Chapter 21
Carl rode in the front of the truck between Carol and Daryl, while Sasha, Bob and Tyreese rode in the back. Carl chattered away about this supposed safe zone in Virginia, while Carol stared at the window, their reunion playing through in her head, her worries about how Tyreese would react knowing about her killing Karen and David picking at her and making her stomach twist into knots. Considering he'd given her a welcoming hug, she assumed he didn't know anything about what had happened. Daryl eyed her every once in a while, knowing she was probably wondering about that, but he made a silent vow that no matter how Tyreese reacted, he'd knock him out if he had to, because Carol was his first priority.
"He said they had walls and guards and they even have generators so people can cook and take hot showers," Carl chattered. "If it's really there, we could go. Judith would love it there. They said there's plenty of kids."
"It sounds nice," Carol murmured.
"I'll talk to my dad," Carl said with a firm nod. Carol and Daryl glanced at one another, neither having the heart to tell the boy his dad wasn't exactly in charge anymore. Things were going to be a lot different for anybody, but they were still grateful to have most of the group back together.
When they pulled down the long drive that led up to the house, Carol felt anxious. She was nervous about having almost the entire group under one roof again, nervous about Tyreese, nervous about this potential safe zone in Virginia. She chewed her lip nearly the entire way as Carl talked about the place with such hope. It was good to hear him with hope in his heart after all this time, after everything they'd been through.
It was nearing dark when they pulled up to the house, and Daryl was the first out of the truck. Bob handed Daryl both packs that they'd had riding in the back, and everybody piled out of the front and back of the truck.
The screen door squeaked open, and Rick was the first to walk out holding baby Judith on his hip. He peered out through the shadows as dusk fell upon the farmhouse, and the first thing he saw was his old sheriff's hat sitting upon the head of a young man who stood at Daryl's height. It was then that he realized, seeing the stringy brown hair that fell shaggily in his eyes and down to his shoulders that it was his son.
Carl looked up to meet his father's gaze, and they both froze for a moment. Carol reached over and gave Carl's shoulder a gentle squeeze, and he placed his hand on hers for a moment, never taking his eyes off of the sight of his father with his baby sister.
"Dad!" he cried out, his voice deeper than Rick was expecting.
"Carl," Rick murmured as Michonne stepped out on the porch, curious about the commotion. Her lips parted in a gasp when she saw the young man rushing up the path from the truck to the porch. Rick met him half way and pulled him into a strong hug with his free arm. Baby Judith fussed a little at the startle, but she relaxed a little when Rick passed her over to her big brother. She stared at him like a stranger for a moment, but he pulled her close, kissing her soft blonde baby curls.
"Judy," Carl sniffled. "You're alive. You're alive."
"God," Rick choked out, tears in his eyes. "You grew up."
"Had to," Carl sniffled, holding back his own cries as he wiped his own tears away. "Dad, where were you?"
"I think I wandered around for days bleedin' and out of my mind," he confessed. "Don't know how some walker didn't pick me off, the state I was in. Then Carol and Daryl found me." He pulled his son into another hug. "Jesus, I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Dad," the boy cried.
Carol felt the tears spring to her eyes as Maggie and Glenn walked out to see what was going on. It was the best sight she'd seen in a long while, all of them together like this, minus a few good people.
"We lost most of our weapons," Sasha murmured, leaning on Bob, her arms around his waist, her head on his shoulder.
"That's alright. We'll get more," Glenn pointed out.
"We've got a lot to talk about," Daryl murmured, nodding at Carl, who knew Daryl meant to talk about this supposed safe-zone.
"Well, dinner's ready," Michonne said softly, nudging Carl's shoulder. "Glenn bagged a deer, so we have plenty of food."
"Glenn?" Daryl asked with surprise. "No shit?"
"Don't act so surprised." Glenn rolled his eyes.
"He didn't mangle it too bad," Michonne teased.
"Come on in," Carol offered. "Well figure out sleeping arrangements later. For now, let's eat."
