Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, Rock Band, any Girl Scout cookies mentioned, Geico, Mr. T, or the "Respect" thing.
Author's Note: These are Epic Failures (bloopers) and they were supposed to come after the last chapter, but I haven't updated in forever because I don't have anything written yet. So I'll post these now, and maybe a few after the last chapter. One or two of these you wouldn't get unless you watched the voice bloopers in Degeneration. Well…enjoy.
In Wesker's dream, he was walking along the street in the rain. A small child kicked it's soccer ball over to him. He stepped on the ball, and it deflated. As the child got closer, he noticed something quite strange. The child had Julie's face.
"You made me lose my game!" she shouted as she tackled him to the ground and hit him repeatedly with a phone book.
Wesker opened the door to the closet to see Nikki sitting inside, bowing to a giant picture of him with flowers all around it.
"Um…is that a shrine?" he asked.
"Yeah," Nikki said as she stopped bowing and looked up at him.
"Why are my eyes closed in that picture?"
"I took it when you were sleeping."
Wesker turned around d and walked away silently.
Ada was wearing a short red nightgown, and there was some odd lump between her legs. Leon's eyes bugged out of his head.
"Ada, you have a Wong!"
One time, after Leon thoroughly annoyed Julie…
Julie walked over to Leon, grabbed his nipple, and pulled something out through his shirt. It was a piercing.
"How did you know that was there?!" Leon said through teeth clenched in pain.
"Womanly intuition."
"You're a woman?"
"Don't make me rip out that other piercing." Leon covered his crotch.
Wesker was sitting on the couch, when all of a sudden he jumped up and cried out. Because there were shadows in the couch, Julie had been able to hide in the cushions and punch Wesker in the ass. Why, I do not know.
Nikki walked into the room with tears streaming down her face and something hanging loosely in her hand.
"What's the matter?" Leon asked.
"And what's that?" Jill added. Nikki held up the limp object for everybody to see as she started crying again.
"My penis fell off!"
There was a knock on the door, and Julie went to see who it was. Standing outside the door was the Merchant.
"What're ya buyin', strangah?" he said in a gravelly voice. "I got Thin Mints, Butter Yums, Shortbread-"
"I'm not buying any Girl Scout cookies," Julie said and slammed the door in his face.
"Oh my god, what is that!?" Claire shrieked as she pointed out the window.
"What, that?" Wesker asked, looking towards where she was pointing. "That's the money you could be saving by switching to Geico."
The stack of bills with google eyes stared at them.
"Julie, there's something I need to tell you," Leon said.
"What's that?"
"My fee…is too damn good."
"I'm sorry, just a minute," Nikki said as she turned away from everybody else. All anybody else saw were her hands moving near her zipper. "Sorry about that, I had to adjust my junk."
"I thought that thing fell off?" Chris inquired.
"It did. A new one grew in its place. And this one shoots lasers."
I looked at the lit up screen of the digital camera. Leon was smiling brightly, but Claire was staring at his breasts.
"Alright," Claire said. "I never had sex." Everybody else drank except for Wesker. Nikki fell over in shock.
"Wesker's a virgin!"
"Where'd he go?!" We all looked around for the mouse, but it was nowhere in sight. Then we looked at Wesker, who had a tail sticking out of his mouse.
"Spit it out!" We all shouted in unison.
The mouse glared at Wesker, and Wesker, scared by the mouse's steely gaze, squeaked and hopped to the floor.
When Julie lifted the box off of Leon's head…well, it wasn't Leon anymore. It was Mr. T, but with Leon's body.
"I will kill you dead, fool!"
Leon hiccupped.
"NOOO!" Julie screamed and roundhouse kicked Leon in the head. The force of the kick was so strong that Leon's head rolled off of his shoulders, flew across the room, and landed in Ada's lap.
As Nikki's foot connected with the mouse, Nikki exploded. Respect the mouse. Respect it!
Wesker slid into slight holding a Rock Band guitar and wearing nothing but a white undershirt and pink boxers while lip-synching to "Old Time Rock and Roll". He stopped playing abruptly and looked up at Ada, who he had not noticed was there.
"You do realize that I have to kill you now."
A/N: I hope you liked this chapter, please review. I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, and I'll try to write some more. I haven't written anything in forever, this is something I've have done…I have a confession to make. I've fallen out of love with Resident Evil. Gasps all around. I know, shocking. But don't worry, I'll try to get a RE game I haven't played yet so I can fall back in with it. Don't worry, I'll still be writing Senseless Nonsense with as much passion as I have been, but don't be expecting a new chapter any time soon. My computer's been down for a while, and it's only just now working again. Please review.