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Chapter 20

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"And?" Martin asked at hearing Jack's news. Please don't let him be dead, he prayed.

"When he saw the police he panicked. He has the gun and is threatening to kill himself. They have one of their negotiators talking to him right now but we need to get there fast." Jack replied as he signaled for them to follow him. "I arranged for us to take the bureau helicopter."

"How are the negotiations going?" Martin asked as he hurried behind Jack.

"Andy isn't talking but I think the fact that he hasn't done anything yet is a good sign." Jack theorized as they headed up to the helipad. "If he really wanted to kill himself he would have done it by now."

A short while later they were on route to New Jersey. Martin adjusted his seatbelt trying to prevent it from pressing into his side as the helicopter jostled, aggravating his injury. He felt a shot of pain in his side and he wished he could take something stronger than Advil; cringing that he would even dare have such a thought. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths to try and steady his nerves. When he opens them he finds Sam watching him with a concerned look on her face. He gives her his most reassuring smile and turns to glance out the window at the Garden State Parkway below them. He doesn't have to see her to know she is still watching him.

XXX

It was a good day. He was paired with Sam, their missing person, Rachel Gibson, was found alive and well, and he had managed to avoid having to see Danny for more than a few split seconds. Right now Danny was the only one who knew what was going on behind the façade that was starting to crumble all around him. He knew that another confrontation with his friend was probably just around the corner but like everything else in his life right now, avoidance and denial seemed to be the best option.

When he and Sam were talking in the car he told her that he thought that agoraphobia was "bizarre" but once he learned that she was using it as a method of avoidance he suddenly could relate. Lately it took just about all he had to get up and come into work; of course, his main motivation was to make sure that no one knew what he was going through. He would be happy to stay all alone in his apartment, cloaked in darkness than to have to put on his mask, disguising what he was going through and continuing pretending all was well in the life of Martin Fitzgerald. But because he was Martin Fitzgerald hiding in his apartment was not an option.

Today, however, he actually felt more like the Martin he used to be. He was feeling playful and even managed to fluster Viv when he gave her the article on, "Horny at the office." He had been feeling stronger, like he could conquer his addiction. Throughout the day he started to believe that he could do it. And then the shakes started, along with the clammy skin, the muscle aches that seemed to go right down to the bone, and the anxious feeling running through his veins. So he rationalized and negotiated with himself; just one more pill and that was it. Willfully pretending to forget that it was something he said each day after each pill.

He hated taking them at work but the desire was too powerful. He pulled out the plastic bottle and glanced inside. He knew that he had to be careful to only take what he absolutely needed or he would run out very soon. He flipped open the cap and shook two pills onto the palm of his hand. He stared disdainfully at them as the familiar feeling of self-loathing kicked in. He knew he should be stronger than this but also knew he wasn't. He popped them into his mouth and swallowed them down with his lukewarm soda.

He closed his eyes as the pills slowly began to take effect. He needed to get home. At least at home he could just go to sleep and dream of the man he used to be. He blew out a breath, opened his eyes and began gathering his things with trembling fingers when he heard women's laughter. He looked down the hall to find Sam, Elena and Viv walking in his direction.

"Hey," he greeted with his best forced grin. "You guys sure seem to be in good moods."

"It's all the caffeine," Sam quipped before sharing a look with Elena who laughed in agreement.

"Speak for yourself. I love any case that ends with everyone being alive, reconciled and in love." Viv chimed as she walked to her desk. "And on that happy note, I am going to go home to my own family."

"I'll ride down with you," Elena said as she shut down her computer and stood up to leave. "Its spaghetti night; my daughter's favorite."

The two women said goodnight and started chatting casually about their kid's eating habits on their way out. As soon as they were out of sight Sam wandered over to his desk.

"Are you all done for the day?" she asked.

"Yeah," he replied as he stood up and shrugged on his jacket. He opened his drawer to get his weapon when he remembered the package. He pulled out the plastic bag and handed it to Sam. "I almost forgot. I picked this up for you."

"For me?" Sam asked as he handed her the gift. Despite her tough, hard-as-nails exterior she was still a woman who loved receiving gifts. With a grin on her face she made quick work of un-wrapping it; delving into the bag in a matter of seconds. She pulled out the flat cellophane wrapped package, laughing when she saw what it was: a DVD of the 1978 cult film, "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

She looked up at him in humor filled disbelief and said, "If this thing gives me nightmares I'm never speaking to you again."

He gave her a devilish grin, waggled his eyebrows and replied, "Enjoy."

"You aren't really going to let me watch this by myself are you?" Sam wore a look of feigned fear. She smiled and said, "You have to come over and watch it with me. Come on, I'll order a pizza, we'll have some beers…"

"I can't. I have plans," he lied, refusing to meet her eyes fearing that she would see right through his deceit.

"Oh, okay," she said, deflated. "Well, maybe some other time."

"Yeah, some other time," he replied softly. He wanted to take it back and say he would go but it was too hard to try to hide what he was going through whenever he was around her. It was easy at first but now the drug controlled him, not the other way around.

He gave her a final nod and headed out. There was a large part of him that was screaming for him to turn around and take Sam up on her invitation. But then the other darker part of him reminded that they would have to go to her place because if they went to his she would most likely find out his dirty little secret. She would see the old take-out cartons, clothes strewn about, and empty prescription bottles and she would know how far he had sunk. So instead of going with Sam, he boarded the elevator and pressed the button to go down.

