I know, I know, this took forever to come but I'm just literally swamped at the minute. Being so busy is seriously cutting into my fandom time, but I always read and cherish each and every one of your lovely reviews. Huge love to all those that read, rec, review, alert and nominate my stuff. Anyway - I hope you like this chapter.

** Thanks to tiffanyanne3 for her skilful beta work on this chapter, and to SydneyTwiMum, whose thoughts I love to read. **

Song: Desire - Ryan Adams

Chapter 21: Soothe

BPOV

I had no idea what had just happened. Pathetically, I'd actually teared up in front of Jasper. But I was just so touched by his behaviour around me - it was like he felt he could show me a side of himself that nobody else saw. I'd seen hints of it before the previous night, but all the layers of him had peeled back and I finally saw the man underneath. He could be wicked and seductive, but also so tender and kind. I looked over at him, leaning on his elbow beside me on the rug, his lean, toned body stretched out languorously, and my breath caught. He was so ridiculously beautiful that I almost wanted to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

Jasper's eyes flickered over my skin, his gaze eliciting a burning heat that flashed across my whole body. And I was sure it had little to do with the fire that was fanning its warmth across both of us. His features twisted in a frown and I froze, worried that there was something wrong, but then he smiled. He leaned in closer, so that his soft words caressed my ear. "Just a sec." He got up and walked over to the window, parting the curtains so that the morning light streamed in through the windows. "I wanted to see all of you properly," he explained with a devastating smile that made me shiver.

He knelt down and his fingers tangled in my wet curls as one hand curled round to rest on the flat of my back, gently supporting me into a sitting position. I wrapped one arm round his neck, pulling him nearer as my free hand traced the muscles of his stomach and chest. His lips were soft and yet so urgent, moving with mine in a way that felt so natural. My heart pounded, and as I laid my fingers out flat over the place where his own heart was, I felt his heart beat for me, matching the erratic rhythm of my own pulse second by second. He laid his hand over mine and clasped it before moving forward to capture my lips with his once more. I sighed against the delicious warmth of his mouth, tasting love and need and so much more that I couldn't even explain.

"Checking I'm still alive?" he murmured in between kisses, and I laughed, the sound reverberating against his lips.

"Something like that," I murmured, hoping that he knew how alive I was feeling right then.

"With you, I couldn't be anything but," he whispered, wrapping his hand round the back of my neck to support it as he gently laid me back down on the plush fabric beneath us. "Lie back." His voice was low, gravelly, and I shivered at the way this man's words made me feel. Even such simple words sounded like the most erotic thing I'd ever heard when they came from his lips. I could feel a growing dampness between my thighs before he'd even touched me, and I shifted, somehow trying to relieve the pressure.

His warm fingers caressed the contours of my body, my collarbone down to the valley in between my breasts, and then lower to my hips. I moaned, my hands twining round the fibres of the fluffy rug as he dipped his head to lay an open-mouthed kiss on my belly. It felt as if every nerve in my body was stretched tighter than piano wire, humming with a near-unbearable tension. His mouth then moved to my chest, which he lavished with kisses, circling each of my nipples with his tongue in turn. I shuddered, my head involuntarily snapping to the side. He pushed back a wave of hair that had fallen into my eye, smiling down at me, but I could only gasp in response. I bit the flesh of my lip, mute from wanting him to continue so badly.

His hands made a path up the inside of my thighs, and they automatically loosened under the gentle pressure of his palms. I allowed him to part my legs, drawing my knees up until my feet rested flat on the rug. The fingers of one hand travelled over my knee, and then downwards, till it was just inches from my heated flesh. Jasper lifted his head, and his eyes locked on mine in a lustful, hungry gaze. The next second, his fingers slid between my folds, making a slow pass over my clit. I jerked into his touch, unable to suppress an unabashedly loud moan that echoed off the walls.

