Just a warning. This chapter is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. I hope.

Chapter 20

"Kenneth, we need to talk." I said crossing my arms at him.

His eyes widened and he looked for an escape route. Not going to happen, I stood firmly and made sure that he knew that I was not going anywhere. His eyes - once, my favourite shade of blue darted around the almost empty hallway and he finally nodded, giving up and giving in. Good. I glanced at his face where a blue bruise sat on his jaw.

"Fine, but not here." he said and ushered towards an empty potions room.

He sighed and turned to me, "I knew you'd come eventually. First, I know you're dying to know why I didn't erase your memories." he said, as if reading my mind.

I raised my eyebrows at him, but nodded. "Yes, actually. It- you nothing makes sense! You say you hate me and you make everyone hate me especially my friends and then all of a sudden you're sorry? That doesn't make any sense and you better answer me because it's literally taking everything in me right now not to murder you." I said, jabbing him in the chest with my finger.

He ran a hand through his golden hair, "Just, wait. I- it wasn't only me okay and it wasn't my idea. He made it seem like he wasn't going to do anything major and then he gave me this - I don't know some weird potion that Crabbe gave me and I don't know how to explain it but I wasn't me, it was insane. Like some weird dark magic then I was hallucinating and it - the potion made me feel everything. But not normally, like intensely. Anger turned into rage, dislike turned into hate."

As if life couldn't have gotten any more confusing and overwhelming.

"I- I need to sit down," I muttered to myself mostly and sat down on one of the chairs, I shut my eyes for a moment before taking a deep breathe and asking: "Okay, first of all. Who is this person?"

Kenneth stood opposite me, leaning on the wall. "Mulciber. But Avery and Crabbe were there too. Look, I was sitting next to him in Potions and then he started to talk about you - about us and then he said that he was planning to do a harmless prank something on you. So I agreed, I mean. I was still angry at you back then-"

Of course it would be Avery, how could I not have thought about that? He should have been my number one suspect - he hated my guts and he had promised that he would get me back. Why hadn't I taken him seriously? I realized that Kenneth said 'about us' as if we were still together which made my heart pang for a moment.

I cut him off, "So what you're not angry at me now?" I scoffed, "What? You suddenly care about me?"

He exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Winnie - I feel awful. I didn't mean to hurt you - I didn't intend on it, I promise. I know you won't believe me but it's the truth. Look, just let me continue. It'll make sense if I do."

I don't know why but I agreed.

He nodded at me in thanks, "Alright so, we were on the abandoned floor. Mulciber tells me to come to this room and I do, Avery and Crabbe are there too. Crabbe gives me the potion and I thought it was a drink, I mean everyone knows that Slytherins like to party. Anyway, so it was like - I don't know how to explain it. I wanted to hurt everyone, I wanted to kill - it was scary. It was like I transformed into a monster. So, Mulciber brings you in and you wake up hours later because Crabbe gave you a sleeping potion by accident. So, you freak out and I wanted to," he took a deep breathe, "I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to know how loneliness felt like. I wanted you to suffer."

I gulped, it was scary hearing him say things like that. "Kenneth, what the hell-"

He cut me off, "Wait- let me continue, please. I performed a spell on you, Imperio. I don't know if you've heard of it, it basically allows a user to control another person. Like a puppet. I made you go and ruin the friendship between you and the boys. Slowly, I started to gain conciousness I guess. Mulciber and Avery were having a laugh- Winnie, you have no idea how delusion they are. Anyway, you came back crying and I lifted the spell and you ran. I ran after you so I could explain and you slapped me. Mulciber and Avery were going to do something to you- so I told them that I would obliviate you so you could never know what happened. They loved the idea of you suffering in the dark, basically. So I did, I didn't do it right though - so you could know. Then you punched me."

I didn't want to believe it - but it made sense. I wasn't sure if I believed him because I wanted to believe that there was a part of him that wasn't as evil as I always thought or simply because I wanted an answer. The only problem was that I had no way of knowing if this was a lie or not. But what I couldn't really get out of my mind was how twisted Mulciber and Avery were, I had known that they were mad - but no, this was on a whole other level. The thought that they gained pleasure from seeing people suffer. That was -They were psychotic.

I bit my lip, "Ken, I- I don't know what to believe." I saw a smile start to grown on his face. "What is it?" I asked, crossing my arms.

He laughed, shaking his head. "No - it's nothing. You just called me Ken," He smiled lopsidedly.

I could feel my breathing hitch in my throat. I instinctively called him Ken, a nickname I made for him when we were dating. I could almost feel the nostalgia creeping up on me. No, this was not the time.

I cleared my throat and avoided his gaze, "Kenneth - stop, How can I trust you? I mean, I trusted you once and look where that got me." I said bitterly, which helped me return to reality.

"Winnie, that was a mistake. I'm not the person I was a year ago, I've changed. You can trust me." he said, walking over to me.

