CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE – Hate

Just after siesta, Alejandro went to see Padre Benites, who showed the aging caballero into his quarters, motioning him to sit. The quarters were sparsely furnished, with only a cot, small end table, desk and two chairs. A pitcher and bowl were placed on the end table near the cot. A mother and child icon was bolted to one wall, a crucifix to another.

"Thank you for seeing me, Padre," said Alejandro. He was nervous, but he knew the padre would do his best to help him. Try as he might the last week or so, he would still get short with Diego and Felipe, and anyone else who seemed to rub him the wrong way. Sometimes, it was all he could do to not blow up at someone.

"Don Alejandro, please. Tell me what you're feeling. Tell me about your loss. I'm here to listen and to help if I can."

Alejandro took a deep breath, and tried letting it out slowly. It helped only a little, but Pandora's Box was now opened, and Alejandro's anger came spilling out. "Father, I am just so angry at Senora Risendo, I can't see straight! How could she do this? How could she steal my son, raise him to hate me, to get a sick revenge on me when I did nothing to her! She sent him to destroy me – to destroy Diego! I just don't understand it! I don't understand such insanity! What kind of an insane person does that! She is so evil!"

Alejandro got up from his chair and paced back and forth across the small study, his hands in constant motion. "I can't forgive evil! I can't forgive her! I can forgive him, he didn't know any better. But her, I cannot forgive! Years, Padre! Years! She filled him with hate for me, for Diego all these years – nearly thirty years! I'm so angry with her – I – I cannot forgive her! This is too deep a wound to heal!"

Alejandro sighed as most of the 'poison' came out, as did the crux of the matter. Benites was silent a moment. When he spoke, he spoke gently and quietly. He motioned for Alejandro to sit again. The outburst made Alejandro tired, so he complied.

"Don Alejandro, your pain is immense. I can understand that. A terrible thing happened. A terrible injustice was perpetrated upon you and your family. May I ask you a question, my son?"

"Certainly, sir."

"Do you hate Senora Risendo? Or do you just hate what she did?"

"Well, I certainly hate what she did, there's no question about that. But the Senora herself, I don't really know her well. I do know I have never liked her. But I barely knew her."

"So, you do hate her, or you don't hate her?"

"I don't know," said Alejandro.

"Well, that's a start, Don Alejandro. Now, tell me this. Why can't you forgive her?"

"Because of what she did!"

"And you can't forgive her because she stole your son and filled him with hate, then turned him against you. You said you could forgive him, but not her. Can you elaborate?" The soothing voice of Padre Benites calmed Alejandro down enough so that the old don could reflect a moment. Alejandro let out another deep breath.

"I don't fault my son for the way he was raised. He was a baby. He knew nothing else. But the Senora – I am angry with her because of the decisions she made that so affected my family and our happiness. She was cold-blooded about it. We think she even murdered one of our kitchen maids in her effort to cover her tracks. That's evil, and I hate evil." Alejandro's upraised hand was shaking from emotion.

"As do we all, Don Alejandro. We who strive to live good lives, all hate evil, and yet it is present. It is our response to evil that determines our destiny, sir. Christ said we were to 'love' our enemies, and 'do good' to them who despitefully use us. We are to do good, thereby heaping coals of fire on their heads. Do you know what that means?"

Alejandro's composure returned. As it returned, so did his thinking processes. He hadn't quite heard everything the padre had said. "I'm sorry, padre, what was that?"

"I said do you know what it means to love your enemies and do good to them? Do you know what heaping coals of fire on their heads means?"

Alejandro shook his head. "No, I don't, Father."

"Here's what I think it means. When we return good for evil, rather than evil for evil, we do acts of God's love towards people. God's conviction can come upon the guilty – or shame. It shows or shames them – into knowing that what they have done is wrong. It will encourage them to choose a better path than before. But the choice is always theirs to make."

Benites continued. "What is important, Don Alejandro, is that you respond in a godly fashion. No one can blame you for saying you can never forgive Senora Risendo. No one but God. Our Savior said that in order for us to be forgiven our sins, we must forgive the sins of others against us. Our Lord prayed this in His Prayer. It is a very hard thing God is asking of you, my son. Can you do it?"

