Five weeks later...
One small mercy that Jess had been glad of was that she was on summer vacation, it had allowed her some time to herself, time to figure things out and best of all time to go back to Portland and spend some time with her parents. The change of scenery had been good, it hadn't necessarily made her feel better, just marginally more sane. She had been there for three weeks and somehow she had regressed to being a child again, her Mom was cooking for her and doing her laundry and her Dad had been driving her all over town to catch up with old friends the way he had done when she was a teenager. It had been nice to surround herself with people who didn't know every last detail of what had happened between her and Nick.
She sat in her favourite cafe clutching her coffee cup while she waited for her Dad who was joining her for breakfast before she was to accept she had a life in L.A to get back to and leave for her flight. Her Mom was an optimist, even more so than Jess and she had been great at trying to paint a positive picture in Jess' mind, but it was her Dad she went to when she needed hard facts and brutal honesty. So far she had held some of the details back from them but they knew her, they weren't dumb and they were starting to figure it out. They had seen her ignore calls on her phone, they had heard her crying thought the walls at night and they had seen her flinch whenever Nick's name was mentioned. It was time for her to start being honest with them. Her Mom loved Nick and Jess knew she would do and say anything to push them back into a relationship with one another but she knew she could rely on her Dad to be more realistic, he would tell her what to do even if it wasn't something she wanted to hear.
She raised her head and gave a big smile as she saw him bumbling through the doorway, complaining as he shook his umbrella and tried to dust the raindrops off the shoulders of his overcoat. His face brightened when he caught sight of her and after grabbing the waitress on his way to order a coffee he finally made it over to her. He shucked off his coat before offering her a big bear hug which never failed to make her feel better. He gave her once last extra tight squeeze before they pulled apart and both sat down.
"How you doin honey? You feeling better?"
"I'm ok Dad." She lied doing a terrible job of pretending that she wasn't.
"You still look pretty glum to me. You wanna talk to your old Dad about it yet?"
Jess looked at her Dad as he stared at her earnestly, she wished he could fix this the way he seemed to fix everything when she was a little girl but it didn't work like that now. Nobody could fix it and the thought made her blood run cold, the idea that this was just how it was now made her nauseous.
"Dad, when you and Mom separated you were still in love with her right?"
"Madly." He said directly without wavering for a second.
"How did you deal with it? How did you accept not being with her when you still felt like that?"
Bob sighed and looked at his daughter, her eyes were so sad and her heart so open and vulnerable that he just wanted to hide her away and protect her from everything. That instinct was never ever going to leave him. He knew there was no right or wrong answer, she was a grown up and she wanted him to be honest so he would be. "Honestly there's no secret formula to how you get through these things Jess, I just took each day as it came and every day got a little bit easier than the one before, until..."
"Until you didn't love her anymore?" She interjected with a look of intense sadness in her eyes.
"Oh no honey, I will always love your mother it just doesn't hurt quite as much as it used to."
"When did it stop hurting?" She pleaded with him.
He smiled at her and paused for a moment. "Any day now." Bob reached across the table and squeezed his daughters hand protectively before pulling it back and turning to the waitress to accept his hot coffee gratefully. He looked back at Jess who had her eyes cast down to the table and her shoulders hunched up around her, he had never seen anyone look so small and broken in his whole life. "But Jess you shouldn't always take other's people advice. Everybody's relationships aren't different."
"What do you mean?"
He took a big bite out of his pastry and chewed for several moments before he answered, leaving her hanging on his words unintentionally. He dabbed the side of his mouth with his napkin and continued. "What I mean is you need to follow your own mind sometimes. Other people aren't always right. I'm not always right." He took another bite out of his breakfast avoiding her gaze which was boring into him a little more intensely after his last surprising statement. She looked at him silent and hopeful, waiting for him to finish. "Jess I don't know everything that happened between you and Nick, maybe you'll tell me in time, maybe you won't but what I do know is I want you to be happy and that boy made you happy."
Jess bit her lips into her mouth as her eyes started to fill rapidly with tears at her father's words. She peeled off her glasses allowing the tears to fall freely into her lap. Bob switched seats in an instant so he was sitting next to her wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a tight embrace. He wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of his knuckle and pleaded with her to stop before his heart broke too. "Jess honey please don't cry, I didn't mean to make you cry."
