Chapter 21
Ezra POV
He couldn't think about Aria without thinking about their physical connection. It had been stupid of him to admit to her that he wanted sex. What had he been thinking? Had he expected her to give in? To just open her legs so he could slip inside her sweet tight heat? He had been a fool. No matter how much he may want to, he wasn't going to sleep with her. The sexual tension between them was already at an alarming rate. He'd known Aria had wanted to sleep with him too, had clearly seen the battle of war raging within those molten big brown eyes. Aria may want to have sex with him, but she wasn't going to. She had been very certain about it.
They both had wanted release to satisfy their bottled up physical attraction for one another. He suspected that like him, she was also sexually frustrated. It could be so easy for them to fall into bed together, to have sex until they both exhausted themselves out. He could leave all the reasons on why they couldn't out the door. He could forget about being older than her, forget about being her godfather, her guardian. She had brought him to his knees, made him thoughtless with desire that he couldn't seem to think straight. He had been so content without sex in his life.
He tried so hard not to think about her, about her touch and her body, those full lips of hers, that gorgeous long curly hair that felt like silk, or the way she smelled of honeysuckles and freshness. Every time he was near her, or if she was giving him a look he felt helpless from want, from needing to be inside her so badly. He didn't enjoy being ruled by his cock, by a desire that was so overwhelming that it scared him shitless. He didn't like sleeping with a teenage girl. He felt bad for even wanting her in a sexual way. He hated feeling envious of Dustin because he could be with Aria. It was okay, she was his age. It was acceptable. He'd never imagined being involved with Aria in this way, where he wanted her sexually.
Ezra wasn't used to having his mind gone. He wasn't used to feeling a strong level of desire for someone else. It was like he wasn't able to function a day without thinking of her. He had failed Alex miserably, especially by sleeping with his daughter not once but twice. No matter how much he wanted to go back and redo everything that had happened between them, he couldn't. He couldn't get that innocence back, couldn't restore their once harmless relationship to one another. It was all but gone now.
He was fighting hard not to be with her again, not to give in and take what he wanted. Thinking of her age just made him feel worse. He was too old for her. He wished he could just stop thinking about her, to get those two times with her out his head. He wished he had fought harder against her advances. He had given in, had allowed her to seduce him. At the time he hadn't thought it possible.
Ezra didn't know what he was doing, didn't know how long before he gave in again. Would she want him again? Would she let him inside her? He didn't know. This time it was different, she was seeing Dustin. He knew Aria wouldn't cheat on Dustin with him. Why would she still want him if she had someone like Dustin in her sights? Dustin was not only great looking, but he was a hell of a lot younger than Ezra, had many tattoos and tone body, had a warehouse apartment, was into art like Aria, and he gave Aria the attention that she so desperately needed. How could he compete with that? It was simple, he couldn't. He didn't want to.
He was startled to see that Aria was still up when he came home that morning. He glanced at his watch; it was only 5 a.m. in the morning. What was she still doing up? Did she have a bad dream? She would always get those as a child. He didn't want to think she had been out all night visiting Dustin. Was he right in returning her car keys back to her? He didn't know. He looked on as she shuffled quietly around the kitchen as she made herself a cup of Chamomile Tea. She was still wearing the tank top and short shorts as before. Her gorgeous long dark curly hair was down, falling graciously around her shoulders and back.
Aria looked up at him, her big brown eyes shimming with something he didn't understand. He didn't know what kind of mood she was in. Was she still upset with him? Would she speak with him like she had done earlier? He knew she'd hated the restrictions he had set. He knew she didn't understand where he was coming from in doing so. How could be prove that his intentions had been good? He knew he couldn't make her understand. Aria was headstrong, defiant. She wouldn't listen if she didn't agree with it.
He looked away from her as he unstrapped his guns from his person, feeling her eyes on him has he did so. He cleaned each gun, before breaking them down, and then he stored them away in their proper places. All the while Aria looked on, not saying a word to him. He turned his back to her as he watched his hands, thinking of the beautiful painting she'd done of the park back in Kanas City. Her artist ability was something amazing, inspiring. The way that she looked at the world moved him, took his breath away as she captured it through her art, her beautiful brown eyes. He turned back around to face her, faltering in his steps as she continued eyeing him.