"Anything that's not a pile of rocks or leaves will suit me fine," Bob said with a cheerful smile, giving Sasha a squeeze. They shared a tender kiss, and Carol felt the tears again. Daryl caught her hand briefly in his and gave it a little squeeze before he headed into the house to drop off their packs.
Tyreese lingered outside with Carol for a moment, and Carol eyed him, her stomach dropping at the thought of what he might do when he found out she was the one he'd been directing all of his hate toward in the last few days she was at the prison.
"Tyreese?" she asked quietly. Tyreese stared up at the house, his head cocked a little in consideration.
"Best sight I've seen in a long time," he said softly. "Already feels like home." Carol smiled a little and turned to head into the house, leaving him to his thoughts.
After dinner was finished, everybody sat around the table swapping stories of their last few months. Carol and Daryl made no point to hide anything, nor did they make a display of their relationship. They sat next to each other, like they always had. They kidded with each other, like they always had, and they talked quietly together, like they often did when things got noisy and they weren't exactly a part of the conversation.
"Look what I found," Glenn offered, coming out of the kitchen with a bottle of champagne in his hand.
"Where'd you find that?" Carol asked.
"Top shelf in the basement."
"How'd you reach?" Daryl joked, getting a glare and a chuckle from Glenn.
"Funny, Daryl."
"Remember what happened last time you had wine?" Daryl snorted. Glenn's face fell, and he handed it to Maggie.
"On second thought, I think I'll have water." Everybody laughed, and as Maggie poured glasses for everyone except for Carl and Bob, who abstained for obvious reasons, Daryl told the story of how Glenn had had the world's worst hangover at the CDC after a night of drinking.
"Dad was hungover too," Carl laughed. Maggie reached Carol and went to pour her a glass, but Carol instinctively put her hand over the glass.
"None for me, thanks." Michonne's head snapped up, and Carol met her gaze and could practically see the wheels turning in her head.
"Come on," Maggie encouraged. "We have a lot to celebrate." Carol briefly caught Daryl's gaze, and he swallowed hard, trying to think of some way to help her excuse herself from drinking.
"My stomach's kind of funny today," Carol pointed out, shaking her head. "I'll have a little supper. Somebody else can have my share." Carol looked at Michonne, an almost pleading look in her eyes, and that's when Michonne's eyes widened with understanding.
"I'll take Carol's," Michonne offered. "What? I like wine." Michonne felt her cheeks grow a little hot at all the attention now directed at her, but she caught Carol's gaze, and Carol mouthed a silent 'thank you' in her direction. She gave her a little nod as Maggie filled her glass back up.
Carol and Daryl were cleaning up in the kitchen while everybody else worked out sleeping arrangements. Michonne brought the last of the dirty dishes in and put them down in the sink. She leaned against the counter and looked at Carol and Daryl. They both turned to look at her..
"Something you two want to tell me?" she asked, barely suppressing the amused grin that threatened to expand on her face. They said nothing. She rolled her eyes.
"Look, I saw the bottle of prenatal vitamins fall out of your bag, Carol." Carol's eyes widened, and Michonne laughed. "I moved it to make room for Bob's things, and it fell out. Don't worry. Nobody else saw it. Your secret's safe." Carol sighed heavily.
"Thank you for covering for me," Carol said quietly. "With the wine? I'm just not ready to tell people yet."
"How far along?"
"I'm not sure," Carol said quietly. "Fourteen, fifteen weeks?" Carol put her hand on her tummy, smoothing the shirt back to reveal she did have a bit of a tummy sticking out. Michonne eyed her.
"This a good thing or…" She knew Carol had to be thinking about Judith's mother and how she died.
"I think so," Carol said with a little smile. "I mean, it happened, and it's happening."
"We're gonna be fine," Daryl pointed out. "Carol's gonna be fine. We'll make it work, right?" He kissed the side of her head, and he excused himself to go out to the rest of the group and let the girls talk.
"Are you ok?" Michonne asked quietly, putting her hand on Carol's shoulder. Carol gave her a little smile and nodded.
"I feel good. I'm a little tired, but I feel pretty good. Daryl's pretty good at giving foot rubs."
