Kate was the first one to open her eyes a few hours later.
Judging from the number of times they had pressed the button, it was getting closer to the time someone would come to take the next shift, unless Hurley had already told the whole camp why he had left the hatch. Unsure she was ready to become the newest gossip subject, she urged herself to get up and get dressed before she regretted it.
But she just didn't want to move.
Lying down on the narrow bed against Sawyer's chest, she had never felt so good in her entire life. So peaceful. Gazing at his sleeping form, she couldn't help but blush as she relived the night they had had. She had tried before to imagine how it would feel to be in bed with him and she had to admit that she hadn't been disappointed in the least.
The Sawyer she had been with was everything she could have asked for in a man. Rough but gentle, needy but attentive, strong but vulnerable. She pondered over the last adjective. She had always suspected he was, but she surely had never expected to see him as helpless as when he had asked her to make him a promise. But somehow, she only loved him more for being that way.
She wondered if she would see that side of him again when he woke up. She didn't think so and grinned. She didn't mind witty Sawyer. In fact, it was part of what had made her fall for him.
Knowing the minutes were quickly going by, she sighed. She would have to wake him if she wanted a chance to get out of this bunk bed. She was about to tenderly touch his cheek when he groaned and his eyes fluttered open. For a split second he seemed to wonder if he she was a dream or not.
But then he smiled, showing off his dimples. Kate waited for some quip about their busy night, but he only chuckled to himself.
"What?" she wondered, trying her best to sound annoyed but not doing a very good job at it.
"I was just asking myself to whom I'd donate my Playboy collection to," he replied, highly amused with the idea.
"What?" Kate repeated, unable to understand where that was coming from.
"Yeah, the porn magazines from my stash. I don't think I'll need them anymore, if you see what I mean, sugar," he explained with a wink.
Rolling her eyes, Kate sighed.
"You and your stash…"
Laughing quietly again, Sawyer pulled her even closer to his chest and, his lips against her ear, he whispered cockily:
"You didn't seem to mind my stash last night, if I remember correctly, Freckles."
Knowing he was referring to the condoms they had used, Kate blushed.
"Please, do tell me why you carry so many when going after the Others with… Jack?" she teased in return.
"Well, Sweetheart, you never know who you're going to fall upon in the damn jungle. 'Always be prepared', that's my motto."
"Oh, really?" she laughed, picturing him in a Boy Scout uniform.
Sawyer was about to let out some clever comment of his own when the alarm sounded again.
"I'll get it," Kate said as she proceeded to roll over him in an effort to get out of bed.
But Sawyer stopped her on top of him.
"Where do you think you're going, pumpkin?" he drawled.
"James, let go of me," she warned him, hoping the mention of his real name would destabilize him just long enough for her to free herself.
But Sawyer didn't flinch.
"Kiss me and I'll let you go."
Sighing theatrically, Kate complied and, if the faith of the world hadn't depended on that darn button, she could have easily kept on kissing him for the whole day. But duty was calling and she jumped out of bed and into her scattered clothes.
"You should get dressed, too," she told him in an effort of diverting his attention from her half-clothed body. Their intimacy was a bit too recent for her to feel comfortable under his appreciative stare.
"Where is Jack-O-Lantern when we need him with the damn button," Sawyer sighed loudly as he got up, too, and went searching for his boxers.
Kate had taken a step towards the computer, but, upon hearing those words, she stopped.
"You never did tell me what happened out there," she realised. "Did Jack come back with you?"
There was a trace of concern in her voice and, unsurprisingly, Sawyer was annoyed with it.
"I'm sure he's fine, Kate," he replied, clearly irritated. And the damn alarm was driving him nuts.
"I'll take care of the alarm, but then I want you to tell me everything, James," she said with determination as she disappeared in the other room.
Still annoyed with himself for mentioning Jack, Sawyer proceeded to button his shirt. As he did, he exited the bunkroom and that's when he came face to face with the good doctor.
"Well, well, didn't expect to see you back so soon," Sawyer mocked the man in front of him.
"Is Kate still here?" Jack just asked, frowning slightly as he gazed over Sawyer's shoulder and noticed the ONE unmade bunk bed. Following his eyes, Sawyer grinned in satisfaction.
"What can we do for you, doc?"
"I need to talk to her."
For a second, Sawyer looked as though he would tell him off. But then he called:
"Honey, there's someone at the door for you!"
The alarm finally stopped and Kate appeared with an enquiring look in her eyes. As soon as she saw Jack, a relieved smile materialized on her lips.
"Jack, are you okay?" she wondered as she stepped closer to the two men.
"Yes, I'm fine. But I need to talk to you, Kate."
