18. Relief

Bella just stared up at the ceiling for a moment, her look one of awe, confusion, and distraction all at once. She was taking everything in with her new, sharp senses. Because now she could hear, smell, see, taste, and touch as well as we could. She was one of us.

After a moment, I squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her that I was here, that we were all here. And she locked up her body, growled, and then twisted away from me and an instant later was crouched with her back against the wall, afraid. For a moment, I wondered why.

And then I realized what it was. She was used to me being cold. The fact that we were the same temperature now had come as a shock to her.

I leaned anxiously across the operating table, extending my hand out to Bella. She focused in on my face, but I could tell she was also cataloging everything she saw in her peripheral vision.

My family stood against the wall, waiting anxiously for Bella to say or do something. Emmett and Jasper stood in front, ready to restrain her, if necessary. Carlisle, Esme, and Alice stood behind them.

Something happened to make Bella relax, and she stood up straight immediately.

I moved slowly around the table, exaggerating the slowness so she wouldn't be frightened. My hand was still extended.

"Bella?" I asked, trying to make my voice calming. It didn't entirely work. A little bit of my anxiety came through.

She didn't answer. She looked at me like a deer in headlights.

"Bella, love?" I tried again. "I'm sorry, I know it's disorienting. But you're all right. Everything is fine."

Suddenly, worry lined her face, and I realized that she was trying to remember what happened before her transformation. Worrying about everything that had happened. The part she didn't know was that it all worked out much better than we could have hoped for.

I tried to make my look reassuring as I reached out to touch Bella's face. The same warm yearning I always felt every time I touched her zinged through my body. I was glad for that. Part of me had worried that touching her wouldn't be the same after she was a vampire, too.

I could tell from the look on her face that she felt the same tingling electric sensation that I did.

I arched an eyebrow, waiting for her to say or do something.

She threw her arms around me and buried her face in my chest. She didn't realize how strong she was, and the force of her embrace was crushing me. I shifted my weight uncomfortably, leaning away from her. She looked up at my face, confusion and fear in her eyes.

"Um…carefully, Bella," I said. "Ow."

She yanked her arms away immediately, folding them behind her back, and her lips parted in horror. She understood now.

"Oops," she mouthed.

I smiled. "Don't panic, love," I said, reaching my hand up to touch her lips, which were still parted in horror. "You're just a bit stronger than I am for the moment."

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and I stroked her cheek again, trying to reassure her, and the look of confusion was replaced with one of desire yet again.

I could tell she was trying to be careful as she slowly brought her right arm out from behind her back and touched my cheek. She stared straight into my eyes and spoke for the first time.

"I love you."

Just as I noticed no difference in her features, unlike everyone else, I also noticed no difference in her voice. It still sounded like the most beautiful music in the world. Again, I wondered if I'd just heard the beauty there before her transformation.

I smiled her favorite crooked smile, giddy with happiness. The first thing out of her mouth had been to reassure me of her love for me.

"As I love you," I answered.

I took her face between my hands and, slow enough to remind her to be careful, leaned my face down to hers. I kissed her, as soft as I had when she was human. And then I remembered that I didn't need to be careful anymore. She was the stronger of the two of us. I couldn't hurt her anymore. So then my lips crushed down on hers fiercely, almost roughly.

Her breathing sped the way her heart used to as she kissed me back, but she didn't hurt me again. She somehow remembered to be careful. I wasn't sure how.

After a minute or so, Emmett cleared his throat.

Too soon, Bella broke the kiss and half-stepped away from me with a look of embarrassment on her face, but I wasn't allowing her to move away. I chuckled and stepped with her, keeping my arms tightly around her waist.

She took a deep breath and looked up at me.

"You've been holding out on me," she accused, narrowing her eyes a bit.

I laughed, radiant with relief. It was over. The fear, the pain, the doubt, the uncertainty. Everything was perfect now. More perfect than Bella knew.

"It was sort of necessary at the time," I reminded her. "Now it's your turn to not break me." I laughed again. It was strange to realize that Bella was stronger than me now.

How is she controlling herself so well? "How do you feel, Bella?" Carlisle asked, stepping around Emmett and walking towards her.

"Overwhelmed," she told him. "There's so much…" She trailed off.