I laughed, unimpressed. These were the words every single male has uttered at least once in their lives. "Yeah, right. Okay. Can you undo the spell? Can you bring back my memories?"

He shook his head, sadly. "Unfortunately no, but Winnie I am telling the truth. I swear it, ask me anything about that night. Anything at all."

I racked through my brain trying to come up with something to ask, "Fine, what was Avery doing there? Mulciber I get. But Avery?" I narrowed my eyes at him in suspicion.

Kenneth laughed, "How ironic, you asked him the same question there. He said that he just came because he likes these kind of things. I reckon he gets a kick out of watching people suffer Also, the fact that you're a muggleborn made it all the better for him." He tilted his head at me, "Winnie, come on. It makes sense. You know it does, what would I achieve from lying? You punched me, I have the bruise to show that. I told you you were on the abandoned floor, I explained everything. Why is it so hard to believe that I'm not a bad person?"

"Because I don't want to get hurt." I said impetuously. I almost slapped myself when I realised that I just told him the truth.

He seemed shocked at my response, "W-what?" he said, gaping a little bit.

"I don't want to trust you. Because. I. Don't. Want. To. Get. Hurt. Again." I studied my hands, "It's better to hate you than to trust you." I said, quietly.

Kenneth tried to come near me but I moved away, "Winnie- I'm, I'm not going to hurt you." He sighed, exasperated. "You don't have to trust me. But you have to believe me. I'm telling you the truth."

The way he was acting, the way he was talking. I somehow believed him. I knew that I was jus setting myself up for trouble, but I did. I wanted to. But I wasn't going to let him know that, obviously.

I crossed my arms, "Say I believe you. Say that you're telling the truth, what do I do now? What am I supposed to do now?" I was asking him this question because I honestly had no idea what I was doing.

He sighed, shrugging. "I don't know but I do know this. Mulciber can't know that you know the truth. Winnie, he's dangerous. I suspect that he's already signed up to be a death eater. You know what he and his friends did to Mary McDonald." he said making me shudder internally.

I didn't understand how pranks here and there could result in such disastrous events. I never noticed how serious everything really was, I was literally playing with fire without even realising it. It was scary to think that Hogwarts housed people like him - future murderers and psychos-to-be.

I nodded, "I realised that part." I started to laugh, making him tilt his head questioningly, "If you told me a week ago that I'd be talking to you I wouldn't have believed it."

Kenneth grimaced, "You - em hate me that much?" he said, sounding a bit hurt.

I didn't want to respond because I wasn't sure myself. Did I hate him? Did I care about him? I wasn't sure. I didn't know what to say to him, I didn't know what to say at all.

I coughed, rubbing my lip awkwardly. "Kenneth, I have to go. Herbology starts in five minutes and I can't be late."

He forced out a laugh, "Yeah, yeah sure. Right." He said, moving from the door so I could leave.

Oh, how was I going to explain this to the boys.

I gripped my bag to keep it from sliding off my shoulders, I could faintly see the boys from where I was standing. They were sitting under the tree near the lake and talking. I had no idea how I was going to explain everything that I had figured out today and I had no idea what they're reactions would be like. I decided not to break the news to them right away - or was that too suspicious? Could I even be suspicious? I shook my head and batted the thoughts in my head away as I approached the boys. I nodded in greeting and they all nodded back, but then freturned to focusing on James who was in the middle of a story.

"Then, she looked over at me and smiled. Yeah, that's right she smiled." James, said running a hand through his hair looking dazed. I assumed he was talking about Lily Evans, who surprisingly - I hadn't seen in a while. Or Mary or Marlene.

Remus raised his eyebrows, but didn't look convinced. "Oh, is that right, James?" he said a small smirk on his face.

Sirius rolled his eyes and prodded James with his elbow, "Stop lying to them Prongs, she wasn't smiling at you - she was smiling at Dorcas, who happened to be standing right next to you." he said, in a know-it-all voice.

Remus chuckled, "Now that makes more sense, thank you Sirius." He said, pointing at him with his pen.

"Yeah, well I had the pleasure of seeing her smile - it was like looking at the moon, I tell you. She looked stunning - all beautiful and glow-y. I'm going to marry her one day, I know it." He said, leaning back into the tree looking happy.

Sirius glanced at me as if saying 'what the hell' with his eyes, I laughed. "Mate, that wasn't glow- that was sweat. It was hot outside." Sirius said, making all of us snicker.

James pulled out strands of the grass and threw it at Sirius, "Oi could you shut up and stop ruining my life for a minute?" He said, looking like an annoyed five year old if you ask me.

Peter threw a Bertie's Bot every flavour bean in his mouth and then spat it out in disgust a second later, making us all laugh. "Egh- I got vomit." He said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

Sirius laughed and clamped Peter in his back, making him stumble forward. "Wormtail, I can honestly and truthfully say that you are an absolute laugh." he said, grinning.

James's eyes turned to me and flashed curiously, "You know who's not being an absolute laugh, today?" He said, turning to me and raising a brow, suspiciously. Damn, he noticed. "Whats wrong with you?" He said, flicking pieces of grass at me.

