Hi everyone! I'm sooo sorry this chapter took so long! Truth be told, most of it was sitting since the last time I updated but I needed to get my stuff together and clear my head. I started school last week and a new story (A Dragons' Princess) so things with this story will be a little funky, but hopefully you'll still stick around! Thanks for your patience and enjoy!
Irena stood in the doorway of her room listening to see if her siblings and Nova had gone yet. She didn't want them to ask her questions, she wasn't in the mood.
She wasn't really hungry, but she figured she had to eat something. She didn't need to get sick. She didn't want to worry anyone. Hopefully there was something little left over from breakfast she could snag and go back to her room.
She heard nothing. No little voices. She supposed she was safe.
She crept out of her room, expecting to see no one. But there was Hic in the contraption her dad had made when the twins were born- a little wooden toddler sized chair on legs about three feet off the ground with a tray in front of it for food and a few straps to keep the baby from slipping out. Astrid had thought he was crazy at first, but it was a life saver. No more holding a squirming little kid while trying to eat yourself.
If Hic was there, her mom was nearby.
She tried to escape back to her room, but she stepped on a creaky board. And it was too late.
"Irena?" Astrid asked.
Darn. Mothers knew everything.
Irena walked out into the main room slowly. Astrid was sitting at the table, papers spread out in front of her, not looking very well. Toothless was curled up between Hic's seat and hers, ears at attention and hoping for Hic to drop something he was eating. Astrid bit her lip as she looked up at her oldest daughter. "Sweetheart, you look exhausted."
Irena was certain she did. She hadn't slept well in what was going on about three weeks. She hadn't eaten much either.
"Have you been sleeping?" Astrid questioned, standing up slowly.
Irena shook her head a little. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her. Why had all her siblings seemed to be getting used to the idea that their dad was never coming home while she felt trapped and alone? She didn't want to do anything, she didn't feel like she could. She was miserable and stuck and she felt so broken. Like nothing would ever make her smile again.
She didn't want to sleep. She had nightmares like she hadn't had in years.
Irena didn't want to bother her mother with anything. Her pregnancy wasn't treating her well, she was tired and sick most of the time. And she was emotionally exhausted from Hiccup's death.
Irena loved her father, but her mother loved him differently, deeper, in a way Irena knew she would never understand until she was married. Irena didn't feel like she was allowed to miss her dad so much when her mother missed him so much more.
"You haven't eaten much either." Astrid pointed out, approaching Irena. "This is about Daddy, isn't it?"
Irena couldn't stop herself from crying.
Astrid pulled her into a hug. "Why didn't you say anything, little one?" Astrid was a firm believer in giving her kids privacy and had just assumed that staying secluded was Irena's way of coping, not that she was suffering alone.
"I-I didn't want to bother you." Irena admitted tearfully, snuggling against her mother.
"Bother me?" Astrid questioned, shocked.
"You-you have a lot going on a-and-!"
"Honey, no matter what's going on with me, no matter how busy I am, you can always come talk to me. You know that. You could never be a bother." Astrid murmured, pushing Irena's hair off of her face. "You never have to stay quiet if you're having a hard time with anything. Sometimes talking about things, makes it not hurt so much."
Irena just cried for a while. Toothless had not abandoned Hic, who was curiously watching the scene in front of him, but had turned his attention to Irena.
"Your father loved you very much. And you love him. He was a special person. If you miss him even half as much as I do, it's unbearable. It hurts. It won't ever stop hurting, but it will get better in time. But until it gets better, you can come talk to me. Or even just sit with me if don't have anything to say. I will always be here for you." Astrid wasn't sure if she could cry anymore if she wanted to, but her voice shook near tears several times.
Irena rested her head on Astrid's shoulder, feeling truly safe and loved for the first time in weeks. "Why do I feel so... wrong?" Irena questioned softly after a while. "Gabe and the girls seem to be okay and I feel... broken. Is there something wrong with me?"
"Emotions hit everyone differently, little one. There's nothing wrong with you."
"...have you cried, Mom?"
"Yes. A lot." Astrid admitted with a sad sort of shrug. "So much your dad would complain to me, because I'm not much of a cryer and he'd find it weird that he made me cry. I think I've cried myself out of tears."
Irena squeezed her eyes shut and sniffled. "I wish I could cry myself out of tears."
Astrid smoothed down Irena's hair silently.
"I-I think I feel better..." the small blonde said softly. "Thank you, Mom."
"Of course," Astrid smiled a little. "It's about Hic's nap time. Why don't you take him and go get some sleep?" Maybe she could use the opportunity to get something done. Or sleep. Whichever was better.
Hic had been silently feeding himself (or, more accurately, feeding Toothless) bits of bread and cheese. He had a rather big appetite for a small little boy. Astrid likened several times it to Hiccup when he was sixteen or so and how impossibly much food he practically inhaled because of puberty.
At the mention of his name, Hic looked up at his mom and sister.
"What do you think, little guy? Do you want to go take a nap with ReRe?"
Hic smiled widely. "ReRe, nap! Yes."
Astrid pulled Hic from his chair and handed the happy baby to his sister, who hugged him close. "You sleep as long as you want, Irena. If Hic gets up, I'll come get him."
"Thanks, Mom." Irena almost smiled.
Astrid dropped a kiss on Hic's head and smiled at the two of them. Irena took Hic back to her room and Toothless followed after.
Astrid sighed and sat in a chair with her head in her hands. Everything was so different now.
Gabe was in the woods, his (rather destructive actually) wooden sword at his side as he ambles through the trees.
He didn't really have any particular reason to be in the woods. He just liked to go there. No one bothered him. No one gave him pitiful looks. He could cry in peace.
He didn't want to cry in front of his mother, or even near her. She was so busy and so uneasy herself. He didn't want to bother her. He didn't want her to hug him and kiss him and tell him everything would work itself out when she had better things to do.
Sometimes when he crawled into her bed, that's what he wanted. A long hug and a promise. She always scratched his back to help him fall asleep when he came into her room. She had done it when he was two and afraid of lightning and she still did it now. It was gentle and comforting.
But during the day, he was tough. He didn't cry. He was Hiccup's son and Thor above, he was going to prove it somehow. He intended to prove that he would make as good as a chief as his dad. He intended to make Berk proud as well as his mom, but also his dad.
It would be hard though now with his dad gone. Maybe he should've payed more attention.
His mother was brave and smart and wise and he trusted her completely, but it would be better if he still had his dad.
He also just wanted his dad back for other things. Like showing him hiding spots and helping him fly Toothless and going to him for help with his friends and with girls later on. He missed how his dad called him buddy and that even when he was in trouble, his dad was fair and honest with punishments. He missed play-wrestling with him. He even missed the hugs. Even though he pretended to hate the hugs, he loved them.
He loved his dad.
And he was gone.
And it wasn't going to be easy, but he was going to work really hard to make him proud. He was going to help his mom more and play with his siblings more. He was going to work more on his reading and writing. He was going to try and learn every villagers name and be nice to all the dragons.
Gabe sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
And very importantly, he wasn't going to cry anymore.
A/N: Poor Gabe and Irena! They're having a hard time... it really hurts me to hurt them. I'm being honest.
Sadness aside, thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think! And if you want to check out my new story, it's called The Dragons' Princess and I'm super proud of it!
Thanks again for reading! Have a great day!