A/N: This will probably be the last chapter for about a week. I'm getting married on the 13th, so I'll be a bit busy. For now, I hope you enjoy!

Alex swallowed the last bite of her bread and Matt released breath he hadn't realised he was holding. She sat back against the couch, very aware of Arthur and Karen's eyes on her. Matt took her empty plate to the kitchen and Karen smiled.

"You're doing great, Alex."

Arthur nodded his agreement.

"We're all so proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself. This is amazing."

Alex offered him a small smile, and as Matt came back into the room, a strange look crossed her face. Karen frowned, her eyes concerned.

"Alex?"

Without answering, Alex threw her hand over her mouth and bolted from the couch. She pushed past Matt and when they heard her begin throwing up, Matt sadly sighed. Arthur turned to him, puzzled.

"What was that?"

"Her body can't handle much right now. If she eats too much, her body rejects it. That's part of the reason recovery is so dangerous at times. Her body has gotten used to so little and it's hard to make the transition," Matt explained.

After a few moments, Alex returned, her body shaking and Matt was at her side in an instant. He helped her to the couch and watched her carefully.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded slowly.

"I think so," she whispered.

Matt took her hand in his, kissing it lightly. Alex leaned back against his chest and he wrapped his arm around her protectively. After a few moments, she stood, offering her apologies to Arthur and Karen.

"I'm going to lie down."

They watched her leave the room and when the door had closed behind her, Matt ran his hand through his hair. Arthur looked at him, trying to decide the best way to approach him, and sighed.

"Matt...that cut on her arm looks pretty bad. It probably won't ever go away completely."

Matt nodded.

"It will leave a scar, definitely. At least now both sides will have matching scars," he said bitterly.

"What are you getting her for Christmas?" Karen asked, desperate to change the subject.

"I have no idea," he admitted, "Nothing I think of seems good enough. It has to be something really special."

"I'm sure she would love anything you gave her,"she said with a smile, "It will be from you, so that automatically makes it special."

Matt shrugged.

"Still...I want to make it incredible."

They continued to talk about the upcoming holiday, and when Alex reemerged from the bedroom, both Karen and Arthur took note of the way Matt's eyes lit up. She sat down carefully next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"What do you think, Alex? Should we start decorating now or wait?"

"Now," she said after a moment, "it will look so nice."

Matt stood, pulling her with him, and began to rummage through his closet. Karen and Arthur moved the furniture enough to fit the tree in the corner, and when they had it together minutes later, they began picking out ornaments. Alex helped Matt untangle the lights and several frustrating moments later, they began stringing them on the tree. Karen began sorting through the vast array of ornaments, handing them to Alex and Arthur as she sat on the floor.

The garland was next, followed by the glass ornaments, and when Alex began placing them on the tree, she couldn't stop the smile that came over her. A shattering sound and a swear from Matt caused her to turn sharply, and when her balance was thrown off, she went crashing to the ground. Arthur moved to help her, holding out his hand.

"Are you okay, Alex?"

"I'm fine," she answered, laughing, "I think Matt's the one who suffered."

"No, I'm okay," he muttered, "Just broke another ornament. It happens every year."

Alex was still laughing and he soon found himself joining in. It had been so long since they'd had a really good day, and he wasn't about to ruin it. He walked over to Alex, careful to avoid the shards of glass on the floor, and picked her up in his arms, spinning wildly. She threw her head back laughing and he kissed her, oblivious to their friends in the room.

He set her back down gently and they started putting more ornaments on the tree. Matt only broke a few more, and when Alex suggested that they finish the rest of the decorating another day, he happily agreed. Karen and Arthur walked up to them both, hugging them each in turn and smiled.

"It looks great. We're going to be late for our dinner if we don't leave now, but it was great to see you again and really spend time together."

Matt nodded and when Arthur hugged Alex again, he placed his lips close to her ear.

"I'm so proud of you. You're doing great."

She smiled, determined not to let the tears in her eyes show and he kissed her cheek.

"Take care of yourself."