She sniffed, wiping the rest of the tears from her eyes and trying to compose herself. "I messed everything up Dad. I screwed up and I lost him and now I don't know what to do."
"Well Jess I know I'm not the world's best communicator when it comes to thoughts and feelings but I think you need to talk to him...I've seen you screening all of your calls Jess, I know you're avoiding everything and that's not like you. You have never run away from your problems."
"What if he still doesn't want to talk to me? What if I just don't fit into his life now after everything that's happened"
Bob took a moment before squeezing Jess just that little bit tighter. "Look in spite of the things I might have said in the past, Nick's a smart kid, he knows what he has in you."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I saw the way he looked at you Jess."
Nick stood upright with a rather disconcerting crack coming from his right leg, he winced in anticipation of pain but there was none. He looked down at his leg which was a little pastier than it used to be and a little skinner with the hair unattractively matted, but it was free. It just liked to remind him to take it easy every now and again. The doctor has succumbed to his pleading and had removed the casts a few days earlier than intended so that Nick could enjoy Jamie's wedding with no embarrassing restraints, especially seeing as he had to get up a make the best man speech - he was damn sure he didn't want to be the punchline. It had only been a couple of days but he was pretty steady on his feet, the slight limp would make for a good conversation piece at the reception if nothing else.
Nick pulled up his black pants, ecstatic that he was able to do so with such ease and then grabbed for his crisp white shirt which had been lovingly pressed and ironed by Bonnie. He dangled his bow tie around his neck and swung his jacket round his shoulders, easing into the arms and trying desperately not to think about the last time he had got ready to go to a wedding and how different his life was. Every memory with her was as vivid as if it had only happened seconds ago. He remembered with perfect clarity the way she had dodged Bob to sneak into his bedroom with a mischievous look on her face. The way she had helped him button up his shirt, kissing him softly on the neck when she was finished and the way she had smiled at him everytime their eyes met across the room.
Nick had felt his resolve start to weaken in the past few days but he still wasn't sure if he was ready to go back to L.A. He had a doctor's note keeping him off work for another week but lately his mind had been drifting back to the life he had so abruptly abandoned. His guilt at his lack of communication with the guys was starting to eat away at him and the unknown state of his relationship with Jess was starting to drive him insane. He sat on the end of his childhood bed and picked up his phone, for the first time he considered calling her, his fingers danced across the screen as he rubbed his chin roughly. He moved his hand to cover his eyes and he pressed her number quickly and brought the phone to his ear but as his door knocked loudly his confidence jumped away from him and he hung up in a panic. He raised his wide eyes to see Jamie looking bemused.
"Hey Nick can you help me with my bow tie, I can't do the damn thing?"
Nick exhaled shakily and stood up to meet his brother face to face. "Sure." He sighed.
"How's the leg buddy." Jamie nudged Nick's leg jokingly but had been honestly concerned for his brother and in spite of whatever reasons lay behind his visit had enjoyed having Nick back, they hadn't spent so much time together since before Nick left for college.
"It's ok." Nick smiled as he started to expertly weave the bow tie around itself. His father had taught him at a young age but Jamie never quite grasped it so his Dad had always given him an elastic one.
"You know, I'm glad you're here Nick. I know I kid around a lot but I'm glad you're ok. You're my big bro man."
Nick's face registered a look of surprise at his brother's sudden and rare sincerity. "Thanks Jamie. I'm honored to be your best man, really I am. I'm proud of you buddy." Nick finished the bow tie and straightened his brother's jacket, patting him on the chest affectionately. "Come on, let's go get you married."
Jess listened to the nasal, robotic voice calling her gate number and she stood slowly, grabbing her bag from the floor. She was more nervous than she had ever been, her stomach was churning over and over but she knew it was time to go back. She couldn't stay in Portland forever, no matter how much her Mom had tried to persuade her on the idea. Her Dad was right, no matter how complicated her problems were the solution was simple. She needed to talk to Nick. After long, torturous and guilt-ridden conversations with Cece, Jess had come to learn that Nick didn't have the whole picture but she had also come to realise that it didn't matter. He had made his choice anyway, her break up with James wasn't going to change that.
