Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes! They all made me smile. I was amazed at the number of reviews for the last chapter! I know it was short but hopefully posting this chapter so quickly will make up for it. Not to mention a moment many have you have been waiting 20 long chapters for... I hope you enjoy!

I don't own Twilight.

BPOV

Christmas morning. I didn't want to open my eyes and acknowledge the day, though I had been awake for a few minutes. I rolled over and heard an unfamiliar sound as I turned. Once I noticed that, I realized a scent that hadn't been there before was also filling the room. Slowly, cautiously, I opened my eyes to look around me.

Things were not as they had been when I fell asleep the night before. My bed (and me, for that matter) was awash in a sea of flowers. They were beautiful, of course, and resembled small spinning wheels. The outside of each petal was white and it turned into a vibrant yellow on the inside. Each of the six petals was turned to slip under the next and they had the most delicate and delicious scent that permeated the room. I couldn't help the smile that overcame my face. I looked around me for the note I knew would be somewhere. I found it on my bedside table, another of the flowers resting on top of it.

Merry Christmas Bella. Love, Edward.

I traced the words he had written for me. Seeing his handwritten note reminded me of the gift from last night. I was nervous to read what everyone had written but, at the same time, I longed to know. I carefully slipped from my bed, trying not to disturb the beautiful flowers, and made my way over to the small table next to the chairs that I loved to read in where I had placed the box the night before.

I settled into my chair and carefully opened the box. I couldn't decide which letter I wanted to read first, so I chose at random.

***

Carlisle

Bella,

This is my hope for you, that you find peace. Life is never easy, and you know that better than most people ever will. You have been given far too much for someone so young to handle. You may wonder how you will ever feel peace again. I have no answers for you, as that is a journey that each person must take on their own and, as such, is unique to each person that takes it. What I can offer you, however, is my own story.

My father was a religious man that sought out the evils of the world with a vengeance. I followed him in this quest, and was either lucky enough or unlucky enough to truly find it in a nest of ancient vampires one day. I didn't know what I was up against and was bitten. Before the vampire could make off with me to finish the job, others were coming. He ran, carrying another man that had been with me. I acted on instinct and hid, trying to save what was left of my life.

When I emerged three days later, I knew what I had become. I would not have chosen this life. In fact, I tried to find ways to die over and over again. It isn't easy to kill one of my kind, however. I stayed far from humans as possible, so I could resist the temptation their blood presented.

I didn't ask to be a monster.

One day, I stumbled across a herd of animals. I was nearly crazed with thirst and I fell upon them, drinking to save my sanity. Once the thirst was finally satiated enough that I could think again, I realized I had stumbled upon a possible salvation for myself. I dedicated myself and my existence to this new way of life. I studied the arts and medicine, becoming a doctor once my thirst was controlled enough. I have spent several hundred years learning to serve mankind and to heal the wounds of others. It has been a rewarding experience for me and I cherish the life I live, as well as the family I am blessed with.

You may be wondering how this relates to you and finding peace. Bella, I too am a survivor of the violence of another. It changed who I was at my very core. I had to give up everything I held dear and rediscover how to live. Though I know that your circumstances are very different and I in no way mean that I understand your pain and what you are going through, I can say that I understand how it feels to wake up one day and not know where to turn or how to go on. I have been there, and I survived.

Many times we can't control our circumstances. We have little to no control over the actions of others. So what, you may ask, can we do to deal with life? We can choose. Choice is truly the last human freedom. The only thing we can do is choose how to react to the circumstances we are presented with. I chose to find a path that I could accept in my new life. It took time, a great deal of it, but eventually I did find the peace that I sought so desperately. I chose to search for that peace and I found it within myself, where it had always been, waiting patiently for me.

I pray you make the same choice and know that I am always here for you, should you need me.

With love and hope,

Carlisle

I wiped the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I could see the point that Carlisle was trying to make, as well as the similarities in our stories. Neither one of us chose the lives we were given. He had taken the circumstances that were handed to him and made himself into a man that I admired and respected. I wasn't sure if I could do the same. I wanted to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and start again, but I wasn't sure how to. And I longed for the peace Carlisle had found.

With a shaking hand, I reached into the box again.

***

Esme

Bella,

It took me quite a while to think of how to phrase my hope for you. I know that Rosalie has told you her story, but I haven't shared mine with you yet. I'd like to do that first, before explaining my hope for you.

