Dirk vs Dave rap battle!
Yeah, remember how I skipped over this one? Well, I have gathered everyone in Dave's room to see this probably not once-in-a-lifetime event.
Mituna: WH47'5 G01NG 0N?
Feferi: I t)(ink Dave I going to do somet)(ing called 'rap'
Dirk: Something? It's not a something.
Dave: it's a way of life
Gamzee: SuRe BrO, WhAtEvEr YoU sAy.
Kurloz: :0(
Dave: Pff, you guys need to take a step back from that religion for two seconds and see through the window of strider.
Jade: It's really fun!
Terezi: MUST B3 FUN TO S33.
It is. If you wanted to see, you could have asked me. Right now, Alpha you can see.
Terezi: OH NO, 1'M GOOD. R34LLY.
Vriska: And iiiiiiii thought I was causing you pain. ::::(
Equius: Lowb100ds, if you may, the battle is starting. Equius points his milk at the striders, setting up their microphones. Not that they need them, but Dirk insisted.
Dave: You ready?
Dirk: Yea. Why are you freaking out?
Dave: I am not. Fix your glasses if you can't see.
Dirk: You're just nervous because you can already see who wins.
Rose: Actually, that's me.
Dave: I didn't want to spoil it. Unlike you, I'm fair.
Dirk: I don't know what you mean.
Dirk: Fair is when both sides have a chance to lose. Or win.
Emi: You got that from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Dirk: And if I did?
Emi: I'm just saying…
Aradia: S0llux says the micr0ph0nes are h00ked up.
Dirk: Good luck.
Dave: Like I need it. Dave takes his microphone, testing it. His voice booms.
Dave, testing 1…2…3..
Dave: It works.
Dirk: Cool.
The chatter fades to whispers. Dozens of eyes watch the god tiered teenagers.
Dirk: Mit, drop me a beat.
Mituna: 800M D4H d00M, 800M 800M 84H D00M. 800H D4H D00M, 800M 800M 84H D00M.
I'm the alpha strider,
I got more dates than you
My only choice was jake and I got him!
did I mention I'm gay and I like dudes?
That's what you would say, can't close your poker mouth
Got to god tier then it all headed south.
Can't believe I'll have to handle all the alternate daves
Your bro must have been insane
To adopt you and suffer the pain
Of seeing you grow up with such a dull brain
It hurts my heart to see your time shenanigans
causing the end.
Is this how I have to begin?
At least I didn't break-up
While I was high on sugar acid
And those glasses? So 90s
You're the irony assassin.
You and your smuppets disgust the internet
I make valuable art
At least Bro sent me to school
You had robots teach you how to be smart
Yea I may be talkative
That doesn't mean I mad if
An alternate me
Reflects my true personality
And I hope you see
Your lovers x3
Are gonna be set free
Bored of your monotony
My glasses are a hell of a lot better
Than adam sandler's shades
And don't forget the felt tux
I'm surprised no one feels spades
Your douchebaggery
Is unmatched
Yet john's still attached
You both are two derps
but he's the best one you've catched!
Catched isn't a word
Is AR coming back?
We were the same at 13
But it's modesty you lack
In the beginning of game
I'll quote what you wrote
"formal romantic overture."
Don't let that ship float!
You hung over the guy
Like clouds in lOLAR
Can't believe you outdid the clinger
Even left an permanent scar
It seems you're mistaking me
For my imbecile other (AR)
No, I don't mean you
But you look like each other
Cold and metal
And they call ME a robot
I may have things to settle
But give this a thought
You are scared to meet me
The 'alpha 'you is afraid
Of a guy he knew forever
The one he couldn't save
Mr. Fanta Bird
Lost to a magical dog
This story can't get anymore fantastical
At least Aradia was a frog
WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HOMESTUCK!
Dave: Aw man, that was sweet.
Dirk: May the best Strider win. *fistbump*
…
Alright, I have tallied the votes.
Eridan: About time!
Rufioh: Doll, you th1nk D1rk won?
Damara: ybifdnc7fr7s
Rufioh: St1ll mad me, huh?
Emi: And the winner is…-
Drum roll please.
Tavros: i DON'T THINK ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY DRUMS,
Cronus: Actually, I'vwe been practicin.
Cronus takes out a pair of bongos. Not exactly what I would have chosen but okay. Taking an exaggerated deep breath, a suitable drum roll is drummed.
DIRK STRIDER!
Dave: Fuck! Dave throws down his microphone. Dirk basks in his glory.
Jade: Oh, I'm sure you'll win next time!
Terezi: D1RK D1D H4V3 SOM3 PR3TTY S1CK B34TS.
Dave: Lemme guess, no one voted for me.
John: I voted for you!
Jade: Me too!
Everyone else: ….
Dave: Well, you know what they say. First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest!
Horuss: * bel*eve th*rd *s one w*th the treasure chest.
Emi: Um, well, good job guys. I think both of you won!
GGGRRROOOAAANNN
Hey guys. It's been a while, I know.
You know what the next chapter is.
TRUTH OR DARE: THANKSGIVING SPECIAL!
Karkat: I HAVE NOTHING IN ALL OF ALTERNIA TO GIVE THE MINOR GRATITUDE HUMANS CALL 'THANKS' FOR.
Emi: Good thing we're on Earth!