But she couldn't let him go, she would need to find a way to accept his relationship with Lauren, she would need to learn to control her feelings for him in the hopes that they would eventually fade, although the very notion seemed impossible. Her only alternative was to say goodbye to him, for good and the thought left her struggling for breath. She honestly couldn't remember a time before Nick was in her life, his impression had been so strong it felt like he had always been there. Without him she would be half empty, so she would have to take him in whatever form she could. She just needed to get him back in her life, she felt hopelessly desperate without him. She hadn't heard his voice in weeks and it left a constant, painful stings of tears at the back of her throat.
Jess glided towards the gateway in a trance, almost oblivious to the lady taking her boarding card from her and scanning it. She was on autopilot, she had been for weeks. It was the only way she could get anything done, even if she wasn't mentally present to do it. She disappeared down the tunnel toward the plane and away from the safety of Portland that had shielded her for the past few weeks. Part of her wanted to sneak her Mom and Dad away with her, they were such a force in her life and she simply wouldn't have got through the past few weeks without them. Cece had been amazing but Jess had put everything on her shoulders and she had started to feel guilty about it, there was only so much drama one person could take and Cece hadn't asked for any of it. Jess had tried to do her a favour by giving her a break and a chance to spend some quality alone time with Buster without her moping around in the background.
She drifted on to the plane staring aimlessly for her seat number, feeling a wave of gladness when she found she was tucked away at the back of the plane. None of the other passengers knew her plight but she enjoyed the privacy nonetheless, she could hide herself away with a glass of wine and figure out what the hell she was going to say when she saw Nick. She settled in her seat and immediately pulled the blanket out the pocket of the chair in front and wrapped it snuggly around herself. She fished around in her bag for her iPod so she could block the sounds of the plane out and she caught a glimpse of the time on her watch. As much as she tried not to, she found herself wondering what Nick was doing. She knew it was the wedding, the wedding she was supposed to be at with him. The one that he had invited her to so nervously all those months ago. He had stuttered and fidgeted his way through it like he actually believed she was going to say no. Jess found herself smiling at the memory before the hard reality hit her that none of that had mattered anyway because here she was on her own while Nick showed of his new girlfriend and listened to all the other wedding guests tell them that 'they were next'. Jess stomach turned at the thought and she squeezed her eyes hard to push the images of them from her head, pulling the blanket up tighter around her body, trying in vain to console herself.
Nick stood and tried to cough away his nerves. He had never been good at public speaking, it had a similar effect on the sweat glands of his back as lying did, he was extremely grateful his jacket was black. With all the drama going on in his own life he had managed to put the terror of this moment to the back of his mind but now it was right in front of him. The room fell silent and all he could see were lots of expectant, smiling faces staring his way, man he wished he'd had a little more to drink. Trying to keep Jamie calm and on track had eaten into his standard wedding drinking time and now he was far too sober to make a speech.
He clutched the crumpled piece of paper in his hand but he knew it was a waste of time, he wouldn't read it, he would panic and ad lib the way he always did for things like this, sometimes it paid off, sometimes it really didn't. Ironically Nick had always been the responsible one in the family, as the youngest Jamie had been allowed to get away with murder and while it had been great for him at times it had unintentionally made him the family clown. It had been easy not to take him seriously, to mock him and never assume for one second that he would mind, to sweep it under the carpet if something went wrong because Jamie would never notice. But as Nick looked at his brother he realised how much had changed and how much he owed him as a big brother. It was the most important day of Jamie's life and Nick had to treat it that way, he had to get it together.
He took a deep breath and for a fleeting moment imagined what it would be like if this were his wedding, if he were standing there as the groom about to make a speech as Jess' husband and spend the next twenty minutes talking about how beautiful she looked and how lucky he was. He thought back to a time when he was stupid enough to believe it could actually happen. He clenched his jaw at the thought and reached for his whiskey, throwing it back and pushing Jess from his mind. He opened his mouth unsure whether or not any words would come out but to his astonishment they did, not only that but people were listening, laughing even. He looked at Jamie who was smiling from ear to ear and for the first time in a long time Nick felt a wave of happiness go through him.
It was the truth that Nick had always gotten a little more attention for not really achieving much, it seemed that just falling short of a college degree was enough to make him the success of the family. As he looked at Jamie he realised how much more he had achieved, how much happier and together he was, something Nick never thought he would see. Jamie had found his other half and he had married her and now he looked like he might die of happiness. 'He's the success' Nick thought 'Not me.'
