Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Gilmore Girls.
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who's still reading- and everyone who's reviewed- I really appreciate it.
She hadn't said much in the couple of days they'd spent so far in his grandfather's house. At first it hadn't bothered him. He was happy just to be with her, here, without any of the drama her family or his had to offer. So they talked about music, books, politics, everything- and nothing- and he learned to appreciate the quiet moments.
But he knew that she checked her phone every time she thought he wasn't looking, hoping for a message from Lorelai. It was obvious that the silence was killing her. And he had a suspicion there was something else troubling her. He'd noticed too much staring into the distance when she swore she was reading. He suspected that she lay awake at night, even the soothing thud of his heart under her head not lulling her to sleep- since that first night in her house, there had been no question that he'd share her bed, chaste though that arrangement remained.
"Why don't you call her?" he asked one afternoon, catching her staring again at the phone.
She shrugged. "What would I say? Sorry, Mom, but I don't think Dad's any good for you."
"If that's what you think. Surely it has to be better than hanging on to see what happens?"
She shook her head. "Not an option. She makes her own decisions. Remember Mr. Medina?"
He nodded. "What happened there anyway?"
"She called off the wedding after telling my dad she was getting married. I can't imagine what that did to Max…… We went on a road trip. To Harvard, in the end. That was when all roads led to Harvard……."
She trailed off.
"Why did you go to Yale?" He was curious. They hadn't talked much about their choice of college, though she'd told him plenty about the paper, and Paris, and her classes.
"It just made more sense. My grandfather went there, it was closer to Stars Hollow, I could go home at weekends…….."
"You could see Jess," he finished for her.
"I didn't pick it because of him," she insisted. "Even though he had calculated the exact distance from Stars Hollow. It was everything- it just made sense."
" I understand. You didn't want to leave Paris."
She giggled. "I wasn't sure she'd survive- no, I wasn't sure Yale would survive. And I wasn't sure I'd survive if I chose Harvard after she didn't get in."
"Does it still make sense?"
"Are you asking me to transfer?"
"No."
He was emphatic and she looked hurt.
"Obviously we both had reasons for choosing the colleges we did. Doesn't mean we can't be together."
"But we won't be together."
"Weekends, holidays- I know you know how that thing you keep staring at works," he added with a grin, snaring the phone from her outstretched fingers.
"Do you think that's enough?"
She was careful not to look at him, hoping he wouldn't notice the fear in her eyes. She was pretty sure neediness was the last thing he wanted.
He sighed. "It's not perfect. But we'll have to deal with it. I'd rather be with you every day when you wake up, walk you to classes, distract you from studying……….."
"Maybe it's for the best then……….."
She was playful now, trying to lighten the mood again. If she was honest this was what was keeping her awake at night, not the endless wondering about her mother. And father. And Luke. She just wasn't ready to admit any of it- and if she couldn't talk to him about it she couldn't be sure they'd make it through the first few weeks back at college.
"I can't do this when you're at Yale," he muttered, leaning in to kiss her.
"I like hearing your voice on the phone," she said suddenly when at last he pulled away.
"You haven't had much opportunity yet. Something to look forward to," he said ironically.
She tried to smile, forcing herself to look at him and willing herself not to cry. The more time she spent with him, the more addicted she became and the harder it was to imagine going whole days, whole weeks without seeing him. It was hard to believe how this summer had started, harder still to believe there had ever been a time she'd pushed him away. He'd changed- or grown up- but she still saw the sixteen year old boy who'd tried almost everything to get her to notice him. If she'd just been prepared to acknowledge it, especially after that first kiss, maybe he'd never have had to leave. Then again she knew they'd have stood even less of a chance of staying together if they'd been together then. High school declarations of love rarely lasted the first semester of college. Hell, she and Jess hadn't even made it through graduation and that hadn't exactly been the plan in her perfectly ordered life.
"Rory. Are you ok?"
"I just- I worry that we won't make it."
"I know what you mean."
