Jane Chapter 21

The cold medal twisted in her hands, the one thing in her entire life that brought her back to Earth. The name glowed against the distant starlight steaming in from the windows of the shuttle; Rogers, Parker M. Sydney refused to cry staring at her father's name. Crying did nothing to the situation; only painted her as the damsel. The shuttle thrust forward and to the side, her own body crashing to the floor.

Why her? Because of the small connection she had with the commander? It wasn't fair. She never became involved with criminals, always strayed from strangers, even when she was homeless for a small time. She would wave off anyone who tried to rob her with her dad's old pistol. Her eyes would dry up and irritate from staying awake for so long, defending her body and small valuables. The idea of an orphanage terrified her, being stuck with other miserable and lonely little kids was too much to think about. At age 11, she was nowhere near old enough to pass for 18 and she would not be able to have a job to pay for herself. Little did she know, when Miss. Emily had found her, the orphanage was exactly what she needed.

Now she was kidnapped, being held by some twisted asari named Aria. She screamed the life out of her lungs, watching her own hero writhe on the ground as she called out to her. The moment she was thrown into the shuttle, a gag was placed on her mouth.

"Keep quiet, kid!" the one krogan who had grabbed her tightened the cloth in her mouth. Aria looked from the cockpit, her eyes dimmed from before, unreadable. Blood had trickled down the right side of her lip. Sydney stared back defiantly, unafraid. At this, the asari smirked before turning back to the scene in front of her. The young girl huffed trying to get into a comfortable position. Unfortunately, her wrists were bound as well, back against the far wall with almost no wiggle room. Her mind was panicked.

She began pulling her lessons long ago from her Dad. Remain calm, keep a sharp eye, look for a way out. She took a deep breath through her nose, letting her eyes roll back into her head until her heart rate slowed. Nothing could be done in the shuttle, she would have to wait until they reached their destination.

The vehicle lurched then when an explosion manifested in the rear. The Krogan cursed. Aria had braced herself to the back up the pilot's chair. "Will you do your job and get C-Sec off our ass?" she hissed.

The man who had first grabbed her, Drew, she heard was his name, growled, "It's not easy when there's ten of them and one of us!" another violent shutter shook them.

"Do I have to do everything?!" Aria screeched, taking the man by the back of his collar and propelling him from the chair. She replaced him and forced the shuttle up and away from the pursuing police. Sydney prayed for the citadel police force to flank, surprise them, do something.

Then she realized how thankful she was; that this Aria took her instead of the smaller children; especially little Piper. She shivered at the thought of the smallest orphan, bound and gagged at Sydney was. The little girl's silver gaze was in her mind, screaming after her while she was being forced towards the door by the krogan. The policemen were protecting her, holding the girl back from shooting across the room. Sydney had reached out her hand, telling her to stop, to please stand back. She begged Piper while she was being towed away but also begging for her own life to the big alien.

"Krath, ETA 2 minutes, be ready in the shuttle bay" Aria said mechanically, twisting the vehicle again. There was a ship in the distance, looking about the size of a raindrop. The police were falling behind and Sydney sighed, resigning herself to being captive. All she could do was wait until she reached their ship and come up with a plan.

"Copy that, Aria" a batarian voice cracked out from the radio.

Aria got up from the pilot's chair. Drew promptly took his seat back, remaining silent. She made her way back to Sydney, crossing her arms, her pale eyes wondered up and down the girl, studying her. Sydney froze, unsure of what her captor was planning. Nevertheless, she maintained her mischievous smirk. "You are a pretty little thing," she tipped the girls chin, turning her head side to side like some prized animal. Her heart raced, blood pumping in her ear drums. Sydney squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the moisture on the rims. She would not break. You could be the one standing with the knife in a gun fight but you hold that blade proudly, kiddo. Never let your enemy see your fear because then they've already won. Her father's voice echoed in her memories. He was right, she couldn't show weakness, not now. Aria seemed to notice the change in Sydney's demeanor, holding her gaze. "There's fire in those emeralds of yours. You remind me of my daughter" the asari paused, eyebrows furrowing at the thought, "hell… you remind me of myself when I was younger" now she was thoughtful, her voice smooth and almost comforting. This was the way of the asari, they're as likely to kiss their prey before devouring them. Aria released Sydney, not before caressing her face with her knuckle. The touch stung, a trail of fire in her wake.

