Chapter 21 – Day 4- Thursday
I was sure I looked a fright when I finally made it downstairs in the morning. Judging by Anthony's face, and Beth's smirk, it was even worse than it had appeared in the harsh agreeable lighting of the bathroom mirror. I awarded them both a glare.
"Darling, sit down, sit down," my over-caring mother said while ushering me quickly to a seat before shoving a glass of water in front of me. "Here, drink this; it will do wonders for those bags."
Great. Thanks. Just what I needed. I gulped down the water and my mother's satisfied grunt at the empty glass didn't help my mood. Nor did her searching eyes as she looked for signs of general relief. Was I that bad? Surely just one night of sleep couldn't do that much. But then, one night of tears and tantrums just might.
Beth, with the impeccable timing of a well-practiced bully, kicked where it hurt while I was still down. "Veronica and Callum are coming over today, don't forget. So you might want…look a little decent, at least. Or look like you care. For me?"
I stared at her, shocked. Veronica and Callum after last night's drama. I had almost forgotten about them, which was stupid of me. How was that even possible, forgetting about them? Pregnant Veronica and father Callum? And Susie.
"Oh, and I'm sure they'll be bringing Susie too," she said while smiling at me across the table, looking healthy and gleaming and preened. "Just so you know. She's such a doll. You'll just be seething with jealousy for one of your own!"
You're damn fucking right I will, you whore-faced sadist. I stood up abruptly from the table, and seeing the flicker of triumph on Beth's face, forced a smile.
"I'm going for a swim." I told them all politely. "If no one minds."
I didn't care if they did, I left anyway,
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In recent years, for obvious reasons, I hadn't swam regularly (considering the size of my apartment). The feel of the nicely cool water about me was relaxing, like coming home.
I love swimming. There was no more to be said on it. I love the ache in my muscles as I plunge my body forward through the water. I love the sweet welcome of its icy embrace. I like running my fingers along the smooth tiles at the bottom of the pool and knowing that whenever I chose, I could go back for breath. I like the feeling of control it gave me; I like the loneliness.
It was my escape and today I used it well.
For hours I swam, ignoring the granny wrinkles that formed determinedly on my fingers and toes. I'd long ago learnt as a terrified 5 tear old that the wrinkles weren't permanent. But oh how that thought had terrified me then. Mummy! I'm more wrinkled than granny and I'm only 5 years old! No, I hadn't been impressed.
I swam and swam and swam. And while I swam I thought and thought and thought.
I thought about Michel and Callum and Veronica and Bethany. I thought how it would be so much easier if I just walked away from it all. Packed up my stuff and moved to the African desert, became a tour guide at Giz; sell my body to rich merchants for a home and food. How much easier could it get?
The very thought of getting out of this water terrified me. I dreaded facing them all again. I dreaded Susie. Not because I would hate her, but because I thought I was going to transform into a cat and scratch her eyes out. Because I knew deep in my heart that I would most likely love her. How could I not? She was Callum's baby. Once upon a time, I probably would have given anything to have Callum's baby.
But right now, I couldn't bring myself to love anything that was tainted by that bitch and my sister.
So I swam and swam and swam. And I pretended that I wasn't swimming in my pool, but in the ocean the British Isles. I was swimming across the Isles to Ireland, and then I was going to claw my way from the water onto a beach somewhere. And then I could lie in the sun and let the warmth soak up my grandma wrinkles. And of course, when I woke, I'd find myself face to face to Johnny Depp and he would confess his love and undying devotion. And Veronica would be safely across the sea.
Yes, that was definitely the parallel universe I would prefer. But when I rose from the water, and inhaled a deep breath of warm air, I was back in the real world and I was face to face with him.
"Here," Callum said, giving me a smile of piercing sweetness as he leant over the pool, his arm out and towel in hand. "I noticed you didn't have a towel, so I brought you one."
Well that's sweet. Did you bring me an explanation too? Veronica's head on a stick?
No. Well then.
"What do you want Callum?" I asked coldly, pulling off my goggles and running my hands through my wet hair, grudgingly accepting the towel when I realised it would be much more uncomfortable to stand in my bikini in front of him than to use his damn towel.
His smile faded just a little and I definitely noticed the way his eyes dropped suddenly from my face before he lifted them again quickly. Nice, I thought sarcastically. You haven't changed one bit have you buster?
"You look great, Ria," he said quietly.
I raised an eyebrow. Play it cool sweetheart. Yeah fucking right. "Well that's not for you to say anymore is it? It's for Michel to say."
Where is he anyway?
Callum shifted uncomfortably. "I wanted to talk to you. About something Veronica told me."
With a deep sigh, I gave in. I gestured to a pair of chairs placed by a small round table. "Sit," I commanded, "And then talk."
And then I hid my granny fingers in my towel and waited for him to start.
"She told me about…about Tuesday."
Ah. "That's big of her," I remarked snidely. I could just imagine the conversation. So, we totally broke her down today honey. She could hardly handle it. Obviously she's still in love with you.
I looked into Callum's eyes and wondered if it was true. He had nice eyes and he always had. Periwinkle blue and babyish, round and innocent. They were nothing like Michel's though, I decided. They weren't captivating at all. Surely I can't still love him? But didn't the fact that I was even wondering make it possible?
Callum looked away from me and frowned. "She said she told you about…Susie."
Yes. And that you cheated on me for 9 months? Yeah she also told me that too. "Yes." I forced calm. Breathe in and out. In and Out.
"I just wanted you to know that – that it isn't what it appears."
"And how, exactly, does it appear?"
"You're not making this easy, Ria". There was the slightest reproval in his voice, and I seethed.
Why would I make it easy for him? What at all, at all, had he done to deserve this conversation to be easy? I glared at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I not being nice enough? Did you want me to sugar-coat everything I say? Because I'd just like to remind you Callum, that I finished making anything 'easy' for you the day you came home and told me we were over."
Oh I was furious now. And when I was furious, everything poured out. The words all tumbled from my lips before I could stop them. "And now, it seems, I know the reason don't I? The fact that you had a mistress pregnant on the sidelines for 9 months slipped your mind did it? And did you forget the night you fucked her too? Oh wait, that was another 9 months of memory loss. Oh, yes, surely I'm mistaking something here. Surely I should be making this as easy as possible for you."
"Ria! Stop it okay? I'm trying to explain what really happened alright? Give me a break for Christ sake."
There he goes again. Callum the victim. Callum the blameless. I was sick of it. How could I have ever loved him?
"You want to know what really happened Callum?" I hissed at him. "What really happened?"
He watched me warily.
"Well, I'll tell you what really happened. You betrayed me Callum. You betrayed me for nine whole months. And you got another woman pregnant and you never told me. And then you and her come here. And you three, lets not forget Bethany, seem to get some sick pleasure out of making my life hell. That's what really happened Callum. Don't lie to me."
And ignoring the look of tragic shame and regret on his face, I picked up his towel and stormed out of the pool room, feeling better already. Let him chew on that for a little bit.
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