Quick side note, the chances of there being an update next week is slim. I'm apparently not going to be sleeping or functioning at all next week. The chapter will get writen but probably won't get a chance to be edited. If that ends up being the case I will try for another double upload the week after. I could technically upload this chapter next week but screw that! That's for the intelligent, I choose to be difficult ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Be More Chill' or any of it's adaptations or content.

Replaced

Chapter XX

~Can You Imagine?~

Michael let out a breath when he was finally able to close his house door. It was silent, but the type of silence he needed. He turned around and barely caught a glimpse of Reese descending the basement stairs.

"Reese," he called, his voice barely sounding. The SQUIP didn't reappear and he quietly followed after them. He didn't try to speak to them again until he made it all the way down stairs and saw them retreating into their room.

"Reese," he called again. When he saw them purposefully ignoring him he rushed to their door before they could reach it and grabbed the knob to stop them from entering. "Hey, don't ignore me."

"Let me through," they demanded quietly.

"No. You're staying out here until you turn back on and talk this shit out," the teen snapped. Reese's eyes locked with his.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"No."

"Don't fucking say 'no' to me! Not after I defended your ass after all you just did! No, you're going to fucking feel and apologize for what you did!"

"No."

"Stop it, Reese! Don't fucking do this!"

"I'd rather be difficult than to feel something I can't handle." Michael stared at them, lost on words.

"Reese, I know it's hard but you have to. You need to. I need you." The SQUIP let out a small, bitter laugh.

"You 'need' me?"

"Yes, I do. Please, Reese." The teen didn't know what to do. The computer seemed unmovable. There was nothing he could do to physically make them change back. All he could do was beg, and it was pathetic. Not being able to think of anything better he pulled the SQUIP into a hug. It felt incredible wrong. His stomach twisted at the contact. It's like his brain knew this wasn't Reese. This was the SQUIP…the one that hurt Jeremy…and yet here he was hugging it. The computer didn't even hug back and it hurt even more. He felt pathetic for even trying. "Please," he begged, "Please, turn it on. Please. I need you. I need you back. I can't do this…Please." His body started shaking and tears started welling up. This was a disaster. It couldn't have gone worse. And now the one person he really needed right now was gone. He knew they were so close and yet too far out his reach.

His breath caught in his throat when he felt Reese's body begin to tremble as well. His heart began to beat fast in his chest when he felt their hand take his arms and pull them away from them, taking a step back.

"Don't," their wavering voice pleaded. Looking up his heart skipped a beat. There were tears trailing down the SQUIP's face as they struggled desperately to hold in their cries.

"Reese," he called hopefully, trying to take their hand. Reese recoiled, holding their hand close to their chest as though it had been burnt. They quickly shook their head, their tears streaming thickly down their face as their breaths became more shallow.

"Don't," they choked, panting for air as their body trembled more dangerously.

"Reese, it's okay," Michael tried coaxing but they just shook their head more, taking another step back.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no," they whispered frantically, their body swaying as their breath's came in shorter.

"Reese, breathe!" the teen demanded desperately, trying to take a step forward but the SQUIP only stepped back.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," they continued to whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay!" Michael tried but it fell on deaf ears.

"Terrible. Terrible. Defect. Sorry. No. No. No. No. Please. Don't."

"Reese…" He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. Once again they wouldn't let him near them and they weren't listening. He bit his lip, trying to think of what to do. Not coming up with many options he took in a deep breath and yelled, "I'm sorry!" Reese flinched at the loud voice and ceased their mumbling. Seeing the small opportunity Michael quickly took the steps to close the distance between them and grabbed Reese's hand in a tight grip.

"Don't run! I'm here, okay? I'm here," he coaxed as gently as he could while still keeping his voice firm. Reese shook their head and tried to move their hand away but the teen kept their grip.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I know. I know you are."

"I can't. I can't." The SQUIP shook their head, "I-I can't control myself." Michael's heart panged but he slowly nodded.

"I know. I know that wasn't you."

"I-It was."

"No, it wasn't. Reese, you just said it yourself. It's not your fault."

"I-I hurt him," Reese's breaths came in dangerously shallow as they began hyperventilating, "I-I hurt him. I-I…I-I…"

"Reese, you need to breath," Michael said desperately, holding the SQUIP still as they began to sway.

"I-I hurt him."

"You didn't mean to."

"I-I did. I-I did. I-I…I-I…"

"Reese, it's not your fault. That was the SQUIP, it wasn't you."

"I-I am…I-I am them…"

"No, you're not. Reese you're not them! You would never have done that!"

