So here's what you missed on Alone With You
-Gaby turns out to be Santana's cousin who Santana clearly doesn't get along with but convinces Santana to "catch up"
-The girls go backstage and meet Brittany and Santana goes home with Quinn after clearly being upset by the run in with her cousin
-Brittany tells Jeremy about Santana and he takes it great
-Quinn gets fed up with Santana not talking to her and snaps on her making her talk
-Santana begins to confess everything and Quinn appears to be pissed and extremely hurt Santana kept it from her and runs to her room to cry
-After crying for awhile, Santana finally snaps back and says how hard it was on herself after realizing how selfish Quinn is being but both the girls end alone in their rooms
XxxxxxxxxxxX
When I wake up, I feel like I've been full on hit by a truck. But not the way I usually feel from a hangover, it's different. My body hurts, but so do my insides. I lay there, staring at the blank ceiling as my stomach twists into a giant knot. Last night. Quinn.
How could she be like that? I mean, I understand I didn't tell her, but I didn't technically tell anyone. And does she not get how hard it was on me? She's being so selfish.
But no matter how mad I keep trying to make myself, I just end up feeling more and more hurt.
I force myself out of bed and slowly tip toe to the bathroom. I can't handle seeing Quinn right now, not unless she's planning to apologize. Luckily, Quinn's door is shut tight and I hear no sign of life elsewhere. When I make it into the bathroom, my eyes shoot open at the sight of them. They're really red and puffy, like I haven't stopped crying. I run some warm water and begin splashing some of it on my face. When it doesn't go down, I wet a washcloth and hold it against my eyes while I sit on the toilet, focusing on my deep breathing. I don't know how much time passes, but eventually I stand back up and put the washcloth on the edge of the sink. My eyes are definitely not as swollen, but they're still pretty red.
After brushing my teeth, I tiptoe back to my room and slip into a more comfortable pair of sweats. I was way too tired to change last night after everything that happened so I ended up just taking my dress off and slipping under the covers. Unsure of what else to do, I pull the covers back over me and pick up my computer. I'm worried the TV will make too much noise and I don't want to do anything to draw Quinn's attention to me. When I log on, the first thing I see is an email from my Mom.
Hola Santana,
I hope all is well! I miss you very much. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I know your father wasn't pleased with you performing. I want you to know I support you in whatever you do and you'll always have my love. I'm proud of you for getting back out there and singing! You have a beautiful gift, San. Call me soon to catch up! Hopefully one of us can plan a visit soon. Miss you doll! Xoxo.
Love,
Mama
A huge smile floods me and I can't help but thank her, even from five hundred miles away. She said exactly what I needed to hear right now, even if she didn't mean the way I want her too. I immediately start my response to her.
Hi Mama!
I miss you so much. Things with Dad aren't great, but I know you knew that. I'm just thankful to have your support.
I'm pretty sure tears are starting to form in my eyes because the screen is becoming blurry. I take a moment to rub my eyes but they only clear up for a minute. I start to type again when a loud knock stops me. It happens twice, but I don't move. I realize it's from my front door, but I don't move. If I go out there to answer it and Quinn does too, it will be awkward as fuck. For everyone. I start typing again.
I will call soon and we can plan some sort of visit.
The knock stops me again, this time louder and for a longer time. I ignore it again, trying to finish my email. It's probably just Rachel or something anyway. The knocking stops for almost an entire minute before it starts again. But this time it doesn't stop. It just keeps going. A constant pounding. I try to drown it out for about thirty seconds before I can't take it anymore.
"Ugh," I moan as I slide off the bed. I peek my head out of my door and see a vacant living room.
"I'm coming!" I cry, finally silencing the knocking. I don't bother looking through the peep hole before opening the door. I realize the door isn't locked. Quinn and I must have forgotten to lock it last night.
When the door creaks open, a flustered Brittany is standing in the doorway in a similar pair of sweats.
"Brit," I breath.
"Are you okay?" She quickly stammers. I don't know why seeing her makes me so speechless, maybe it's just the shock of it, but I can't manage to get anything out. I just keep shaking my head and trying to form words. Brittany takes a step forward and pulls me into a hug. I let my head fall into her chest as her hand lands on the back of my head. I don't start crying, but my blurry eyes return almost instantly. I feel Brittany's heart racing and hear the choppiness in her breath. She must have ran over here.