Suddenly Nick felt a swell of emotion in his throat. He raised his hand to his mouth in a loose fist and coughed it away the best best he could. He took in the smiles of his brother and his new wife and his heart yearned to have what they had or to at least to have it back. After a long pause Nick realised it wasn't all about the jokes with Jamie anymore, he had something real now. Nick composed himself and continued.
"I want to congratulate Jamie and Deanne, they have been together for a long time and I've seen them grow closer and stronger over the years. What they have is extremely special and extremely rare. To have someone come into your life who knows you inside out and accepts you for everything that you are is no small thing. I've seen how they make each other laugh and the the way they take care of each other and when it comes down to it, that really is all that matters in life."
Nick raised his glass and the whole room followed suit, every expression was one of awe and happiness and all eyes were on the bride and groom except Bonnie who was looking right at Nick. She was the only one who knew how deep his words cut.
Schmidt stood in front of the mirror and poked as his mid-section incredulously, those beers and nachos at the bar the day before had not been a good decision he thought to himself as he pinched random bits of flesh. Huffing out his dissatisfaction he hooked his arms into his vest throwing it over his head and marched out to the gym floor with determination. It was just before the 'end of work' rush so he expected the gym to be empty which meant no distractions, just the way he liked it. He plugged his iPod into each ear and stepped on the treadmill ready to go hell for leather. He pounded his feet hard against the rotating rubber for as along as he could stand, until the sweat ran down his back and his calves felt fit for bursting, only then was he satisfied.
He finally stepped off and leaned against the side of the machine to stretch out his muscles scanning the room on the off chance that there were any pretty girls there who might be checking him out. But his eyes skimmed over one guy, then another, then another, then back to the middle one. Recognizing the face he stood upright swiping his towel over his face to clear the sweat that was starting to sting his eyes.
"Hey James." Schmidt would swear James looked up at him but he continued to run with his head down. "James." Still nothing.
Schmidt had already started walking toward him so he kept going to save himself any embarrassment. Finally James made eye contact with him, shortly before looking around the room like he was trying to find the nearest exit, Schmidt was officially starting to feel offended. "Hey..." Schmidt attempted to laugh. "...Didn't you hear me calling you?"
"Sorry man I was a little distracted I guess." James wiped his hand down the front of his t-shirt and held it out to shake with Schmidt. "How have you been?"
"I'm good thanks. How are you coping without Miss Day." Schmidt joked with a big grin on his face. A grin the was so wide it caused James to screw up his face at the apparent insensitivity. "Um...I'm ok I guess. So how is she?"
"I would say you know better than me right?" Schmidt rocked back and forth uncomfortably on his heels while he smiled with a hint of confusion playing across his face. James paused like he had completely lost track of the conversation and so he attempted to steer it in a different direction. "You know I'm kinda surprised you're talking to me Schmidt."
"Come on I know it's the gym but it's not like we're in the showers or anything." Schmidt joked as he hit James playfully in the chest with the back of his hand. James laughed at the weak joke but decided to press a little further under the weight of his utter confusion. "No I mean, I know how tight you guys are and things didn't exactly end well so...I don't know I guess I figured you would want to walk the other way but if we're still cool then ok man."
"What do you mean 'things didn't end well'?"
"Between me and Jess. I guess she didn't give you all the details."
Schmidt's face fell into one of disappointment as everything finally started to make sense in his head. "No it seems she didn't give me any of the details."
There was a long silence as neither of them knew what to do with themselves. James could see Schmidt trying to fit the puzzle together in his head and he wondered how long it would be before he could make a quick exit. They stood for another awkward five minutes as James recounted the hazy, diluted details of their break up, each sentence a revelation to the bemused Schmidt who suddenly felt an intense guilt that Jess had gone through everything on her own. No wonder she had gone running back to to Portland. Nick's sudden, unannounced departure to Chicago also suddenly made a lot more sense. A lot more sense.
After their thorny interaction Schmidt and James found their moment to slip free of each other and make a break for it. James disappeared for the showers leaving Schmidt to make a break for the changing rooms where he instantly started to root round in his bag for his phone. Scrolling through his work contacts he was left to call someone he would only ever call in an emergency, but this was kind of an emergency. He dialled Beth's number and waited impatiently. There was no greeting of any kind but he expected no less.
