Author's notes: This is James chapter. I know you're gonna wanna kill me and kill me dead, but please be patient. Next chapter - Logan's - hold a few explanations. Till then.. emm.. Deb - thank you for leaving me your name - I really appreciate you taking pity on my poor left-over sanity hihihi
Enjoy your read and please leave me reviews - even if it is to tell me you wanna kill me chihihi
Love,
Emy
The second James heard the front door close he wobbled his way into Logan's office. He had to make sure that his brother was alright. He opened the door slightly and found Logan crawled up in a ball in his chair, staring out into the nothingness.
"Logan?" James whispered gently. He got no reaction from his friend. "Logan, are you ok?" James knew it was a stupid question. How can anyone possibly be ok after having the only person they've ever loved, the person who had broken them to pieces, come into their own home? James wobbled his way to Logan and awkwardly kneeled down in front of him.
"Logan…?" James tried again.
Logan blinked. More of a physical reaction than anything. Still the result was the same. Logan's eyes focused on James' face, his brain slowly recognizing the man in front of him.
"Logan?" James tried once more, resting a warm hand on Logan's left forearm. Logan nodded slowly, a tear falling on his cheek. "Don't hold it in…" James whispered. Another tear fell down Logan's face - the calm before the storm.
Before James even knew what was happening Logan had shot up from his chair. "THE FUCKING BITCH!" Logan yelled, flailing his arms around. "THAT FUCKING BITCH! HOW DARE SHE?" Logan yelled again pacing around the office.
James was taken aback. He was expecting an outburst, but not of such violence. Waves after waves of anger were flowing off of Logan. James lifted himself up to sit down on Logan's chair watching him ball his fists and yell out into the ether.
"How dare she? How dare she destroy my life then waltz in here like she hasn't done anything? How dare she say that's my child? HOW DARE SHE?! THE BITCH!" Logan ranted on and on until tears pooled up in his eyes once again. Until his brain lost its capacity to form coherent thoughts. Until his body took over.
Logan grabbed the nearest thing his hands could grab - a vase with white flowers - and threw it hard against the door, shattering it into a billion pieces, flowers scattering about the floor, water soaking into the carpet.
James jumped to his feet without wanting to, barely supporting himself on his left leg. Logan had scared him that much. He had never reacted this violently. James tried to understand. Tried to offer support, but nothing came to him. Logan grabbed the press paper and raised his arm to heave it at the window. James reacted on instinct, grabbing Logan's wrist and hugging the shorter man from behing, pinning him to his chest, pinning his arms by his sides. He ignored the throbbing in his leg as he restrained his best friend.
"Shhhh…" James coed. "Calm down, Loges…"
Logan fought against James' chest. He pounded into James' sides, yelling "Let go of me!" at the top of his lungs. James held on tighter, resting his head on top of Logan's.
"Shhh…" James kept cooing, like a mantra until Logan's adrenaline rush calmed down and he broke into shattering streams of hot tears, crumbling in James' arms like the vase he'd thrown against the door. James kneeled down carefully, bringing Logan with him, rocking him gently while he cried.
"It's ok, Logie. It's ok. Cry it out."
"No, James - NOTHING is ok. I destroyed everything because of her…" Logan managed between heart wrenching sobs.
"You didn't destroy Logan…You moved on… We all did…" James held onto Logan tighter. It scared him to the bone to see Logan break down the same way he had when they had left LA behind.
"You lost your dream because of me…"
"My friends always mattered more than fame, Logan. I didn't lose anything."
Logan doubled over, the same old guilt, the same old pain coming back, constricting his heart.
James pulled him up, made Logan look at him. "I told you before, Logan - I don't blame you. Jo doesn't blame you. No one blames you. We decided for ourselves." Logan cried even worse, closing his eyes, clinging to James' shirt for dear life.
James hugged Logan again and allowed him to cry silently until he fell asleep. When James felt Logan's sobs subside and his breaths come even, he picked Logan up and gently placed him in the large armchair by the fireplace. He awkwardly ran to the door and quietly called out to Kendall.
Kendall came in half a second. He saw Logan finally asleep and nodded knowing exactly what James wanted. He put his arms under Logan's seemingly small and frail body and carried him up to his room.
Katie was there waiting for him. She opened Logan's bedroom door as James came up the stairs. She tried to say something to either of them but Kendall stopped her.
"Not now, baby sister." He closed the door in Katie's face and James felt his heart crumble into tiny little pieces. He felt hurt and betrayed. But mostly hurt that Katie would allow Logan to go through the same turmoil twice. Then again – Katie hadn't seen Logan back then. She hadn't seen the zombie Camille had made out of him. Katie hadn't been there to pick up the pieces of Logan's shattered heart. Katie hadn't seen Logan fall apart with every breath. She hadn't known his pain. No one did. No one but him, Kendall, Carlos and Jo.
"I'll text Carlos." Kendall said after placing Logan on the middle of the bed. James nodded and lay down gingerly – not to wake Logan or hurt his foot. Kendall joined them soon after lying back on Logan's other side.
Not long after Carlos came too and lay down beside Kendall. To James it felt like it did when they were kids. The quiet support system and brotherhood they shared in their worst moments. When James' parents got a divorce. When Kendall's father left. When Carlos' Sparky died.
They had used the same camaraderie when Camille had left Logan.
All through the night James could not fall asleep. He watched over Logan, just as Carlos and Kendall did.