"That's not exactly what I meant," Michonne said quietly. Carol sighed and her shoulders fell a little.
"Of course I'm worried about it. Any woman would be." She took a deep breath. "But I want this. I know it sounds incredibly selfish and…"
"No it doesn't," Michonne murmured. "We both know what it's like. We've both been there. We can't live in fear, or else we really are doomed." Michonne had a pretty good point. If people lived in fear of what could happen during childbirth, there would be no more new life, and life would truly be over. They had to try. They had to fight to take back pieces of what once was, and what better way than by welcoming a new life into the world?
"Thank you," Carol said softly, feeling the tears stinging her eyes again. "I know Daryl's worried about me, but he's happy about the baby. He's happy, Michonne. And so am I." Michonne smiled and gave her friend's shoulder a squeeze.
"I promise your secret's safe with me. I understand." Michonne paused for a moment, and Carol wondered what she was thinking. "When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't tell anybody for almost five months. My boyfriend knew, of course, but that was about it. I was scared to death." Carol smiled sadly at Michonne's story. "By the time I told anybody, I already knew I was having a boy, and I already had his name picked out. I was just afraid that actually saying the words to someone else would be...that it would make it all go away, you know?"
"Yeah," Carol said softly. "I know."
"When he was born, he didn't cry, and the doctors took him away. I didn't even get to hold him for two hours. Two hours." She shook her head. "I was scared, and when the nurse finally brought him to me, he was ok. He was healthy, and he was hungry, and I remember them handing me the bottle, and I just stared at him when he ate. I couldn't believe I could love somebody as much as I loved Andre." A tear trailed down Michonne's cheek. "I used to hold him too much. Mike—that was Andre's daddy—used to tell me I held him too much, that I was spoiling him. But I'd rock him to sleep, and I'd just feel his warm little body against me, and I'd feel him breathe, and it was perfect." She sighed. "He had this way of looking at me, like he knew what I was thinking. He was such a sweet kid."
"I'm sorry he's not here."
"I'm sorry Sophia's not here," Michonne said softly. Carol wiped away her own tears and nodded. Michonne took a deep breath, and the two women cleaned up the rest of the dishes in physical silence as a storm of emotions and memories ran through each of them.
"I still don't figure how ya'll think we can trust these people," Daryl murmured, chewing on a toothpick as they all sat around the living room after dinner. "These people you met in the woods…they could be anybody. Hell, they could be leftovers from Woodbury."
"We don't have a whole lot of options, do we?" Bob asked.
"Our track record with strangers hasn't exactly been perfect," Rick pointed out, bouncing Judith on his knee.
"Dad, not everybody's bad," Carol urged.
"Carl's right," Glenn said quietly. "If we stop trusting everybody, we're never going to get anywhere. If we can't let anyone in or join somebody else, we're just going to be wandering around together until we all die off."
Carol chewed her lip for a moment before speaking up.
"We need numbers. We have each other, but that's all we've got. We need shelter. This house worked fine when there was just a few of us, but we have to find something else. We have to have walls, we have to have guards, we need more weapons and supplies. We also need a doctor." She caught Daryl's gaze and then looked at Bob.
"I know you were a medic and you have medical training, but it's not going to be enough for everything that comes along. And what if something happens to you?" She glanced around and everyone, noticing that all eyes were on her. And it wasn't in a way she was used to. They were all focused on her and truly listening. She was used to feeling as if she was being looked at as a victim what with everything that had happened with Ed and Sophia. But now they were looking at her as if she were in charge, as if her ideas counted just as much as Rick's or Daryl's.
She'd gotten a little used to having more of a leadership role at the prison when she'd sat on the council after all the survivors came flooding to the prison. But, then that had all changed. The sickness had broken out, and everything had gone downhill. Now, she wasn't really certain of her place, but she felt more confident now than she ever had in this group.
She looked at Daryl, and he gave her a nod, urging her on.