"Schmidt I've just left the office, whatever it is it'll need to wait until the morning."
"Well hello to you too Beth and this isn't a work thing actually I just need to ask you something."
"Not if you were the last man on earth Schmidt." Beth interrupted, sounding very pleased with herself. Schmidt could imagine her smug face on the other end of the phone. "Oh your humour knows no bounds Beth." He deadpanned in response.
"I'm hanging up now."
"No, no wait. Look I just need to know where Lauren is."
"What?...She decided to use up all her vacation Schmidt, you know that and why do you..."
"No but where? Where is she?"
"I don't know the Bahamas or Barbados. Somewhere like that."
"She's not in Chicago?"
"Yes Schmidt she used a month of vacation to go to Chicago." Beth laughed mockingly.
"Ok thanks." Schmidt hung up the phone as his mind worked overtime trying to figure out how all of this could have gone down without him knowing. He needed to talk to Nick.
Cece rolled her eyes at the drunken suits sitting in front of her at the bar, their obnoxious behaviour was bringing her closer and closer to breaking point. She had been trying to reign it in over the past few hours with Mike peering over her should every twenty minutes but she was losing her patience with their lewd comments. If it hadn't been for Coach and Winston coming into the bar at that second she was sure she would have got herself fired. She was over to them in a flash.
"Hey guys."
"Hey Cece" They chorused in unison. "What's up you look at little bothered?" Winston enquired genuinely.
"Oh nothing, just those guys over there being assholes." She whined, rolling her eyes once again in the direction of the offending inebriates.
"You want us to go over there and have a little talk with em?" Coach asked while rolling up his sleeves in an attempt to seem tough and ready for action. Cece just smiled at her two bodyguards. "No it's ok they're not worth it. What can I get you guys to drink?"
"Just two beers please Cece." Winston replied politely, silently relieved Cece hadn't asked them to defend her honour. They waited patiently as Cece collected the beers, popping the caps as she turned back to them. She set the bottles down and placed her hands flat on the bar, leaning towards them casually. Cece had been spending a lot of time with Buster, a lot. She hated to admit that she had been avoiding the guys but it was the truth. Whenever she was with them the conversation inevitably veered towards their two absent friends and their sudden, respective disappearances from L.A.
During her final conversation with Jess at the airport Jess had begged Cece not to say anything about her and James, she had pleaded with such desperation that Cece had no choice but to respect it. Cece understood Jess' reasons, she didn't want it getting back to Nick, but it had made Cece's social life virtually impossible over the last few weeks. She could barely take the stress of it all, she couldn't even imagine how Jess was feeling. They waded their way through a few minutes of small talk but they all knew where the conversation was going to end up. Cece figured she would get it out of the way sooner rather than later so they could move on and her 'best friend' honour was in tact for another night. She poured herself a cheeky glass of wine as she saw Mike disappear out the front door and she took a healthy swig and braced herself.
"So have you guys heard from Nick." She asked trying to sound casual, breathing a sigh of relief as they both shook their heads.
"Nothing but a few texts." Winston barked. "I'm his best friend this is ridiculous. Why would he disappear to Chicago without telling anyone, it's insane. Something is definitely up."
"Has Schmidt seen Lauren at work yet?" Cece enquired, playing investigator on Jess' behalf but Winston shook his head. "Still no sign of her, I guess she is with Nick after all. I just don't understand why he wouldn't tell us they were leaving, I think there is something else going on and I intend to get to the bottom of it." Winston rested his chin on his thumb and index finger, shaking his head quizzically like a thirties detective. Cece smiled at his adorable intensity but kept her mouth shut. She found it bizarre the guys didn't know what was going on with Nick but if she pushed them for information they would push her right back and she knew she would cave if it was two against one. Three when Schmidt turned up.
"So how's Jess, we haven't heard much from her either to be honest?" Winston asked with a slight look of concern on his face.
"Oh yeah, she's ok, she fine. Yep." Cece bit her lips into her mouth and nodded her headed, leaning back from the bar slightly and taking a big sip of wine.
"Doesn't James mind her being away all this time?" Coach enquired, screwing his eyes up like the whole idea completely baffled him.
