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Here's the next chapter.

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Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. – Kahlil Gibran.

CHAPTER 19:

Clarissa [POV]

It had been nearly two days since that conversation with Marcus, and I had still to decide how I'd say my final goodbye to the one who was the world to me. I didn't know if I could. I had distanced myself from him, being very cautious to not be in the same room if he was around. I knew it troubled Alec and left him frustrated, but it was better if he got used to living without my constant presence from now. My company wasn't healthy for him. I wasn't healthy for him and I had come to realise it only a bit too late. I was being unfair; I knew it and I developed a unhealthy habit of self loathing.

After much thought, I had finally decided that I would put an end to all of it. I would have to leave, would have to grab the golden opportunity I had, I would have to leave Alec. So with a lot of will power and a heavy heart, I decided to give Alec my final goodbye.

I found him with Felix in a distant corridor in the castle. I didn't even need to call him, his head turned instantly in my direction before I was even there. He had grown accustomed even to my scent. Felix left us as we stood there staring at each other, meters apart.

"Can we talk?" I whispered, knowing fully well he could hear even the faintest sounds, the one like my heavy breathing right now. He was instantly at my side, holding my hand and leading me to his room.

Once inside his room, I took the liberty to make myself comfortable on his couch. For the first time I actually looked around his bedroom. It had the same large windows like mine, but they had black curtains. A huge bookshelf covered one wall while the other wall was full of different paintings, each one more beautiful than the other. I was sure they had been painted by him. I went over to them and ran my fingers on the canvas material, trying to feel what it must have been like for the delicate bristles of Alec's fine paint brush to strike against the material. I wanted to see him paint.

He did not disturb me, letting me take my time to do whatever I was doing.

At one corner was the large bed with red satin sheets – which was probably never used, save that once. I tore my eyes before I'd get sidetracked and continued looking around. There was a couch at a distance from the bookshelf which had two small chairs positioned in front of it. A writing desk was placed close by, with a lovely ornate table lamp and stationery holder. Apart from that, there was just one thing that caught my eye.

A frame – it held a black and white picture of a young boy and a young girl. Both of them were exceptionally attractive. The boy had beautiful brown hair and alluring features that would make any young lady go weak in her knees. His face was beatific. The girl was at least five or six years younger to the boy. Unlike the boy she had beautiful long blond hair that fell on her petite frame and her curls outlined her small face. She looked like an angel sent from the heavens. They were both tilting their heads, touching each others while looking at the camera, smiling slightly. It was a picture of Alec and Jane. Looking at that picture, I was instantly reminded of my brother, whose face I didn't remember any more. I must have sniffed for I found myself in Alec's arms the next instant.

They were comforting – yes, but I knew it wasn't right – it never had been.

I pushed away reluctantly, going back to the couch. He followed behind me and sat very close. Once again, I forced my shield to cover him. It was only so strong as to save two and I couldn't extend it further. None the less, I tried even if it took all my effort.

"Alec, why do you like me?" I began, slowly.

He was taken aback. Sure he hadn't expected me to be so direct; I never was, when it came to him.

"Because you make me feel like myself." He answered after a moment's thought, taking my hands into his, playing with my fingers. He looked like a child confessing to stealing candy from the jar.

"You do love your sister, I know, but you shouldn't have fought with her over me." I said in a small voice, guilt sweeping through me all over again.

"I told you once Clarissa, she doesn't know what she wants." He voice turned from tender to stern in a matter of seconds and I could feel how protective he was towards his little sister. That made me want to smile.

"And you do?" I counter questioned.

My questioned seemed to hit him below the gut, for his head snapped up and he looked at me with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean?"

I knew I had to choose my words carefully from now on, because I was treading on dangerous grounds. If I messed up now, I'd be in hot deep waters.

"Do you like it here Alec?" I asked, cautiously.

He looked blank, as if searching for an answer. His mind was blank. I waited patiently for him to answer and he seemed to be struggling to find words.

"I don't know."

"Do you want to be here?" I pressed further.

His brow creased and once again, he began playing with my fingers unknowingly while looking out of the window into the moonless night. Silence engulfed us as not a word was uttered for another few minutes. Finally he sighed. His silence was answer enough to my question – No.

My eyes fell on the beautiful paintings on the opposite wall.