"I-I did."

"Reese, stop! Don't do this to yourself. It's not your fault. You couldn't control yourself and no one was stopping you. I should have done better."

"D-Don't."

"It's true! And…I shouldn't have said what I did to you." Reese's shoulders hunched up as they tried desperately to hold in the sob that was trying to get out, slapping their broken hand against the mouth to try to muffle their sounds. Michael quickly grabbed their wrist and tried to move it away but as soon as he did the SQUIP broke. The teen didn't miss a beat in pulling the computer into a tight hug as they began to sob.

"I-I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry," they cried, hugging him tight.

"I know," Michael choked, tears welling up in his own eyes, "I know."

"I-I didn't mean it."

"I know."

"J-Jeremy…"

"…I know."

"I-I didn't…I-I didn't…please, no…please just kill me."

"Reese," Michael gasped, his own body trembling now in fear, "Don't say that."

"I-I can't control myself," they cried, burying their face deeper in his neck. "I-I can't. I-I'll hurt him. A-And you. A-And…A-And…I-I almost said…I-I almost told…No, no, please…"

"Reese, please," the teen began to cry, hugging the SQUIP tighter, "I-I know. W-We're going to figure this out, okay? We're going to fix it. But I need you to trust me, okay?"

"I-I'm so sorry, Michael."

"I know. Please, Reese."

"I-I don't want to…to hurt you…"

"I know."

"Y-You were right," they sniffed, "I…I am desperate…I…I want you to like me…because I like you but I keep hurting you a-and…a-and it's not fair. B-But I don't know how to make it stop." Michael's heart skipped a beat.

"I didn't mean what I said," he whispered, trying to find his voice, "Or…Or not how it sounded. I didn't mean to hurt you like that. I'm sorry."

"D-Don't."

"Reese, please."

"P-Please. P-Please be mad. I-I don't…I-I don't deserve this."

"I can't. It's not your fault, and I know you think it is. I promise I won't let it happen again, okay? I'll stop you."

"No. No. Not again. I won't. I won't hurt him. I won't hurt you. Please."

"I won't let you, I promise. Don't you trust me?"

"Michael, please."

"Do you trust me?" he repeated more firmly. Reese sniffed.

"Yes."

"Then let me help you. We'll figure it out, okay? I won't let you hurt Jeremy or anyone else…or yourself, okay?"

"He'll never trust me…He hates me…He wants me gone," Reese's body started shaking violently again, their hold tightening, "I should…I should…"

"No," Michael said firmly, "Don't even finish that sentence."

"I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't. I should be dead. I keep hurting everyone I ever meet. I don't deserve to live."

"Reese, stop it."

"You know it. You've seen it."

"You don't deserve to die, Reese!"

"They should have just left me where they found me and let me die," Reese cried. Michael's brows furrow in confusion but quickly shook it away. He pulled back from the embrace before cupping the SQUIP's face with both of his hands and forcing them to look at him.

"I never want to hear you say that again," he said firmly, eyes unwavering. Despite his voice his body was shakily dangerously. He didn't know what he was doing, all he knew was he needed to help Reese. "I never want you to ever doubt that you belong here. You deserve to be here as much as me. Do you think I should be here?"

"Michael-"

"Do you think I should die?"

"No! No, don't-"

"Then neither should you." Tears started streaming down Michael's face. "You said…You said once that if I ever needed to talk about what happened back then that you'd be here…So be here. And I'll be here too, for you. So don't talk like that anymore, okay?" Reese stared at him watery eyed.

"…I'm scared," they confessed, barely above a whisper. Michael nodded.

"I-I know. So am I. But we're gonna fix it. Ninety-nine and one, remember? We can do it." Reese bit their lip.

"What if…What if Jeremy…What if he drinks…" Michael's heart froze.

"I…I don't know," he whispered. Swallowing the lump in his throat he continued, "If…If Ari's alive then…then maybe…maybe you'll be okay?" Reese nodded slowly, but the fear barely left their eyes. Michael slid his hand up and wiped some of their tears away.

"I promise everything will be okay. No matter what they can't separate us. And tomorrow…tomorrow, no more hiding."

"What?" Reese asked confused, a pink hue rising to their cheeks at the hands still on their face. Michael noticed it but didn't say anything.

"If you act differently around Jeremy than we need to do what we can to stop you. Maybe…Maybe hand holding will calm you. It usually does."

"…You can't be serious."

"I am. Maybe if I wasn't so scared to let them see us together we could have avoided today…"

"Don't say that. It's not your fault."

