21.1 Teagan and Kathryn
Teagan insisted that they stay the night in the castle. He had said that they all would benefit from a good meal, a bath and a night sleeping in a warm bed. With that Kathryn could not argue.
They had discussed trying to find the Sacred Ashes to cure Eamon. They needed his help to fight Loghain. In fact, the greatest argument for how important he would be, was the fact that Loghain had gone through so much trouble to get him out of the way. The entire idea of seeking out a relic seemed farfetched but since no one had a better one, she agreed to at least talk to the scholar in Denerim. The one good thing was that the Arl was in no immediate danger.
After a substantial dinner, they were all grateful for, Kathryn found Teagan in the Arl's study.
"Hello, my lady. I hope that you and your companions are finding everything you require." Teagan said.
" Yes, thank you, Teagan and it's Kathryn. I insist." She said.
"Kathryn, then. But please, anything you need… for what you have done for Redcliffe, for the village and for my family and for what you are going to attempt for Eamon… I cannot be any more in your debt." He said warmly. Kathryn smiled. Teagan thought to himself that she had a beautiful smile. "Shall I find a good bottle of red wine and we can discuss matters much more pleasant than the events of the last days in front of the fire?"
"Yes, I would like that very much." Kathryn said.
"Good." Teagan gathered up the papers he had been looking at and placed them into the top drawer of the desk, where a slight glimmer of something caught her eye.
Kathryn was on her third glass of wine. Sitting there bathed in firelight, in a dress that brought out the blue in her eyes, Teagan thought she might just be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. So different than the girl he had meet those years ago at the palace. Her poise, her intelligence, quick wit, generous heart, and that smile, not to mention her other attributes.
They had talked long, about many things from art to books to wine and philosophy. He wanted to keep the conversation away from such subjects that might prove upsetting or cause any distress. He knew that along with food and rest to heal the body, a break from the mental strain of their mission would help heal the mind and spirit. Besides he found he enjoyed her company immensely. But there was something he wished to ask. "If I may," Kathryn looked to him curious. "What can you tell me of Alistair?"
"What do you wish to know? It would seem you would know more than I?" Kathryn said.
"About him as a child, his history and past, perhaps, but not of who he is now, the type of man he is. That is what I wish to know. Given that the two of you have been through much in the relative short time you have known each other, you no doubt are a prime person to judge his personality and character." Teagan said.
Kathryn considered for several moments and then said. "He is a good man with a good heart in him. He has an irrepressible spirit and a hidden strength. He is a man of good judgment, intelligent with strong but deep emotions, kind… also charming, witty with a sarcastic sense of humor. He is an accomplished warrior, disciplined and courageous but not reckless in any way, indomitable. The main fault I find with him is that he has no comprehension of his own worth and value." She said quietly with real warmth.
Teagan listen to the tone of her voice and the light in her eyes and realized that she had feelings for Alistair, beyond those of friends or comrades. He wondered if she was even aware of them herself. He could not help but be slightly disappointed.
"May I ask you something?" She said.
"Of course." He said.
"I know it is bad manners to speak of the dead or at least at times honestly of them but will you tell me of your opinion of Cailan?" She asked.
"Well, I had known him his entire life, of course. He was a happy child with a love of books and the old tales much like my sister Rowan. He had such ideals, saw goodness and beauty in all, but while some, if not many, may have considered him naïve, he was no fool. He seemed content to let Anora handle nearly all aspects of actually ruling the country. As much as it seemed a perfect match, it was not. They had grown up together, she being the elder. They were fond of each other, no doubt, but Cailan saw her as more a bossy older sister and she saw him as a child. It is hard for such a strong woman to love a man she does not respect. No doubt you understand." Teagan took another drink of his wine and continued thoughtful.
"Perhaps he was simply so used to her getting her way, and she so used to getting her way, it never occurred to either one to do anything different. But it always seemed to me that he was simply going through the motions, playing the part of 'king' like an actor on a stage, saying the lines as he should but without any real understanding of what they meant. Perhaps because that was all he was allowed to do. A dog that has never killed, has never hunted, forever remains a puppy." Teagan said.
"He seemed to be waiting for his turn to be the hero. I think he saw the blight in that way, as his battle to be won. As an almost an excuse for him to take command." Teagan said. "But when the time came for him to truly be the king as opposed to acting as one, he didn't know how. Perhaps Maric should have tried harder to teach him. Although I'm not sure Maric knew himself really. Maric had not been taught as such but learned through the trial of fire and war. Moria could not teach him for what she had was not knowledge but natural talent and instincts. Cailan was much like Maric and perhaps he would have learned to be a good king in time but now we shall never know." Teagan finished, drinking the last of his wine.
