A/N: Ok seriously, 4 chapters in one day, that is just nuts.....this is it, I'm drawing the line.....this is the last chapter you will get tonight.......you seriously are going to catch up with me before the end of the weekend, and that's just scary because I have been writing like a chapter a day until break ended......crazy!!!! I LOVE your reactions so far, it is great to see that you are all so passionately involved in the story between these characters.....ok, now onto the original A/N

I know, I know, my character's lives have just been ripped apart, I'm evil, blah blah blah…..I felt horrible as I proofed that chapter, and almost broke down into tears myself, and I am the one that came up with it….

I PROMISE, that the story gets better, eventually, so I hope that you all keep reading, because that isn't even the worst I will put these characters through. I read a quote about writing once that a fiction story can't truly be engaging unless you do terrible and unforgivable things to your main characters, so there you go….

This chapter is going to be hard to read as well, but my characters are suffering, so it is necessary to let them work through their feelings….

Ok, I am done rambling now, and I don't blame you for being mad at me…..

Chapter Twenty-One: Broken

Jacob POV

When the tires of the car hit the street on the outside of the garage, I swerved, throwing the car violently into right lane of the road, tires squealing.

I couldn't think straight as I tried to force down the rage inside of me so I could maintain control.

My brain was shouting at me to phase and run, but I knew that I needed to get off of the island, and I was racking my brains to find a way to go, but all of the ferries were gone for the night, none of them left the harbor after five at night, I was screwed, unless…..

The yacht….I could go to the yacht….

The knuckles on my hands were white as I clenched the steering wheel tightly, trying to concentrate on the road in front of me before I drew too much attention to myself.

Rush hour traffic was in full force and as I turned the corner to cross in front of the Causeway, traffic was at a standstill. I'll never make it before she tries to find me.

I searched the streets for an empty parking space, and spotted one on a side street on the far side of the Empress. Parallel parking quite hastily by slamming on the brakes and jolting the wheel to the side, I pulled the keys out the ignition and threw them into the passenger seat while I pressed the lock button on the door and slammed it behind me. They'll find the car later, I have to get out of here, NOW…

Not wasting any time, I speed walked the four remaining blocks to the private dock and pounded down the gangplank where the captain was waiting for me with a confused look on his face.

"Change of plans," I said through clenched teeth and his eyes opened in horror. Guess he can tell I'm angry, better not fuck with me.

"Um, Mr. Wolfe, what is going on? Where is your young lady?" he said, trying to keep his voice from breaking in fear.

"Doesn't matter, I need to get off the island. You know First Beach? Across the straight, close to the Quileute reservation?" I asked, hopefully conveying with my eyes that I was not to be messed with.

"Yes, I know it," he responded, looking thoroughly confused. I do not have the patience for this.

"Go. Now. First Beach." I commanded, balling my hands up at my sides while I tried to control myself.

He continued to look at me; confusion and fear filling his features. I was quickly loosing patience, so I reached into my back pocket and whipped out my wallet.

Luckily I had agreed to take a little extra cash from Edward the previous night, just incase I needed it today. If he only knew what I would need it for he might not have been as giving.

"Here, now, go. As fast as this tub can go," I practically yelled as I shoved twelve crisp hundred-dollar bills into his hand forcefully.

He looked down to his hand and back up to me, still wide eyed, and I shot him a death stare hoping this old man would get the hint.

"Normally I do not leave the harbor, but I can see this is an emergency, so I'll make an exception, just this once."

He could tell I was beginning to lose it, so I took several deep breaths and kept my anger in check, knowing that phasing on a boat full of humans would only cause more trouble than it was worth.

Before I could say anything else, he yelled up to the steward and deck hands, telling them to ready the boat, and within five minutes, we were on our way.

I hastily grabbed one of the chairs from the table on the back deck and placed it next to the side of the boat, at the back, so I could try to calm myself down. My anger wasn't going to bring me anything good, so I might as well try to calm down before we got there.

I still wasn't sure what exactly I was going to do when I got back to the reservation, but I needed to talk to Sam, I needed to tell him the Cullens would come looking for me, and to tell them I had no intention of returning, ever.

Forcing the thoughts of the horror I had witnessed out of my mind, because they would only fuel the animal inside of me, the sadness of my existence began to sink in as I stared out at the darkening water, the sun setting rapidly to the side of the boat.

No matter what I did, fate always came around to bite me in the ass. Bella couldn't love me then, Nessie obviously couldn't love me now. The world obviously wanted me to be alone, and even though I had imprinted, it obviously was just another cruel joke that was being played on me.

