Chapter XX – I'll Be Your Downfall

"What…do you mean?"

The words spilled out of my mouth before my mind had chance to register anything. He wasn't joking about me smelling from a mile away or implying that there was any telltale, but not out of the ordinary, sign that tipped him off every time I'd approached him so all I was left with was…well, thoughts I wish I didn't have to entertain.

"What I meant was…" he paused for a moment to look away and peer downward. "What happened today didn't come out of nowhere. I'd…only fooled myself into thinking it had."

My mind was racing and the fact that the room was silent for a good handful of seconds wasn't helping me or my nerves at all. The fact that those seconds were threatening to turn into a solid minute of pure wordless tension building was threatening to push this nerve-having business into full-blown nausea.

"…Squall?" I called out in a whisper to gently remind him of my presence.

I still received no response and was left even more bewildered as he developed a newfound fascination with his hands and acted near-catatonic all of a sudden. I mean, he wasn't a 15 year-old girl writing some vague, passive aggressive post on a social site, trying to drum up some attention while having no intention of explaining what she was referring to – there was no reason for him to dangle some vague insinuation that there was something up and not elaborate on what he meant. He was several years too old and way too pragmatic to pull that kind of crap in my opinion.

Well, I too was no stranger preferring more direct approaches either. I broke up the staring contest he was having with his hands by planting my own down on the edge of his bed for stability and craning my neck enough so I could look him directly in the eyes. He didn't move but his expression was unreadable in the darkness and so were his thoughts because I couldn't divine anything from him.

'Finish what you start, Leonhart. You need to tell me what you were referring to.' I firmly sent. 'I don't care what it is, how much you think it'll hurt me…I need to know.'

When he continued his game of mute, I deliberately shifted from this leaning position I was in to seat myself on the bed in order to save my neck but keep the intimidation factor of being in-slash-invading his personal space. Naturally this didn't go as smoothly as I wanted it to because I ended up partially sitting on his left leg by accident.

I was going to move off of him but I was suddenly frozen in place by a foreign sensation. It wasn't the subtle jolt of brushing against someone's body by accident, the sudden giddiness brought on by a caffeine high or anything I could really put my finger on. It was just…different.

'You ease my pain whenever you're around.' His response made me simultaneously tilt my head upwards and sideways. 'It felt like I was on my death bed for those first few days. When the periods of agonizing pain shortened…the doctors told me that it's never happened before. I'd assumed it owed to my drive to find Ellone but I never took in account the timing of the pain-free periods until today. After I'd carried you on my back to the second floor, I knew something was off when I was heavily questioned about how I had the strength to carry you upstairs single-handedly. When you were sent away and the pain started to return like it had when we'd went our separate ways earlier…I just knew.'

'And now?'

He furrowed his brow. '…You're still doing the same.'

'You're not telling me the whole truth.' I sent. 'There's something else weighing on your mind because telling me that I eased your pain all this time wouldn't need that much courage to say when you didn't make it seem like you were only allowing my company for that random perk.'

'I allowed your company because I didn't have the energy to shoo you away. And even when I did, you inexplicably returned with smoothies. It made no difference what I wanted.' he dryly sent.

I gave him a look. 'You pick the absolute worst time to be cute with me, you know that? The absolute worst.'

'And you picked the absolute worst time to sit on me. Are we even now?'

I don't know why it took me this long but I finally moved off his leg after that comment. 'There, I'm no longer crushing your thigh with my butt. Can we stop this game now and just be honest with one another?'

'It wasn't a game. It never was.' he solemnly stated. With a flick of his fingers, a small flame appeared between us, illuminating both our faces a fraction more for a brief moment before the fire extinguished itself and we were only left with the soft glow of the moon provided by the window behind us.

There were no words. All I could do was look at him in horror; for some reason, the expression on my face didn't faze him in the slightest. After all, I wanted the truth and got it, didn't I?