I wasn't going to tell them today, especially not when everyone was in such a good mood. I wasn't planning on being that person who always bothers everyone with their problems. There was a time and place for serious conversations and this was definitely not it.

I shrugged, "Nothing is wrong with me, I'm super good. Super great." I said, glancing at Remus. "What are you writing there, Lupin?" I asked hoping that would direct their attention from me.

James glanced at Remus, "Yeah, what'dyou got there Moony?"

Sirius leaned over to try and read what he was writing but Remus quickly hid the notebook and shoved him away, making us all a lot more curious than we were before. James locked gazes with Sirius who nodded and proceeded to distract Remus, James then whispered something to Peter who nodded and tried to act nonchalant before he swiped Remus's notebook from under him. I raised my eyebrows at them, slightly impressed by the group effort they were putting in. If only they put this much effort in things that actually matter.

Oh no I was beginning to sound like my mother.

"Peter!" He said, growing red from embarrassment or anger - I couldn't tell. "That's private." he said clenching his jaw.

Sirius's eyes widened as he scanned the pages of the notebook, "Remus, you're quite the artist aren't you? Except that you're drawing the same girl over and over again. Who is she?" He said, grinning at him wildly.

My eyebrows rose, Remus liked somebody? Was it national shock Winnie day?That was probably the most shocking thing that I had heard today and I had heard a lot. He never seemed to act like a person in love - by that I meant he didn't act like James. But he never seemed to show interest in anyone.

James jaw almost fell to the ground, "What?! Remus is in love? How is that no one told me? Moony?!" He said taking the notebook from his hands and flipping through the pages.

I curiously leaned over James shoulder to see who he was drawing, I squinted my eyes trying to see if I could recognise her but she didn't look like someone I had ever seen in Hogwarts - or ever, actually. Remus however looked like he was going to die from embarrassment, his face was a bright shade of pink and he was avoiding everyone's gaze and focusing solely on the ground. He held out his hand for his notebook and we reluctantly passed him the book.

Sirius's grey eyes, widened. "Hey - is she that girl, the one you told me about a long time ago. The neighbour?" he asked, a small smile on his face.

Suddenly the engines in my mind started to work again. Of course! In third year Remus told us about his muggle neighbour who was supposedly the nicest person he had ever met before he came to Hogwarts. He never told us anything else about her, but she was the only girl I had ever heard him talk about. Remus ran a hand through his hair and then nodded.

"Alright, fine. Yes, that's her. Her name is Audrey." He said, still red.

Sirius grinned, "So does she know that you like her?" he started to laugh, "It feels like second year all over again."

I scoffed, "Obviously not, he wouldn't be drawing her if he did. I assume that he feels that due to the fact that he's a werewolf that there is no chance of them ever being together." I glanced at Remus, "You will be glad to hear that love is blind, if she likes you - go for it. Regret is for the stupid and you are not stupid."

Remus gulped, "Actually that's exactly it. Look, I don't know if she likes me and I don't want to - I don't want to hurt her. She's a muggle, I mean if she was a witch she would at least somewhat understand. A werewolf and a muggle? That's a horror story come to life." He said, bitterly like he didn't want to admit it.

James gave him a sympathetic look, "C'mon mate, you might as well tell her how you really feel. What are you going to lose?"

Remus pretended to think about it, "Me? I'm not going to lose anything. But she might lose something. Her life."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Moony, love. You're being too dramatic. I mean, we've all been friends for what five, six years? Have you ever hurt us to the point that we needed to be hospitalised?" He paused for a moment, "Don't answer that."

I bit my tongue to prevent me from laughing, "Remus, come on. You're not going to let your disease stop you from falling in love. She could be the one! Besides, love is blind! When she realises how great you are she'll forget all about the werewolf thing," I said optimistically.

Remus seemed to process what I was saying, I wasn't sure if he was convinced or not. Finally, he looked at me, a faint blush still evident on his face and said: "Do you really think I should? But what if she doesn't see me that way?" he said unsurely.

Peter coughed, "You should at least try, who knows. Maybe she'll think you're brave or something." He turned pink when he realised all of us were looking at him, a bit impressed actually. "I could be wrong though." He said, looking away.

Sirius nodded at Peter, "He's right. Look, I'm an expert when it comes to girls. If she doesn't like you then don't worry. There are many - many fish in the sea. Just catch yourself one."

I scoffed, hitting Sirius with my hand. "Excuse you? We are not fish to be caught. Moony, if you want to know if she likes you - just look at the signs. See how she acts around you, what she says - does she smile or laugh a lot? Does she touch you? You need to start paying attention. You're going home for the holidays right? So you'll see her. Observe and then make your move."

Remus ran a hand through his hair and I knew that we had persuaded him to do it, "Why do I feel like this is going to backfire in my face?" he asked rhetorically.

Trust me, this was nothing compared to what I had learned today.