***I need to give big thanks to my "crew". AnotherJen- pre-reader, awesome enthusiast. RoryCullen- pre-reader, and the reason you don't hate Bella this chapter (you'll see). My beta - JulieGirl, long time ally in destructive punctuation. I never could have gotten through this chapter without all of you!
***Disclaimer: If Stephanie's Bella and Emmett were like these two, would we still have loved Edward as much?
Chapter 20 - In the End
Bella was exhausted. She had been tired before the confrontation with Edward, but now she felt even worse. He had almost kissed her and she had almost let him. Why would she do that? She sat on the bed and stared blankly at the wall.
Her mind raced between green eyes and blue, between warmth and scorching heat. She didn't realize she was crying until the tears bounced off her hands as they fell down onto her lap. Curling up into a ball, she dozed, and dreamt of the lake and being young and in love.
She was with Emmett, watching him toss the football with Mike Newton. She sat on his truck hood in her bikini, letting the sun warm her and listening idly to Jessica prattle. Em turned to her, a big smile lighting up his face, dimples deep, eyes sparkling. She smiled back, but then her heart giving a lurch as he tripped and fell in the water. She watched the surface of the water, waiting for it to break. When it didn't, she stood and rushed to the waters edge, her eyes darting about desperately. She couldn't see Emmett.
She turned to get Mike to help her, but he was gone. The sky darkened and the wind picked up as the first raindrops landed on Bella.
Emmett!" she yelled. When she got no answer, she dove into the water, but it was hard to swim. The lake was rough from the storm, and the current kept trying to pull her further away. "Emmett!" Something grasped her around her waist and pulled her away from the water, away from Emmett. "No! Em! Emmett is in there..." She struggled within the strange grasp, panicking and yelling, but she kept getting pulled toward the shore.
Lightening flashed across the now dark sky and she gasped as the heat from it raced down her spine and settled in her stomach. She heard a yell behind her as she was yanked out onto the sand. She turned, glaring over her shoulder and Edward was standing next to her, rain soaked and breathing heavily. He was the one who had tore her away. "You have to let him go, Bella. I've got you. Let me help you." His eyes flashed down her, and she felt herself grow limp in his arms. "I've got you," he said again. Weakly, she fought against his hold. "No! He's lost. I can't leave him. He could be hurt. Emmett!" she yelled as Edward gathered her in close, firmly holding her to him
Strong hands gripped her arms, forcibly shaking her. "Bella! Bee... baby, wake up. I'm right here."
Bella's eyes flew open, connecting with worried blue ones and she burst into tears, flinging herself against him. "Emmett." She cried, and sobbed for what felt like forever, while Emmett sat there and ran his hand along her hair, whispering softly.
"It's okay, baby. I'm right here, Bee... Shhh..."
Bella glanced down where his hand lay on his lap and gasped at the bandage there. "What happened?"
"It was stupid. I wasn't paying enough attention at work and I cut myself. No big deal, just a few stitches."
A few stitches? "You went to the hospital?" All the fear and worry from the dream pounced back into her and she pushed away from him and took his injured hand. "Why didn't you call me? You were hurt? Oh, God, are you okay?" The now familiar feeling of nausea flowed over her as she pictured Emmett hurt and bleeding.
He tried to hold her again. He could see the panic in her eyes, the tenseness in her face, but Bella stood and began pacing the room. A frantic aura surrounded her as she pulled and tugged at her clothing and hair. A riot of words fell from her lips rapidly, but he couldn't understand her. He made out a few words. "Hurt… pain… lost…"
He got up and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Bee, calm down. I'm okay."
"You didn't call. Why didn't you call?" She stared at him accusingly and Emmett shook his head, confusion over her present and past behavior settling like a rock in his chest. The first stirrings of anger bubbled within him, and all the turmoil he had dealt with earlier rose in him.
"It's not like things are normal around here. You won't talk to me. We haven't exactly been spending a lot of time together. Hell, I wasn't even sure you'd want me to call or that you'd care." He looked at her flushed face and stopped. His hand hurt and he really didn't feel like having this conversation right now.
All of Bella's pent up emotions surged forward as she jerked out of his grasp. She didn't even know what she was saying as the words spewed from her lips. "We don't spend time together? That's because you're always at work! You used to say I was never here. Now you're not! And… at least it was so I could study. But you… you quit school! How could you quit? What kind of future is that? I have years left - years! What are you going to do until then?" Her face reddened and twisted in an anger Emmett had never seen from her before. "Then there's New York and this stupid apartment. I hate it! I hate being trapped here. I can't breathe. I want to go... do things… be somebody. But you want to stay here. No! You want to move back to Forks. Forks! I never want to go back there. I fucking hate it there!" Bella stopped for a second, her breath leaving her as she deflated, her soul floundering as she struggled to right herself. Softly she spoke the next words. "And then Edward… he's your brother and he's helping me study… but…" Suddenly aware of her horrible words, she shuddered. Her eyes were wide and swimming with unshed tears as she stared at him. Her hand covered her mouth and her knees almost gave out from beneath her. "Oh God, I'm so sorry… Emmett, I didn't mean .. I just… I can't do this anymore!"