'These past few days, it was more than just alleviated pain – I'd get these…sudden surges of energy that would leave me restless.' he simply explained as if it was nothing. 'They seemed to happen around the times you'd told me that my eyes turned back to grey. I have my theories but…nothing concrete. After today's ordeal, I had so much energy stockpiled that it nearly pained me to sit still. By sheer luck, maybe necessity, I somehow found out how to do that. It…the fire trick helped me get back to feeling somewhat normal.'

I just…looked at him for the longest time before I could say anything. And if I didn't know any better, I think the long pause was starting to affect him judging by the subtle changes were manifesting themselves in his otherwise-steadfast expression.

"I'm sorry. This is just…very hard to process." I whispered back. 'There are just so many unknowns and…'

I stopped myself and just let out a huge sigh. I obviously had a million questions about his fire fingers but I put them aside for now - he needed to hear something different right now.

"Aside from me stating the obvious here…just know that if you're worried that I might think of you any differently - don't, ok?" I quietly began to tell him instead, making a point to looking him in the eye. Reaching out, I calmly placed my hand over his – specifically the one he'd conjured the flame from. 'But that being said, this obviously can't get out – especially when we know so little and they can use that to their advantage and since, well, I…don't think I have CET. I don't have any symptoms right now and the colour of my eyes right now is closer to my father's eye colour than yours.'

I wanted to take a chance and tell him more about my suspicions but he responded before I could do just that.

'-They know it's not. I overheard them say something about doing some tests in the morning because you had no fever or any of the other signs.' he sent. 'Don't go looking for me tomorrow.'

'I understand why but…will you be ok?' I asked, 'I mean, we could find a quiet place to hide if you're feeling horrib-'

'No. I survived today, I can handle tomorrow.' he firmly sent, slipping his hand out from underneath mine. 'I…don't want to become dependent on…this to get me through the day.'

'Ok.' Trying to ignore the sudden change in temperature, I nodded. 'I guess…I'd better get going before someone walks in on us.'

'…That would probably be for the best.'

'Alright. See you…the day after?'

He immediately nodded back.

Right then and there, I had the sudden urge to give him a big goodbye hug despite the fact that I should have known better than to have those kinds of ideas and thoughts by now. Naturally, when I tried to curb said urge with a handshake instead, he looked at me funny.

'Not gonna lie here - I'm super scared about what the next few days might bring and my first impulse is to hug you tight. But I know that you don't do hugs so a handshake is me compromising. Can you please work with me here, Squall?'

To my surprise, he actually ditched the confused look and extended his hand for me to shake. I took it in mine and shook it firmly – it was obviously no replacement for hug but…part of me was happy that he obliged my silly request all the same. Part of me was also sad that I had to leave and cause him pain however. Literally speaking, of course.

When our hands finally untangled themselves, I just went in for a hug since he was at the right angle anyway.

"…Thought you said you weren't going to hug me." he quietly pointed out, tensing a bit like I figured he would.

"I know…but it just wasn't the same." I whispered in his ear. Then a thought jolted me and I let go. Immediately, I whispered, "Wait, you're not going to be up all night in pain because I was right beside you for this long, are you?"

He shook his head. 'I don't think it works that way.' he sent. With the moonlight catching his eyes at the right angle, I could see that his eyes were still blue. '…Your presence only calms the symptoms. Whenever I get those surges and my eyes go back to grey…I think it might have more to do with me than you though I'm not entirely sure of the triggers involved.'

'Well, that's good to know.' I sent back. Naturally this was before I realized how it could be taken but at this point, I didn't care and it didn't seem like he did either. In fact, I boldly decided to joke with him. 'Now I'll be able to turn you into huggy person without guilt then!'

One of his eyebrows quirked upwards ever so slightly. '…I think I was mistaken. You might induce spontaneous combustion.'

I snickered under my breath. '…Spontaneous combustion, huh? I was worried that you might be up all night, not that you had problems controlling the urge to explode.'

That one eyebrow stopped quirking in order for him to shoot me a look. '…I'm taking back those points for originality I gave you earlier today.'

'Now that's really upsetting.' I deadpanned. 'I was hoping to cash them in for a cool prize. Well, assuming we weren't playing a game where everything's made up and the points don't matter.'