"Finally lost C-sec, ma'am" Drew perked from the front.

"You're welcome" she nearly sang. Sydney's felt a crushing defeat. Even Shepard wouldn't save her, not in the condition she was left in. The girl winced at the image of her own hero, broken on the balcony, blood gushing from her abdomen. She only hoped the commander would be okay.

Private Jane Shepard; she liked the sound of that. She twisted the two dark pink roses in her hand, stroking the silky petals with her fingers. God knows how hard it was to get these with being in space all the time. Something her own parents had never experienced; being in one place suited the simple couple. Jane couldn't deny the beauty that the vast void held and she only wished they were here to see it with her.

She did her best to keep her nervousness at bay while the shuttle descended. As the doors open, Anderson clapped her on the shoulder. "Make it quick, kid" he muttered.

"Yes, sir" she replied, clutching the roses and taking the small leap from the vehicle. She took in a deep breath before taking in her surroundings. The buildings were still there; abandoned. The walls were still riddled with bullet holes but it seemed the crew that cleaned up the bodies also power washed the different pods; maybe in hopes of rebuilding. She shuttered at the thought; this was the resting place of too many angry ghosts. The only sounds that vibrated off the wall were that of the idling shuttle behind her.

Her memories fought into her consciousness, seeing her parents' bodies, gunshots to the head, her screams penetrating the nearby houses. The coldness of her mother's fingers in hers, how heavy they were when she tried to lift them. She remembered her father's soulless grey eyes looking up into nothing. Tears strained down her cheeks, bellowing out sobs. The feeling of complete and utter abandonment, the only Shepard left in the entire galaxy.

Shepard sucked in a breath, suppressing the images, telling herself she was on her way to a better life, one her own parents would have wanted for her. She made her way through the shadowy ruins of her home to the small memorial the surviving locals had built, the only tombstones her family would have. She looked back down at the flowers, holding back the tears. Soldiers don't cry.

Instead she spoke quietly, "Hi Mom. Hi Dad. Hope your day is going. I just came to visit, see how you were doing." She took another quick breath, fluttering her eyes to the trees beyond the memorial, "it's been a year since I saw you. I miss you both…a lot," she nodded, digging her nose into the flowers, letting the scent distract her. She promised herself she'd go through with this. "I wore my dress blues for you guys. I…I just finished boot camp. A Shepard finally made it into the military. I know, I know, it's not what we planned but…" she hesitated, looking straight at their names together on the black slab of wall, "…I hope you're happy with my decision," a tear had fallen down her cheek, but she didn't stop, "I brought you guys some flowers. Mom, I know you've never seen roses before and they're even prettier than in the pictures" she smiled sadly down at the flower. She set them down gingerly with all the other wilted offerings to Mindoir. "I'll try to visit when I can, okay?" she waited as if an answer would come. There was a solemn silence as she stepped back, her heart in her throat. "Okay… I love you guys."

Shepard turned and headed back for the shuttle. The trees rustled behind her and wind pushed her forward to Anderson. She only prayed that was a sign of approval. The young private quickly scrubbed the tear away before her mentor could see. His expression was somber, holding out his hand. She grasped it and hoisted herself into the shuttle. The doors shut with a locking click behind them. She didn't look at him but she felt a soft hand on her shoulder once more. She didn't dare look at Anderson, knowing she would break down if she did.

"You're gonna do great things, Shepard," Anderson whispered, squeezing his grasp on her. "I'm proud of you. And wherever they are, they're proud of you too." Anderson hadn't given up on her, toss her aside as some traumatic lost cause. He convinced her the alliance was the best thing she could do for the fallen; to protect those who would need her. The only person who stepped up as not just a mentor but also a father-like figure to stand in while she went through her most heart wrenching decision; to finally become a marine.

"Thank you, sir" she murmured. "For everything" she added.

