21. Lost
"Why would you want to do that?" they ask him at the DA parties when he says he's taking Muggle art classes. He just shrugs after the first time. He's tired of trying to explain how he still doesn't feel at home in the world he fought for, how magic never seemed like a real way of life and more like something he would come home from at the end of the day.
He's in the back alley lighting up his pipe this time because this get-together will be better when he's stoned when the door out of the Leaky opens again. He glances up and sees Justin Finch-Fletchley in peacoat and Burberry scarf. "H'lo," mutters Dean.
"Hi," says Justin. From his inner pocket he fishes out a Muggle cigarette and flicks a lighter.
Dean asks, "When'd you pick that up?"
"Abroad," says Justin. "Last year."
"Right."
"You were in hiding, weren't you?" he asks.
Dean puffs haughtily on his pipe. "Not all of us can swan off to America at the drop of a hat."
"I know," says Justin.
They smoke in silence. Dean contemplates Justin as he lounges against the brick wall, the chill breeze ruffling his blond hair.
He asks, "How are your classes?"
"Good," says Dean.
"My dad got me a job with his campaign," says Justin. "No one understands it either."
Dean hums in sympathy.
"But wizarding jobs, they don't feel real, you know?" Justin continues. "I don't…feel like a wizard sometimes. Do you get that? I'm magic, but I'm no wizard."
Breathing out a plume of smoke, and maybe because he's starting to feel it, Dean meets Justin's eyes for the first time. "I get it."
He and Justin start spending time lost together in London, Muggle and magical. Seamus doesn't seem to have much to say on the matter. He's too busy lounging about after Auror training, which must drain his energy something terrible. Dean doesn't know what he expected: some bother, some Seamus being Seamus, like when he started hanging out with Ginny.
As he and Justin are discussing their closets of magic things, that part of their lives hidden away in case company comes, Dean mentions, "Seamus wants to live somewhere where we don't have to hide someday."
"I can't imagine you out of the city," says Justin.
Dean is warmed unexpectedly by how well Justin understands him already. "I know. I don't want to leave."
"You don't have to live with him, do you?"
The question surprises Dean. He's never considered living alone, or just being without Seamus. He imagines an endless school summer. "I've never thought about it."
"If you want different things, it just makes sense," says Justin. "That's all I'm saying."
"Yeah."
Justin leans back in his chair and gives him this smile, and Dean can't tell what it's supposed to mean, but he thinks he knows what he wants it to.