XXX

"We're here," Jack announced as he pointed to the area beneath them.

Martin looked down at the motel parking lot that was littered with police cars with flashing lights, news crews with cameras aimed at a room and a crowd of gawkers; some who were most likely guests at the motel who were now locked out of their rooms. The chopper landed at an empty parking lot across the street from the motel. As soon as the skids hit the pavement, he unbuckled and opened the door; the wind from the rotor blades whipping around as they all ducked their heads and hurried to the motel.

They waved over by a couple of uniformed officers who led them into the customized police department RV. Inside they were greeted by a tall, stocky man with salt-and-pepper hair.

"You the feds?" he asked.

"That's us," Jack replied before introducing Martin and Sam.

"I'm Lt. Steve Heckt," he greeted as he shook their hands. He nodded to a short, Asian man standing behind him in the small quarters. "This is Richard Chen, our negotiator."

"Can you bring us up to date?" Jack asked Chen; hoping to hurry along the exchange of information.

"He's still silent," Richard said. "He took the phone off the hook and when we use the bullhorn or try to talk through the door he shouts for us to get away or he'll shoot himself."

"I think it's time to consider going tactical," another officer said. They all turned to see a burly man with a thick neck and a thick bushy mustache to match. He was wearing full SWAT gear and there was no mistaking that this man was ready to burst through the doors to get to Andy.

"No," Jack insisted before looking over at Martin. He studied him for a few beats and asked, "Do you think he would talk to you?"

"Yes," Martin replied without hesitation.

"I want you to wear a mic and an earpiece so we can hear everything. If you get stuck I will try and talk you through it," Jack directed. He picked up a Kevlar vest that was sitting on a counter and said, "I also want you to wear this."

"Jack, that isn't necessary. He wants to hurt himself, not me." Martin argued.

"Considering your luck lately I am not willing to take any unnecessary chances." He shoved the bulky black vest at him. "You're wearing it."

"It figures that the feds just want to wait it out for a while longer…" the SWAT officer mumbled under his breath.

"Zip it, Medina," Lt. Heckt ordered. He softened his voice and looked at Jack. "Are you sure about this? Our guy has been trying for a while now and this kid isn't talking."

"I'm sure," Jack answered.

Martin quickly put on the vest as the technician hooked up his mic, earpiece and battery pack. He could practically feel the fear rolling off of Sam at the thought of what he was going to do. He stole a glance at her and she was watching him with worried eyes. He smiled and joked, "You know, there is an episode of The X-Files that is kinda like this."

Sam rewarded him with a small smile and said, "Yeah? Well, just be careful, Mulder."

"You got it, Scully," he replied with a wink.

The technician snapped the final piece into place and said, "Alright, give me a test."

"Testing, one, two, three." Martin said aloud.

"Okay, you're good," the tech replied before returning to his computer.

Martin followed Jack out of the RV and listened as he was instructed on what to do. "I want you to stay to the right of the door and talk to him through it. Do not block the window. Try and get him to open the door but do not go inside. You may have a personal history with Andy but he is under the influence of drugs. We don't know what kind of effect they are having on him."

"I got it."

"Listen, I don't want to send you. If it were anyone else in there I'd send in SWAT but considering our history with Andy I don't want him harmed." Jack paused and cautioned, "But if at any point I think you are in danger, I will go tactical."

Martin nodded his head that he understood and turned to go to the hotel. He looked over his shoulder to see Sam watching him. He smiled and continued walking.

"Andy, Martin Fitzgerald would like to talk to you." Jack announced on the bullhorn.

Martin reached the room and did as he was told, staying to the right of door and away from the window. He knocked on the door and said, "Andy? It's me, Martin. I'd like to talk to you, Andy."

There was no response. The only thing he could hear was the buzz of activity from the police and reporters. He knocked again and said to the closed door, "Come on, Andy. You don't want to do this. Just talk to me, I want to help."

"I don't want your help!" Andy shouted from inside the room.

"What do you want?" Martin asked.

"I just want to be left alone."

"I can't do that," he replied. He scooted a little closer to the door and said, "I feel like an asshole talking to a door. How about you open it so we can talk face to face?"

"No," Andy choked out. "You'll try something."

"No, I won't. I'm your friend remember. I just want to be able to talk to you without having to shout."

Andy grew silent again. Martin looked over at where Jack and Sam stood watching and waiting.

"Martin, I want you to…" Jack said into Martin's earpiece when the door creaked open a fraction of an inch.

"You have to come inside if you want to talk," Andy said from deep inside the room.

"Don't go inside," Jack ordered.

"You have to decide right now," Andy shouted. "I'm not going to leave the door open. You're the one who said he wanted to talk."

"Martin…" Jack warned.

He looked back and forth between the door and where Sam stood. He knew that he would not only be breaking a direct order by going inside by also taking a huge chance on Andy being lucid enough to reason with.

"I'm not going to wait anymore!" Andy shouted.

Martin's shoulders sagged and he hung his head, looking defeated. He glanced over at Sam and Jack who were shaking their heads and giving him warning looks. He could hear Jack's voice in his ear ordering him to come back.

He nodded his head that he understood and then he removed his earpiece as he pushed the door open and disappeared inside.

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A/N: I am really bad at this but I honestly cannot thank all of you enough for taking the time to not only read my fic but to review it as well. It means a lot to me. Thanks so much for reading.