Withdrawing his hand, he kissed from one hipbone to the other, his tongue leaving a heated trail of moisture across my skin. He even kissed each thigh, his warm mouth skimming over the well-healed scars. I was touched that he was acknowledging them as a part of me, not with disdain or disgust. His palms slid up my inner thighs, pushing them even wider apart if that was possible. I almost wanted to blush, but had no time to even think of it when he pressed a kiss just above where I needed him. I trembled, every muscle tensing as he stayed there for a moment, breathing out over me. I made a strangled sound in my throat, protesting at his lack of action, and he laughed softly against me. It created the most delicious sensation, only surpassed by the ones that fired through my body when he brought his mouth lower.

My eyes squeezed shut, my head falling back, and yet again my nails tried to find purchase on the soft material of the rug. His mouth worked at me slowly yet skillfully, enough to make me whimper uncontrollably, but not enough to tip me over the edge. My pleasure built gradually, every lick and suck at the sensitive skin making me cry out. My breaths came shallow and stilted, and I held them, only exhaling when I had to. My eyes were shut so tightly I saw only shapes in the blackness as I teetered on the precipice, torn between being desperate for release and not wanting it to end.

Jasper paused, and my eyelids fluttered open, my head raising as I wondered why he'd stopped. His hand gently prised mine from the rug, his fingers lacing into mine. I took in the sight of his tousled, dark waves, his lips, warm and wet, pressed against my inner thigh, and I sighed.

"You're so tense. Let go," he whispered against me as his scorching gaze met mine, and I moaned as his mouth returned to me. I shuddered, finally releasing the breath I'd been holding, and my hips jerked as the burning heat flared across my body. I cried out his name in a broken scream as my muscles shook, every sensation overtaking me while my grip tightened on his hand. My thighs tried to close, but he held them open, coaxing me down from my high with light kisses as I continued to tremble.

I laughed shakily, my heartbeat thundering in my ears as I tried in vain to catch my breath. "Jesus Christ. Are you trying to kill me?" I muttered when I could finally speak. He grinned up at me.

"Nope. Just relax you."

"Mission accomplished." My head flopped back on to the rug as my body went limp.

I loosened my hold on his fingers, and he kissed his way back up my body. Jasper lay down beside me, his limbs wrapping round me from behind as he pulled my body closer into his, rolling me to the side. His lips pressed to my neck tenderly, and I smiled to myself as his arms encircled me, stroking my skin.

"Hey," he murmured, his voice suddenly serious. "I'm not going anywhere, you know. I can tell you kind of think I've been hit on the head with a brick and completely lost my mind, but I assure you I haven't. This is who I am, as much as anything else. I'm not perfect, but with you, I can be myself." I realised a part of me was still afraid, but I didn't have to let it dictate my behaviour. Jasper was a good man, who cared about me, and well, perhaps his feelings ran even deeper than that. It was too early for either of us to vocalise the intense emotions we felt for one another, but that didn't matter. I twisted round to look at him, and kissed his cheek.

We both fell silent for a few moments, just lying in each other's arms and listening to the sound of the fire behind us. "Don't ever hold back with me," he suddenly murmured, burying his face in my hair. I could feel his erection nudging against me, and I let out a quiet moan, my body tingling all over at once. I wanted him, and it was in a way I wasn't sure I'd ever experienced before, a way I wasn't sure I'd ever get enough of. He was probably dying to throw me down and fuck me, but was sweetly giving me some recovery time before he did so. I was touched by that. Every moment, he thought about me so much, and I wanted to give him something too.

I turned round so I was facing him, and pushed him gently so his back was flat against the material. His hands closed around my waist, pulling me on top of him, and I bent my knees, hooking them on either side of his legs. His fingers traversed my body, one hand tracing circles on my hips as the other crept up my spine, following its path. The flat of his hand pulled me forward to capture my lips in a delicate kiss. His mouth was careful, almost reverent on mine as his hand wound into my hair, stroking the still-damp tendrils. I could feel him hard between our bodies as my lips moved with his, and shifted against him. He groaned as my slick centre made contact with him, and I slid myself up and down, balancing one hand on his chest as he muttered something unintelligible into my mouth.