Tears began streaming down my face, and I slumped over holding my head in my hands as I sobbed. My world was gone, my love was gone, and I didn't know how to get it back.

I was breaking every promise I had ever made to myself when I ran. I promised myself I would fight for her, and I couldn't even do that. I was such a coward and I deserved to be alone.

If Taha Aki could run into the woods as a wolf and never return, I could do it too. Although his wife had sacrificed herself to save the tribe, so I couldn't even do it for noble reasons.

I was so worthless. I wish that bloodsucker would have just squeezed the life out of me all those years ago. At least then, I would have died saving someone, although Leah was just as miserable as I was, so I guess we both should have just died.

The crunch of gravel beneath the bow of the boat shook me from my internal battery, and I stood up and peered through the darkness until my eyes fixed on a familiar driftwood tree near the water's edge. Perfect, remind me of Bella.

Before the captain could even get the anchor down to secure the boat, I jumped over the side and waded through the water to the beach. I could hear shouting behind me, but I kept my eyes forward, focusing on getting to the reservation.

Once I reached the tree line and began stripping off my clothes, I could hear the boat's engine roar behind me as the captain pulled the throttle to turn the boat around and head back to Victoria.

I had forgotten to put string in my pocket to secure my clothes, and my duffel bag was in the trunk of Carlisle's car, back in Victoria, so I neatly folded the tuxedo pants and boxers on a log next to me. I pulled out the tiny ring box and secured it into the inner pocket of the pants, it was the only thing I had left of her, so I was going to keep it close.

A shudder ran down my spine and the wolf inside me emerged. Before I moved any further, I leaned down and grabbed the pants and boxers with my teeth.

Once in my wolf form, I began the alpha communication, hoping that Sam was phased and on patrol.

Sam!

Silence. Nothing.

Sam Uley! I need you!

Still nothing. No such luck. I wished that my mind was still attached to the pack, then I would at least have someone to warn. I could tell that I was going to have to do this the hard way.

Breaking out into a full out sprint, the familiar woods surrounded me in darkness as I headed in the direction of the reservation. I was going to have to phase back and talk to Sam face to face.

As I ran, the day's images assaulted my brain and I could feel the rage building inside of me again. I quickened my pace as a few familiar houses loomed in the distance, indicating the outer edge of the reservation.

Calm down, you can't afford to scare anyone, stick to the trees, and stop fighting with yourself, you need to be able to phase back, I told myself, trying to keep myself from remembering the image of Nate pushing my Nessie against the wall.

When I was in the tree line just outside of the Uley house, I paced back and forth, my paws grinding into the soft grass beneath them. I needed to be calm enough to phase back. I dropped the pants to the ground from my mouth; luckily, there were only small tear marks from my teeth in the legs.

Closing my eyes and concentrating, I phased back into my human form, instantly feeling the autumn breeze assaulting my overheated uncovered skin. I reached down and pulled on the boxers and pants quickly as I headed towards the house. My anger still hadn't subsided completely, and my hands were clenched into balls tightly at my sides as I stalked barefoot across their front yard.

I could hear the familiar thud of paws approaching in the woods behind me as I continued towards the house. Leah. I would know that sound anywhere. Her paws were smaller than the other members of the pack I knew, and she had a swiftness that kept her movements light against the earth.

She stopped at the tree line, and I could hear her phase and the brief rustle of fabric being pulled upon.

I turned to face the trees as she was pulling her shirt down and adjusting it. She was wearing a tight tank top and a pair of athletic shorts as she hesitantly stepped towards me, her face full of concern and worry.

"No, stay there," I yelled as I stared at her.

I didn't want her to be there when I talked to Sam, I knew that she would only get angry and go after Nessie, and I didn't need that. I didn't want to have to worry about her safety too. My heart was already breaking at her betrayal and I didn't want to risk Leah getting hurt trying to defend my honor.

Turning back around to face the house, I could see that there were lights on in the living room. Sam's truck was parked in the driveway, and I could hear the murmur of children laughing and the television.

The sound of the children calmed me down further because I knew I could never risk hurting one of Sam or Emily's children. Their mother had already been subjected to the wrath of an angry wolf, and I could never live with myself if I hurt one of them.

Before I could reach up and knock on the door, it swung open, and Emily stood in the doorframe, looking at me with both worry and anger.

"Jake?" she said, stepping out onto the front steps.

"Sam, I need Sam," I begged, hoping she wouldn't ask me any questions.

