DISCLAIMER: I do not own High School Musical or any related characters.
A/N: Okay, so the response to last chapter was amazing! I can't believe the response it was absolutely fantastic and I was so happy with how you all responded. It meant so much to me that you all responded the way you did. Now there's really only one component of the story to fix up and that's the Taylor debacle, not to mention we've got to acknowledge Troy's own feelings right now. This story's probably going to finish really quickly now too, Troy's past is out in the open. Anyway, I'm happy with the reviews, you guys are all so awesome!
I have to address something though; Gabriella's not going to get pregnant. There were a handful of reviews that seemed to think it was a good idea to have Gabriella become pregnant, thus lengthening the story and dramatizing it even more but that's not how it works. I'm sure that most authors on this site would agree that writing a story this complicated is a big ask, even more so if an author, like me, puts a lot of time, effort and plenty of emotion into the characters. Also, there's a certain fierceness in me to my stories, I take suggestions seriously, especially if they coincide with the story, however, a suggestion that Gabriella should get pregnant after twenty chapters of Troy playing an emotionally draining, very confusing game just seemed to be completely ludicrous. I'm not trying to be a bitch about it, but I went back and reread the story and I cannot possibly see how 'Dangerous Fascination' could be given an edge by making Gabriella pregnant. Haven't Troy and Gabriella suffered enough? Besides, the psychological ramifications of a baby on Troy is something that I highly doubt I would have the energy for. Not to mention that a teenage pregnancy, something that I have witnessed, is not a pleasant subject. I'm an author who relies heavily on empathy, as many authors do, so placing myself in the precarious position that Troy and Gabriella would be placed in is not appealing to me nor, do I think, it would be appealing for readers of this particular story. So, Gabriella's not going to get pregnant, nor will there be any hint of a pregnancy ever in this story.
I'm sorry about the rant, but the reviews truly bothered me for some reason. Normally I can acknowledge the idea then continue on, whether or not the idea becomes worked into the story. But they really bothered me and I can honestly say I'm still trying to work out why. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Dangerous Fascination
CHAPTER 21
STICK
Troy felt sunlight on his face and forced himself not to groan. Instead, he buried his face deeper in Gabriella's shoulder and sighed sleepily. He didn't want to open his eyes and he really didn't want to place the call to his dad to tell him that he'd skipped school again. His father might have understood last week when he'd taken off for Santa Fe, but Troy highly doubted his father was going to be impressed that both Troy and Gabriella had skipped school together. In fact, Troy wouldn't be surprised if he found his phone and discovered three very angry voice messages from his father because he'd heard what had gone on before his son had told him.
Then, because he didn't want to actually think about his father, Troy placed a sleepy kiss on Gabriella's clothed shoulder and tightened his arm around her.
He liked this, he discovered. He liked the way her body curved into his and the way her hand had loosely intertwined with his when they'd curled up together only hours before. He liked being this close to Gabriella; he liked the easy intimacy that came with curling up with her like this. It was something he'd never really allowed himself, the girls he'd been with before Gabriella had tried to cuddle like this, they'd tried to convince him to stay with them and sleep and he'd always left when he was sure they'd gone to sleep. Troy had known that he'd left because the last person he'd ever spent a night sleeping with was Allie.
He smiled slightly at the thought. He remembered one instance particularly. She'd been thirteen months old and had just begun to crawl. His mother had disappeared, she'd been gone for days if Troy remembered correctly and they'd both been left on their own. They'd spent the afternoon playing, peek-a-boo, hide and seek and being happy. He remembered that the most perhaps, how happy he'd been to playing games with his sister without the fear of his mother coming into the living room and destroying the fragile peace that had surrounded them at that time. Then when he'd seen her tiring, he'd scooped her up against his chest and settled himself flat on his back on their ratty lounge, her head snuggled on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as they'd both drifted off.
Gabriella's soft sigh brought Troy out of his thoughts and he refocused on the girl lying next to him. He should be furious at her. She'd pushed him into a corner that he hadn't wanted to be in. She'd taken the decision to tell her out of his hands with her simple belief in him. As they'd argued, Troy had been astounded by how much faith she'd had in him, how much faith she'd had in the fact that there was something more to him. It had trapped him because no-one had ever seemed to have that much faith in him, apart from Christy, Chad and his father; her faith had trapped him into telling her what he'd come from, what he'd witnessed.