Kathryn put down her glass, and stood. "I should get some sleep. We leave early in the morning." Teagan stood. Kathryn continued. "Thank you for the conversation."
"My pleasure, Kathryn, and I hope you will not begrudge me one of the trapping of nobility." He took her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it. "If I do not presume too much to say, you are a most impressive woman. Your father would be very proud."
"Thank you." She said sadly and then smiled. "Good night, Teagan."
21.2 Teagan and Alistair
Before retiring to his room, Teagan made a stop to check on Eamon. Isolde said that there had been no change but that he seemed stronger than before and was stable. He said good night to Connor and then made his way down the hall. Alistair was standing outside his room.
"Bann Teagan." Alistair said.
"Please, it's just Teagan to family." Teagan said making a point.
"But… I'm not really…." Alistair started.
"…listening to me. It's Teagan, Alistair. Please." Teagan said insistent.
"All right." Alistair said with a smile.
"Come in. Will you take a brandy?" Teagan asked.
"Never had one." Alistair said.
"Good time to remedy that." He walked into the room. The fire was roaring. It was pleasant. Well, as pleasant as a night in the south of Ferelden gets. "I am sorry that I did not have the time to talk to you before but with everything… "
Teagan poured two glasses of brandy and handed one to Alistair. "Small sips are best." Alistair looked at the glass, took a sniff and then a small sip. "So now that things have at least stabilized, do tell me how have you been?" Teagan asked.
"It seems you already know, the monastery and then the Grey Wardens." Alistair said and took another sip.
"I only know what the brothers told Eamon and what Eamon told me, but not the truth as you know it. So please," Teagan indicated a chair. "…tell me everything."
Alistair's tongue and general reluctance to talk about himself were severely loosened by the second glass of brandy and he found himself telling Teagan nearly everything he could remember. He tried to gloss over how much he actually hated the monastery, how lonely and miserable he had actually been. But Teagan, being an astute man, picked up on it all the same.
Then Alistair told Teagan about the tournament and the confrontation with the Grand Cleric, and about how he had been conscripted by Duncan.
"Ah, yes." Teagan said. "Apparently, the Chantry does not let go of its templar easily, once they begin the training." Teagan said.
"How did you know that?" Alistair asked.
Teagan again noted how quickly Alistair picked up on such subtle hints and any slight inconsistencies. He had been a bright child and had developed into a rather clever man. Kathryn's assessment seemed very true to the mark. It was pleasing to him that he could so easily see the boy Alistair had been in the man before him.
"Cailan found that out." Teagan said, hoping that would be enough to spark Alistair's interest.
"Cailan? How? Why?" Alistair asked more confused.
"Cailan didn't know about you until just before Maric disappeared. Before he left, he told Cailan, who was furious with him." In fact, it had been one of the only times he could ever recall seeing any temper in Cailan.
"No doubt for cheating on his mother." Alistair said quietly.
"No," Teagan said. "He was furious that he had a brother and that he hadn't been told." Alistair looked at Teagan curiously. Teagan continued. "After he was named king, he wanted to bring you to court. But you were already being trained as a templar, and he didn't want to cause problems with the Grand Cleric. Instead, he had arranged with her that once you took your vows you would be assigned to his personal bodyguard. Under the guise of protecting him from malificarum and blood magic. But then you were recruited into the Grey Wardens."
Alistair looked away to the floor. Suddenly Cailan's death meant something to him. Before he had just been the king and not a very good one in his opinion. No, that's not true, that's not true at all. Cailan had been so much more to Alistair than that. Cailan had been the reason he had been kept a secret, why Maric had never and would never have acknowledged him as his son, why Maric had never met him, and as far as he knew never even seen him, why he had slept in a hayloft and with the hounds, why he was cast aside, pushed off on relatives and finally sent to the Chantry an orphan, inconvenient and unwanted… all of it had been because of Cailan.
But, in truth, that had no more been Cailan's fault as it had been his. Cailan didn't know, hadn't known. Of course, he hadn't known about him. Why in the Maker's name would they tell Cailan about him? And when Cailan found out about him, he… wanted to bring him to court... he wanted him... Cailan had wanted him… to be... with him...
Alistair remembered the few exchanges he had with him at Ostagar. The resentment he had barely been able to contain and that had seeped into every word he had spoken to him.