My body straightened, and I placed one hand on his shoulder while the other reached down to take him in my hand. I guided him into me, slowly bearing down until the whole length of him was inside me. I squeezed my eyes shut, wincing slightly as I finally felt the effects of last night's prolonged lovemaking. He groaned audibly, but frowned when he saw my initial reaction.
"Sorry," he rasped, his voice etched with concern. "I know I was rough on you last night."

"It's okay," I breathed, my eyes opening. "I just need a minute." I stayed there for a moment, letting the slight sting subside as I adjusted to the width of him. Cautiously, I moved, lifting myself up while my other hand rested on his chest. As I dropped myself back over, I moaned as he sunk back into me. Pain quickly gave way to pleasure as our hips met, every movement tinged with intense emotion.

His expression was strained, and I could tell he was resisting the urge to slam me down upon him. I felt his fingers trail over my skin, making a path up to my breasts. He caressed them, his palms teasing the hardened buds as I slowly began to move over him, increasing the pace. Heat tightened in my belly, rising up within my body as I felt him stroke my sensitive spot with every movement I made. I bit my lip, my breathing erratic as his hands moved to enclose my hips, pushing me down upon him as I raised myself up. I leaned back, one hand resting on his arm, and he dragged his fingers down my torso, starting at my neck to make a burning trail down to where our bodies met.

His thumb brushed my clit, and I jolted.

"Fuck," he whispered, "have you any idea how sexy you look right now?" His gaze roved my body, every inch of skin tingling as his eyes ran over it. All at once, his hand rested on my back, bowing my body forward so I was leaning over him. I shifted, circling my hips as I ground them into his, increasingly incoherent sounds escaping me. Jasper groaned in my ear, his fingers sweeping my hair out of my eyes as he pulled me in closer. His lips met mine in a soft, affectionate kiss, and I sighed into his mouth. I tangled my fingers into his dark hair, bringing him even nearer to me as he rocked inside me.

"You feel so..." I muttered, unable to express in words how intimate and wonderful it felt to be with him like that. His arms wrapped around me, holding him to me as we moved together. My head dipped, resting in the hollow of his neck, and he sighed a guttural moan against my hair. The warmth from the fire blew across our bodies, increasing the desire we felt for one another. His hips tipped upwards, the angle hitting that indescribably pleasurable spot within me, and a low cry of his name fell from my lips.

His eyes met mine in a look of such open, raw desire for me, and I let out a quiet moan. "Bella, I..." he whispered throatily, his words trailing off before he could finish his sentence. His palm pressed into my lower back, holding me to him as my hands clasped his shoulders for leverage. I dropped myself over him at an increasing speed, and he pushed himself upwards into me harder. My muscles fluttered around him, and he grunted into my ear. My eyes squeezed shut as I felt the familiar coiling knots pulling tight inside me, ready to unwind any second. I ground myself into him, my hips slamming into his harder than ever as the base of him grazed my oversensitive nub.

"Nearly," I gasped, one of my hands fisting in his hair as I closed my eyes, feeling myself teeter on the brink. His tongue traced a shape on my throat, and I felt the tension burst, the knots unravelling inside me as I found my release. Jasper kissed me tenderly as I came, his lips gentle on mine as I shook over him. He whispered to me that I was beautiful while I shuddered, my vision blurring as my thighs clamped round his body. Finally, my head fell to his neck as the sensations subsided. Seconds later, he groaned through his own climax, his body shaking against me as he held me to him tightly, his upward thrusts gradually slowing. I stroked his face, trailing my fingers over his jaw line as our breathing became even again. He frowned, and I belatedly realised there were tears in my eyes. His thumb swept the moisture away, and then his lips found mine again in a brief but sweet kiss.