"It doesn't matter. Tomorrow, we're doing it."

"They're going to think I'm manipulating you," Reese said quietly.

"…Well, we'll have to convince them then," Michael took the SQUIP's hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Tomorrow, you'll see your Michael again. I'll kick down the door and make an entrance with you in toll. No one will question me then." Reese stared at him for a long moment.

"…My Michael?" The teen blinked.

"Yeah…your Michael, remember? You're the only one who remembers me like that," he reminded.

"…Jeremy does too. So…his Michael."

"…Reese, I know what you're hinting at. I didn't think I needed to make myself clear that I don't belong to him."

"He's your everything." Michael paused, blinking at the computer surprised. Reese glanced away. "…I meant what I said before…that you'd do anything for him, not matter what he does. He means everything to you…"

"He's my best friend."

"He's the reason you…" The SQUIP bit their lip hard before they could continue, reopening the wound on it and letting the blood flow. Michael's eyes widened and he quickly wiped at the blood.

"Reese, be careful!" he chastised.

"…I'm sorry."

"I know." The teen sighed, "I know it's hard to understand…I don't know if I do…but it was complicated what happened then, okay? And…I don't want to talk about it right now." Reese stared at him for a long moment.

"…But…he must be truly special to you if you'd forgive him for that, but not me, even when I never brought you to that point…" Michael stared at them. He opened his mouth before closing it, biting his lip indecisively. He took a shuttered breath.

"Reese, I…back then…I mean…" he stumbled, trying to find the right words. Reese shook their head, taking a step back.

"…You have nothing to explain. I'm sorry," they whispered.

"No, Reese, you don't understand. Jeremy…he's my best friend and I know that looks like he means more to me than that, but-"

"Michael, we both know he is more than that to you. You've told me yourself."

"It's not like that anymore! Things have changed - I've changed! I have to admit to myself that I don't feel that way towards him anymore and that…that…" His voice died again. He put a hand to his throat. Why did this keep happening? Why couldn't he just say what he felt? Why was he so scared?

"Michael," Reese called quietly, "Don't."

"No, Reese, you have to understand. I care about you too, okay? I care about you a lot. I know you'd never want to hurt me or Jeremy." Reese was quiet but gave a small nod. Michael bit his lip again, debating what to say.

"Reese, I need you to promise me something." The SQUIP looked at him slightly confused. "I…I need you to promise you'll listen to me from now on. And what I mean is…I know tomorrow things might get out of hand again and Jeremy might say some things…But I don't want you to listen to him. I need you to listen to me and only me, okay? And when I tell you something you need to obey. You know you're not in your right mind when you're around him so you know that what I'm tell you is probably correct. Can you do that?"

"…Yes," Reese answered uncertainly. Michael shook his head.

"There can't be any doubt about it. If you want me to be your everything then I need to outvote Jeremy and SQUIP you. I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?" he repeated. The SQUIP's eyes widened in surprise. Michael was nervous at first just blurting that out but it quickly doused when the computer's eyes glistened with tears - happy ones.

"There's no doubt of my answer," they whispered, hugging Michael again and burying their face in his neck. Michael gave a small smile but didn't give in.

"Say it," he said firmly, wanting full confirmation. Leaning his head against theirs he whispered in their ear, "Say your answer. Out loud."

"Yes." His heart fluttered at the firm answer. His smile widened as he hugged them close. He felt happy, or as happy as he could with all the shit that happened today. He was happy that his Reese was back. Happy that they agreed to let him help. He hopes they actually do trust him and will confide in him more. He doesn't want anything to ever happen to them again, or let them do anything they'd regret again. He was willing to step up his game. He knew better now what to expect and he can deal with it. He just needed Reese there, and everything would be okay.

They held their embrace for a long time, neither wanting to pull back. It was Reese who began to move first, but Michael's hold wasn't lenient and only let them move so far, something unintentionally done. Unable to fully pull away the SQUIP could only move back a few inches, placing them in a very different situation. Their face was now hovering close to Michael's and everything froze. The teen's face heated up at the proximity and he could see the same on the computer, and yet neither of them moved. The tension only grew. One would have to move sooner or later, in either direction. They both knew what the appropriate answer was, but…Michael didn't know when another opportunity like this would come again.

Without a second thought he moved forward and pressed his lips against theirs. Reese's breath hitched, eyes wide at the action. Michael held the kiss for a moment before pulling back to look the SQUIP directly in the eyes. He whispered, "I forgive you."

A/N: Forgiveness...Can you imagine?