"Ok Jake, wait here, and for god sakes, keep it in check. I don't want you to frighten the kids," she responded as she turned back into the house and closed the door behind her.

I could hear light footsteps coming from behind me, and I turned around.

"Stop right there," I growled, as Leah continued to move towards me.

"No," she snapped back. "I deserve to know what's going on as much as he does. I am the Beta. If he needs to know, I do too."

I emitted a low growl at her through my clenched teeth, but she never backed down.

Right as I was going to yell at her for being so damn stubborn, I heard the front door to Sam's house open and close behind him as he approached me.

As I turned to face him, he began to speak.

"Jake, what the hell is going on? You really freaked out Emily, and where is Nessie? I thought you were going to propose tonight."

"No, it didn't happen," I began through clenched teeth, trying not to let my emotions take over. "I really don't want to get into details, I just need you to know that they will try to come and find me. When they do, tell them I was never here, you never saw me."

"Jake, I don't understand, what happened? Why don't you want them to find you? Did they do something to you?" Sam looked puzzled, and slightly pissed, I could tell he was getting fed up with my cryptic remarks.

"Fine, I'll tell you," I said, feeling defeated and dejected once again. "She, she didn't pick me, she wanted him, they always want someone else."

My eyes began to water and I could feel myself being consumed by the sadness again. Leah stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder. I could tell she was trying to soothe me, but I didn't want it. I want her.

"It's over, I'm leaving, I just wanted to warn you, don't worry, I won't come back," I said with obvious strain in my voice.

"Jake," Leah whispered as she squeezed my shoulder. I quickly shrugged it off and stepped forward, waiting for Sam to say something.

After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, Sam began to speak again.

"Jake, you don't have to leave, we are your family too, you can come back to the pack, I'll step down if you want me to, we have all missed you."

I choked down a sob and the tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

"I can't," I said, my gaze reaching the ground underneath my bare feet, wet tears dropping into the dirt. "I can't risk seeing her again, I don't want her to be able to find me. She made her choice and it wasn't me, and I won't stay around to watch that, I can't."

"Jake, I don't understand. What is going on, who did she choose?" he said, raising his voice in frustration.

"It doesn't matter anymore, it wasn't me and that's all that matters, I have to go now," I said, turning to walk away.

Sam seemed to understand that I was determined, and stood there and watched me go, but Leah was not so easy to persuade.

As I walked away, heading back towards the trees, the tears still slowly rolling down my overheated cheeks, warm hands grabbed my forearm and jerked me around to face the person they belonged to.

Leah was standing there; her face conflicted with rage and worry, clenching her jaw as she held me in place.

"Jake, don't pull this shit with me. You know I haven't got the patience. What did that selfish bitch do to you?" she practically yelled as her grip on my arm tightened.

Before I could respond, she growled and began to yell again.

"I knew that damn family was a bunch of selfish assholes, those bloodsuckers won't stop until they break you. That bitch is just like her damn mother, doesn't know a good thing when it looks her in the face."

"Leah, stop!" I growled, not wanting to hear her bash the people I had called family for the last ten years.

"No Jake, you stop!" she growled back. "I am your friend, I was there for you then, and I am here for you now. I know you won't let me go after her, but you can't stop me from going after you. You can't run fast enough to get away from me."

I couldn't take this anymore, I wanted to be alone, I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I wanted to grieve for what I had just lost, and I needed to do it alone. Leah was only going to piss me off, and I wasn't in the mood.

"No. Leah, You Can NOT Follow ME!" I yelled as I broke from her grip and ran towards the tree line.

I could feel the familiar rage trembling through my body as I ripped off the black pants, throwing them against a tree. Before I could pull down my boxers, the shudder ripped through me and they burst into tiny pieces of black cotton, falling to the forest floor.

Running as fast as I could muster, I headed north, leaving La Push behind me.

I ran, and ran, and ran, loud whimpering noises escaping my snout as I did.

When my lungs felt like they were going to combust, I slowed to a stop and my body collapsed into the grass, my four legs giving out below me.

My brain was finally processing how deep the sorrow within my soul was and I leaned my head back and let out a choked howl, filled with emotion and pain. My head hit the grass again, and I closed my eyes tightly, wishing the nightmare I called my life would end.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, the sun was filtering through the trees and I could feel heat against my side and a familiar thump, thump, thump ringing in my ears.

I opened my eyes and slid my large head against the grass, feeling the tiny twigs beneath me embedding themselves into my fur.