Her eyes found more roses; they were blue this time, in a bunch, on a granite counter a couple feet from her. The ill-at-ease feeling was also back, but in somewhat of a different context. She went to touch one of the petals but found her own reflection staring back at her, a blonde-haired beauty. Her hair was long, longer than it had been in a while. It was curled and the ringlets rained down her back like a waterfall. Dark maroon eyeshadow had hugged lightly around her eyelids. The foundation on her skin glowed, contouring the soft edges nicely.

Her dress was white; a bridal gown. The sleeves were capped, draped over her shoulders gracefully. It was a simple neckline with an elegant lace design on the top of the dress. Then the skirt flowed to the floor in a small silky puff. Her fingers traced down the material, shaking uncontrollably. It was beautiful. Her balance had begun to shift but small hands caught her waist.

"Easy there, almost done" said an unfamiliar voice behind her. A woman came out from behind her, her own brunette locks lifted in a curled bun. Her brown eyes began tweaking in Shepard's vail.

"Ash-Ashley?" Shepard asked, remembering her from the pictures she'd seen.

"The one and only, skipper" she managed to laugh. Ashley had died on Virmire, hadn't she? Shepard was about 1,000% sure she did but there she was, adjusting Shepard's hair piece. "Easy with the head! This thing is harder to clip than it looks!" she scolded, two deft fingers holding her scalp.

"Sorry" Shepard muttered, glancing at Ashley once more, looking the same, no changes.

"Is it safe to come in? I don't want my head ripped off" another unfamiliar voice called out from a closed door on the other side of the room.

Ashley smoothed out Shepard's dress, chuckling, "You're clear, Mr. Shepard"

"Mr. Shep…" Shepard looked over to see an older man in a black suit, with a dark blue tie underneath. His blonde hair was tied in a knot at the nape of his neck. Laugh lines crinkled around his eyes. They shared the same nose and full mouth. His blue eyes found hers and her breath caught. "Dad?" she breathed. Another one she only recognized from pictures. Now Shepard was 10,000% sure her father was not supposed to be alive either.

"Look at you" He strode over, only claiming a few inches above her, grasped her hands in his. Shepard felt like she should cry but she was more puzzled, considering…hadn't she just been mourning him? "Stunning" kissing her hands. Her heart beat sadly in her chest.

"T-thank you" she shook.

"Oh, come on, honey, you've faced worse than being a bride" her father smiled at her expression of pure panic and confusion.

"Right" she whispered to herself. Wait…who was her groom? She opened her mouth to ask and then realized that maybe a dumb thing for a bride to ask on her wedding day.

"You haven't looked this out of your element since going into the geth consensus" Ashley laughed at her. Shepard didn't recall the exact instance but she was told she did do that during the Reaper War…three years after the Virmire mission. It should be a dream, right? But it felt pretty vivid.

"Never been married before I guess" she let the words fall out of her mouth.

"Neither has Garrus so you're good" Ashley was still smirking as she handed Shepard the bouquet of blue roses. She nearly sighed in relief, of course it would be him. At least that part made sense.

There was a knock on the door, "Hey, are we about done in there?" Joker's voice was on the other side, "if not, can we hurry it up? I'm running out of banter and I don't think anyone wants to hear my dad jokes"

"Yeah, yeah, hold your horses, Moreau" Ashley opened it, tugging Shepard's wrist. They were just outside what looked like a church on Earth. How odd. The chief released her commander and shoved the pilot out of the way. Shepard shook her head but felt her dad pull her hand into the crook of his arm.

All her friends were standing there in a line waiting; Tali, Liara, Jack, and Ashley took the lead. Their dresses were the same light blue color as Shepard's flowers. It's happening, Shepard thought to herself.

"Oooohhh, look at my baby" said a voice to her right on the verge of tears.

The woman next to her had hair darker than Shepard's with tan skin and green eyes. Freckles were dotted around her nose and cheeks. Her face was heart shaped and the same laugh lines on her father's face were also on this person as well. "Mom," she whispered, taking the woman into a one-armed hug. The room was getting too crowded with dead people.

"You look beautiful, Jane" she cried.

"Thanks, mom" she whimpered into her hair. Shepard kept blinking her eyes to stop the tears while the woman pulled away.