That time, I wasn't ashamed of my tears. My self-consciousness had fallen away, leaving only a sense of how right it felt to be with him like that. I stayed there for a moment, not moving as he kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my cheeks, my lips. Slowly, he lifted me off him and I slumped down on the rug beside him as he sat up to join me. His arms encircled me from behind as he sleepily buried his face in my neck.

"I think we're going to need another shower after this," I remarked, and he laughed quietly into my shoulder.

"I don't think even that'd make us clean."

I grinned. "True." Getting to my feet with some difficulty on shaky legs, I headed to the bathroom. After tidying myself up a little, I pulled the discarded robe back on and padded through to the living room. It was empty, so I paused, looking around.

"Jasper?" I called.

"In here," came the faint reply, and I realised he'd returned to the bedroom. When I entered the room, I found him sitting on the edge of the bed, having pulled on some pajama pants and a t-shirt. Frankly it was almost a shame – he was fucking delicious shirtless, and even more so naked. Although, he obviously looked good anyway. Impulsively, I leaned in and kissed his nose and he smiled.

"Hey, you," he said, pulling me towards him for a lazy kiss. "I was wondering...seeing as I'm pretty tired, and you probably are too, we could order pizza and maybe just watch a movie or something?"

I sighed happily. "That sounds absolutely divine right now."

We spent the rest of the afternoon slumped on the couch in the living room with the comforter over us, watching TV and eating pizza. It didn't have the glamour of the previous night's date, but to me, it was no less romantic.

I watched him wince as a strand of molten cheese dropped from my slice onto the comforter, but he restrained himself from saying anything. I fell for him just that little bit more right then.

"You're going to shove this in the washing machine as soon as I leave, aren't you?" I teased, and he frowned.

"What makes you think that?" he said a little crossly, and I laughed.

"You're really cute sometimes, you know that?" I said, casually running my fingers through his hair. He sighed heavily, but I saw the smile twitching at the corner of his lips.

Without warning, he brought his mouth to mine and kissed me gently. Our lips were greasy from the pizza and it should have been gross, but it wasn't – it was lovely. I knew we weren't there yet, but it seemed to me that this was what love was supposed to feel like. I'd genuinely forgotten what it was like after so long, but with Jasper, I was rediscovering it.

…

Later that afternoon, I let myself into my house, still in a bit of a daze. Jasper had lent me one of t-shirts, which I'd worn over my dress from last night to avoid the "walk of shame" look. I went upstairs to change into some jeans and a hoodie and then went down to the kitchen. I wasn't hungry after all the pizza I'd ingested that afternoon, but I was pretty exhausted and craving another hit of caffeine. Rummaging in the cupboards, I was so intent on finding the coffee that I didn't hear the soft pad of footsteps on the linoleum. Fingers touched my arm, and I jumped about a foot into the air before I saw Angela there, a quizzical look on her face.

"Bella, it's only me," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "Guess I'm just jumpy. And in desperate need of coffee."

"Oh, right!" she said. "I think Jess put it in the bottom cupboard for some reason." She reached down and opened the cupboard, and sure enough, the coffee was there. I brewed some for us, poured it into a couple of mugs, and then we sat down at the table. Cradling the mug in my hands, I inhaled the deep, rich aroma and took a sip. Ahh. Bliss.

"So, where were you last night?" she asked casually, but with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

Naturally, I turned beetroot-red, and an idiotic grin came to my face before I could stop it. Clearing my throat pointedly, I took a sip of my coffee, concentrating intently on the tabletop before me. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes.

"Relax, Bella – I was only teasing," she said after a moment, laughing.

"I slept with him," I admitted, knowing I couldn't exactly pretend otherwise.

"Oh, good for you! I'm sorry, but I could tell you were totally crazy about the guy. That's so obvious," she gushed in a very un-Angela way. I was quickly realising that she only seemed so quiet and demure when you didn't know her. She was really just as into talking about this kind of stuff as most girls were, just not in the annoying way that girls like Jess would. Angela didn't fish for details or anything, she just took an interest in things like any good friend would. I really appreciated that.