I married very young to a man that my father chose. My husband was abusive. He beat me and, when he went away to the war, I prayed every day to be notified of his death. That may seem heartless, or harsh, but it's the truth. My prayers weren't answered though. My husband returned from the war even angrier than before. It didn't take much for him to become violent with me. When I found out I was pregnant, I found the courage in myself to leave him.

My son was stillborn and a large part of me died with him. I threw myself off a cliff in my despair. That's how Carlisle found me.

Now I'd like to explain my hope for you. Trust is a very fragile and precious thing. Think of a piece of china that has been broken. Trust is like that china. Once it's broken, you can try to glue the pieces back together. You may even succeed in that. But the lines from the break are always there.

You can never fully erase the lines from broken trust. It's a sad fact but one we must learn to live with. But that trust can be rebuilt in time. With patience, and the support of people that love you, trusting again is possible. It's frightening, and never easy, but it is reachable. It's a long path, and you will be hurt again, but I can promise you that it is worth it. Being able to truly trust someone with everything that you are and know that you are safe is beyond anything I could describe to you. It is worth fighting for.

You are loved by many, and I am blessed to be one of them.

Esme

My mind was spinning. I was aware that I didn't know much about the Cullens but I hadn't really thought of who they were before they were turned. I had only read two of the letters but I was already starting to understand them a little bit better.

I was starting to get hungry but I wasn't ready to go downstairs and see everyone. I debated if I could slip into the kitchen unnoticed. Probably unlikely in a house full of vampires. I sighed and headed for the door. As I opened it I couldn't help but smile. Sitting there, just outside the door, was a tray with a covered plate. I had a feeling I knew who to thank for that. I carried it back over to my chair and settled in to eat while reading the next letter. Sticking to my plan of reading them in no particular order, I reached into the box for the next.

***

Emmett

Bella-bear,

I could list off all kinds of clichés about how wonderful life is and finding joy in the little things, but you and I both know that would be crap. Clichés are just that: cliché. They aren't wisdom or words for the ages. In fact, I don't really have any wisdom for you. I'll leave that to Carlisle and Jasper. I'm sure their letters to you are full of wisdom and stuff.

My hope for you is what I know; joy. For me, joy isn't the same thing as happiness. It's not even in the same category. Weird, right? Don't worry, I'll explain. It's Emmett-logic so hopefully it makes as much sense to you as it does to me. In my mind, happiness is circumstantial. It's caused by people, things and places. Ok, so it's caused by all the nouns. I just realized that… Anyway, back to topic. Happiness is an emotion. It can be changed by circumstance and location. It's fleeting and fickle. It isn't something that can easily be held on to. It's kind of like that friend you always hear about that runs when things get a little tough.

Joy is different than happiness. Joy isn't an emotion; it's a state of being. It's deep inside and unchanging. It's not affected by circumstances or people. You can have joy in the worst moments of your life. It's a realization. It's kind of hard to explain so let me give you an example. Happiness is being in love for the first time, with all the shiny sparkles that goes along with it. It's your favorite ride at Disneyland. Joy is the deep knowledge that, even if you lost that love, you have loved in the first place. It's the memory of the ride that leaves a warm glow. It's allowing the happiness to subtly change the core of who you are to include the joy. It's memories and possibilities and hopes and dreams. It's knowledge in sadness. If happiness is your friend that runs the moment things get hard, joy is your best friend that would never abandon you. It's your rock.

Wow, deep. Ok, I know that's a bit confusing. I know that you are sadder than you have probably ever been in your life right now. It's painful and seems to be never-ending. Joy is finding perspective in the sadness. You can't have the joy without the sadness. How would you know what joy is without having something to compare it to? It's like that yin-yang thing. The depth to which you feel sadness is the depth to which you can feel joy. It's a balance.

My hope for you is that you use this sadness to find your joy and appreciate it fully.

You are my little sister and I love you.

Emmett

I wasn't sure I understood what Emmett was talking about. How could I find joy in sadness? I'd have to think more about his letter.

I finished off my breakfast of scrambled eggs, fruit, toast and juice before leaving the tray back outside the door. I knew I was assuming a lot by doing so, but I just wasn't ready to leave my room yet. I had a feeling the Cullens would understand.

I curled back up in my chair and wrapped the beautiful throw blanket Esme had crocheted for me around me before reaching for the next letter.

***

Alice

Bella,

Seeing the future isn't always a gift. Sometimes I get impatient because I see possibilities for the people I love and I want those to happen right away. I don't want to wait for their happiness so sometimes I try to push things to happen a little bit faster. Sometimes that works and sometimes it backfires. It's always done with the best of intentions though. So I hope you understand that I only want the beautiful future I see as being possible for you. I truly see you as a sister and I want you to be happy, and to have that future.