"Here" her mom held a handkerchief to Shepard's eyeline, "don't smudge. I'm pretty sure Ash will kill me" Shepard blinked the moisture onto the soft linen. "There, perfect" wrapping it up to trap her own tears. "You got this, sweetie" Shepard nodded and watched her disappear.

Music had begun playing, it sounded like a string quartet, the old fashion way. Her bridesmaids had already glided down the aisles and it was just Shepard and her father left. Every seat in every pew was filled with friends, allies, human and non. It was all way too extravagant for her taste, another anomaly. She began passing by people she knew she lost; Mordin, Legion, Thane, names that were attached to pictures which matched perfectly with the imaging of the dream. Garrus stood up front in a black tux -matching her father in a dark blue tie as well- with a human priest, hands crossed behind his back. He was beaming at her as she closed the distance step by step. Behind him across from the other bridesmaids stood Sydney, the young orphan girl also in a blue dress with a silver bow in her long red hair. Why was she here? Shepard wondered.

They made it to the end of the aisle and as in ancient tradition, her father handed her off. Getting really strange over here, Shepard thought. Nevertheless, she grasped the familiar talons of her lover. She squeezed a little too hard, knowing something was going to go wrong. Ashley had walked over from the retreating bridesmaids, taking Shepard's bouquet, smiling at her in encouragement. Shepard nodded, letting her take the blue roses.

"You may all be seated" the older pastor said, motioning his hands down. "We are gathered here today…" as he began to introduce the bride and groom and banter about love and commitment and blah blah blah. Shepard huffed and shuffled in her high heels.

"How are you feeling?" Garrus muttered across to her. His face was just as bored as hers probably looked.

"Confused" Shepard whispered back honestly.

"You going to leave me at the altar, Shepard? I may not have my visor but I will find you and drag your ass back here" he was smirking. She just noticed he wasn't wearing his usual headgear. The unscarred side of his face completely naked.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Vakarian," she snorted as quietly as she could manage. "I'll be fine"

"I will now ask Jane and Garrus to take a seat as we will begin our full-service mass" Jane wanted to groan internally. Who the hell ordered a full mass? The turian tugged her over the seats just to the side of the alter.

"I don't know how your mother convinced you to go with the full service" he complained, keeping her hand.

"Yeah…I don't know either" Shepard sighed truthfully. Her eyes scanned over the front rows seeing her entire Normandy crew along with her parents. "To be honest, I have no idea how I got here" she said.

"No kidding, I thought I'd be in Kaidan's spot" he tipped his chin at the major sitting next to Joker. Kaidan cracked a small smile at Jane when she saw him. He looked handsome in a tux but almost defeated.

"Hilarious, Garrus" she rolled her eyes.

"I took a rocket shot to the face and he looks like a million credits. Can't blame me for being a little suspicious" he drawled. When she shot a glare at him, he had his mandibles pulled in tight, trying to hold in a laugh. She just shook her head, refusing to feed into his teasing. If any part of this was real, it was her groom. "Hey" he whispered. She reluctantly drew her eyes back to him, "you look drop dead gorgeous right now." Shepard blushed but was happy the makeup covered it.

"You don't look too bad yourself" she winked.

He smiled and shook his head. The priest called them back up, show time. They walked back over to the altar, the priest stating to repeat his words to the couple; they both nodded.

"Jane, I want you to repeat after me, okay?" said the older human.

She nodded, her body shaking in fear, wanting whatever would happen over with.

"I, Jane, take you, Garrus, to be my husband"

She sucked in a deep breath, peaking at the congregation, everything seemed normal. "I, Jane, take you, Garrus, to be my husband" she said as audibly as he could.

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad"

Now she looked back at those eyes she'd gotten to know like the back of her hand, "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad" she said, he quirked a smile at her, encouraging her to keep going.

"For better or for worse, in sickness and in health"

"For better- "Jane's eyes had trailed to her audience and fear struck her eyes, she was surrounded by mercenaries; blue suns, eclipse, blood pack. They all stood behind her unsuspecting friends and family. Her hand went to her thigh, almost expecting a gun to be there but forgot she was in a wedding dress; damn it! She looked back at Garrus, he seemed oblivious to what was going on, just like her other dreams.