"Oh well you know he was in Colorado an then he was working a lot and then...with the...other thing. Anyone want another drink." Cece held her breath for a few moments to see if she had managed to dodge the bullet. As they pushed their empty bottles towards her with unemotional faces, she realised she had and breathed a sigh of relief.
Nick and Jess needed to get back to L.A soon to clear this mess up.
Nick sat amidst a table full of empty chairs which had been vacated by their guests in favour of the eighties pop music that was now pumping out of the infeasibly large speakers Jamie had insisted upon. He clutched his beer and smiled from afar watching Jamie and his friends bust out some of their dance moves, wishing he was in more of a state of mind to join in. His face dropped slightly as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket for the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes, he didn't need to look at it to know who it was but he did anyway, yet again he saw Schmidt's name in bright white letters. They looked even brighter and more urgent in the dim light of the wedding hall. For the fourth time that evening Nick pressed the ignore button and went back to his beer, closing his eyes in a moment of exhaustion before his phone lit up yet again. This time it wasn't a call it was a message, a very short but very clear message from his friend.
'I know about Lauren.'
Five minutes later it rang again and this time Nick answered, pressing the heel of his hand into his ear to drown out the sound of the music. As he listened to the now muffled sound of Footloose in one ear he could hear the quiet, tinny sound of Schmidt in the other. "Nick are you there?...Nick?"
"Yeah I'm here Schmidt." Even over the volume of the music Nick was pretty sure he heard a sigh of relief from Schmidt on the other end of the phone.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm good um this isn't really a good time Schmidt I'm in the middle of the wedding." Nick knew he had to face his life in L.A eventually but now that he had it on the other end of the phone he was losing his nerve. The truth was he actually missed Schmidt, he missed all the guys but as soon as he gave them a window they would have hounded him into going back and he needed the space, just for a little while. Listening to Schmidt's concerned tone he felt riddled with guilt that they hadn't spoken. He had told himself the odd, vague text every few days was enough to keep them happy but deep down Nick knew how selfish he was being, he just didn't know which other way to be.
Schmidt tried to reign in the hurt that Nick had gone so long without calling and softened his tone when he considered what it was possible Nick had been going through. Only now was the big picture starting to look like something that made sense. "I know what happened with Lauren man, I know she's not there with you. Why didn't you tell anyone Nick?"
Nick sighed, kicking open the front door to get outside and dropping down on the porch step. He squeezed the bridge of his nose tight to try and release the tension. "I don't know. I just didn't. I needed to get away. Things got so messy and it just got a little too much for me."
"Do you have any idea what you left behind here man?"
This was where they got to the part about Jess, this was the part Nick had avoided trying to hear for the past few weeks. "Look Schmidt I appreciate you calling, I know you care and I'm sorry for running off the way I did but I really can't deal with it right now." Nick was pissing Schmidt off, he could hear it in his voice which suddenly got firmer. "Yeah well you know what, you need to deal with it Nick, you need to deal with it now before it's too late."
Too late. That was an odd choice of words Nick thought to himself, he knew he had been somewhat MIA for a few weeks but he had never assumed that warranted being completely cut off from anything. "What does that mean?." Nick questioned with a furrowed brow as the line when silent for a few moments.
"When was the last time you talked to Jess" Schmidt enquired with genuine curiosity.
"Schmidt" Nick raised his voice a little with a warning tone.
"When?"
"I don't know, about a month ago."
"What happened between you to?"
"Nothing."
"Come on I'm not stupid."
"Nothing ok, it was nothing. I thought things had changed but they hadn't, I was wrong as usual. If you're calling to tell me about her and James you needn't bother because I already know. I know they're moving in together, I know she's happy with him and I just...I know ok?" Nick could feel the anger rising that he had been trying so hard to suppress since he had been in Chicago. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it but he had at least avoided talking about it up until that point. Once he started he would talk round in circles trying to make sense of what the happened and he would drive himself crazy. Nick's breathing had quickened a little but all he heard was silence on the other end of the phone until finally Schmidt spoke.
"Nick she's not with James anymore. She ended it."
"What?!" Suddenly Nick rose to his feet as his heart jumped into his throat.
"I just saw him an hour ago. He hasn't seen her in weeks the last he saw of her she was on her way to see you."