"I-I'm sorry I left you last night," I finally say, not removing my head from her chest.
"What?" Brittany asks, gently pushing my shoulder back so she can look at my face. "That doesn't matter. I mean now. Are you okay right now?" I look at her perplexed.
"Can we- can we go in my room?" I whisper. "I mean, I don't wanna wake Quinn up," I settle for. I don't want Quinn to hear me talking bad about her right now. We can talk about it in my room.
"Quinn?" Brittany says, not so quietly. I immediately put my finger up to her lips to shush her. "Quinn's at my place," She says against my finger.
"What?" I say, turning towards Quinn's door.
"She came over this morning completely distraught. I came out to see if she was okay, but as soon as she mentioned your name I had to come see you."
"What did she say?" I quickly ask.
Brittany starts shaking her head. "All I got was that you told her. But when I walked out, she got all quiet. She said 'Oh, hi Brittany,' with a soft smile. But she started talking again about how she couldn't believe it. But she wasn't really saying anything about it because I was there. I quickly ran back into my room to get my phone. I called you, but you didn't answer. I also heard her saying how you both fell asleep crying and something about a fight but I didn't stay to hear how she felt about any of it. I had to come check on you."
I smile a little at how sweet she is.
"Thanks," I mumble.
"What happened?" She asks. I nod to the couch and we head over to sit down. I sit cross legged facing Brittany who then mimics my position.
"She knew something was up. She knew I was lying about something, but she didn't know what. And last night, after she saw Gabriella, she just-" I stop when I realize Brittany still doesn't know anything about Gabriella. "I'll get to that later," I add. Brittany nods. "She just knew something was up. And she asked me to talk, but I said I wanted to get some sleep. She kind of snapped, and I realized I wasn't being a good friend. I was planning on explaining it to her in the morning anyway, so why make her wait?"
I'm not talking to fast, I think because I'm worried my voice will crack or something. I think Brittany senses it because she reaches onto my lap and take my hands in hers. She runs over the back on my hand with her thumbs and it immediately soothes me.
"So we sat down. And I started to explain some stuff. She thought I was hiding a guy. But when I finally told her about you, she seemed okay at first. She just nodded and absorbed it all, but then she freaked. She was pissed I never told her. And that I've known since high school. And that Rachel knew. That really got her. That Rachel knew before she did. I get it- I get her being mad I didn't tell her, but she doesn't get it!" I start to get heated again.
"It's not fair at all," Brittany says. "She has no right to freak out at you when you're revealing something so big to her."
"I know," I nod. "And then, while she was yelling, I realized she was crying. And I saw how hurt she looked. Then she locked herself in her room." A single tear slips down my cheek. Honestly, I was pretty impressed with how long I held it back. Brittany reaches up and brushes it off my skin. But she keeps her hand pressed against my cheek. "At first I was just crushed. But then I started getting angry." Brittany nods. "And I started yelling. About how hard this was for me and how she didn't understand it. I expected her to come out of her room then, so we could talk it out. Or hug. Anything, really. But she didn't."
Brittany pulls my head back into her chest and I let myself collapse onto her. I start that silent type of crying. The kind that makes it seem like I'm not really crying, except for the wetness on my cheeks. But I can still feel it. The same heavy feeling in my chest.
"What sucks is that she says she doesn't even care that I'm gay. She said 'Do you think it would matter? Because it doesn't.' But she's still pissed."
"She's your best friend," Brittany reaffirms. "No matter what, she's gonna love you. I think she's just confused on how to handle it. But no matter what, you have to know," she says tipping my chin up so I'm looking at her. "You're not in the wrong. You have no reason to be sorry. This is about you, not Quinn. And I'm sure Rachel's over there telling Quinn the same thing right now."
I smile as Brittany begins flattening her hand over my hair. I lean forward and give Brittany a soft kiss. The kind that still takes my breath away.
"Thank you," I mumble.
XxxxxxxxxxxX
"Quinn, slow down!" Rachel urges. The blonde takes a deep breath, calming what seems to be rage.
"I'm sorry," she breaths. "I just- I can't believe her!"
"Quinn-"
"I can't believe she wouldn't tell me! Do I seem like that bad of a friend? That I'd just drop her because of it?"