"Go on, Shepard" said Sydney who was standing next to her. Something in her voice made Shepard gaze at the girl, whose lips tugged up maniacally, twisting a knife in her hand. She tried to move but her feet were planted to the ground.

F-for better or for worse- "Aria was now behind Garrus, he should be noticing her, shouldn't he? He could tell there was an enemy when they were kilometers away. His plates pulled together, worried. "in sickness and in health" she whimpered. Screams erupted from inside the church, the mercs had begun slaughtering all those important to her. Kaidan had his throat sliced open, someone had twisted Joker's head over his neck, her parents had the same gunshots in their temples as Mindoir. Shepard wanted to scream, to make it stop, watching her life crumble all in a single moment. Still no one seemed to know this was going on. She was shaking her head at Garrus, tears streaming down her face.

"Shepard?" he asked, voice wavering.

"until death do us part" the priest said, unaware. The asari was smiling, trailing her hand to Garrus' neck. Shepard flinched, watching Aria admire her gun. She fought against her immobilization with all her strength but nothing happened. She knew there was only one way to continue.

"until death do us-NO!" Aria had shot her groom in the side of the head. Blue blood spit all over her dress. He fell to the floor, eyes still open, lifeless. She didn't seem to notice that Sydney had slit Shepard's throat open, red mixing in with the blue. She finally fell, choking on her blood, clawing at anything. She tried to get up, do something to save them. Something kept pulling her back down. NO! It couldn't end like this!

"Shepard, it's okay" Garrus said to her, his face still on the ground, staring at her. She now tried to scramble away.

"No! No!" she yelped, still resisting.

"Wake up"

"Huh?"

"Wake up, Shepard." Her eyes snapped open, talons were grabbing her shoulders. Shaky breaths passed her lips while she took in her surroundings. She was in her cabin, in bed. Garrus was kneeling on the outside of her bed, loosening his grasp on her. She almost expected him as his human counterpart but there he was; mandibles, fringe, and all. Shepard let out a sigh in relief, tucking her head back into the pillows. It was all just a dream.

They took a few moments, Garrus taking her hand, letting her squeeze it. "God, I'm sorry" she felt sheepish, was she talking in her sleep? She gazed around her room, avoiding his curious stare.

"Hey, it's okay" he took her chin and made her look at him. Blood rushed to her cheeks.

"H-how much did you hear?" she asked quietly.

"…Enough" was all he replied. Now she groaned, taking her face into her hands. As she bent forward, there was a stinging sensation in her abdomen she flinched away from. "Easy there," he pushed her back into her pillows, "that's going to hurt for a while" lifting her shirt up. The skin was yellow and purple around the stitches. Shepard swallowed the bile in her throat. She knows she has seen worse but she didn't remember it so it was still gross. Another part of her was hoping the rest had been a dream too, the memorial, the reception, the past two months.

Her eyebrows furrowed, looking back up at him. His eyes were tired and he was in civvies. He rubbed her cheek with his talon, his gaze was thoughtful. She put her hand on top of his. It was the first time she had really seen him in a while. Though he was human that last time she was awake, this felt like their real reunion. Her heart was beating loudly, she wondered if his visor had picked it up.

"How long was I out?" she wondered.

"About 12 hours" he said.

"Damn." She hadn't slept that long since…maybe before she lost her memories. Then her dream popped into her mind. "Sydney?" she asked.

"Aria has her" Shepard's heart sunk. Why did Aria take her? What would she want with some kid? This was all her fault. "But we have leads" he added. Shepard sucked in a deep breath and nodded, remembering her conversation with Drew.

"The SSV Berlin?" She asked

"It's our best bet. If you never got that out of that kid, we'd be really behind right now" Garrus said, admiration in his voice. Shepard blushed at this, smiling down. She only hoped Sydney was okay. Shepard would do her damnedest to save her, she owed her that much. Garrus was silent, his eyes glowing with an emotion she knew all too well. "Can you do me a favor next time you want to take one for the team?" Shepard cocked her head to the side, prompting for the punchline she knew was coming, "Would it kill you to at least have some light armor on? I want to help without you giving me a heart attack" he scolded. Though he sounded strict, his eyes were lighthearted.