It was strange, now that he could think back on it, how easy it had been to switch off when he'd been telling her. When he'd been speaking about his mother it occurred to Troy that he hadn't been telling a story, he'd been telling her chronological facts. Whatever he'd felt for his mother, before the accident and after, had sunk into indifference. He didn't have the energy to hate her for what she'd done to him before Allie was born and he didn't have to energy now to hate her now. His mother was someone who he thought about on the most remote terms. She may have been part of his life for the better part of twelve years, but she had only been in his life for a year, if what his father told him was true.
Allie was different. She'd only been in his life for three short years; three years that Troy wished had stretched into three hundred. He hadn't been cold when talking about her; he couldn't because when it came to Allie's memory, he felt too much. Troy had discovered that hurt didn't fade with time; it could be as fresh and sharp today as it had been the day the police had told him there had been no hope for her at all. But then, his love for his little sister had faded either. Troy was sure he would love Allie today as much as he had when she was thirteen months and asleep on his chest. Knowing that, knowing that the love and hurt wouldn't fade made him wonder if the ice was there as a way of pushing people away or protecting himself from feeling either one too much.
Absently, he ran a hand down over Gabriella's side, unaware that he was taking comfort from the softness of her body until she murmured and shifted, rolling over to face him. Pulling back slightly, Troy found himself opening his eyes to look at her.
She was beautiful. Beautiful in a way he hadn't seen before. He supposed it was because she seemed to be so negligent of her looks. He didn't think he'd ever seen her wearing make-up, not even when she'd shown up to school in that dress, the dress he hoped she never wore in front of anyone but him again, Troy found himself surprised at the possessive voice that reared its head as he remembered her in that dress. Then he wasn't very surprised. His instinct to protect her from every single one of the guys at East High had been as insistent as the need to stake his claim. It had been an interesting combination that had infuriated him even though he knew it had come from the feelings he hadn't wanted to accept.
Now, Troy had to admit, he didn't have a choice. His feelings for Gabriella were there and they weren't going to go anywhere. Especially now that he knew she wasn't going to recoil at his past. He'd been afraid of that. He'd been terrified that she was going to step away, going to leave the rooftop garden without a word to him. He'd never felt so relieved when he'd felt her arms wrap around him.
He'd never felt so purged either.
He'd never told anyone what happened. Chad had been there when Allie had been yanked into a car and died seconds later. Christy had been exposed to some of who his mother had become, after he'd made the mistake of inviting her over to help with a joint project. His father knew, because his father was involved. But his mother and his father ex-wife was not something they spoke about. Sometimes Troy brought up Allie; if something reminded him of her while his father was around.
But he'd never really talked about it. He'd never relayed the story to anyone and he'd never done it to someone who hadn't given him the choice. He'd never given in to anyone who hadn't given him a choice. He had his own defenses against the people who didn't give him a choice. Most of the defenses included his reliance on his ability to talk himself out of anything. But he couldn't have done that to Gabriella. He'd known she didn't deserve him if he couldn't tell her the truth and it helped that he'd already made the decision to tell her. At least, that's what he told himself.
There was no way he was going to admit out loud that he'd perhaps needed to tell the story. That he'd needed someone besides his father to know about the life he never wanted to remember. About the mother who he could feel nothing for because it was a waste of energy trying to hate her. That he'd needed to tell someone about what happened to Allie in a string of continuous words, instead of short, sharp sentences as an answer to questions thrown at him by the police.
He just hoped to God Gabriella wasn't going to expect him to talk about what he felt when Allie had died. He would handle a lot of things, but Troy doubted he could handle being pushed into talking about what he felt when he'd seen the semi-trailer slam into the car.
"Troy?" Gabriella's sleepy voice yanked Troy back out of his thoughts and his eyes quickly found the sleepy ebony eyes that he hadn't realized had opened.
For a moment, they gazed at each other and then Gabriella's eyes drifted shut and she snuggled into him.
"Going back to sleep on me, Montez?" He asked his voice low, husky and just this side of teasing. Her eyes flew open at his voice and he found himself amused at the sluggish alertness in them.
She drew in a quiet breath, insistently tangling her legs with his. "No. Just resting my eyes." She replied sleepily and Troy rolled his eyes.
"Sure you were. You do realize that you've been asleep for three and a half hours at least, right?" Troy found himself amused when Gabriella rolled her own eyes at the words.
"Whatever. I don't mind." Troy could tell she didn't when she snuggled her head on the curve of his shoulder and sighed. "What were you thinking about?" The question caught Troy off guard and he wondered how to answer it without revealing his thoughts.