This is my hope for you: that you find faith in your future, and in yourself.

I know that you question if you are strong enough to survive what's been done to you. You've already come through the physical aspects of the attack, but it's the emotional damage that is causing you to wonder now. Wounds like that are much deeper and slower to heal. I wish I could fast forward time for you so you could see that it won't always bee this way but I know that it wouldn't do any good. With things like this, the journey is more important than the destination because, without the journey, the destination doesn't even exist. Make sense? I know I can be a bit cryptic at times and I do apologize about that, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you.

Have faith in yourself, Bella. You have survived this long. You came back to an uncertain world from a place that you felt safe in. That took a great deal of courage. It's that courage you need to find again to get through each day. Don't worry about the future. Have faith that it will come and you will be ready for it when it does. Think about today, and tomorrow. Have faith that you have the courage to face them, and all the problems they may bring. You found the courage once; it will be there for you again when you need it.

If you can't find the faith in that, then have faith in me. I've seen your future, and it is so beautiful. You just have to find the courage to take it.

All my love,

Alice

The letters were getting to be a bit much to process. Alice's cryptic missive confused me more than it comforted. I didn't understand and I was going to have to spend some time thinking about all of this.

I knew which letter I wanted to read next out of the remaining three so I sifted through them until I found the one I was looking for.

***

Jasper

Bella,

I feel like I know you the best out of everyone in my family and, before I tell you my hope for you, I wanted you to know how much I treasure your trust in me. It's priceless, and I know how much it costs you to share so much with someone. I'll never take that for granted. That's my promise to you.

My hope for you is different than some of the others. I hope that you find a way to be complete with your past. Being raped isn't something you wanted but it isn't something you can change either. You can't shut it out and try to hide it away. It isn't going to leave or disappear, no matter how much we all wish that it would. It isn't that simple. It's a part of who you are now, like it or not.

I know all about hating parts of your past. I lived for a hundred years before meeting Alice and finding the Cullens. Most of that time I am deeply ashamed of and would give anything to take back. But I can't take it back and I can't change it. It's a part of my past and a part of me. It took a long time, but I had to accept that one day and let it integrate with the rest of who I am. Until I did, I was fighting a war I couldn't win because it was a war with the past. There's no way to defeat that. I had to call a truce.

Splitting off what happened to you and trying to keep it separate won't work. It causes you to fragment, in a way, and it's exhausting for you. Every minute of every day you are trying so hard to keep something hidden that affects your every thought and action. It's a hidden motivation, and one that you aren't able to change until you let it come into the light. You've already started to do this by telling me what happened. I'm so proud of you for taking that step.

Now it's time to take another.

My hope is that you will start to accept what happened. You were raped, and as much as we wish we could change that for you, we can't. It's part of who you are now. I hope you find a way to become complete with that part of you. Until you do, the men that did this still win. They control every thought and action you take. I hope you can keep them from any further victories with you. You are stronger than that.

Jasper

Part of me wanted to rage against Jasper's words. How could he ask me or expect me to just accept what had been done to me? Those men ruined my life! They took away everything I thought I was. How could I ever let that go? I could feel the rage burning through me and it scared me a little. I took a few calming breaths and decided to move on to the next letter.

***

Rosalie

Bella,

In some ways I see you as a second chance. Please don't be offended by that. I mean that I see in you all the possibilities I was denied after my own rape. In a sense, I was frozen forever at the moment of my attack. It's made the road to healing much longer and harder than it ever should have been. I used to see in the mirror what made them attack me. Since I never change, it took many years for me to actually want to see myself.

You have the chance to heal from what happened to you in a way that I never did. I meant what I said to you before. I will always walk beside you in this. In a way it gives some meaning to what I went through. I'm now able to help you since I have been where you are.

That brings me to my hope for you. I want you to live, Bella, and not just be alive. There is so much possibility in you and in your future. I want you to discover it and find out what it really means to live. There is beauty and promise in each new day for you. I don't want you to allow this to destroy you. And yes, that is your choice to make.

You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than I am. And you are most definitely stronger than the men that did this to you. Choose to fight for yourself and for life. Don't just lay there and let them continue to take from you. Stand up and be anything you want. Chase life, because you still can. Choose life.