"Q it has nothing to do with that!" Rachel promises. "She wasn't comfortable with herself!"
"Comfortable enough to tell you," Quinn scoffs.
"Is this seriously what this is about?" Rachel asks, exhausted. She's been listening to Quinn rant about Santana's news for almost an hour now. She knows the news has spread to Santana by now, too, since Brittany ran over there the minute she heard Quinn say anything. Quinn just rolls her eyes.
"She didn't tell me! I figured it out! And I was my typical pushy self and made her tell me. It was probably fucked up, but she needed it. And that's not the point- the point is you, as her best friend should be understanding of her feelings right now! Her fucking Dad won't talk to her because she sang one song. Do you really think he's gonna like hearing about her girlfriend? So if you think her not being ready to tell people is bullshit, then you're crazy."
Quinn doesn't say anything, but she doesn't necessarily show any remorse. Rachel's glare on the girl intensifies.
"I just feel like everything is a lie," Quinn tries to say. "If she lied about that and to all the guys, what else could she lie about?"
"She's the same person she's always been!" Rachel screams. "Maybe just a little happier," she says softer. Quinn's expression begins to soften. "But you knew that," Rachel finally says. Quinn looks down at her lap and the mood in the room completely changes.
"Quinn," Rachel whispers, "what is this really about?" For the first time since she got to the apartment, Quinn is calm. She isn't pacing or screaming or fuming. She's sitting still with a soft look on her face. Vulnerable, even. Then, all at once, she starts crying. Heavy crying. The kind of crying that makes your entire body palpitate and makes your chest tighten. The kind that makes it impossible to see clearly. The kind that makes you look and feel completely helpless.
"Q," Rachel breaths, still completely confused. She opens her arms and lets Quinn scooch into them. The girl trembles against her.
"How could I not realize?" She finally sobs. Rachel's forehead creases. "I-I'm supposed to be her best friend!" In between sniffles, she lets out a few small coughs as she clears her throat. "How could I not notice!" She says angrier.
"It's not something that's easy to notice," Rachel says softly as she lets her fingers run through Quinn's hair.
"You noticed! You weren't even friends with her! She hated you!"
"I have two gay dads," Rachel laughs. "I'm around gays all the time. Plus, I put myself people's business way too much. You know that," she says, getting Quinn to release a breathy laugh.
"But she wasn't happy," Quinn says softer. "She wasn't able to be herself, and I didn't even notice." Her voice cracks on every other word and it's clear how much she's hurting. However, it wasn't clear until now that she's not hurting because of Santana.
"I'm supposed to be her best friend," she says again. Rachel sighs, pulling the girl closer. Her sobs pick up again.
"You are her best friend," Rachel affirms.
"Not a good one!" She snaps. "I never noticed my best friend wasn't happy and then she tells me why she wasn't and I completely freak out on her! I acted like a selfish ass because I was mad at myself. And I hurt her. What kind of best friend is that?" She's yelling now, but not at Rachel.
"Shh," she hushes. "You're a great friend," she reminds her. "You messed up last night. That's all."
Quinn shakes her head into Rachel's shoulder.
"What am I supposed to do? Brittany probably hates me now, too."
"I don't know if Brittany could ever really hate anyone," she jokes. Quinn smiles but it doesn't really help. "Apologize. Explain yourself. Just be honest with her. It's all you can do." Quinn nods and lifts her head off of Rachel's chest. She lifts the bottom on her T-shirt up to wipe her eyes. Rachel giggles at the smeared mascara on Quinn's flushed face.
"What?" Quinn asks.
"You're a hot mess."
XxxxxxxxxxxX
"I can't believe you ran over here," I smile.
"I hated picturing you hurting. When Quinn said you'd been crying, I just- I couldn't take it." I intertwine our fingers in my right hand and take our linked hands in my free hand.
"San?" she asks.
"Hm?"
"Is your Dad really not speaking to you?"
"Really," I sigh.
"Because you sang?" I nod in confirmation.
"He doesn't think performing is a valid career choice. He's a doctor, so really anything else is inadequate."
"That sucks," she says.
"Yeah," I agree, but I can't help but smile a little.
"Why are you smiling?" she asks, confused.
"It's just- people usually keep apologizing, or say it will be okay, or try to sugar coat it. And it's okay sometimes. I expect it. I mean, that's what I would say, too. But you're right. It does suck." Brittany smiles back at me.