"Allie." He admitted, deciding to fall safely on a subject he doubted she would press him about. Her eyes were interested when she tilted her head to look up at him.
"What about Allie?" She asked and Troy moved his shoulders nonchalantly as he wondered if he could get away with telling her his memory without telling her why he was thinking about it.
"I was actually thinking about the fact that we were sleeping." Troy decided suddenly that he might as well tell her the truth, he doubted that this lazy, casual intimacy was going to last when she woke up a little more. "I was remembering one time when Mom had gone off on a bender and we'd been home alone. We'd been playing all afternoon; it was actually kind of fun. I fell asleep with her on my chest. It was one of those afternoons where I didn't have to be afraid that Mom would come into the room and start on something or that the doorbell would ring and one of her friends would storm into the living room." He felt Gabriella's hand tightening around his and felt better about telling her.
"That's nice. You really loved her, didn't you?" Troy highly doubted that she would have asked the question of him so easily if he hadn't told her what he had been thinking about. He stiffened slightly as he remembered not wanting to talk about his feelings and he realized that he wasn't open to discussing what he'd felt for Allie as well.
"Yes." His voice was curt and Troy knew, he knew that she noticed the wall go up. Just as he was conscious of it going up. He wanted to wince at his own reaction to her question but knew that he couldn't. He couldn't because he suddenly felt that he'd already said to much to her.
Seeing the look on Gabriella's face, Troy found himself fumbling inside him for an elaboration. Some way to add to the curt yes. Before something could spring from his mouth, Gabriella had leaned up and kissed him.
"It's okay. We won't talk about it." Gabriella murmured against his mouth and Troy closed his eyes as she kissed him again. It drifted over him slowly that Gabriella had read him as easily as he could read her.
Before he could analyze it, Gabriella's kiss changed. Her mouth became more persuasive, her tongue sweeping his mouth as her upper body slid onto his chest, the hand that had clasped his slipping up into his hair. Troy ran his hand up, under her shirt as the other cradled the back of her head. His hand began to tease the smooth skin of her back, enjoying the way her breath caught in her throat as he scraped his hand up her back to the back of her bra. He tickled the clasp for a moment, and then smoothed his hand back down to the small of her back.
Holding it there, Troy waited until Gabriella pulled away slightly for breath before he rolled them. His mouth came back down on hers, hard and he felt her gasp as he pulled at her bottom lip with his teeth. His hand slid down, up her shirt until he traced the base of her bra. He felt her moan against his mouth, felt the insistent tug in his lower body as she arched up to strain against him.
Then he didn't want it. He didn't want to have sex with her right now. He wanted to…he didn't know what he wanted but he did know that he didn't want to do what she thought he wanted. So he pulled away, hovering over her as they both tried to catch their breaths.
Drawing in one last deep breath, Troy slipped his hand from under her shirt and he balanced himself on his elbows. He watched as her eyes opened and he could see the hurt hidden in the depths of them.
"Got any food?" He asked and watched as Gabriella's eyes darkened in confusion at the question.
"I – uh – sure. I think so." Troy had to force himself not react to the husky timbre of her voice. He wondered if this was how she always sounded after he'd kissed her or if it was because he'd kissed her just after she'd woken up. He decided quickly that it didn't matter now because he highly doubted they would leave the bed if she spoke again.
Not entirely willingly, Troy forced himself off her and the bed. He ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it even more as he watched Gabriella sit up and stretch. Her shirt rose up over her taut stomach and Troy found himself swallowing. Hard.
She really was absolutely gorgeous and Troy found himself wondering why she was still there. Why she'd pushed so hard about his mother, about Allie. Why she'd stuck when he was sure no-one else ever would. Why she'd given a damn when from the very first time they'd met, he'd tormented her.
Why can't you accept that I care?
Troy heard her voice in his head, heard the desperation and frustration in her words and found that he couldn't accept that she cared. There had to be something more than caring for her to push him so hard and still be there when he'd walked out.
"Troy? Are you coming?" Her voice swirled around his mind and Troy noted that, perhaps for the first time, she didn't sound unsure or intimidated. She was simply asking a question that she needed an answer too.
It stunned him that he wasn't irritated by the progress.
"Yeah. Lead the way." He gestured with his hand and followed her out of her room, making sure not to touch her as he gazed at the back of her head and surprised himself with the fact that he was glad that Gabriella wasn't unsure around him right now. That she didn't seem to be second guessing herself. He supposed it was because he would have gotten more irritated with her if she had continued to allow him to leave her hanging every time something happened between them or if she had allowed him to continue to speak to her as if she was worth little of his time when, in reality, Troy was beginning to comprehend that she meant more to him than he'd originally planned.