"Yes, it can be quite confusing."

She nodded once. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."

I tightened my arms around her slightly. "I told you so," I whispered in her ear.

"You are quite controlled," Carlisle mused. "More so than I expected, even with the time you had to prepare yourself mentally for this."

She hesitated for a moment before responding. "I'm not sure about that."

He nodded. "It seems like we did something right with the morphine this time. Tell me, what do you remember of the transformation process?"

She hesitated a bit longer now. "Everything was…very dim before. I remember the baby couldn't breathe…" And then she looked up at me, fear in her eyes.

"Renesmee is healthy and well," I promised. "What do you remember after that?"

"It's hard to remember. It was so dark before. And then…I opened my eyes and I could see everything."

"Amazing," Carlisle breathed.

A trace of something crossed Bella's face, but I couldn't identify what it was.

"I want you to think," Carlisle pressed. "To tell me everything you remember."

Bella grimaced.

How selfish of me! She's thirsty. Of course. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle apologized. "Of course your thirst must be very uncomfortable. This conversation can wait."

Her hand flew up to cup her throat.

I dropped my arms from around her waist and took her other hand, tugging gently. "Let's hunt, Bella."

Her eyes widened and she looked a little apprehensive.

I smiled. "It's quite easy, love. Instinctual. Don't worry, I'll show you." When she didn't move, I flashed her favorite crooked smile and raised my eyebrows. "I was under the impression that you'd always wanted to see me hunt."

She laughed once.

"Shall we?" I asked. I reached to take the hand that was still on her neck and smoothed down the column of her throat with my fingers. "I don't want you to be hurting," I added in a low murmur, something she would not have been able to hear with human ears.

"I'm fine," she said. Still as stubborn as before. "Wait. First."

"Yes?" Carlisle asked.

"I want to see her. Renesmee." And then her hands flew down to clutch her flat stomach and a confused look crossed her face. I guessed that she was trying to process the fact that Renesmee was really out of her.

Carlisle and I exchanged a guarded glance.

Son, I don't think that's the best idea…

No kidding. I wasn't going to allow Bella near Renesmee until after she'd hunted.

Bella saw our silent conversation.

"What?" she demanded.

"Bella," I said soothingly. "That's not really a good idea. She's half-human, love. Her heart beats, and blood runs in her veins. Until your thirst is positively under control…You don't want to put her in danger, do you?"

She frowned, considering that. "Where is she?" And then she must have heard the heartbeat, because a second later, she asked, "Is Rosalie with her?"

"Yes," I answered in a clipped tone. My sister was really starting to get on my nerves. It was our baby, not hers, and Rosalie was acting like Renesmee was her daughter. It was even more annoying than Jacob imprinting on her.

"Wait," Bella protested again. "What about Jacob? And Charlie? Tell me everything that I missed. How long was I unconscious?"

Carlisle and I exchanged another glance.

How much do we tell her, and how much should she find out for herself? Carlisle thought.

"What's wrong?" Bella whispered.

"Nothing is wrong," Carlisle said, emphasizing the last word. Different, yes. Something for us to worry about, definitely. But not wrong. "Nothing has changed much, actually—you were only unaware for just under two days. It was very fast, as these things go. Edward did an excellent job. Quite innovative—the venom injection straight into your heart was his idea." He paused to smile proudly at me, and then sighed. I guess I should tell her that Jacob's here, but I won't tell her that he's imprinted on Renesmee. I know you promised Jacob you'd let him explain that himself. "Jacob is still here, and Charlie still believes that you are sick. He thinks you're in Atlanta right now, undergoing tests at the CDC. We gave him a bad number, and he's frustrated. He's been speaking to Esme."

"I should call him…" she murmured, but then she trailed off, and I guessed she recognized the difficulty. I was the only one who didn't hear a change in her voice. "Hold on—Jacob is still here?"

My father and I glanced at each other again.

Edward, get her to go hunting with you. Otherwise we'll have to tell her why he's here, and he'll be upset.

"Bella," I said quickly. "There's much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You have to be in pain…" I trailed off.

She swallowed. "But Jacob—"

"We have all the time in the world for explanations, love," I interrupted.

"Okay," she finally acquiesced.