"What about, Jacko?" Sawyer asked, staring menacingly at Jack.
Jack suddenly seemed exhausted.
"Sawyer, I'm not… Hurley said…" he mumbled, staring at Sawyer's half-buttoned shirt. "I'm not going to stand between you and Kate, Sawyer. I just need to talk to her."
Kate turned to Sawyer expectantly and he relinquished.
"I'll be down on the beach, babe," he said before kissing her possessively.
He then glared once more at Jack and left the hatch.
Kate joined Jack on the couch near the armoury and waited. What did he have to tell her? It seemed important, judging by the difficulty he seemed to have in beginning. So Kate asked the question she had meant for Sawyer.
"Jack," she said soothingly. "What happened out there?"
Jack exhaled and rubbed his hands over his face.
"We had been walking for several hours when we came across Michael," he finally began. "He told Sayid and Ana about the… the numbers. Locke's theory."
Kate nodded knowingly.
"Sayid and Ana-Lucia weren't happy to have been kept in the dark, so they headed back. Sawyer and I continued until we had to stop for the night…"
He paused briefly.
"And then… Sawyer realised he loved you, Kate, and left. I found myself alone. And when Sawyer left, I suddenly realised… I realised that I was alone. Not just at that moment, but generally. I had lost my wife, my father… you," he finished, looking at her intensely.
"Me?" she wondered.
"I know… I… I ruined our friendship, Kate," he sighed. "And if I hadn't been so eager to change you, so focused on not seeing all of you… Who knows? Maybe you could have felt something for me, Kate."
"Jack…" she said softly, sadness in her eyes.
Jack avoided her gaze and shook his head vigorously.
"I know, I know. I accept the fact that you chose Sawyer, Kate, I do. That's why I waited until this morning to come to you…" A resigned smile played on his lips briefly. "Hurley told me where you were… and with whom."
"Great," she commented wryly.
Jack sighed once more.
"So that's why I came back, Kate. I realised that, alone, I'd never be able to bring our people back. I decided that I had to take that leap of faith Locke likes to refer to."
"So… Your life got derailed, too, Jack?" Kate asked gently.
"Yeah… That's a long story…"
"Tell me."
Jack closed his eyes for a moment, looking as though he was gathering all his strength to continue.
"My father… he… he was a surgeon, just as I am. But he wasn't happy, so he drank. But the thing is, he wasn't willing to do anything to change that. He figured it was his fate to suffer. One day, when I was 16… I don't really remember why, but I know I needed to see him. So I went down the hospital, but he was in surgery. I decided to wait and headed to the cafeteria. Nearby where I was sitting, there were two nurses… talking about someone, some doctor they didn't like. They were saying how… saying what a drunk he was. How he didn't seem to care for his patients, or for anyone, for that matter. And then they said his name. Christian Shepard."
"Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry…"
"Don't be… That day, I decided that I had to do something to change that situation. Maybe he didn't want to be helped, but I was going to do everything I could to stop him from throwing his life and his career down the toilet. I hated that he refused to take any responsibility for the way his life was and put it all on fate. I had to fix that."
"But how could you do anything, Jack?"
"Well, I decided to become a doctor. To become a surgeon and work at the same hospital he did. That way, I'd be able to understand him, to be closer to him physically and mentally. To work at changing the perception others had of him…"
"Did it work?" Kate questionned.
Jack shook his head tiredly.
"Of course not. Now I understand how silly, how pretentious of me it had been to think I could fight other people's battles… Maybe it's their fate. And that's not something I could battle against. I'm not God…"
Kate almost chuckled as she remembered Sawyer's joke about Jack and God but instead she scooted closer to her friend and gently rubbed his back as he went on.
"One day, he basically killed a woman on the operating table because he was drunk. I reported him and he lost his license. He flew to Australia and drank himself to death," he explained, tears now rolling down his face. "And I blamed myself for it, Kate. It was my fault he was dead, I thought. Until the moment I found myself alone in the jungle. Then I realised I couldn't have done anything. It only was a matter of time."
"Seems to me like you've came a long way, Jack. You've freed yourself from a lot of guilt and pain. You might be ready to face that black cloud and to become the person you were meant to be…" she said, thinking how she and Sawyer were probably all set to do the same.
Jack chuckled.
"I can't believe I'm actually… that I actually agree with you on such a ridiculous thing, Kate."
They shared a smile and then Kate asked:
"What do you want from the island, Jack? Locke thinks it has the power to give us what we need."
Jack sobered up instantly and she could feel the emotion lacing his voice as he answered her question.
"All I want is to bring my father home, as my mother asked me. All I want is to give him the peace he deserves."