Just thinking that she meant more to him caused something in his gut to twist. The last time he allowed someone to mean the world to him; they'd died because he'd thought they were safe. He wasn't sure whether or not he could take that risk again. He didn't know if Gabriella would be worth the risk of letting her close.
Too late, Troy frowned at the knowing whisper, you've already let her in and you know she's not going to go anywhere.
No, he agreed silently, if she had wanted to leave she would have already left. She wouldn't have let him jerk her one way and than the next if she honestly thought he wasn't worth it. Even thinking back on how she had been before this, before she'd found the courage and strength to push him to tell her what had happened, Troy could only accept that she wouldn't have let him take what he wanted so easily.
"So, uh, what do you want?" Troy was brought out his thoughts not by her voice, but by her touch. She'd reached for his hand, taking it and intertwining their fingers as if it was the most natural thing in the world for her to do.
It scared him to realize that it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Just as it was natural for him to squeeze her hand reflexively before he answered.
"Food would be good. A phone would be useful if you find that you don't have food available." The dry humor in his voice surprised him and, apparently, it surprised Gabriella as well. She turned her face towards him, her eyes wide with shock before her lips curled upwards and Troy was wary of the way her shoulders shook slightly.
"Okay. Come on." She pulled at his hand as she stepped into the kitchen.
Troy watched her carefully as her hand suddenly stiffened in his and a blush stained her cheeks. Curious, he followed her line of vision and couldn't hold back his chuckle as he realized what she was looking at.
As he looked at the kitchen bench, Troy found the grin fading as he remembered how rough he'd been with her. Unconsciously, his other hand lifted to run down her side, as if searching for bruises. His fingers lingered on her hip, vaguely remembering his hand digging into it then his hand was caught in hers.
"You didn't hurt me. Not physically at least." Her words were quiet and Troy was once again stunned by the way she managed to read what he was thinking. It was reflex, and perhaps terror, that had him trying to tug his hand away from hers.
"Good." He said his voice gruff as he tried, unsuccessfully, to extract his hand from Gabriella's. To gain some distance because he felt he had too have some.
"No. Listen to me," the command in her voice made him look at her. The nerves in her eyes made the cool comment die on his lips. "You did hurt me, Troy. You hurt me when you assumed that I was going to listen to Taylor about Doug and you really hurt me when you walked out." He'd known that, Troy thought sourly as she looked up at him searchingly, he'd known he'd hurt her, so why was she spelling it out for him? Why was she telling him this when the twist in his stomach told him he had to do something to make it up?
"Okay." He nodded, not sure what else to say and hating himself for not being able to read between the lines of her words.
Gabriella stared at him for a moment, giving Troy the impression that he was meant to say something, anything, else and Troy had no idea what he was meant to say to her. He didn't know what she wanted but how was he meant to tell her that hearing that he'd hurt her from her own mouth tore something in him?
"Okay. Take a seat." She let him go; untangling their fingers and Troy nearly breathed a sigh of relief.
To disguise the relief at her letting him go, Troy found himself doing what she'd asked. He settled himself into one of the chairs at the bench and watched as Gabriella opened the fridge to search through it.
He'd hurt her. He'd hurt her and he wasn't sure what to do now. God, why did she have to tell him that he'd hurt her? If it was to get his mind of everything he'd told her earlier, it was doing a damn good job and Troy found himself irritated with the fact that while he wasn't open to discussing anything to do with what he'd told her, he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to dive headfirst into a conversation about who felt what and what, exactly, they were. Maybe they could do it in pieces. Maybe he could tell her something, let her process it and then pick it up another day.
Another day. Troy stared at Gabriella's back as he realized that this, whatever it was, was going to continue. She wasn't going to drop him any sooner than he was going to drop her and Troy could only stare as he realized that, perhaps for the first time, someone other than the people who had known him since birth was going to stick. That someone other than his father, Christy, Chad cared about him and who he was.
It was a little difficult to understand, a little difficult to accept but Troy couldn't help himself. She cared. She actually cared about him. She cared enough to get through months of him pulling her this way then that, months of him leaving her hanging with no indication that he so much as cared. But there was more to their feelings than simple caring, if there wasn't, Troy knew he wouldn't have any qualms about ending it here. Absently, he thought about the headlong drop he'd taken when he'd been inside her for the first time.