"Not what you were expecting?" Teagan asked gently.
"No." Alistair said softly.
Teagan put his glass down and leaned forward. "Alistair, I know you felt and probably still feel that you were unwanted, unloved, but that wasn't and isn't true. I would gladly have taken you if I could but was not given the lands of Rainisfere for another two years and by then it was too late. And Eamon…" Alistair looked up to Teagan. "Eamon was heartbroken that you took going to the monastery so hard. He was honestly trying to do the best for everyone, and that included you. He didn't mean to hurt you."
Alistair swallowed hard and said. "Even so, I figure he wouldn't be so quick to forgive or forget what I said to him."
"Then you figure wrongly." Teagan said. "He never held that against you. He forgave you the moment you said it." Teagan leaned back. Several moments passed.
"It's late. I… am keeping you up and no doubt you have much to do tomorrow." Alistair said distracted. "I… need to get some sleep." He stood up.
"Yes, you should get some rest. Good night, Alistair." Alistair nodded and walked out of the room.
21.3 Kathryn
The main floor of the castle was still. Kathryn kept to the shadows, more out of habit than anything. For she wasn't doing anything wrong, no, she simply couldn't sleep and was heading to the study to get a book to read. That's all… or at least that was the story. She had heard said, mainly by warriors, that all rogues have the soul of thieves. She was beginning to believe it.
She tested the door to the Arl's study, it wasn't locked. She slipped in and went to the desk and gently opened the top drawer. Moving the papers she uncovered a small amulet in the corner. It was ceramic but painted a slivery color. A cheap trinket, dozens are sold for coppers everyday all over Thedas.
She held it to the light and could see that it was riddled with cracks, as though someone, a child perhaps, had thrown it against a wall and it had shattered into hundreds if not thousands of pieces. And then someone else with a great amount of patience and dedication had collected all those tiny pieces and glued them back together. It was a remarkable effort that must have taken hours upon hours over weeks if not months. There was little doubt this was the amulet that Alistair had told her about. The one he had thrown at the wall in anger after being told he was to be sent to the monastery. And there seemed to be even less doubt that the Arl had gathered those tiny pieces and repaired it.
The only thing in doubt was why? The amulet itself was nearly worthless, even if new and in perfect condition. You could buy a score for the cost of the glue it took to repair it. But the amulet wasn't what the Arl was trying to repair. No, he was trying to repair his shattered relationship with Alistair. He had taken being sent to the monastery hard, much harder than the Arl had anticipated, it seemed. The Arl must have thought that by repairing the amulet, something of personal value and meaning to him, and returning it, by visiting him and continuing to do so even after he refused to see him, he could prove to him that he did care and still cared.
Looking at the amulet, still kept in the top drawer of his desk, Kathryn realized that the Arl must have loved Alistair a great deal, and Alistair deserved to know that. She closed the drawer and slipped out of the study.
21.4 Alistair and Kathryn
Kathryn started back up the stairs when she realized that she was hungry. They had enjoyed an excellent dinner and she had taken full advantage of it but still she was hungry. She didn't think that anyone would mind if she grabbed an extra bite or two… or maybe three.
She made her way towards the kitchen. As she got closer, she thought he heard something but who could possibly be up at this hour eating… well, besides her. Given that the castle had recently been inhabited by corpses, she was a bit concerned and painfully aware that she was without any weapons. She cautiously approached the door and gently opened it.
Alistair was standing by the fire. He turned to her quickly with the perfect look of innocence that one only has when getting caught doing something they shouldn't be.
Upon realizing it was her, he relaxed and then said. "Let me guess… despite the huge dinner, you're hungry."
"Starving. But besides the fact that I'm in the kitchen, how did you know?" She asked.
"One of the things that changes after the Joining, increased appetite. Everyone goes through it. For a while after my Joining, I would scarf down every meal like it was my last and then raid the castle's larder in the middle of the night." Alistair said with a laugh.
"Like now." Kathryn asked with a joking accusatory edge.
"Like now… well not really. You get over it or used to it after a while but the Arl usually has a supply of cheeses, the good stuff too, and I figure won't get too many of those anytime soon." Alistair said.
"Here." He set a few slices in front of her. "This is really good with apples. I don't know the names, I think it starts with a 'g' or maybe a 'd'… it's been a while." He stepped over to the table and picked up a couple apples, some bread, figs and a couple more kinds of cheese. "This one is strong, so just a little on bread. But this one you can eat just by itself."
