"Father and Son"
By EsmeAmelia
AN: Thanks to the reviewers!
Chapter 21
"Well you can forget about your trouble with those Imperial slugs. I told ya I'd outrun 'em."
Obi-Wan's mind could barely acknowledge their pilot's presence, could barely even hear the humming of Luke's lightsaber. His hands were trembling in his lap. He attempted to concentrate on his own breathing, but even the Force couldn't cease the dizziness in his head. Something horrible had happened - he wasn't sure what, but he sensed a terrible tragedy as sharply as if he were actually witnessing it.
And he also sensed that Vader had a part in it.
The holochess game between Chewbacca and the droids couldn't distract him; nor could Han's comments about how Wookiees pulled people's arms off when they lose. What a foolish man he had become. Obi-Wan wanted to tell him what he just sensed, but something told him that the pilot wouldn't show the slightest bit of concern about it.
He turned his attention to Luke, cautiously waving the lightsaber to block the remote, already resembling his father. The father he still idolized, the father he knew almost nothing about. Obi-Wan's heart tingled yet again at the thought of the boy's image being shattered.
"Remember, a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him," he forced himself to say in an attempt to normalize things.
"You mean it controls your actions?" Luke asked, not taking his eyes off the remote.
"Partially, but it also obeys your command." Yet the Force wasn't obeying his own command to tell him how to best reveal the truth to Luke...and Han.
Though Luke was watching the remote's every move, his reflexes weren't quick enough to block an unexpected shot at his waist. Only a second after the blast struck its mark, Han began laughing uproariously.
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side," he scoffed.
Luke deactivated the lightsaber, glaring at the pilot. "You don't believe in the Force, do you?"
Han rolled his eyes. "Look kid, it ain't a matter of believin' or not believin'. It's the fact that the Jedi were complete morons."
"Morons?" Luke's eyes were wide, reminding Obi-Wan of a small child learning a nasty truth.
"Yeah, morons. The whole bunch of 'em were narrow-minded idiots."
Luke's eyebrows lowered. "Ben's not like that. Besides, what do you know about the Jedi??"
Han smirked, pointing a finger at the boy. "Look, I may have been a kid when they were still around, but I have personal experience with 'em, and trust me, they were idiots."
"My father was a Jedi!" Luke shouted.
"Then your dad was an idiot," Han declared, rising from his seat and shuffling towards Luke.
"Don't you DARE talk about my father that way!"
"Or you'll what? Chop off my head with that lightsaber of yours?"
"Boys, please," Obi-Wan intervened, trying to ignore the speed of his heartbeat, trying not to wonder whether or not Luke would fly to his father's defense if he knew the truth about him, trying not to scold Han for calling his own father an idiot.
Han blew air out of his mouth. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the cockpit." With that, he turned sharply and stormed out of the lounge.
Luke's teeth were ground. "Ben, why did you have to pick him? Surely we could have found someone better than...that guy."
Chewie roared loudly in the boy's direction, causing him to jump back slightly while Obi-Wan shook his head.
"I'll go talk to him," the Jedi declared.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Obi-Wan found Han in his pilot's seat, his feet up on the control panel, staring out at the endless streaks of hyperspace.
"For someone who was a child when the Jedi Order existed, you certainly seem to have strong feelings about them," Obi-Wan said lightly.
Han refused to look at the older man. "Yeah? Well what's it to you? Your people are pretty much extinct anyway - and good riddance."
Obi-Wan sat down in the copilot's seat, giving no heed to not having been invited. "You don't recognize me, do you?"
"And why would I?" Han said in an obviously disinterested tone, the sort of tone meant to tell people to go away.
Obi-Wan slyly drummed his fingers on the control panel. "My name wasn't always Ben. After the rise of the Empire, I had to change my name to keep them off my trail."
"And I care about this why?"
The older man sighed, shaking his head slightly. This was going to be even more difficult than he anticipated. "You were very, very different the last time I saw you. Smaller, of course, but you also weren't so nasty."
For once Han was silent. He still refused to look at Obi-Wan, but from side he could see the pilot's eyes widening. He sensed confusion from him, confusion and...fear? Fear of what? Fear of the past he'd so desperately tried to bury finding him again?