Leah was lying beside me, curled into my side, sleeping soundly as her gray fur raised and fell with each of her breaths.

Nessie POV

I don't know how long I sat there curled up against the front door, but my mind turned itself off and the tears stopped as I watched the light on the floor darken and lighten again. All that was left was numbness. I couldn't feel the pain anymore, all I could feel was that a part of me was missing, and it made me feel empty inside.

My heart had betrayed me, my mind had betrayed me, my friend had betrayed me, and the only person I would ever love had left me. I was worthless, horrible and alone.

As my consciousness started to come back, and my mind began to wander, the numbness subsided and was replaced by excruciating pain. I had actually kissed him back; I could never forgive myself for that. It wasn't enough that I literally beat the crap out of him when I came to my senses, but I had actually responded to his touch like that. His voice, the proximity of his lips to mine, it was racing through my brain as I started to rock myself violently again.

The tears that had long since been gone were back again, and I couldn't see anything. All I could hear was the strangled breaths in my throat, and all I could feel was the burning sensation of the salty tears streaming down my cheeks.

I felt like I was going to die, that what was left of my heart was going to shatter into a million pieces.

BANG, BANG, BANG.

The door lurching behind me brought me out of my hysterics and I could hear the familiar buzz of the electronic lock above me.

"Nessie, open the door, NOW!" I could hear my father yell through the thick wood behind me.

The rocking started again and I could feel myself hyperventilating as I choked back sobs.

I knew he would break through the door if I didn't let him in, so I hesitantly uncurled myself and reached behind me for the security bolt. It wasn't accessible from the outside, so I knew that if I unlocked it, he could use the spare key to let himself in.

My father obviously heard my thoughts, because the next thing I knew, the lock buzzed again and I was being slowly pushed towards the wall as the door swung into the room.

I closed my eyes and clutched my legs, and tried to calm myself down. I knew that they already knew what was going on. Alice would have seen me again once he left, my father would have heard me from a mile away. They knew I had pushed him away, they knew I had ruined everything.

"Ness, it's ok, we still love you, it's not your fault, you didn't mean to do anything, I know you love him," my father's velvety voice cooed in my ear as I pulled my legs tighter against me.

I felt so horrible I had ruined my family. Jacob was a part of my family too, he always had been, and I broke it, I broke my family.

"Honey you didn't break anything, it will be ok, we'll find him and you can make this right. We love you, it's killing me to see you like this," he said as he stroked the exposed skin of my cheek.

"No," I murmured into my legs as I rocked.

"No what, Ness?" he responded as I tried frantically to block my thoughts from him.

"No it won't be ok," I squeaked out, my voice raspy from all the crying. "He left me, he left me and he isn't going to come back."

"Ness, he'll come back, he loves you, he's just hurting right now, he'll come back to you, I know it," he whispered into my ear, obviously lying to try to soothe me.

"No," I whispered. "He won't come back, he doesn't want me anymore, and he made that clear when he drove away. I can't…..he won't…." The sobs made my chest heave against my legs and I let out horrible sounds of pain as I wept.

My father scooped me up in his arms and carried me towards my room. I looked up briefly to see where he was taking me and I saw the wall that was the scene of the crime and broke into hysterical fits of sobbing.

"Nessie, you didn't do anything wrong. Nate forced himself on you. Jake will understand, we can find him and you can explain," he said as he placed me down on the mattress.

I curled up on my side and I could feel him place his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it slowly to try to calm me down.

My breathing evened out, and my chest was only heaving slightly when my breath sputtered because I had been crying so hard.

"Dad?" I whispered.

"Yes?" he responded, moving his hand to my back and rubbing slowly.

"Promise me you won't try to find him. Promise me you will leave this alone." I said barely above a whisper, but I knew he would hear me.

"Why Ness?" he said softly. "I know he would want you to find him."

"No," I said firmly as I turned to face him. "He wouldn't, I hurt him too much, I don't deserve his forgiveness, I can't make him hurt anymore."

With that, my body instinctually curled upon itself again and I sobbed uncontrollably as my father held me to his chest, rocking me, not saying a word.

A/N: I know, I know, as if the last chapter wasn't bad enough, this one was worse. Nessie seems to have gotten one of Bella's worst traits, self doubt.

I totally made my mini-beta, which is what I am calling her now ;) Nostalgicmiss cry with this chapter, so I knew that it was perfect. Go check out her stories, she's awesome!

Go 21 for 21, and I might give you more……

(FYI Lemon=Ch 25, so not much longer people....:) )