Kathryn watched him as he sliced the apples and bread, talking about growing up at the castle. She was listening intently, laughing at the stories of him as a child. But part of her was amazed too. For it had been barely over a day she had been looking at him nearly naked in the moonlight and having it affect her more than she ever would have thought, making her heart race, cheeks flush, breathing stop, and in other ways she didn't understand. But now sitting here in this pleasant calmness, without any hint of anything physical, she was just as affected, just as drawn to him, just as excited… to just be sitting here… over cheese.
As they finished their snack, he looked to her serious. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened."
"I think it turned out well considering." She said cautiously.
"I… I just wanted to thank you. You went out of your way to save the Arl's family and you did it. Although it would have been easier not to. There has been so much death and destruction lately, well, it makes me feel good that at least we were able to save something, no matter how small." Then softer. "I owed the Arl that much."
"Well, you're welcome." She said.
"Good. Now that that's over… well… there was something else… something I want to ask you." He said seemingly hesitant to bring it up. "Chances are we'll be heading to Denerim soon, and when we're there I wonder if we might be able to... look someone up."
"You have a friend outside the Grey Wardens?" She asked.
"I'm not talking about a friend, exactly. And no, it's not that sort of friend, either." He said.
"The thing is, I have a sister. A half-sister. My mother… she had a daughter... only I never knew about her. I don't think she knew about me, either. But after I become a Grey Warden I did some checking and... well, I found out she's still alive. In Denerim."
"That's wonderful news. Have you contacted her?" Kathryn asked.
"No. I thought about writing her, but I never did. And then we were called down to Ostagar and I never got the chance. She's the only real family I have left, the only family not also mixed up in the whole royal thing. I've just been thinking that... maybe it's time I went to see her. With the Blight coming and everything, I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to see her. Maybe I can help her, warn her of the danger, I don't know." He said thoughtful.
Kathryn thought of Fergus and how happy she would be to find out she had a brother like Alistair. "If you want to, we could try." She said.
"Could we? I'd appreciate that. If something happened to her and I never went to at least see her, I don't know if I could forgive myself. Her name is Goldanna and I think she remarried but still lives just outside the Alienage. If we're in the area, then... well, it's worth a look." He said lightly. Kathryn could tell he was trying to play if off, but he really wanted to try to find her.
"Well, we should probably get some sleep…" Alistair said although he seemed reluctant to leave.
"We should, but first… I have something for you…" She took the amulet out and placed it into his hand.
"This... this is my mother's amulet. It has to be, but why isn't it broken? Where did you find it?" He asked excited.
"In the study, in the desk." She said, letting him work through the implications of what that meant himself.
"Oh. The Arl's study. Then he must have... found the amulet after I threw it at the wall, and he repaired it and kept it? I don't understand why would he do that?" He said, working it through and becoming more confused.
"Maybe he meant to give it back to you." Kathryn said gently.
"Maybe he did. He might even have brought it with him one of those times he came to see me at the monastery... not that I would have given him a chance as belligerent as I was to him." He said with so much regret. It was almost painful to listen to.
"Thank you. I mean it. I... thought I lost this to my own stupidity. I'll need to talk to him about this. If he recovers from his... when he recovers, that is. I wish I'd had this a long time ago." He looked at it fingering over the cracks. Then he turned and looked at her.
"Did you remember me mentioning it? Wow. I'm more used to people not really listening when I go on about things." He said touched that she had remembered at all.
"Oh, sorry? Did you say something?" She said with a smile.
"Ho, ho, ho. See this gesture I'm making. Can you hear that?" He said with a laugh.
"Of course, I remembered." She said sincere. He looked to her and smiled. Their eyes held for a long moment. Kathryn finally said. "Come on, we need to get some sleep."
21.5 Alistair
Alistair waited till Kathryn was in her room and then he slipped back out and made his way to the family quarters. Gently he opened the door to the master bedroom. Isolde was sleeping on one of the couches, while the Arl was laying just as he had last seen him.
As quietly as he could he went to the side of the bed. He knelt down and after making sure Isolde was still sleeping he leaned in close to the Arl and said in little more than a whisper.
"It's Alistair. I… I just want you to know… your family is safe and I… we… are going to do everything we can to cure you… but it may take time, so please… just… hold on. All right. And I… I just want you to know… about before… I'm so… sor…"
Alistair swallowed hard and then grasped the Arl's hand. It weakly closed around Alistair's and gently squeezed for just the briefest moment and then let go. Alistair set his jaw and blinked his eyes several times and then got up and quietly walked out of the room