"Trust is a hard thing to give to someone, and it's even harder to earn sometimes. But what if we hadn't trusted Michonne? Or what if Hershel hadn't trusted us? Where would we be now?" She looked at Rick. "We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. We don't. One minute I was a mother looking out for her daughter, and the next, she was running from a walker, and I never saw her again." She felt her shoulders shaking, but she stood strong. "If we go, we might find it was all a lie. But we might find something else. Maybe it is safe. Maybe it's the only safe place there is. There's only one way we can find out."
She eyed Daryl. She knew he wasn't keen on this whole 'new people' thing, but he'd listened to her, and when she looked at him, he gave her a nod, the nod that told her that he heard her and he understood where she was coming from.
Carol took her seat next to Daryl, and everybody sort of stared at one a few moments. Finally, Daryl stood and peered around at everybody before glancing back down at Carol.
"She's got a point. Hell, when me and Merle was on our own, we got taken in by Glenn's group. They didn't know who the hell we were, and I don't know why they didn't toss us out on our asses. My brother didn't get along with most folks. If Dale and them hadn't taken us in, who knows what woulda happened." Carol gave him a soft smile, and he cleared his throat. "Alright, people. Let's vote."
It had taken a week to gather enough cars and supplies to stock up for a long road trip. Carol was having a particularly difficult time saying goodbye to the place she'd called home for the last few months. She and Daryl had made some wonderful memories together behind those walls, and at least she had the memories to sustain her.
On the day of their departure, they assigned groups to cars. Rick, Michonne, Carl and baby Judith would take Carol's old car, since it had more room for the baby's seat. Glenn and Maggie had a small sports car to themselves, while Bob, Sasha and Tyreese took another. Carol and Daryl decided on the pickup truck. The guys had found a truck cap that fit perfectly over the back of the truck, providing protection from the elements for all the supplies they were hauling.
When the cars were all gassed up, and the last of the supplies had been moved out of the house, Daryl couldn't find Carol anywhere. He was searching through the house when he peered out the kitchen window to see her standing in the back yard, staring up at something. He walked out, and she turned at the sound of the back screen door squeaking and slamming shut.
"Hey," he said quietly, looking around. "You ok?"
"Yeah. I was just saying goodbye," she said softly. "Goodbye to a comfortable bed. Goodbye to a warm house. Goodbye to the tree house. We made some good memories in there." Daryl chuckled at pulled his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest and resting his chin on her shoulder.
"We can make new memories. We're gettin' pretty good at startin' over, huh?" He moved his hand down to caress her belly, and she sighed softly.
"You're sure you're ok with this? I know you weren't too excited about the idea at first," she said quietly.
"If you're goin', I'm goin'. And you were right. We can't keep on like this, or we're just gonna hide 'til we die. We gotta keep goin'. We gotta find a place where we can raise our baby, where we're safe. We need walls." She nodded in agreement, but she still sighed and slumped against him.
"I'm scared, Daryl," she said quietly.
"Me too," he admitted. "But we've gotten through everything else, so far. We'll get through this, too."
"When did you become so sure of that?" she teased, turning in his arms and wrapping her arms around his neck. He leaned in and kissed her softly.
"Dunno. Guess you're just a good influence on me." That made her grin, and he sighed, resting his forehead against hers.
"We should go," she murmured, feeling her stomach twisting and her nerves starting to take over. He leaned in once again and kissed her, softly brushing his thumb against her cheek.
"Hey guys, Dad says we better—" Carl stopped in his tracks at the sight of Carol and Daryl kissing. Carol and Daryl quickly pulled apart, and Carol covered her mouth with her hand, suppressing a little laugh. Daryl shoved his hands in his pockets and gave Carl a 'you little shit' look. "Uh…" Carl rubbed the back of his neck nervously, something Carol had seen Rick do a couple of different times in the last month or so when he'd caught them together. "I think the group's ready."
"Yeah, we're comin'," Daryl grumbled. Carl removed his hat and ran his fingers through his hair nervously before replacing it on top of his head and rushing off toward the car. Daryl turned back to Carol and held his hand out to her. They linked fingers and walked hand in hand toward the front of the house, ready for that next step, ready to move on.