~Mello's POV
Over. Over.
The look on his face.
I had finally told him it was over. I felt great. Of course I did. I had done what I had set out to do. I felt wonderful.
But it wasn't like I didn't love him anymore.
Damn it, I loved him with everything I had! But I didn't have a choice. With the Death Note, things were getting too dangerous. If he died and I still loved him, what would I become? I'd sit on the couch and eat bonbons for the rest of my life, and I couldn't have that. I had to push him out of my mind; I had to forget what I felt for him. And I needed him to do the same. I didn't want to be the cause of his pain.
I wanted to be the cause of his happiness, but I wasn't stupid, and I wasn't naive. I knew that it would all come to an end.
Everything comes to an end.
"We're... done?" he asked me. His voice sounded almost disbelieving, but his face was very stiff, as if he had expected this.
"Yeah." That was all I could say. If I didn't filter my words carefully, I would probably end up spilling everything and telling him the whole truth.
I couldn't do that.
Matt didn't question me. Instead, he figured it all out. I hadn't expected that. I had thought he would just leave the room and let me brood.
He took off his shirt and threw it at me. I caught it and looked up at him.
"For until you come back to me," he said as he left my room.
I played with the shirt that he had left me. With my last ounce of strength, I chucked it out the open window and watched the wind carry it far away.
That was all the strength I had.
Emotional strength, that is.
Two tears dripped off my chin and onto my boots as I stared at the full moon in the black sky. For the first time in a very, very long time, tears fell. But only two. One for Matt, and one for myself.
A single tear for myself. I deserved that much, didn't I?
Why is the whole world against me?
I was used to that; used to fending for myself. But I was tired of it; so tired of it. I was so tired of being my own savior. I had nobody on my side. Everybody had left me alone. They hadn't got the subtle signs that I needed them. It was like everybody had just melted away and left me in the darkness. It wasn't like I wasn't used to the darkness, but everybody else was in it, too, and so they were like my candles in the blackness. Now, nobody was left, and I was all alone, fighting my way through the impossible. Where was everybody?
Who was everybody? Who were my candles? I didn't even understand who I was talking about when I thought of this. I didn't even understand who I was directing this metaphor to!
I thought about it, and came to a conclusion that made my stomach sick.
Matt was everybody. Matt was my candles.
My everybody hadn't left me. I had pushed them away.
I had to get away for a little while.
I stepped out of my first-floor window and onto a few hedges. I heard my doorknob turn behind me, but I walked over to my motorcycle.
A little ride would do me good.
--
~Matt's POV
I sat on the couch, taking a break from my video games for a while with a cigarette.
I thought about Mello and his annoying words. I knew he still loved me. OF course he still loved me.
But what if he didn't? My mind warred. What if he had quite honestly gotten over me? After all these years? It's impossible. Right?
'Course it's impossible. He still loves you.
Does he really? He broke up with me.
He looked so sad, though.
But what if he was only worried about me?
He'd only worry about you if he loved you.
Or if he thought I was his best friend.
He's stronger than to just worry so much over a close friend.
We're like brothers. He's not just a "close friend".
You're more like lovers.
What if we're not?
You are.
He broke up with me. He stated that we didn't "work" anymore.
There's something on his mind.
Is there?
Of course!
Should I go find out what it is?
He wants you to.
What if he doesn't?
He needs you.
What if he doesn't?
You won't know until you try.
I don't want to bother him. Besides, he's like fucking Superman. He doesn't need anyone.
Even Superman has weaknesses. What if he's found his kryptonite? He can't stay strong forever.
I found myself running to his room at my conclusion. I turned the knob, but the door was locked. I pounded on it with my fist.
"Mello! Mello, open up!" My voice was hoarse from lack of use. I hadn't talked in the three days since he had ended what we had together.
No reply.
I pressed my ears to his door. I didn't even hear the sound of crunching chocolate.
With all my strength, I tackled the door. It took a few tries, but I finally got it to fall.
His room was empty. The only signs of his departure was the wind blowing in through the open window and the distant sounds of a motorcycle.
I ran to get my car keys.