Disclaimer: I still own nothing.

A/N: Olivia ran, because that's Olivia… Old habits are hard to break. She messes things up. It's what she has gotten used to, and it's what she settles for… Alex chased after her, because that's Alex… She believes in love, and she is willing to fight for what she believes in… This chapter allowed me to explore some of Olivia's insecurities. I know that she's strong, and I know that, in the eyes of many, she can do no wrong… but one of the things that I love most about Olivia Benson is that she is real, she is flawed… Love is free of perfection; that's what draws us to it… Let me know what you think, okay? Thanks…

The Trials of Love
-iheartSVUbabe

Restless, I stand, then walk over to your duffle bag. I rummage through it, finding a black pair of boxers and a matching tank top to change into, wanting to get comfortable.

I'm not going anywhere, Olivia Benson… I'm not giving up on you…

I slip my feet out of my heels, then place them under the bed next to your boots, smiling at the obvious differences between us. Unkempt and unpolished, you are more than a little rough around the edges. I, however, am a master of precision, a more genteel version of you. I smooth out your roughness. You melt my cold exterior.

We're good together…

I unbutton my dress shirt, then lay it across the end of your bed along with my jacket. My skirt is the next to go, then my panty hose, followed my by bra and panties.

I pull your tank top over my head and slip into your boxers.

Finding hangers in the tiny, almost nonexistent closet in the corner, I hang my suit up and smile.

How predictable…

The only thing that means enough to you for you to hang it up is your leather jacket.

I'm about to sit back down when I hear the bathroom door open.

The look on your face right now is priceless.

"How… what are you…?" Your voice trails off, your eyes full of questions as I walk over to you.

I know what you're expecting, what you are bracing yourself for…

And it's not going to happen…

"I've missed you."

I walk up to you, place a quick kiss on your lips, reaching out and wrapping my arms around your towel clad body.

"How did you find me?" You whisper, your head on my shoulder, your nose nuzzling into my neck.

I reach up between us and run my fingertip along the hem of the towel, feel your breath hitch as I dip between your breasts with one perfectly manicured fingernail.

"It doesn't matter… all that matters is that I found you…"

The anger and pain I first felt when I walked into this room is slowly dissipating as the feel of your presence wraps around me.

"I'm so sorry… I never meant to hurt you…" You whisper, and I pull away so that I can look into brown eyes that are full of pain and tears.

Please, don't cry…

Tears make their way down your face, and I brush them away with my thumbs.

"I forgive you… and I still love you."

You break down, crying, shaking in my arms, and you bury your face into me. I hold you, stroking your back soothingly, whispering comforting truths into your ear.

"You don't have to run anymore… you don't have to save me from you… I'm a big girl, okay? I can handle myself… I can handle you. I love you, and I'm here to stay…"

Moments pass, and your sobs subside, but you remain in my arms, clinging to me.

"I ruin everything I touch." Your confession breaks my heart, and I take you by the hand and pull you over towards the bed.

I pull another pair of boxers and a t-shirt out of your duffle bag, then gently tug the towel away from your body. I help you into the boxers then pull the shirt over your head, letting the towel hit the floor.

"C'mon, baby… you need to sleep…"

We'll talk… just not right now.

Right now, I just want you in my arms. I just want to hold you…

I pull the covers back and crawl into bed, then reach out to you.

Having intertwined your fingers with mine, you settle into bed next to me, still holding my hand as we wrap our bodies around each other.

"You know that I love you, don't you, Alex?" Your question penetrates my heart, sharp as a double edged sword, and I take a deep breath then let it out.

Then why did you run?

"I know…"

And I do. I know that you love me… I just don't know why you can't trust our love enough to just stand still and bask in it.

"I'm sorry." Your apology is faint, but heartfelt, and I press my lips to your forehead.

Who made you start running? Who was the first person that made you feel like you were unworthy of love?

"You're forgiven."

And you are…

I slip my hand out of yours and reach over to brush your hair out of your face.

"Just like that?" You ask, your eyes full of a deep need for redemption.

We have a lot to work on, but I'm willing to put forth the effort if you are… I'll fight for you… I'll fight for love…

One of my favorite quotes comes to mind, and while my fingers continue to run through your hair, I'm hoping that my words will touch your heart.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry…"

You nod into me, then close your eyes.

For the next hour and a half, I hold you close to me, running my fingers through your hair and occasionally pressing my lips to yours in a brief kiss.

From time to time, you sigh in your sleep, and I smile to myself.

You're so peaceful when you sleep. Your features soften and the worry that is usually etched into them is nowhere to be found. In slumber, the weight of the world is no longer on your shoulders..

"How long have you been doing that?" You ask, your voice raspy and deep from sleep.

I laugh a little then snuggle into you so that I can kiss your neck.

"Doing what?"

I know damn well what you're talking about, but I'm going to pretend like I don't…

"Alexandra Cabot… are you trying to drive me insane?" You ask, inhaling sharply as my fingertips dance along your stomach.

I kiss your neck once… twice…

"I have no idea what you're talking about…"

You moan, which only encourages me.

Three weeks without touching you, kissing you, being in your arms…

"We should talk, Alex." You say, pulling away from me slightly

I sit up and turn around, so that I am now facing you, and fold my legs up under me.