Emmett's face was ashen and his mouth slack as he stared at her in astonishment. "Jesus, Bella." Slowly, he took a step back, faltered, and leaned heavily on the wall.
The hurt in his eyes almost tore Bella apart. She had to look away. Her chest heaved and tears poured down her face. "I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Then you come home hurt and…" Her head shook, her hands wrung in front of her. "I can't stand to see you hurt, Em." Bella's sobs echoed throughout the quiet room.
She stood before him, broken, but this time he didn't go to comfort her. He'd never felt further from her than he did at this moment. He couldn't believe all the things she had said, all that she had been holding in. His eyes fixed on a small spot in the carpet - concentrated on it as he tried to pull himself together.
Bella's heart cracked a little further and she shook her head. "Em, I .." but she didn't know what to say. She knew she couldn't fix it, couldn't take back what she had done.
Emmett breathed a small sigh, not sure if he wanted to stay, but knowing he needed to get some space away from her to think. "My hand hurts. I'm going to take a few of the pills the doc gave me and lay down for a bit."
"Does it hurt much?"
His head turned toward her and she caught a glimpse of his eyes. They were filled with hurt and pain. Bella, gasped and her breathing stuttered. "Emmett…"
He held his hand up, stopping her. "No, Bella… I'm tired. I just want…" His voice trailed off as he headed back to the bedroom with his shoulders slumped and head bowed low.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as her legs finally gave out and she slid to the floor. Pulling her legs up to her chest, she rocked herself, silently weeping. Her whole world was turned upside down.
She stayed there long after Emmett had fallen asleep and the room had grown dark. She heard him as he tossed around in the bed, his small moans of discomfort catching at her heart. Walking into the bedroom , she stood by the bed worrying her lip and wanting to help him. He was restless, maybe dreaming. His body was tense and his feet and hands moved against the bed.
Without a word, she laid next to him. Her fingers played along the back of his head, tickling at the hair lying on the nape of his neck. Slowly, Emmett's tossing slowed as he calmed under her touch. His breathing evened out, once again falling into the gentle cadence of sleep.
She looked at the back of the head and broad shoulders that had become so familiar to her over the years. The creeping warmth, the safe, cocooning feeling of home she usually got when next to him, was absent. She felt alone and scared.
-xx-
Bella awoke to warm kisses on her shoulder, strong hands running along her hips, and a whispered voice in her ear. "Bee, please, I need you. Please..."
She turned her face toward him, and his lips met hers in a fervent kiss. "Don't turn away from me.," His words broke through the kiss, ragged and breathy. "I love you... please." He gripped her tightly and pulled her against him.
She gave in to the kiss, laying her hands on his shoulders, fisting them against his skin. It was soft and warm, but where was the heat, the fluttering in her stomach, or the rapid pulsing of her heart? Desperate to feel that again, she gripped him tightly and opened her
mouth under his.
His touch was urgent, his fingers desperate and wanting. His breath poured over her as he gasped out his heart. "I love you. God, Bee… I love you."
Bella felt different. Everything had changed. As he made love to her she began to cry.
Emmett looked down on her and ran his thumb along her cheek, catching her tears. His face contorted and he pulled her closer, burying his face in her neck. "We can fix this. I can make it better."
She felt cool droplets hit her shoulder. He was crying. Oh God, Emmett was crying. Her arms wrapped around him and held him tight.
After, she laid on her back, separate from him, not touching, staring at the ceiling. He lay on his side on the far side of the bed, curled into himself, his breathing deep, his eyes wide open. He was falling apart, cracking, breaking, and his heart was shriveling. Whatever he had hoped for was lost. Everything had changed, she had changed. Damn, he loved her so much, but to Emmett one thing was obvious - Bella's feelings toward him were shifting. He wanted to make it right. He wanted her back the way it was before.
"Is there anything I can do?" She sniffled beside him, but didn't answer. "You know I'd move to New York? If that's really what you want. If you want NYU, I would go with you. I love you, Bella. I would do anything for you."
"Emmett…" her voice quavered, and she reached over to take his hand in hers. "I don't know... maybe I just need some time."
He wanted to ask her if she still loved him, but he was afraid of her answer. As it was he could barely get the question he did ask out. "Are you leaving?"
"Do you want me to?" Bella felt like she was going to die. Everything hurt and she squeezed his hand, hanging on for dear life.
"God, no! Of course not." He squeezed back and turned over to face her.
They lay quietly in the dark looking at each other. He reached out as if to touch her, but his hand dropped useless between them. Finally Bella's eyes started to droop and he watched as she fell asleep, still clutching his hand.
***Crap. I cried. Did you? This took forever to write. It was hard, hard, hard! I hope I did it justice. These two are killing me right now.
***I know I didn't reply to your lovely reviews and I can't apologize enough. (I always seem to be saying, I'm sorry lately) I read them all and love you all and can't believe the support you give me. Thank you so much.