'…Fine. Your points are reinstated. Stop talking gibberish at me.'

One last snicker escaped my mouth before a sober smile took hold. 'That's a tall order but I guess that can be remedied by actually doing that thing I was supposed to do minutes ago.'

Without much fanfare, I simply got up from my sitting position and off the bed entirely without causing as much as a squeak from the mattress to emit, walking to the foot of the bed before stopping to say anything to him to make sure there was at least some space between us before I said my goodbyes for the night. As expected, I received a curt nod from him before I went off on my own back to my own room and suddenly felt the weight of the world back on my shoulders again. It probably showed because my posture was pretty slouched by the time I'd turned rightward once I was out of the room.

While it would have been easy to just chalk this up to nerves and anxiety about what was to come tomorrow and all the days after but, I…could have sworn that I'd felt a distinct difference upon exiting the room. It made me wonder if I was now experiencing something similar to what Squall had been mentioning he felt. Obviously, more in spirit than the specifics he'd mentioned, just anything that would affect my current state of mind, mood or…whatever. Then again, this could very well just be a case of me being a huge hypochondriac.

"I'd carry out your intimate affairs a little more discreetly, Ms. Caraway."

If it was at all possible, I froze and jumped a million feet at the same time. That voice…

When she came out of the shadows of another room, my eyes doubled at the sight of a slender figure with a severe ponytail in form-fitting white black scrubs blocking my path.

My first instinct was to run the other way but…with the floor being a virtual circuit the point was moot. I still took a step back though.

"I…didn't do what…you think I did." I stammered before mustering a little bravado. "Then again, it's a little rich to suspect that considering you were the one who put us in the same room the other day Nurse Remy."

She audibly groaned. "Whatever impression you got, drop it now. I'm on your side." she whispered two inches away from my face.

"I have a hard time believing that after what happened to Squall the morning after." I coolly responded, though I damn well knew that I was playing with fire at this point.

"Fair enough." she conceded. A moment later however, she began to fish something out of her pockets. "But I think you'll believe me after this."

When a folded piece of paper was handed to me, she fished through her other pocket to produce a cell phone. After a few swipes and taps of her right pointer finger, what had to be some sort of flashlight app allowed her to shine some light on the paper I was holding. I just looked up at Nurse Remy once the light allowed me to see some chicken scratch.

"This is Nurse Bear's writing." I quietly said.

"Read it – it'll explain everything." she instructed. "Don't worry about someone walking in on us. A scheduling oversight made it so that I'm the only one on this floor for two hours – and there's another hour to go. There aren't any cameras along this stretch of hallway either."

With a slight nod, I fumbled with the piece of paper between my fingers to unfold it completely. My stomach conveniently decided to choose this moment to remind me that it was about 16 hours since I'd last had anything to eat but I shut up its whining with a few calming breaths.

Still…I hoped that this would be the last time in a long while that I'd be dealing with ghosts.

Remy, I wouldn't normally put you in this position but if it's at all possible, the brother needs to be shown what happened to her before he possibly goes off to look on his own when he's feeling better. I just fear that he'll be in a situation like his friend was and I won't be there to reason with them not to imprison him on the spot because I suspect that he'll be as appealing to them as she is. I'd arrange it myself but I've been shipped to the 3rd floor because he suspects something (hence the low-tech-iness here). The next page has the details on how to go about it…

I couldn't seem to unglue my eyes from the sole page I held in my hands — I just had one thing on my mind and one thing only right now.

"…She lied to me." I murmured aloud, mostly to myself. "They did know I was there."

"And it won't be long before they approach you again after today's events."

I looked up.

"…What do you mean?"

"You're finally transitioning and it's nothing like anyone's seen before." she pointed out. "You're not a regular case or even a standard CET case – and anyone with brains would say that neither is he. This is their excuse to bring out the heavy-hitters to poke around you and your friend's business."

"…So what you're saying is that we're as good as dead then."

"If you don't listen to what I say next, yes."

Needless to say, horrified was just an understatement here.