Chapter 20

Jasper POV

I watched Alice walk slowly until she rounded the corner and was invisible to me. I drove home slowly, thinking too hard about how much Alice's life was worse off than mine. I had Carlisle and Esme to take care of me when my mother died and my father failed, I had Rosalie and Edward, and I had friends like Bella and Emmett. Alice had none of that, and she hadn't for as long as she could remember.

I knew Carlisle didn't want to tell her what her father had done, but he knew it was better to tell the truth than feed her another lie. My only worry was that she would act out of anger and risk herself and others—though she never had intended to.

I got home only twenty minutes after I left.

"I'm sorry Jasper." Esme whispers, hugging me when I'd stepped through the door. She had been waiting for me. "I know you like her, Carlisle didn't want to tell her but she needed to know."
"I know, Esme." I tell her. "She calmed down before she went inside."

"You're good to her." Esme whispers. "Don't ever lose that."

I nod. "I'm going to go upstairs to do my homework."

"Okay." Esme says quietly. I knew I would be unable to do my work, but time was slipping away too quickly. I only had today and tomorrow to study. I pulled out my Pre-Calc book knowing it was the subject I lacked the most knowledge in.

But everything I read was messed up and made no sense. I was getting frusterated with be unable to help Alice and understand my very clear, precise notes. It was even more angering knowing that if I got too angry I would break and that was the last thing I needed or wanted—in fact, it was what everyone was expecting right now. They were just waiting for it, they were being so careful around me thinking I was a ticking bomb.

I was a ticking bomb, I was breaking. And Alice was supposed to be for me what Emmett was for Rosalie, except Alice had her own demons that were breaking free faster than mine were and we were both about to explode.

I slap my books shut, pushing them away from me. I didn't know what to do that would make me feel better. I moved to my bed, lying down and throwing a pillow over my head to block out the light.

Somehow, despite the anger and worry, I fell asleep.

When I woke up it was dark outside. My clock told me it was 4 A.M., I was still exhausted. I got up, changing out of my regular clothes and into my pajamas before I got back into bed, falling asleep.
My neck was stiff when I woke up again. It was late in the morning, I could tell. I wondered briefly why I had slept so much, but I didn't spend too much on it. Instead, I reached for my phone to check if I had any calls or messages from Alice.

None.

Slightly disappointed, I went to take a shower before going downstairs. I had a quick bowl of cereal before grabbing my keys and leaving the house.

Once again, I had no idea where I was going but I certainly was not going to stay at home with the only activity of studying. I drove aimlessly towards Port Angeles listening to the Debussy CD that was still in my radio.

Edward hadn't asked about it, so either he didn't notice or he knew I had taken it and didn't care when I gave it back. I checked my phone often, still hoping Alice would call me. She didn't though, not on the drive there or while I walked around the boardwalk for two hours. I'd wasted my day, I already knew it. It was getting dark by the time I started walking back to my car—a thirty minute walk, I was sure. But I didn't care, and I doubted anyone else did either based on the nonexistent calls I'd gotten from my family or friends.

Part of this angered me, but another part was happy that they didn't bother me.

I drove slowly, not in any rush to get home.

When I did get home, I saw everyone else was hope also. Probably preparing to get to school tomorrow. I walked inside, thinking everyone was in their rooms based on the lack of noise. Instead, I found them in the den, talking quietly. They didn't notice me standing farther down the hall.

"You gave him morphine?" Rosalie was asking. "Isn't that substance abuse?"

Carlisle, who looked exhausted and stressed, rubbed his forehead. "He hasn't slept well in weeks, Rose. I can't imagine Alice has either."

"But you can't just knock him out with drugs." Rosalie says.

"It's technically not substance abuse." Edward adds. "Carlisle is right though, Rosalie. He really is having a hard time with everything."

They were talking about me.

Rosalie sighs. "I wish he would just talk to me, or any of us. We all know what's happening."

"And what is happening?" they look at me, surprised. Anger was coursing through me. "What's happening, Rose? Tell me."

"You're always so angry." she whispers.

"It's genetic." I snap.

Rosalie frowns at me. "Jasper,"

"Forget I interrupted this. Carlisle, I'll be getting ready for bed if you want to give me any other drugs." I tell him coldly, leaving the room.

I take the stairs two at a time, desperate to get away from my family. I locked the door to my room behind me so no one would be able to get in, especially Carlisle. Part of my mind understood that they were concerned because they cared and Carlisle had only wanted me to get some good sleep, but I was furious that they would do this to me.

Unlike the night before, I didn't sleep well. I woke constantly and was unable to fall back asleep. Either from the anger, or just the knowledge that my one night of good sleep was because of an outside force.

Monday came too soon and I, along with my siblings, found ourselves rushing to get out of the house on time. I left earlier than Rose and Edward to pick up Alice, they thought it was because I was still mad at them—which I was.