Alejandro thought a moment. The fight seemed to have gone out of him, but the hurt showed all over his face. "I – I – don't know, Father. I am still very angry. I don't think I can ever forget this. The hurt is still very deep."

"I'm not asking you to forget what happened. I am only asking for a decision to forgive, no matter how you feel. Forgiveness is a decision, Alejandro. It doesn't excuse the sin; it gives a pardon to the sinner. The sin is still there, it will always be remembered, but for the one who forgives, healing occurs when forgiveness is chosen. To put this in legal terms, we often speak of a 'pardon' for Zorro, do we not? A pardon for Zorro means his punishment is cancelled. He still broke Spanish laws, but if the King pardons him, he is a free man. The King is free to move forward to other pressing and more important matters. And Zorro is free to move forward. Unforgiveness hurts the person who can't forgive more than the person who caused the pain to begin with. If you pardon the senora in your heart, you actually free yourself to move forward, and you allow God to decide how to deal with her. Can you do it, Don Alejandro?"

Alejandro was silent. Benites continued. "My son, do you remember when I first came to this pueblo?"

"Of course. Why?"

"Do you remember what happened to me?"

"Of course. You were kidnapped."

"Yes, I was. But I forgave the criminal who kidnapped me. I didn't forget what happened; I just made a decision to allow God to administer justice on my behalf – and He did. Can you do the same for Senora Risendo?"

Alejandro was silent. Benites could see the internal struggle and let him fight it out with himself. After a few minutes, the struggle was over. Alejandro faltered. "I – I – I'll try, Father. That's all I can promise. I'll try."

"That is a beginning. May I pray for you, Don Alejandro?"

"Certainly." Alejandro closed his eyes and bent his head forward.

Padre Benites rose, but motioned for Alejandro to stay seated. He placed his hands on Alejandro's head. "Father in heaven, we ask You to heal the soul of Don Alejandro de la Vega, a just and fair man who has suffered great injustice at the hands of an sinful and disturbed woman. We thank You for supernaturally intervening on his family's behalf that terrible day. Father, we ask You to send Your Holy Spirit to comfort Don Alejandro in dealing with the grief of the loss of a son he never knew. We also ask You to heal his heart to help him forgive, not forget, not excuse, but to decide to walk a better road, a road of compassion, not hatred. En nomini patri, et filli, et spiritus sanctu. Amen." He crossed both himself and the older man.

Alejandro wasn't quite sure how he felt. The intensity of the anger he felt for Senora Risendo seemed to have diminished somewhat, but it was still there. However the words of comfort and wisdom from Padre Benites were also having an effect.

With his halting attempt to 'try' to forgive, it seemed in an instant, that his heart opened up further than it ever had before. He 'saw' things in his heart he had never seen before. He 'saw' Ynez Risendo's nightmare of a life. Although Alejandro could never forget or excuse what she had done, he knew it was important for him to move forward. The feelings of hatred for one woman, he 'saw,' could keep him from moving forward with his own life. He 'saw' a ray of hope, a beam of light, and his heart went that direction.

Alejandro got up from prayer to find himself alone in the padre's study. I must have lost track of time, he thought. I must get home before Diego and Felipe worry about where I've been. He smiled when he thought of Felipe becoming his son. He 'saw' that Felipe was a lot smarter than he had given him credit for being. I wonder what that's all about, thought Alejandro. And he smiled when he thought of Diego. He 'saw' a huge burden on Diego's shoulders. I will be more patient with him, he thought. Diego has the weight of the world around his shoulders. Why didn't I see that before, thought Alejandro? What is that weight? No wonder he rarely laughs. I can't remember when Diego last had a really good belly laugh…probably not since he came home from Spain. Before Elena died, Diego was a very happy child who laughed all the time. I will be patient, but I will find out what his burden is – when my son is ready to tell me, he will tell me. I will not need to pry it out of him.

He heard a still, small voice in his heart. He heard it every once in a while, when there was something important he needed to know. He recognized it. All in due time, Alejandro – you do not have long to wait!

ZZZZZZZ – (seven days after the Discovery)

TBC

A/N: Patience is a virtue. Only five days left! Things will start to move along a little quicker until the exciting finish…and it is exciting…it moves very quickly!