"Merry early Christmas, Alex!"

Adrienne held out her gift, anxiously waiting to see her reaction. She'd spent so long trying to find the perfect thing, and she hoped Alex liked it. Alex tore off the paper and when she saw what was in the package, she gasped. Resting in her hands was an autographed copy of one of her favourite books, and she nearly dropped it out of shock.

"How-how did you get this?"

"It wasn't easy," the younger girl admitted, "but it was worth it. I told you, you're like family to me. I hope you like it."

Alex hugged her fiercely and smiled.

"I love it, you silly girl. Thank you so much."

She handed Adrienne her own present and when she saw what it was, she smiled. Alex, it seemed, had taken her copy of River Song's journal back and added in a letter on the last page, accompanied by an autographed sonic screwdriver from Matt.

"In case anyone ever doubts that they're authentic," she explained, "Be sure to read that letter whenever things get rough for you. I know they aren't the best gifts, but-"

Adrienne threw her arms around Alex, laughing lightly.

"Alex, they're perfect! I love it so much!"

Alex picked up her glass of wine and took a long drink, knowing that she probably shouldn't. Matt had been watching her so carefully lately, and she knew that he wouldn't approve. Still, she reasoned, she was an adult and fully capable of making her own decisions. They'd had such a wonderful day decorating with Karen and Arthur the day before and she was determined to have just as good of a day with Adrienne. It was only fair.

When her phone rang, she quickly answered it and Matt's voice on the other end of the line immediately concerned her. He sounded different, and it wasn't long before she figured out that he was drunk.

"Matt? Sweetie, how much have you had to drink?"

"Don't remember," he slurred, "Why?"

She sighed and Adrienne watched her, interested.

"Nevermind. It doesn't matter. I'll be home soon."

She was just about to hang up when she heard his voice again.

"Alex! I love you."

"I love you too, darling."

Adrienne was by her side instantly, her eyes full of curiosity.

"He's drunk?"

Alex nodded.

"So it would seem."

Adrienne held out another glass of wine and Alex accepted it gratefully.

"You have to catch up, then. Drunk sex is always interesting."

Alex laughed and shook her head.

"I don't think there'll be any of that tonight. He sounded utterly trashed."

She drained her glass in a matter of seconds and Adrienne smiled. She knew Alex was worried about Matt, but she also knew that the older woman was determined to forget her problems for a while longer. The least she could do was help her. If she made Alex's day a bit easier, that was enough for her. At least one of them deserved to be happy.

Alex stumbled into Matt's flat a few hours later to find it dark and very quiet. She turned on the Christmas tree and as the multi-coloured lights filled the room, her eyes found Matt slumped over the kitchen table, his empty glass still in his hand. She made her way carefully to him, shaking his shoulder lightly.

"Matt. Come on, sweetie. Matt. Matt!"

He opened his eyes and when they landed on her, his face broke out in a smile.

"Alex! You're back!"

He stood and immediately stumbled. She caught him as best as she could and steadied him. He kissed her hard and she could taste the alcohol on his lips.

"I missed you."

She smiled and led him to the couch. She was incredibly drunk herself and never quite knew how they managed to safely make it into the living room. She tumbled into his lap, laughing and he frowned. The taste of wine from her lips had finally registered to him and he looked at her angrily.

"You're drunk," he said, his tone accusing.

She laughed in disbelief.

"Look who's talking."

"Why?"

"Because you're drunk, too," she answered simply.

"No..." he struggled to explain, "why are you drunk?"

Alex ran her hand through Matt's hair, wondering at the way it slipped through her fingers.

"I wanted to have fun with Adrienne. And I needed to pretend that I was a normal person for a bit."

Matt frowned.

"You are a normal person."

"Sweetie, I'm everything but normal. A normal person wouldn't have fucked up their life like I have. I hate myself for it. I just want everything to stop. The pain, the stress, life..."

She hadn't intended to say that, but in her drunken state, it had slipped out. Matt turned worried eyes to her and took her hand.