Rosalie

I wasn't offended by Rosalie telling me that she saw me as a second chance. Honestly, I was a bit intimidated and honored. She's so strong, and so beautiful. I wanted to be more like her. I couldn't imagine the times she told me about when she was afraid. Rosalie always seemed to me to be someone that was powerful and always in control. What could she see in me that was like her? Most of the time I felt so weak and small. Was that something I could ever attain? I smiled to myself as the thought that I wanted to be like Rosalie when I grew up passed through my mind.

I hesitated looking at the last letter in the box. Was I ready to read what Edward hoped for me?

I tried to steady my hand but it still shook as I reached for the last, unassuming envelope in the brightly colored box.

***

Edward

Dearest Bella,

I usually know exactly what to say to someone all the time. Of course, I can usually read their minds so that makes it much easier. With you I have a hard time finding the words to tell you what I mean and what I am thinking. It's difficult knowing where to start.

My hope for you is love. I know it sounds horribly cliché and simplistic but it isn't. Love encompasses so much and is so difficult. It's something you can't really hold on to tightly, as it will slip through your fingers. It takes a tremendous amount of trust and faith in yourself and in someone else. I want that for you. I want you to truly be able to experience what it is to surrender all of yourself to another person, wholly and without reservation. Love, in this form, is more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. It's belonging to someone else, as much as they belong to you.

I know after going through a trauma such as yours, it's not easy to think of love or romance. It's frightening and can seem overwhelming. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to take that step.

I see that strength and courage in you every day.

I know that you have it within you to overcome any obstacle and truly live, and love, again.

I believe in you.

Love is always worth the risk.

When you are ready, love will find you. I hope that you will embrace it with your whole heart. Whoever it is, I hope they will be worthy of you. Hold that love lightly in open hands and trust that it will encompass you, rather than smother you. Don't be afraid to let love touch you and change you. This time, the change will be a positive and beautiful thing. Even though love sometimes doesn't work out, it still leaves a piece of the person loved behind in you, and a piece of you in them. You carry that memory always.

Love will be waiting for you when you are ready.

With hope,

Edward

I read and re-read the letter from Edward what felt like a dozen times. I felt like there was something else he was trying to tell me but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. I wanted to ask him… I wasn't sure I understood what he meant when he said love would be waiting for me. Or maybe I did, and didn't believe it.

He saw so much in me that I didn't. Could he be right?

I had to see him.

I slowly got up and stretched the muscles that were stiff from sitting so long. When I opened my door, I found a lunch tray but I ignored it. I had somewhere to be.

Taking a guess, I made my way to Edward's room slowly. The last thing I needed right then was to fall and bring the rest of the family running. Come to think of it, there was a conspicuous lack of noise in the house I hadn't noticed before. Where was everyone?

I actually paused a moment and looked around, almost expecting them all to appear behind me, but I was just as alone in the hallway as I was in my room. I shrugged and continued to Edward's room.

His door loomed in front of me and I waited, uncertain as to what to do next. I raised my hand and lowered it several times before finally finding the courage to tap gently on the wood. I was sure he knew it was me, since my heartbeat gave me away. Seconds after I knocked the door opened to reveal Edward.

He was dressed more casually than I had ever seen him, in pajama pants and a t-shirt. The pants actually made me smile, as they were green with little reindeer all over them. His feet were bare and his hair was disheveled, as though he had run his fingers through it over and over again. He looked at me with questions in his eyes.

"Can I come in?" I asked hesitantly. He nodded and stepped to one side, waving me in with his hand.

I walked over to the leather couch along the wall and curled up on it. Edward waited a moment before following and settling next to me. He was turned slightly to his side so he could watch me. He simply waited for me to speak.

I fidgeted with the hem of my sweater. It had seemed so important, vitally so, that I speak to him but, once I was in front of him, I couldn't find the words. I guess what he wrote in his letter applied to me as well. I looked up into his patient eyes and found… well I wasn't sure what I found. There was some emotion there, swirling in the depths, but I couldn't name it. Wasn't sure I was ready to name it…

"I read your letter," I began. He didn't respond. "I… thank you. It's beautiful."

Edward smiled and reached for my hand.

I took a deep breath before continuing. "You see so much in me. I don't want to disappoint you but I'm not sure what you see actually exists."

His eyes narrowed as he shook his head at me.

"No, please hear me out. Everyone thinks I'm so strong, so brave. I'm not. I'm just trying to find the energy to get out of bed in the morning and the courage to walk into Jasper's office every afternoon. I know that I have to, because all of you are trying so hard to help me through this. I have to try at least as hard as all of you are."

Edward looked incredibly frustrated. He closed his eyes and sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Bella," he said.

We both froze. His eyes flew open and filled with fear.

I waited for the panic to overtake me.

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