Secrets That Kill
Summary: Bella has been living in Forks all her life. After years of bullying she turns to something that can kill. Later she is diagnosed with anorexia and she cuts daily. She's in the stage of depression. Will the new kids be able to help her out? All human.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I just own the plot of this story.
Ages:
Bella – 17
Edward – 17
Emmett – 18
Rosalie – 17
Jasper – 17
Alice – 16
Charlie – 43
Carlisle – 36
Esme - 35
Families:
Swans;
Bella
Charlie
Cullen's;
Carlisle
Esme
Emmett (oldest of the bunch)
Rosalie & Jasper (twins, the next in the family)
Edward (adopted in the family 3 years after the twins were born)
Alice (the youngest of the bunch)
(all of them are Carlisle and Esme's real children apart from Edward)
It's not a feeling that you can "cheer up" from. It's like cancer; it ruins your life and every aspect of it. Although it doesn't eat your cells away, it eats your thoughts, your feelings, your aspirations and most of all: you as a person. It's a feeling of sheer hell; indescribable. It's the thought in knowing that for that split second of happiness there will be that minute, that hour, that day, that week, that month, that year or that life time of misery to accompany that happiness which you will never truly purge yourself of.
That's what happens.
You let go and you ignore everything that makes you happy. You hold onto the misery, the angst, the brokenness and the desolation your life entails because being miserable and heart broken is only thing that your life equates to now, and what it will ever only equate to. In the end, it's better feeling empty than to not feel anything at all.
You're so empty, you're cold, and you're so tired and run down. It's so much easier pushing away the guilt. You might do it through writing or reading or singing. Others do it through abuse, purging, drinking, cutting, burning, starving, scratching or over dosing. Anything really that can distract your mind away from the obsession of misery. You will mostly spend your nights alone, sitting and staring at nothing. Completing mindless tasks over and over as if they have some sort of importance, some sort of relevance, as if you are really doing something useful.
You do not have to be in a hospital bed, with drips, bandages or needles to be sick and make people worry. To make people realize that you're just a sad little boy who is actually sick and in need of help. Of course this cancer will have destroyed any self-esteem you might have had, and you'll be too scared to ask for the help you need. Days and days pass and you hope someone will notice your slow, meticulous self-destruction.
Then one-minute things will go wrong, and you'll fall apart all over again. Then you start to truly deteriorate in your condition. You start physically shaking, and all you can think about is suicide and ways to end your life.
Then it happens.
How stupid were you for even considering that things could get better?
"Edward?" I knew that voice. I turned my head slightly – trying not to outwardly wince at the burn in my neck. I could hardly move with the tubes in my throat and nose. It hurt to even breathe. Not that I wanted to breathe. I watched as Rose made her way over to the hospital bed and sat herself down. I tried not to pull away when she took my fragile hand in hers.
I made a slight noise – which was supposed to be a welcome, if not for the tube.
She smiled slightly and rubbed my hand. "You had us worried, you know. I felt so scared when I saw you out with all those tubes…and even now you're on ventilation." She looked away. "We didn't know…"
I tried to console her as best as I could. I reached for her face with my free hand and brushed away the tears. It hurt to move.
She patted my hand and lowered it to the bed. "Don't, I know it hurts. You don't need to say or do anything. You just rest okay?"
I wanted to ask her where my parents were. I pointed to the door slowly and raised my eyebrows.
"Where are the others?" She asked. I nodded. "Mom and dad are trying to calm the others. Emmett's going haywire – he hit one of the doctors. Alice broke down in the canteen so Jasper took her home and Bella…" she broke off.
I forced her to make eye-contact with her. Where was Bella?
She took a deep breath. "Bella…she locked herself in the restroom. The nurses are trying to get her out – you can hear her crying."
I hurt them. I hurt them all. Worthless, unwanted, neglected Edward was actually cared for by his family…for a moment. When I was released, it would go back to being all about the rest of the house. No one bothered to check on anyone anymore.
Dad stopped helping me with the cutting – simply telling me I needed to stop and no longer bringing it up with me. I didn't stop. And Mom found the subject too hard to deal or talk about so she ignored it completely. I hid out in my room and pretended I didn't exist.
No one noticed. They never had.
Rosalie sat with me for 2 more hours and then left when a nurse came and told her Bella had finally come out of the restroom. I could hear Bella outside the room – telling Rosalie she needed to see me, but Rosalie denying the request.
I didn't hear much then – I sunk in and out of consciousness – it was hard to breathe. I knew something was wrong. It shouldn't have been this hard, not with the tube. It was the tubes job to assist my breathing, not to destroy it.
The screeching started then. A high-pitched beeping that made me want to scream. I heard the doors to my private room fling open with a sudden force and doctors and nurses fussing over me.
Why couldn't they just quit it? Why didn't they just rip the tube out of my throat and let me die?
I felt my doctor's hand on my pulse. "Edward?" I could hear his voice but my vision had gone black. "Code Orange! Code orange!" He repeated loudly.
I fumbled my brain for the two words. Where was I? The hospital. Code orange, code orange…Carlisle had taught me the hospital code multiple times. Code orange meant the patients health was declining rapidly.
I didn't care. Let me die. Just let them fail at their job. I wanted to push their hands away from me – to hit them and get myself off of the bed but I didn't have the strength too.
A higher amount of oxygen was being attached to the tube in my throat and I felt the force of the air travel through to my chest. I held my breath – forcing the oxygen to leave my body.
Then I heard the voices.
"Bella, how do you keep a person alive that has lost the will to survive?"
Her answer was quick. "You can't, Rose. If he wants it so badly…it'll happen."
The code orange quickly turned into a code blue.
Code blue, I thought…
Oh, I know. Cardiac arrest.
I opened my eyes one last time – absorbing Bella's beautiful orbs. I love you. I always did. I thought, and then the scene around me went black.
I thought I'd get this up while the inspiration was there…not that anyone reads this story anyway anymore.
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