Nick felt all the blood rush to his head as Schmidt's words hit him like a blow to the stomach. Thoughts of the last time he saw her flooded back into his mind like a dam had broken. How could he have got it so wrong, he should have known, he should have seen it in her eyes. She had come to him and he had turned her away. He had told her he didn't want her, that it was a mistake. Nick clutched his stomach as nausea gripped hold of him.
Jess wheeled her bag into the hallway of the apartment propping it up gently against the wall and letting her handbag drop to the floor with a soft thud. She stood momentarily with her hands on her hips surveying their lovely little apartment, noting how clean it was and how nice is smelled. She had only been away three weeks but it felt smaller than she remembered. She could feel a swell of sorrow niggling away low in her belly, she missed Joan and Bob already, like the first time she had gone away on a school trip when she was 13. They had been her rock, her safety net and now she was on her own again. Well not completely on her own.
"Jess!" Cece came bounding out of her bedroom at the sound of the front door closing, wearing a smile as big as Jess had ever seen. She threw her arms around Jess showing her just how much she had missed her with every little squeeze. "Oh I've missed you."
"I've missed you too." Jess smiled into her friend's shoulder until they both pulled back.
"You look good." Cece said with sincerity. "You look rested."
"Thanks, I feel rested I guess. It's been nice seeing Mom and Dad, they've been taking good care of me."
"I'll bet, come on I'll make you some tea and we can catch up on everything."
Ten minutes later they found themselves on the sofa, their legs curled up and their feet tucked underneath them comfortably. Both of them the perfect mirror image of one another as they sat face to face chatting. Jess appreciated Cece's effort to ask about her parents and the places she'd visited, the meals she'd had and the friends she seen, Cece did well to pretend that Jess' jaunt to Portland was anything other than what it was. Running away.
Finally Cece ran out of questions and the conversation reached it's inevitable turning point. "So have you heard anything from Nick," Cece broached tentatively. Jess simply looked down and shook her head. "Have you? I mean have you seen the guys? Jess voice was more hopeful and expectant than she had intended.
"Not really, they've had a few messages here and there but nobody has spoken to him. It's weird it's like he just went off the radar."
"They haven't spoken to him at all?" The thought made Jess uncomfortable. Nick had made it clear he wanted space from her but the fact that he had disappeared to Chicago without so much as one word to anyone made her uneasy. "I hope he's ok." Jess whispered so quietly she didn't realise she had even said it out loud.
"I'm sure he's fine Jess. Are you going to tell him about..."
"Not yet" Jess interrupted. "The guys don't know anything do they Cece, I just don't want Nick to know yet."
"No they don't know anything but it has not been easy Jess. They're worried sick about you, they know something is wrong and with you and Nick both going off the grid they've been completely lost. You should go see them."
"I know, I'll go see them tomorrow."
"Well why don't I arrange lunch and we can all get together you know...lay everything out on the table."
"I can't."
"Come Jess they're going to find out you broke up with James sooner or later."
"No I mean I really can't, I need to go to see the stupid estate agent to make sure James hasn't signed anything on this apartment. He won't answer my calls so I have no idea what's going on with it and I keep getting a whole bunch of emails from them. I'd better go call them actually and confirm my appointment."
"Ok, you need me to do anything."
"No I'm good." Jess squeezed Cece's hand affectionately and retreated to her bedroom for the next twenty minutes leaving Cece to make them some more tea while she listened to a mumbled conversation taking place behind Jess' bedroom door. When things had been quiet for over five minutes Cece picked up the freshly made tea and headed tentatively towards Jess' room, holding her ear against the door before she entered. Cece stood confused as she listened to the commotion going on out of view and Jess' cursing which accompanied it. She pushed open the door to see Jess looking flustered and close to the edge of her temper.
"Shoot. SHOOT!" Jess barked to Cece's confusion.
Cece watched Jess emptying the contents of her dresser drawers on to her bed with little regard to the mess she was making. Noting the look on Jess' face Cece knew it wasn't the time for jokes or criticisms "What's wrong Jess?"
"My passport, I don't have it."
"Your passport? Why do you need..."
"I need it for tomorrow, the realtor told me I need it as ID to cancel all the damn paperwork seeing as James is refusing to deal with it!" Jess continued to rifle through her things knowing it was futile.