"Noted" she breathed, "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Wasn't sure if you'd want me there, not even sure if you want me here"

"Don't be ridiculous" she scoffed. She would always want him there, hadn't they discussed this? Though the night before was a little blurry. She thought they reconciled. Was she wrong? She pulled onto the front of his carapace, tugging him into the bed. He climbed over gingerly next to her. She went to turn towards him but a strong hand stopped her at the hip. She frowned at him while he shook his head. "I'm not made of glass" she rolled her eyes.

"Right now, you are" he countered. There was a dead silence between them, he was trying hard to hide something from her. Unfortunately for him, she had gotten better with reading turians.

"Are you angry with me?" she blurted out her thoughts.

"Yes" it was so confident, it stung her. Shepard should have expected it, knowing that what happened couldn't be swept under the rug with a kiss. He was here, so he hadn't left her yet. Yet.

"Look, I know I messed up-"

"Seriously, what the hell were you thinking, Shepard?" he interrupted her, hurt in his voice. She deserved his anger, taking it, letting it burn into her. "How many times have I told you we were in this together? I meant it," she flinched, allowing him to rant on how irresponsible she was with her use of battle tactics being way off the-wait…battle tactics?

"Hold on a second" she put her hands up in defense, "What do you mean?"

"Charging at Aria after she already knocked you off a balcony? Do you realize how dangerous that was? Your shields were down, Shepard, she could have killed you! And for another thing…" He was mad at the way she handled herself against Aria. As he went on, something high pitched and unexpected burst from her lips. She immediately put her hand to her mouth. He gave her his most lethal glower, mandibles pulled in tight, eyes narrowed. Another giggle surged through her lips and another. Suddenly, she was laughing hysterically, her injuries begging to stop. He was mad because she nearly gotten herself killed, not because she had left him. Sure, the situation was deadly but the fact that Garrus already resigned himself to taking her back and being mad she had taking risks dealing with Aria had somehow proved comical to her.

"And what in spirits name is so funny?" he growled.

"You love me" she said between chuckles.

"Of course, I do! I can't see how nearly getting yourself killed is in anyway amusing" he continued, his voice guttural, furious. She couldn't stop laughing at him though. Any human would still be upset with her for leaving now that the fighting was over and they were safe for the moment. His anger was due to her biotic impulses and lack of armor that happened during the fighting.

"Oh my god, Garrus" she stifled another giggle, "You're such a…" but she erupted again, crinkling away from him in the sheets, holding her sides. The stitches griped at her abs but she ignored them.

"Such a what?" he demanded. She was suffocating on her own laughter, but he took her shoulders roughly and shoved her towards him. Tears were starting to escape her eyes. "What, Shepard?!"

"You're-…" she snickered, "such a…" taking a couple breaths, trying to compose herself. Then she saw his look of pure puzzlement and frustration but snorting uncontrollably, "Such a turian!" she lost it, bellowing her laughs throughout the cabin. Her chest was tightening underneath her hysterics. More tears were falling down her cheeks. Garrus looked at her and rolled his eyes as if it were to say humans…

"Last time I checked, yes I am." He grumbled, waiting for her to calm down. Shepard assumed that if he spoke again she would continue her inappropriate laughter. "Shepard, you're gonna burst your stitches if you keep going on like this" he warned. Of course, he was right but she couldn't help it. Out of all the possible things he could be mad about, it was her lack of fighting tactics. The sense of relief was so great, she couldn't help but laugh about it. Still grinning, she took him into her arms, wrapping them around his neck. He was still for a moment, his anger nearly rolling off his shoulders. She said his name in a sigh and he began to thaw beneath her. Garrus let out a frustrated huff but returned her hug, holding her tightly.

They held each other for a long time; Shepard's wound eventually stopped stinging from the residue hysterics. A giggle would shake her composure occasionally and Garrus would give a muffled groan.

"Are you okay now?" he asked cautiously. Shepard had nearly fallen asleep again if not for his voice.