"What about Gabriella?" She asks. "How does she fit into it?"
"Oh," I say, almost forgetting about her. "Gabriella is my Dad's sister's daughter." I pause as I watch Brittany do the math in her head. "We got along as kids. I mean, most little cousins do. We we're never that close, though. But her mom and I were. Anyway, when my parents got a divorce, everything changed. My Dad didn't want to admit to his family that he had an affair. They all loved my Mom so I think he thought there was a chance they would take my Mom's side and disown him. They're really traditional, so cheating on his wife is like the worst thing he could have done to them. That, or be gay," I joke. It's not really a joke, though. It's probably true. "Anyway, when they found out they were getting a divorce, they were shocked and obviously wanted to know why. My Mom used to talk to my Grandmom everyday. One day, the calls stopped coming in. It was about two weeks after she found out about the divorce. At first, my Mom thought she just needed space. But after she started ignoring my Mom's calls, she figured something was up. Apparently, my Dad told them my Mom was the one who had the affair."
"Did she tell them it wasn't true?" Brittany asks.
"No," I shake my head. "She figured it was his family. If she told them the truth, and they actually believed her, he could lose them. She still cared about him too take them away from him."
"That's incredible of her," Brittany adds.
"I know," I smile. "My Mom's awesome. But that's part of the problem. Because I knew the truth, and I was still kind of pissed at my Dad, I clearly took my Mom's side. My Dad's side of the family thought I was siding with my mother, the cheater, and I got the cold shoulder too."
"What?" Brittany's jaw drops.
"Yeah," I say. There must be pain in my voice because Brittany's grip on my hands tightens. "But at some point my Dad must have stood up for me. I guess because he missed me. Little by little, I started getting weekly phone calls and soon they started inviting me to family parties again. I know it sounds crazy, since they could just drop me that quickly, but I care about them a lot. They're my family."
"It's not crazy," she says softer.
"I love them. I can't really blame them, either. They were just being loyal to my Dad." Brittany nods. "Years have passed," I continue, "but I've always felt like I've been treading thin ice. I had to build up their trust again. Since then, things have been even rockier with my Dad. I mean, I always feel like I have to fight for his approval. And I don't get it, because what he did was really shitty."
"You're an amazing person," she says softly. "You shouldn't have to fight for anyone's approval."
I give her a tiny smile as I look down at our hands. Her skin is so much lighter than mine, but it looks so perfect. It's doll-like.
"But Gabriella has something against me," I start again. "I've never figured it out, what it was. But ever since I got back 'in' with the family, she's been doing everything in her power to knock me out. My Dad's countered every one of her attempts though," I confess. "That's why it's so confusing. He works so hard to keep me in his family, but he'll drop me so quickly if I sing one fricken song."
"So Gabriella... she saw," Brittany whispers.
"Yeah," I sigh.
"I'm so sorry," Brittany breaths. "I- I didn't mean for her to-"
"No," I stop her. "You didn't do anything wrong," I tell her. "Plus, if it was me, I wouldn't have been able to resist you once I tasted your skin."
"Yeah?" She blushes with a smirk.
"Mhm," I smile, leaning closer to her. Within a few seconds, we went from serious to totally flirtatious. I giggle as I snatch her lips in mine. Her hand slides up my side to my neck and a warmth radiates through me.
"Thank you for coming over here," I say as I pull away. "I feel so much better."
"That's what girlfriends are for, right?" She grins. Hearing the word girlfriend makes my heart skip a beat. Brittany rests her forehead against mine and I look into her eyes.
"You know what sucks?" I say. "Quinn lives here." Brittany laughs a little.
"She'll realize she's wrong," Brittany says.
"I know that," I say, actually believing it. "But if she wasn't here, it would be a whole lot easier to do this," I flirt, slipping my hand onto Brittany's upper thigh. My hand slides up a little further and begins to fiddle with her waistband. She feigns a shocked expression as she brings her lips to my neck.
"And I could do this," she says in between kisses. I giggle immediately at her contact. My hand slides a little further down her waistband and hits the top of her underwear. I feel Brittany's stomach flinch and I look down at her. She stares up at me, eyes wide. I start to pull my hand out, worried it isn't okay.