"Look it's ok Jess we'll find it and you can reschedule the appointment in the meantime."
"No I just want this over with!...I'm sorry Cece I just want this all to be over."
"Ok, ok, think...when was the last time you had it...you're sure you don't know where it is?"
Jess' face fell in defeat as she sighed in resignation. "I know exactly where it is?"
"Where?"
There was a long pause and Jess finally met Cece's eyes. "It's in Nick's bedroom."
"Hey there he is?" Jamie bellowed as he found Nick outside. "You ok Nick, I mean are you feeling ok buddy." Jamie slapped his brother on the shoulder affectionately as a wave of concern passed over his face that Nick wasn't fully back to health yet. Registering his brother's concern Nick tried to dismiss it, waving the words away with his hand. "Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine I just needed some air for a second.".
But Jamie wasn't buying it, he had seen that look on Nick's face one too many times over the past few weeks and it was only ever about one thing. Jamie didn't know Jess all that well but he knew the pull she had over his brother and he had never seen anything like it. He had never seen anyone affect Nick the way she did. "What's the matter you look like you've seen a ghost, has something happened." Jamie enquired with a more serious tone.
"No it's nothing, let's get back inside huh." Nick walked passed his brother and reached for the door handle under the assumption that Jamie would simply let it go and follow him but that wasn't the case. The sound of Jamie's voice stopped Nick in his tracks. He held on to the door unsure whether or not to let it close and talk to his brother or go back inside, get drunk and continue to bury his head in the sand.
"Nick come on." Jamie urged.
"No it's your wedding day, it's nothing really you don't need to worry about me." Nick pulled at the door again but Jamie stepped forward pushing his fingers against it gently to close it. "Why not you and ma worry about me enough. You gonna tell me what's goin on or what?"
"It's nothing it's just..." Nick bowed his head, shaking it, but he knew he was losing this battle of wills
"It's Jess right?"
Nick stared intently at his brother and nodded his head involuntarily "I just found out she ended it with her boyfriend. She tried to tell me and I didn't listen." With his face aghast Nick buried it in the palms of his hands, his voice muffled through his fingers but the panic still evident. "Oh man I've really screwed up Jamie." He lowered his hands revealing his eyes wide in terror. "Oh my god I'm gonna lose her."
"So go fix it." Jamie chirped like it was the simplest thing in the whole world.
"I don't think it's that easy. She probably hates me." Nick groaned loudly trying to release some of the heaviness in his chest. "I can't believe I did this."
"Nick that girl does not hate you. Go fix it. If you go now you could be back in L.A. by the end of the day." Jamie grabbed Nick's arm and started to urge him down the steps but Nick dodged out of his grasp. "What now?! Jamie don't be ridiculous it's your wedding day. I can't leave I'm your brother, I'm the best man." Nick was wide eyed and incredulous that Jamie would even make such a suggestion. He wanted to see Jess more than anything but not at the expense of his brother resenting him for the rest of his life. The strange thing was Jamie didn't look resentful or put out. His face was full of encouragement, excitement even.
"Nick you've been my best man your whole life. With Dad the way he was nobody ever cut you a break, so I'm cutting you one now. I'm serious Nick you've always looked out for me, you've always fixed things when I've screwed up, you've always made sure things worked out for me. Especially when Dad didn't. So now it's time for me to return the favour."
Nick shook his head furiously "Jamie no I'm not gonna..."
"Nick go!" Jamie's tone was more resolute and commanding than Nick had ever heard it. Jamie was his baby brother this wasn't usually the way things went. But no sooner than Jamie had stunned Nick with his sudden selfless maturity, he went right back to his old self in an instant. "Look Deanne and I are gonna sneak off to have sex soon anyway so you might as well go." He giggled boyishly and playfully punched Nick in the arm. Nick laughed a little but straightened his face out in the severity of the moment. "Jamie?" He questioned one more time, shaking his head.
"Go. You've been here for weeks I'm sick of the sight of ya."
Nick's breathing quickened as a smile crept across his face. He pulled Jamie in for a hard back-slapping hug before he grabbed his face tight in both hands and kissed him square on the forehead making grimace jokingly. Nick patted Jamie on the arm with one more honest, prideful smile and ran down the steps as fast as his feet would carry him.