"Yeah. Thanks. And sorry about that" she still smiled.

"And why is my being a turian so hilarious?" he drawled, "don't tell me you miss me being a human." He feigned horror.

"Not at all. It's not that" she shook her head.

"Good cause I don't think I can go back down that road again" she could hear the relief in his sub tones.

"I don't want you to" she smirked, her eyes trailing to his chest. He prompted her to continue with a nudge. "I really don't! It's just…I don't know, I thought you would finally explode at me for…" she hesitated, biting her lip, "you know, for leaving." She played with one of the sleeve on his shirt and snuck a glance at him; his expression was unreadable. Shepard had thrown a grenade and she was almost sure it was going to blow. Garrus simply blinked and tilted his head to the side. "Well?"

Now he laughed and she glared. "Shepard, I had my time to be mad about you leaving"

"Now?"

He shook his head and shrugged, "I'm not angry anymore" he was saying it as if it should be obvious.

"But…I left you!" She sputtered.

"Only because I let you" He said matter of factly.

Shepard sputtered at his words, "You-you what!?"

"Shepard, I would have fought you to the end, followed you onto the ship if I had to."

"Then, why didn't you?"

"Because that would be the final nail in the coffin" his expression dropped, "I respect you more than anyone else in my life, Jane Shepard. If I followed you, you would never forgive me. I needed to let you go even if it hurt me. If you and I were meant to be together, then it would happen. I would not force myself on you if you didn't want me."

"But…I did want you!"

"You also wanted me to be happy. If we continued where we had left off, there would also be some doubt or confusion. I wanted you coming back knowing there was no more of that."

"And you were the one to come back" she countered.

"You're right and I revealed myself to you. You had a choice then; take me back or turn me away. That would be where our fate hangs."

"So, this was all a plot? You knew I would leave?" She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Only because I was going to do the same thing" He whispered.

"W-what?" she stuttered.

"I convinced myself just as you did that you only loved me because I was the one thing you didn't completely forget, that I was a clutch. I considered leaving you for the sake that you were going to have a choice of who to be with; to start over with someone else and have it be real." She didn't know what to think at his words; that they were too much of the same person, Shepard just pulled the trigger on the gun he was holding to her. "But you did choose. You chose me after all my attempts to push you away"

"And you decided not to leave, just like that?" she sounded apprehensive, not sure whether to believe him.

"The only thing that made me stay was the way you looked at me" he said softly. She raised an eyebrow at him, "you look at me the same way you used to. Hell, you're doing it right now" trailing a finger down her cheek. "That told me what we have is still real. If I left, I would have hated it and I guarantee no one else could have the same pull on me as you could."

"But I did break up with you" emphasizing her decision.

She winced, almost ready for the kickback of the comment. The past couldn't but changed but she couldn't help feeling responsible. He noticed her pained expression and picked her up by the hips, gingerly placing her on top of him. Her breath came out quickly while he held her up with his hands to her face. His eyes were searching for something and the redness caught back up to her cheeks. "What about now?" he murmured.

Her fingers traced his knuckles. She didn't know what he wanted her to say, of course she wanted him back, but the fact he forgave her so easily was disorienting. She decided to speak honestly. "I love you" she said quietly. His mandibles pulled apart slightly, the tiniest smile.

"I know" he replied, in no way trying to demean her. He pulled her to his mouth, kissing her softly. She froze at the sudden gesture but relaxed into his body, feeling the comfort and relief, she'd been craving since she had seen him again. His mouth was hard and rigid but it was home, her brain no longer rushing through miniature panic attacks. It was right.

And suddenly it stops! That's where my brain said, "we're good, fam." Hope you liked all the Shakarian goodness in this chapter! There will be more action in the next. We're about 2/3 of the way through this fan fiction; only about two or three more mission left. I'm giving it about 5-10 more chapters till I finish it, give or take! Then I will be making a small epilogue series. After that…well I'm not so sure yet. Thank you, guys, for all the support you have given me, I really appreciate it. Once again if you have not, please do check out my Shakarian one shot "Nightingale" I posted about a month ago, it needs some love! Anyway Happy reading, yall! -Kristin