"It is?" I replied slowly, wondering if I was that transparent. Although, considering it, I had spent an inordinate amount of time either thinking about Jasper or seeing him of late, and he often came up in my conversations without me realising it. That was the sort of thing I did when I really liked someone, and I'd spent too long denying it to myself and others. "I guess I am, really."

"Aww. That's lovely. He sounds like a great guy to me."

"Yeah, but it's kind of complicated," I said with a sigh.

Angela's features twisted into a sympathetic expression. "How so?"

"We're both a bit wary of getting too involved, I suppose. Jasper's dealing with something pretty tough."

"I thought you were too," she said shrewdly, stirring some Sweet'n'Low into her coffee. "It sounds like you might each be just what the other needs right now."

My face creased into a smile at that. I hadn't thought of it that way enough. Trust Angela to be that perceptive. Sometimes she just said something that described a situation so perfectly, and that was one of those moments. It was also the moment where I decided I didn't want to hide from what had happened to me anymore.

"Look, I've never really explained about that night where I was sobbing all over you," I began, nervously tugging at a stray thread on the cuff of my hoodie. Twisting the thread round my fingers, I pulled until it came away, and then found the courage to look up into her eyes.

Angela was as calm and open as ever, and her reply was typical of her. "Like I said, you don't have to tell me."

"But I never tell anyone," I replied. "This time, I want to."

And so I decided to tell her about Edward. I explained it briefly and managed to not turn into a complete wreck, despite the tears that were insistently pricking at my eyes by the time I'd finished. Thankfully, she reacted just as I'd expected she would – she didn't pity me or pepper the conversation with oh no and how awful that must be or worst, I know how you feel. She just listened, and when I was done, she squeezed my hand and got a box of leftover chocolate caramels out of her cupboard. We shared them while drinking our coffee, listening to the rain that had started up outside as it pattered on the roof. I didn't want to talk about it much more once I'd explained, and she respected that. We indulged in a bit of mindless girl-talk about Jasper and Ben, and it was nice to have someone to share it with for once.

Angela and Ben were spending a lot of time together, and it seemed like they were already getting pretty serious. It was sweet to see, and I wondered whether Jasper and I would ever get there. Of course, there was no point getting ahead of myself – with everything we were dealing with, it was best to take things at a natural pace.

Mindlessly surfing the internet in my room a little while later, my thoughts kept straying to the enormous bombshell Jasper had dropped the previous night. It was hard to even think of what he'd told me without welling up, so I knew the pain he felt must have been a thousand times worse. It had caught me off guard, but I hoped I'd reacted in the appropriate way by being as supportive and understanding as I could have been. When he'd first confessed, it was obvious that he thought I might think less of him, or just make a run for it right then and there. I almost wanted to feel hurt that he'd think that of me, but I reasoned with myself that I was one of the only people he'd told. Jasper had enough intimacy problems as it was, without the added burden of my reaction to his secret, and so I could understand.

Seeing such a strong man broken with pain, the mask stripped away, had utterly broken my heart. Maybe it was too much for the both of us to handle right now. Our relationship was probably breaking every rule in the book on dealing with grief, but we'd become so close that there didn't seem to be any other way for us. I couldn't not be with him, not see him, not have him hold me or make love to me like he did.

While I was lost in my own musings, my phone buzzed with a text and I automatically reached for it.

I haven't stopped thinking about you since you left.

Smiling to myself, I read the text several times, feeling the familiar butterflies in my stomach. It was cheesy and romantic, but I knew Jasper. He meant every word.

It wasn't the first time I'd admitted it to myself, but, God help me, I loved Jasper Whitlock. Hopefully, that would be the one thing that made all the difference.

Yep, more porn. I promise this isn't going to be one of those stories where once they start fucking it's all they do, just, well...sometimes smut's fun. They both deserve it after all. Reviews are squeed over. Thanks for reading xxx