Alice was sitting on her porch steps waiting for me when I drove up. She jumped off, half running to the car.

"Hey." she says quietly.

"Hello." my voice was just as quiet as hers. "Did you sleep well?"

"No, I hardly slept."

"Guess we had similar nights." I sigh, beginning our drive to school. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't cause my sleepless night." Alice mutters. "Don't be sorry."

"Are we going to be friends today?" I ask her.

"I'll be friends with Bella," Alice tells me. "William would never try to hurt her or Emmett, not with Chief Swan around. I'll sit with you guys at lunch, we can still talk. We won't sit too close to each other during classes, except in Physics where we do share the same desk."

"Good plan." I chuckle.

"It's a perfect plan. And afterward, me and you can go somewhere."

I smile. "I'll take you to a beach that I like to go to."

"I think that will be fun." Alice smiles.

We made it to school with plenty of time to spare, Alice and I parted ways immediately, both of us going to our lockers before we went to U.S. History.

I had four midterms today and one tomorrow. We couldn't talk during school, which was unfortunate, so we both made our way to U.S. History separately. Mr. White wasted no time, he closed the door exactly at the time, and began handing out the tests while reading us all the rules. Italian was similar, except the test was harder than U.S. History. Alice and I didn't even look at each other when she went to Literature and I went to English. I had my midterm tomorrow, so it was a free period for extra studying or just quietly doing other activities.

I didn't talk to Rosalie and Emmett, who were texting each other under their desks. I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for the bell to ring and for us all to be free for lunch. But time passed to fast and I almost wanted to make an excuse to get out of the class and go to the cafeteria. In the time that it took me to think of a suitable excuse, the bell finally rang.

I was the first to be out of my seat, but I held myself long enough to let Rose and Emmett catch up so we could walk to lunch together—as we always did. Emmett hung back behind us, probably to let us talk.

"Are you still mad at me?" Rosalie asks, her voice quiet and tentative.

"No." I mutter. "I got over it."

"Alice had something to do with that?"

"Alice has her own problems, I'm not throwing mine on her." I snap, glaring at my sister.

"You sound mad still." Rosalie says sourly. I ignore her, but she continues to try to talk to me. "How is Alice?"

"She's fine."

"Did you ask her?" Rosalie questions lightly.

"What the hell do you think Rosalie?" I demand. "I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing."

"No, I don't think you do, Jazz." Rosalie tells me. "You're dating her."

"I'm not."

"You can't keep your hands off each other when you're together!"
I scoff. "You'd know."

"Don't bring my relationships into this." Rosalie snaps. "You have to be careful, picking her up this morning was such a stupid thing for you to do."
"William and Melanie weren't home." I hiss.

"You can't know that."

"Do you think you're the only one who knows how to use a cellphone?" I didn't know why Rosalie was acting like this, but it was destroying my mood.

Rosalie sighs. "Is that even a smart move—your number in her phone. Who knows if William goes through her stuff when she isn't around!"

I turn sharply to Rosalie, "I get that you're not happy about it, but don't take all your anger out on me. As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one who has the right to be angry!"

Rosalie glares at me. "I'm concerned, Jasper."
"You're showing it so well."

Edward, Bella, and Alice were already at a table when we got there. I drop into a chair across from Alice—right now to Edward.

"What's with you?" Edward asks Rosalie when she and Emmett sit. Rosalie was glaring at me, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Ask him." Rosalie snarls.

Edward, Bella, and Alice looks at me.

I look at Edward, raising an eyebrow. "Carlisle said no fights."

"We're not fighting." Rosalie hisses. "He just being a selfish jerk, Edward."

"I'm the selfish one?" I scoff, shaking my head.

"We're trying to help you, Jasper." Rosalie snaps.

"I never asked for it."

"You don't deserve it either." Rosalie tells me, her voice cold. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to slap her. Instead, I push myself up walking around the table to her.

My voice was cold and quiet. "Did you think its any fair, Rosalie?" I hiss. "You were just as needy as I was and you pushed them all away."

"I went through something entirely different then you." Rosalie tells me.

"You're right." I say quietly. "I suppose I should be grateful our mother is dead, that way she didn't have to see you like this—it's any wonder that you're her daughter."

I leave the cafeteria, grabbing my things from my locker and going straight to my car. I suddenly didn't care about the other midterms I had. I drove home faster than I should have knowing that I'd have peace there when no one was home.

I went to my room, throwing my things onto my bed. I didn't know what to do, my mind was still focused on how Rosalie could be so stupid and insensitive. I almost wanted to hate her—she had Emmett, she figured out how to get past everything. I never had anyone but my family and they always walked around me like I was a ticking bomb when I needed them to pretend I was normal. Now I had Alice—just as Rosalie had Emmett—but it was another thing they were all worried about. I never would get a break from any of them.