"And of course, you knew me by a different name," Obi-Wan continued, putting slow emphasis on his every word. "You once called me...Obi."
Han's head turned around so fast that for a moment it look in danger of snapping off. He finally looked Obi-Wan straight in the eye, his own eyes bulged so wide that the elderly Jedi could see redness at the edges of them. His mouth was hanging open, so wrapped up in shock that he lost the ability to speak for a good ten seconds.
"You're...that guy?" he finally sputtered. "The guy who dumped me at that orphanage and never even bothered to check up on me??"
Obi-Wan sighed. "Well, that isn't the first thing I hoped you would mention, but yes...I am."
"Well thanks for nothin'," Han snapped, folding his arms. "If you're expectin' me to throw my arms around you, you've got a long wait in front of ya."
The Jedi sighed again. He had been expecting Han to react like this, but he couldn't stop his heart from mourning the innocent little boy who was gone forever. "Han, I had no choice. It was to protect you from the Empire."
"So what the hell happened to Aunt Sola, then?" Han snapped, a cold glare on his face. "Did she fucking decide she didn't wanna take me in after Mom died?"
Obi-Wan was losing count of how many times Han was making him sigh. "Your mother would be embarrassed to hear you using such language."
"Yeah, well in case you haven't noticed, she ain't here," he growled. "If you think showin' up after not givin' a damn about me for nineteen years is gonna make me feel guilty, you've got another thought comin'."
"For your information, I thought of you every day during my exile," Obi-Wan said, resisting the urge to ruffle Han's hair the way he used to do when he was a child. "Answering your question, it would have been too dangerous to send you to your relatives."
"Yeah, why?"
Obi-Wan quickly thought of an explanation that wasn't exactly untrue, but would prevent him from having to reveal everything right now. "You were the son of a Jedi, and the Empire wanted the Jedi extinct."
"Adopted son, old man," Han corrected. "I ain't got your fuckin' Force thing."
"That doesn't matter," Obi-Wan said firmly. "The Sith would seek you out anyway. They wanted all traces of the Jedi to disappear - it would have been far to easy for them to find you if you had gone to your relatives."
Han snorted. "That's gotta be the lamest excuse I've ever heard - and I've heard some pretty damn lame ones."
Obi-Wan pulled the hairs in his beard. "Your parents would be ashamed of you, young man. If they could see what their little boy has become..."
"Just...shut...up!!" Han said through his teeth, looking like he wanted to punch the older man in the face. His bottom lip was puffed out, making the scar under his mouth prominent.
"By the way, how did you get that scar?" Obi-Wan asked.
For a moment Han appeared taken aback by the rapid change of subject, but he quickly regained his composure. "Well if you must know, I did it to myself."
"What?"
"You heard me - I did it to myself. I was about fourteen and I'd decided I'd had enough of that stupid orphanage. I wanted out - you know, out of life."
Obi-Wan's stomach churned.
"So I stole a knife from the kitchen, a good sharp one. I thought that before I slit my wrists, I'd make my face horribly disfigured so those idiot orphanage people would be terrified when they found my body. Started with the chin, going nice and deep - but then I was caught. Well, you can imagine the ruckus after that." He drummed his fingers on his lap, as if just telling this story made him nervous. "Got put in stupid therapy and the adults never let me outta their sight. And of course, all sharp things were kept well outta my reach."
"Why would you do such a thing?" Obi-Wan said in a hushed voice.
Han gave Obi-Wan a look that seemed to suggest that he had just asked an incredibly stupid question. "You try bein' a hormonal teenage boy without any friends in a shithole of an orphanage who watched his dad kill his mom when he was just five and see if you've got too much will to live after that."
Obi-Wan lowered his head. "I'm sorry, Han. I'm sorry about what I did, I'm sorry about all you've been through."
"Well sorry ain't gonna cut it," Han snapped before sharply turning his head back to the window, again staring out at the void of hyperspace. "Just so you know, if I'd have known it was you, I wouldn't have agreed to your little deal, even with seventeen thousand involved."
Obi-Wan couldn't think of anything to say after that. It was clear to him that Han wasn't ready to know everything about his father or his younger siblings yet.
But when would he be ready?