Then he shook his head. He couldn't think about that right, he just couldn't. It was too much, too soon. She mattered. Gabriella mattered and that was enough for him at the moment. What he really felt, he could analyze later. He could sit down and sort through when she wasn't within easy reaching distance and glancing back at him every now and then, to make sure he was still there.
Pushing aside his thought, Troy rose from his chair. As quietly as he could, he walked over to her and, though it was tempting, forced himself to not slide his arms around her waist. Instead, he reached up and tangled the ends of her hair with his fingers and leaned around her.
"You've got no food, right?" He asked quietly, choosing to ignore the cartons of food he'd abandoned on Friday. He heard her breath stutter, than whoosh out softly.
"Well…not really." Gabriella admitted sheepishly and Troy smirked, amused at her as she shut the fridge door and turned her face towards him.
Troy felt something catch in him as he saw the look. Similar to Allie's but without the cheeky grin. The look could destroy him, Troy knew. Totally destroy him if she ever realized what she was doing. He cursed and watched surprise flit through her eyes. Without much thought, Troy turned her to face the fridge again, his arm sliding around her waist to keep her in place.
"I need to tell you something," he kept his mouth close to her ear, knowing it was less likely for her to turn her head and look at him if it was there than if he was speaking above her head.
She went very still at his voice. "Okay." He heard her utter and then cursed mentally as he tried to figure out what to say to her.
"I don't like talking when pushed. I don't like to be put in corners, either. I don't talk about how I felt then, and I'm not very good at telling people what I'm feeling now." He blew out a breath. "I don't want you to expect me to change that overnight. I don't want you to say something and expect me to be able to tell you what I feel right now. I can't do that because the last time I said anything remotely near 'I love you' was six years ago to Allie. I'm still probably going to leave you hanging, I'm still going to cold, cruel and amused to you sometimes. Which means I'm going to hurt you. But…" He trailed off, fighting with the words that wanted to spring out of his mouth to let her know that this was going to go somewhere. What they felt meant something.
Swallowing, Troy lowered his forehead to her shoulder and closed his eyes. "But you matter to me Gabriella." His throat closed and Troy had to force himself to keep talking. "You matter a lot and I don't want you thinking that because you do, I'm going to stop being who I am today and hold your hand whenever you need me too." Her body tensed at his words and Troy wondered if she'd heard them or not. Then she was turning around in his arms, her arms sliding up around his neck as he raised his eyes to hers.
"You're an idiot if you honestly think I'd want to change you." Gabriella's eyes gleamed up at his and her words were surprisingly strong for someone who had been as quiet as a mouse when he'd first met her.
Then he comprehended her words and felt a smile working its way across his face. The smile seemed to stun her as he ran a hand up her spine.
"You're going to stick, aren't you?" He asked gently, unsure about her answer even as he smiled down at her. Gabriella's hand stroked through his hair once, a gentle, reassuring touch that had Troy wanting to close his eyes and enjoy the moment.
"I'm not going anywhere. Even if you told me to take a hike, I'd probably still be here. I want to be with you, Troy. Nothings going to change that." She admitted and Troy drew in a deep breath at her words. "But…I want you to promise me something." Her voice wavered slightly and Troy was instantly wary. Promises, he knew from experience, were as easily broken as twigs on the ground.
"What?" He schooled his voice to coolness and Gabriella swallowed as she looked up at him, trailing a hand through his hair again, her fingers lingering on the ends of hair and her fingertips warm against the back of his neck.
"Promise me you won't walk out again. Please. Promise me that." Troy stared down at her and then he sighed. He could leave her hanging with an unanswered question but he knew how much damage someone walking out could cause.
But he couldn't promise her that because he was terrified of breaking it. Even though she'd only just asked it of him.
"I can try." His voice was low and, Troy knew, honest. He would try but that was all he could do. To make a promise was a responsibility that was too much to handle.
Gabriella nodded slowly, her eyes searching his face before Troy lowered his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly, enjoying the way she came alive when he touched his lips to hers. She mattered and she didn't want him to change.
It was enough for Troy to know that she wasn't going anywhere.
A/N: So I actually kinda like this chapter. Troy's in a talking mood it seems and Gabriella's so cool. Anyway, they're finally getting somewhere and there's only four more chapters left! Which is sad, but hey, it means that the story's going to finally be finished! There's not going to be much drama either, now that the story's closing. Again, I'm sorry about the rant before, but I had to get it out somehow. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!