"No," she stops me. "I- I want you to," she says with a smile. "I'm sorry, I just panicked for a second." Then she puts her hand on top of mine, guiding it further down. My hand slips through her folds and almost immediately I can feel how wet she is. Surprisingly, it sends more butterflies through my stomach.
Brittany keeps kissing my neck and as soon as I start making small circles against her, she sucks harder. She lets out a content hum against my neck. The combination of me touching her and her lips against my skin is making me all hot between my legs.
Suddenly, the sound of the door knob turning clicks and my hand slips out of Brittany's pants just as quickly as her lips leave my neck. Completely red faced, we turn towards the door. The door creaks open but stops dead after opening barely an inch. Brittany and I pause. We stare at the door for a minute but nobody walks through. I peak over at Brittany.
"Sorry," I whisper. She looks at me a little perplexed. "For, you know, stopping," I say, motioning down to her lap. She smiles at me, blushing hard.
"It's okay," she says with a pause. Once it's clear the door still isn't opening, she adds, "you can make it up to me later," turning my cheeks a deeper shade of red.
Finally, after an audible deep breath, the door pushes open and Quinn walks in with her eyes on the ground. My stomach convulses the second I see her. She looks up, clearly shocked to see me out here in the living room. I roll my eyes the slightest bit and turn back to Brittany, trying to ignore Quinn's presence. Brittany reaches out and gives my hand a little squeeze.
"H-hi," Quinn stammers without leaving her spot in front of the door. When I don't say anything, Brittany answers for me.
"Hey," she says with a tight lipped smile. Quinn takes another deep breath, but this time I can hear the shakiness in it.
"Can I- can I talk to you, San?" She asks. Both girls look at me expectantly.
"Maybe I should go?" Brittany suggests.
"No!" I say, grabbing her crossed legs as tightly as I can.
"No," Quinn says after. "It's fine. It's probably better if you hear this, too."
"Fine," I finally mutter. Quinn takes a seat on the couch across from us and Brittany and I turn our bodies to face her. For the first time, I get a good look at Quinn's face. Her eyes have the same appearance as mine from this morning. But they seem freshly watered. And her hair's all over the place. I'm assuming she didn't brush it when she woke up, she just went straight to see Rachel.
"Where to start," Quinn mumbles under her breath. She clearly hadn't meant for me to hear it, but I did.
"How about sorry," I bite.
"I'm so so sorry, San," she quickly says. "You too, Brittany."
I'm really glad she apologized to Brittany, even if she hadn't intended to involve her in this.
"I- I wasn't fair," She starts off. "Let me put it out there that I have zero problem with you being gay. I should have given you a hug right away and told you that. Because I don't. You're right, you coming out was a big deal. I shouldn't have made it any harder on you. And I'm so sorry for that." Quinn takes a deep breath followed by a long pause. I see tears start to well up in her eyes and I reach out for Brittany's hand, intertwining our fingers.
"The truth is," she says, "I wasn't mad you told Rachel first-"
"I didn't tell her," I remind her. Quinn nods.
"Right, sorry. I'm not mad at you for that-"
"You shouldn't be!" I almost shout, reminding her she isn't being a saint for not being mad.
"Let me finish?" she begs. Brittany tugs on my hand a little and I look up at her. She nods to Quinn and I nod back, letting Quinn go on.
"I'm not mad at you, or Rachel, or anyone else. I- I'm mad at myself," she gets out with a cracked voice. The tears start falling immediately, but I still don't understand.
"What kind of best friend am I?" She stammers. She's trying her best to stay calm and look at me, but I can see how hard it's getting for her. "I'm a total ass."
"Q," I finally breath. "It was one night," I remind her. I'm still mad, because she had no right to act that way, but I want her to stop crying long enough to tell my why she's mad.
"No!" She snaps. "Not just last night, San. I'm supposed to be your best friend and I never noticed you were hurting. Or weren't being yourself. Or that you were upset. I didn't notice anything. And here Rachel Berry, some random girl you torment in glee puts it together. And then you tell me, and I fucking act all selfish and immature and hurt you even more." She's shaking but she's making herself freak out.
"Q-" I try to stop her.
"No," she says. "There's no excuse. I was mad at myself and I'm so sorry I reacted like that. And I'm sorry I've been such a bad friend."