"When was the last time you painted?" I encouraged, trying to prize his thoughts out from him as his mind now gave away nothing.

"How do you know I paint?" he asked, a little startled, eyeing me surprised.

I smiled weakly at him. How did he think he could keep it from me?

"I'm a Xerox machine remember?" I joked, trying to lighten the mood while both of us let out a small nervous laugh.

"I haven't in a while. Nothing inspires me to." He stated, sadly.

"Alec, don't let others dominate you. Live for yourself." I encouraged, looking into his red eyes.

"No one dominates me." Again, he couldn't help being a jerk at times. I couldn't really blame him now, could I?

"Not even Aro?"

"Of course not." He sounded offended.

"Then why are you here? I know you don't like it here. Stop lying to me." I knew I was pushing him too far, but if I didn't he'd never realise what was keeping him there. He'd never understand what he was missing out on. He'd never know what the world beyond the palace had to offer.

"Because I'm duty bound. I have to be here." He said almost frustrated and harshly, as if there wasn't a choice.

"No you don't. You aren't bound to anyone." I almost pleaded for him to understand what I was trying to say, holding his face in both my hands as our eyes peered into each other.

From his eyes, I could see he was conflicted and I knew I wasn't winning. I wanted to try again, but I hadn't seen him with me in my vision. My heart cried at the unfortunate turn of events. Why couldn't my life ever be a simple, uneventful one? Why did the Gods always have to be so sadistic?

I let my hands fall to my side and started leaving as Alec held my hand, stopping me again.

"Don't leave. Stay here with me." His words troubled me. I couldn't understand the undertone behind them. Where did he want me to stay? The desperation with which he spoke those words, it felt like he already knew that I was leaving.

I didn't find it in me to reply with words. I merely nodded, knowing it was a lie and made my way out of his room and headed towards mine.

I hadn't said my goodbye to him, I hadn't been able to. I knew I couldn't and I cursed myself for that. I'd leave him without even a goodbye.

I slowly hovered in my room, like a silent ghost. I knew I would never miss anything here – nothing, save him. I tried to push him away from my mind, knowing it was impossible.

It was only seven thirty in the evening and I had decided to leave at midnight, when there'd be no one in the huge reception area. Slowly I began by setting everything exactly the way it had been before my arrival in the beautifully decorated room. For one last time, I settled into my comfortable place in the huge library, trying to make everything seem normal.

Alec's thoughts were troubled. I had given him a lot to think about. Time in this palace flew very soon, and I was thankful for that. It was about ten thirty when I made my way back into my room. Alec and I hadn't spoken since our conversation three hours before. He hadn't even stepped out of his room. I made my way to my room and settled for a warm shower to comfort myself.

The shower took an hour and now I had only thirty more minutes before I'd be a free bird. If everything would go as planned, by tomorrow, I'd be seeing my family – the faces of those nine who mattered most to me in my new life. I prayed to God for help and mercy and looked forward to going back home.

I let my black curls fall on my shoulder as I dressed myself in a cream coloured satin shirt that I had brought once when we'd been out on our exploration in the city. Along with that I pulled on a pair of black trousers and a black cloak to hide my clothing underneath. Putting on a pair of matching black boots, I was done.

The clock struck twelve.

With one last look in the mirror, I made my way out of the room and towards the huge wooden ornate door of the castle. As predicted, there wasn't a soul – metaphorically. Once I was at the door, which was open, I turned around one last time to look at the palace that had held me captive for so long. It wouldn't any more. All those thoughts of my first visit, my capture, the intense torture, Jane, Aro, everything – everything came back to me and I decided to finally leave.

I knew Alec would hate me for what I had done. I knew he'd want to shred me to pieces for having left. I remembered every single word he had said to Jane the other day and my heart sank. I was the one who was taking away the last ray of hope from his life. I wanted him to hope, but he wouldn't ever leave the palace, would he? He would never leave his sister, Aro.

'I'm sorry Alec, forgive me. I love you. Always have, always will.' With those being my last thoughts I stepped out of the palace doors to never return again.

As soon as I was out of the palace, and out the dark alley, I stepped into the otherwise cold night air. It felt nice to just stand there for a moment and feel the soft sweet air of freedom against my beautiful face. I had to leave soon, before it became too late.

Just when I was about to take a step further, I felt a hand on my shoulders, sending shivers down my spine.

"Going somewhere?"

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