"Who gets to go first?"

You shrug, then let out a sigh.

"I leave, Alex. It's what I do. I never stay in one place too long, never truly settle down… I'm a fuck-up. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be for you to let go of me." You say, avoiding my eyes.

You don't get to do this…

"You are not a fuck-up, Olivia, you just always set yourself up for failure. It's easier to enter into something you know won't last, so you tell yourself whatever you have to tell yourself so that when the time comes, you have an excuse… you have a way out. I could petition your heart, try to make you stay… but I never want to tie you down. I want you to be with me because you want to be with me… I want you to stay because you want to stay…"

There are tears in my eyes and a pain in my heart that I know won't be going away anytime soon.

God, please… open her eyes…

"Wasn't that a petition?" You ask, and this time you lock eyes with me.

Damn you.

"No. It was not. I petition in court, Olivia… I refuse to bring my profession into my personal life. I'm not bargaining, or arguing a case. I am simply trying to tell you that I love you, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If I thought begging would work, I would be on my knees… but I know you… and I know that what appeals to you the most is the truth… and the truth is this… I have no idea how to live without you. I don't know how to not love you. Your past is your past, Olivia. It's over. I'm willing to help you get over your past because I want your present, and I want your future… I love you."

God, please… help me…

"I love you too, Alex… I'm just not used to… this. I'm not used to needing anyone.. I'm independent, and I had given up on love a long time before you came into my life… Teach me to stand still, show me how to love you…" Your eyes fill with tears, and I crawl over to you.

I cup your face in my hands and press my lips to yours gently, undemanding at first. After a few seconds of our lips brushing together, I capture your bottom lip with my teeth, nipping at it, then I drag my tongue along your bottom lip. At my request for entrance, you oblige, and your tongue dances with mine.

I kiss you until we are both breathless, and we pull away from each other long enough to steal a few deep breaths. Once my lungs have been satiated, my lips seek out yours once again.

Our kissing is passionate, hard, almost bruising, as your hands travel up under the tank top I stole from you. Your fingertips stroke and massage already taut nipples, and I moan into you as you cup both of my breasts in your hands.

I pull away from you roughly, panting, to pull the scrap of cotton up and over my head.

"We don't have to… not if you don't want… I mean, I know I've hurt you…" You say, your hands leaving my chest to rest on my hips.

Sometimes, all you can do about pain... is love it away...

"This isn't about what you did, Olivia… it's about what we both need… I need assurance that you'll never leave… just like you need the assurance that should you ever decide to run again… I will always chase after you…"

We strip away the remaining barriers that keep us from being skin to skin, and I lay on top of you, enjoying the feel of your warm, soft body beneath me. Your hands lovingly caress my back, my shoulders, then you pull me into you and kiss me until my lungs ache from lack of oxygen.

This isn't a fight for control.

This isn't make up sex after some unnecessary argument…

This is about reconnecting…

This is forgiveness, redemption, and mercy in the form of a kiss, a touch, a sigh…

"I love you."

My utterance is accompanied by a shudder that flows throughout my entire body as I feel your hand slide down between us.

"I love you too…" You whisper, your breath warm on my skin.

So passionately, so sweetly, we make love… our bodies perfect together, our ability to synchronize our pleasure a strong but satisfying surprise. It never ceases to amaze me… the effect your proximity, your kiss, your touch has on me…

Completely spent, I wrap myself around you and let out a contented sigh.

"I've missed you so much..." You whisper, nudging me with your nose, kissing your way down my neck.

I smile.

"Is it safe to say you won't be leaving me anytime soon?"

You pull your lips away from my neck so that you can lean back and look into my eyes.

You stare at me for a few seconds before slipping out of bed. I watch as you search through your duffle bag, then cock my head to the side as you look over your shoulder at me and smile nervously.

You crawl back in bed and snuggle up next to me. I wrap my arms around you and kiss your shoulder.

"What was that about?"

You lift your arm up between us, and, as the sunlight streaming in through a nearby window catches it, my eyes go wide at the sight of a silver band and a princess cut diamond.

I draw in a sharp breath then cover my mouth with my hand.

"I love you, Alexandra Cabot. I'm in love with you… I know that I messed up, and I know that I don't deserve you or to be loved by you… but I promise to spend the rest of my life devoted to learning how to love you, how to stand still for you. I don't have a lot to offer you, but my heart is yours… I'm willing to learn to stand still for you. Running is all I've ever known… but, for you, I will stand still…" You say, tears springing to your eyes as you slide out of bed and get down on one knee, and I sit up, still covering my hand with my mouth. "I'm not perfect, but I'm yours… if you'll have me… Alex, will you marry me?"

Thank you, God...

I nod, tears streaming down my face.

"Yes… Yes, I will… I'll marry you…"

You reach out for my left hand and slip the ring onto my ring finger, and all I can think is that I should be kissing… my fiancé…

Our lips meet, and I fall into your arms. You pull me up with you, and we stand there, naked, in each others arms.

"I love you."

We whisper simultaneously, and I smile as I stretch my hand out behind you so that I can get a good look at the ring.

A princess cut… how fitting…