much you would give up your own place with us to make our lives easier. You would hold yourself outside our family to protect us. But you forgot one thing, Hadji."

"What's that?" he said, not yet raising his head from the warmth of the arms that held him.

"That you can never give up your place. It is yours for life no matter what you do with it. And also…" here he waited until Hadji was looking him in the eye, "we love you enough to keep you with us, no matter what."

Hadji nodded shakily and straightened. He avoided the heat of his face by fiddling with his now-mussed turban while Dr Quest discretely acquired a tissue and handed it over, needing one for himself as well.

"Thank you," Hadji said. A lesser person would have said it looking down, but Hadji met Benton's eyes unflinchingly. "I don't say it enough either. Thank you for giving me a family. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for my life you saved that day and every day since."

"We're even," Benton said. "You saved my life the first day I met you, and you have saved all our lives many times." He laughed suddenly. "If we were a people who believed in life-debts we would all be horribly entangled such I don't think even all five of us together could keep track of it! But you have given us so much more than that. I've never been less than proud to call you my son."

"And I," Hadji said, his voice steady even as the words trembled a bit, "have always been proud to consider myself your son." He let out a breath and said softly, "Father."

Benton's smile could have lit the whole colony.