"Don't-don't say that, Alex. I don't want you to die. I couldn't make it without you. It would hurt too much."

"Isn't that a bit selfish? Everyone says that suicide is selfish, but isn't it also selfish to expect someone to continue to live their life in pain just to keep you from feeling bad? It's not about you."

Her words came out harsher than she'd intended and when he dropped her hand and stood, she knew she had gone too far.

"Matt! Wait. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"How did you mean it, then? Are you saying that my love for you means nothing to you? That what we have is just a waste of time because it's not enough to make you want to live?"

"Matt-"

"You don't have to explain any more. I think I understood well enough."

He made his way into the bedroom, stumbling and nearly falling. She went after him, trying desperately to think of a way to make him understand. He was face down on the bed and when she sat next to him, he moved away from her.

"Matt...you know that's not true. I only meant that sometimes when you get trapped in that darkness, you can't see what's really around you. When you're that far gone, it changes the way you see things. I don't want to pass my pain on to you. I want to take it away from you."

"How would you being dead do that, exactly?" he said coldly.

"Because," she paused, trying not to cry, "if I wasn't here anymore, you wouldn't have to deal with all of my shit. It would be better for you. Easier. You could move on with your life and make it better."

Matt raised his head to glance at her briefly.

"That's not how it works."

She shook her head sadly.

"I know. But...we've been arguing so much lately. If I wasn't here anymore, you wouldn't have to worry about that."

"I don't like fighting with you, Alex. It's just...normally I can let things go, but it's been so hard recently. You've gotten better, and that's great but...you were—I never knew from one day to the next if it would be the last time I saw you. Those three weeks that we were apart...I was terrified. I thought you were going to die and that I would lose you completely."

Alex reached out to touch him, but drew her hand back at the last second. He probably wanted space away from her.

"I know that you love me. Logically, I know that. But when my mind goes to that dark place...I can't really see it. It makes me question everything. What we have, my worth to you, my worth to the fucking universe. I start thinking...if we're all going to die anyway, then what's the point of living at all? Nothing we do will really matter after we're gone. What's my purpose in life?"

She was properly crying now, and still Matt refused to look at her. He was trying to follow her line of thinking, so dark and hopeless, so unlike the Alex he knew. He couldn't think of a response and she continued.

"I don't have any in between. I'm either ridiculously happy or I can't make myself see the point in life. It's all or nothing and the constant back-and-forth is exhausting. I didn't ask for this and I want it all to stop. I just want everything in my head to be quiet. I can't sleep because I can't shut off my mind, and then I get up to face it all over again. I'm just so tired. I want it to stop."

Matt took her hand in his and finally raised his eyes to hers. Even in the darkness, he could see the tears in her eyes and he pulled her down to him, kissing her as if his life depended on it. He tangled his hand in her hair, holding her in place and when he let her go, a sob escaped her.

"I'm so sorry, Matt."

He kissed her again.

"Shh. Don't cry, Alex. Why didn't you tell me all of this before?"

She shook her head.

"I didn't...I didn't know how. And I didn't want you to think I was crazy."

"Oh, Alex...I'd never think that. I wish you had told me. Alex, please...tell me when things get bad. I want to help you."

She nodded, trying to ignore the tears dripping down onto her lap. He pulled her down to lay next to him and wrapped his arms around her. She tucked her head under his chin and buried her face in his chest. When he kissed the top of her head gently, she pulled back to look at him seriously.

"Matt?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you drunk?"

"I need a reason?"

She smirked and laid her head back down.

"Hypocrite."

"Psychopath."

She laughed and slapped him gently. He caught her hand and kissed it, holding her securely with his other arm. She could feel the alcohol making her tired and as she began to drift off, she felt Matt begin to play with her hair.

"I love you, you idiot."

She hummed in response and he held her as close as possible, wondering (not for the first time) how in the world he had managed to have her in his life. He wasn't sure, but he was going to do everything in his power to keep her there. No matter what happened.

A/N: Hope it was a good ride!