She stared at him. "That wasn't what I wanted to hear."
"I'm sorry. I just mean- none of this seems very real. How do I fit into your real world? Right now you're on vacation. There's no Paris to contend with, you're hardly speaking to your best friend, your Mom's been out of range for days and you can't talk to her or your dad or even Luke. And your grandparents have separated and that certainly doesn't seem very real."
"What about you?" She was almost cross now. "I haven't seen you trying to catch up with any of your friends. You have a family you can just about bear to spend breakfast with and apart from your grandfather- and me- who is there?"
He pushed a hand back through his hair and surveyed her.
"This summer is the happiest I've ever been. Being with you- being needed by you- matters more to me than anything. And I couldn't have gone back to my family if I hadn't needed to be near you. But we have to fit into some kind of reality sometime."
"I guess. I don't do unplanned well. And this-" she gestured between them "feels like a high wire act without the net."
"Doesn't that just mean it's real? And maybe that we're a bit dysfunctional?"
He dodged her attempted slap. "Did you make a pro/con list before you came to see me at that party?"
"No," she admitted. "I didn't have to. Then again, I haven't made many lists recently. I'm not sure the carpe diem idea really suits me."
He'd thought she was over talking about Dean. He'd thought he was over the reminders of him as well. But he couldn't help the clench of his jaw and the tension that crept into his frame as he turned away from her.
She'd become pretty good at reading him, though, and he didn't get to move far before her hands crept round his chest and she laid her head on his back.
"I didn't mean- him," she said softly.
He turned back to her, smirk suddenly back in place. Funny that now it could make her literally weak at the knees, when she'd spent so many days at Chilton wanting to wipe it clear off his face.
"Well then, Miss Gilmore, I'd say it suits you quite well. Turning up in my room that day- well, that was a fine example of seizing the day."
His fingers had tangled in her hair as his lips made their way to her earlobe and then her neck, punctuating his words with kisses. He'd always wanted to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, although the words and pictures in his head hadn't always been so PG. He certainly remembered being caught in the midst of one particularly graphic daydream back at Chilton- one that had been almost enough to make even him blush.
This time it was her phone that stopped them, permeating the fuzziness that was starting to creep over both of them. She sat up abruptly, face flushed, reaching out for her phone.
"Mom?"
"Hey kid."
Lorelai sounded subdued, though that was hardly unexpected or even undeserved.
"You want to tell me what's going on?"
"I needed to tell your Dad about Luke."
"And?"
"And he asked me to marry him."
"And you said?"
"I said I don't know."
Rory was silent.
"I mean, I've said no before and it's never worked out between us and I've known it wouldn't- and now it's more complicated because there's Luke, but Chris is your father- and, well, I don't know."
"What about Sherry?"
"She's gone. Really gone this time. But even before Sherry it didn't work. The only thing we've ever got right was you."
"What about Luke? He's not just some complication."
"No- but Chris is Chris. I've never been able to leave him completely in the past- and because he's your dad I'll never be able to leave him behind completely either. How can that work with Luke?"
"I don't know. But you need to decide, Mom. Dad or Luke. Luke doesn't deserve what you're doing to him. And with Dad you're in this endless circle that even when something good comes along you go running back to him so you can mess it up."
"That's not how it is."
"No? Then what did you do with Max?"
"It should never have been Max."
"Well then should it ever have been Luke?"
Lorelai was silent.
"Call me when you've decided. There's no point otherwise."
She ended the call and tossed the phone onto the coffee table, turning back to Tristan.
"Where were we?" she asked with a smile as brittle as it was bright.
"Right about here," he said, pulling her back into his arms so that she was resting against his chest and kissing her gently on the top of the head.
"And just so you know, even when I'm not there, we're still right about here."
Despite all the drama she started to giggle. "That made no sense whatsoever. Good thing I chose Yale instead of Harvard. They speak English there."
"You know exactly what I mean."
She relaxed against him, snuggling closer. "Yes."
Maybe she had a safety net after all.