"Quinn!" I stop her as I rise to my feet. "You've been nothing but a good friend. There was no way you could have known I wasn't happy if I never told you anything. You've always been there for me, I just wasn't comfortable with myself yet."
"I'm so sorry," she says again, tears not stopping. "So so sorry. You're my best friend, and I don't wanna lose that."
I sigh as I take Quinn in my arms.
"You'll always be my best friend," I tell her. "Don't be mad at yourself for not figuring it out," I tell her. "Rachel's a fucking freak," I add to lighten the mood. We all giggle a little.
I sit back down next to Brittany and Quinn sits in her chair.
"Look," I say, "How you acted wasn't right. Yeah, it hurt. But I know it's kind of a bombshell. And maybe I should have told you sooner-"
"No," she stops me. "You had every right to tell me whenever you were wanted. I was just being inconsiderate."
I nod, trying to let the apologizing die down a little.
Honestly, I'm not that mad at Quinn anymore. As her best friend, seeing her hurting hurts me. Even if she was the one who hurt me only a few hours ago. Still, she seems to be putting herself through enough pain right now for the both of us.
"Don't you have class?" I say, suddenly worried.
"Started five minutes ago," she shrugs. A huge smile grows on my face.
"You're skipping class for me?"
"Some things are more important than class," she shrugs. It shouldn't be that major to me, but in all the years I've known her, Quinn's never skipped a class before. Not in high school, not in college.
"So now that everyone knows," Brittany whispers, "I guess I can do this," she says, planting a small kiss on my cheek.
"Aw," Quinn swoons. I roll my eyes, but I can't help but flash Brittany a smile. "Wait," Quinn adds, trying to keep her tone calm. "Does that mean Sam and Finn and Kurt know?"
"No," I say deflated. I forgot about them. I was thinking this process was over.
"Are you gonna tell them?" Quinn asks softly. I look over at Brittany, whose looking at me for my answer. I think about it for a few moments, unsure. But then I think about the girl whose hand is locked with mine. More than anything, I want to be able to hold her hand whenever and wherever without questions. I want to be able to cuddle her, hold her, kiss her, whenever I please.
I start nodding and Quinn begins to smile.
"Maybe I should just tell them tonight, get it over with," I shrug.
"Actually," Brittany says. "I was kind of hoping you could keep your schedule clear tonight." Her voice is really quiet. "I figured you've had a hard day, I just thought you could use something to cheer you up. But I can reschedule if you want, I'll understand."
"Are you asking me on a date?" I smile. She nods excitedly.
"Nothing special," she quickly adds, "just some alone time."
"I'd love that," I smile.
"Cool," she grins. She stands up quickly and says, "Well, you don't mind then if I go get ready?"
"No," I say, walking her to the door. "Thanks again for coming. It meant a lot." Were speaking at a low volume, I'm not exactly sure why though.
"Bye, Brit," Quinn calls. "Again, I'm really sorry."
"No worries," she smiles. "See ya! I'll pick you up at eight?" she asks me. I smile, agreeing. She looks over at Quinn before looking down to my lips. I shrug with a giggle and tug on Brittany's shirt, pulling her lips onto mine.
"Bye," she blushes.
"Bye," I smile, closing the door behind her.
I turn back to Quinn and she's smiling really softly at me.
"I can't believe I didn't see it sooner," she says.
"I'm not a flaming lesbian," I roll my eyes.
"No, I mean, she makes you so happy. And I knew that, but I didn't think about it." I smile, just because of how happy Brittany makes me.
"Hey S," she adds, "I'd like another chance," she says.
"Q, I'm already giving you one."
"No- I mean at that conversation. I just- there's still a lot I want to know. If you're up to it, I mean. And whenever you're up to it."
I nod because I do think she deserves an actual conversation about it. Even if she screwed up the first one, I know we'll have to talk about it at some point.
"I have a date to get ready for," I smile, "But maybe tomorrow," I say. "We'll set up a dinner with the guys to tell them, and we can talk before then?" Quinn nods rapidly.
"One more question," she says.
"What?" I roll my eyes.
"Can I help you get ready? For your date?" I try my best to fight the corner of my lips from turning upward, but I can't.
"Come on," I say with a breathy laugh.
XxxxxxxxxxxX
Hey guys! Thanks for being patient with me recently. Hope you're enjoying it!
Let me know what you think! Xx
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