"Wait, wait, wait," Alice trilled from the doorway. She danced across the room. She has to see herself! "You promised I could be there the first time! What if you two run past something reflective?"

"Alice—," I protested. Really, wasn't Bella's thirst more important than whether or not Alice got to be there the first time Bella saw herself?

"It will only take a second!" Alice insisted, running from the room to grab a mirror.

I sighed, giving in.

"What is she talking about?" Bella asked.

But before Bella even finished her sentence, Alice was back, carrying the huge, gilt-framed mirror from Rosalie's room, which was nearly as long as she was, and several times as wide.

Jasper suddenly locked his eyes on Bella again, prepared to restrain her if she lost control of herself after seeing her new body for the first time.

Bella's eyes widened as she really looked at Jasper for the first time and she tensed to defend herself.

She can really see my scars now, and she's cautious. She sees me as a threat. Jasper smiled wryly.

"Edward gave me grief for not getting you to a mirror before the wedding," Alice told Bella. "I'm not going to be chewed out again."

"Chewed out?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Maybe I'm overstating things," she murmured absently as she turned the mirror to face Bella.

"And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification," I countered.

Alice winked at me. Okay, you got me.

Jasper told me what Bella was feeling as she was looking at herself in the mirror for the first time. She's pleased. And now she's horrified. I don't think she sees herself in the reflection at all.

"The eyes?" she whispered after a few seconds. "How long?"

"They'll darken up in a few months," I told her, making my voice as soft and comforting as I could. "Animal blood dilutes the color more quickly than a diet of human blood. They'll turn amber first, then gold."

"Months?" she asked, her voice an octave higher than normal. She raised her eyebrows in horror.

Jasper took a step forward, prepared to help restrain her if necessary. She's upset now. Still horrified.

Alice looked ahead to the immediate future. I don't see her doing anything to hurt anyone.

Bella took a deep breath. "No, I'm fine," she told us. She looked again at her reflection, and then back to us. "It's just…a lot to take in."

Jasper furrowed his brow. How is she doing it? How is she controlling her emotions so well? She saw that we were anxious and she reigned herself in.

"I don't know," I murmured.

Bella frowned. "What did I miss?"

I grinned at my wife. "Jasper wonders how you're doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Controlling your emotions, Bella," Jasper told her. "I've never seen a newborn do that—stop an emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reigned it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."

"Is that wrong?" She froze.

"No," he said in an unsure voice. I just don't understand it. And I'm not sure if it will last.

I stroked my hand down her arm. "It's very impressive, Bella, but we don't understand it. We don't know how long it can hold."

Bella's expression turned quizzical as she considered that.

"But what do you think?" Alice asked impatiently, pointing to the mirror.

"I'm not sure," Bella said in an unsure, slightly frightened voice. With a wary look in her eye, she raised her hand experimentally and touched her face, watching her reflection do the same.

I sighed.

Bella turned from the mirror to look at me. "Disappointed?"

I laughed. "Yes," I teased.

Shock and hurt were evident on her face.

How dare you, Edward? Alice snarled.

That wasn't the brightest thing to say, bro. She's terrified. Jasper leaned forward again, waiting for Bella to snap.

But I ignored them both and wrapped my arms tightly around my love, kissing her cheek. "I was rather hoping that I'd be able to hear your mind, now that it is more similar to my own," I murmured. "And here I am, as frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly be going on inside your head."

I could feel Bella's relief. "Oh well," she said lightly. "I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty."

She was getting to be more and more herself with each passing second.

There weren't words to describe my feelings now. I was happy, excited, anxious, relieved, and a little worried all at the same time. But the dominant emotion was love, the same love for her that had always radiated from every pore of my being.

And, now, I was a little agitated with her, too. She had never seen herself clearly, and apparently she still didn't.

"Bella, you have never been merely pretty," I growled in her ear.

Jasper was getting more and more edgy by the second, waiting for Bella to snap and lose it, like he was used to newborns behaving.

"All right, all right," I told him, pulling unwillingly away from Bella.

"What?" she asked.

"You're making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when you've hunted."

Bella looked at Jasper and nodded, unwrapping my arms from around her and keeping only one of my hands. "Okay. Let's hunt."