He had to distract her.
The way she was staring at him made him hard, made him want her so very badly.
"What are you still doing up?" his voice was light, rough with desire. "Did you have one of your nightmares again?"
She shook her had no, biting down on her bottom lip as she ventured closer to him.
Her nearness scared him, made him very aware of being a man.
"I couldn't sleep," Aria said as she stopped in front of the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen. It acted as a barrier between them. His baby blue eyes shone with relief. He didn't trust himself. "And, I was worried about you. You know I don't like it when you do private security. I had to see for myself that you were okay".
Had she stayed up all night for him?
"I'm fine, Aria," Ezra assured her. He didn't want her worrying about him. He didn't want her missing sleep on account of him. And he did know how much she hated his private security job. He didn't want to argue, least of all at the moment. "It's no good to worry yourself about me".
Her eyes flashed, her chin tilting up in defiance.
"What is wrong with you?" Aria asked, losing it with him as she glared over at him. "Why shouldn't I worry about you? Oh wait, that's right, you don't even care about your own warfare. Nothing bothers you".
Maybe what he had said hadn't been the right choice of words.
"I didn't mean it like that," Ezra said as he found himself compelled by her eyes. Beautiful brown eyes with the hints of gold in them boiled over in anger. "And I wish you wouldn't think that way. You know I care, particularly about you".
She snorted derisively.
"But not about yourself?" she asked mockingly. Why was she really mad? It couldn't just be about the restrictions he had set. Something more was bothering her. "I really don't know anything about you; I don't know who you are".
She was right; she didn't know who he was.
Was he really that different from the man she had known as a child?
"Was really bothering you, Aria?" he asked, not wanting to talk about himself. He wasn't important, she was. "Does it have anything to do with Dustin?"
She shook her head at his daftness. Did he really not know, she thought.
"I can't seem to stop wanting something, something I shouldn't want," Aria's voice was vague, breathless as she spoke to him, her fingers gripping the mug as though it was the only thing real in her hands. "I almost went to go see Dustin last night, but I didn't. I couldn't even understand why. I definitely had the opportunity".
What was she saying? He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything at all.
"I should have never slept with you," Aria said with biting regret in her voice, before sipping her Chamomile Tea. "I can't get you out of my head, especially the way you feel inside of me".
He closed his eyes at her words, hating how her admission made his body tingle, made his cock extra hard. He still wasn't capable of saying anything, almost too afraid to speak. They couldn't do this. They had to stop looking at each other this way, had to stop giving the other the wrong signals. They both wanted it, but then they didn't. It was all very confusing to say the least. He didn't know what to do. He knew he should discourage her, discourage what was happening between them at the moment.
"You may act like nothing bothers you and that you don't want it, but you can't fool me," Aria said as she placed her mug down and crossed her arms over breasts. "I shouldn't be attracted to you. I shouldn't want to have sex with you. I should want only Dustin, he's my boyfriend".
How could he have let this get out of hand?
"I think you should go to bed, Aria," Ezra said quietly, re-opening his eyes as he stared away from her face. "We can talk about this much later".
"No," Aria said rebelliously. "I want to talk about this now".
He ran his hand down his face in exhaustion, before his baby blues came back to rest on hers.
"What do you want me to say, Aria?" Ezra asked in a very tired voice as he barely held himself upright. "I won't sleep with you again".
"God, you're so unaware about everything that's happening around you," Aria said through clenched teeth. "Do you really think I want to sleep you? I don't. Just thinking about having sex with you again makes me sick to my stomach".
Her words stung, but he didn't let them faze him. He could hear in her voice that she blamed him.
"I don't want to fight with you, Aria, least of all this morning," Ezra said as he walked out of the kitchen. She trailed after him. "And you're right to blame everything on me. It was never my intention to start a physical relationship with you. That's why I fought so hard against in you in the beginning, because I never wanted to feel this way about you".
"I don't want you to take all the blame," Aria said as tugged on his hand, forcing him to stop and look back at her. "This is my fault, all mines. I should have never come on to you. And you were right; sex was never what I really wanted from you".
"And now, what do you want from me?" Ezra asked as he held his breath. "What can I do to make your life easier, make you hate me less?"
"Nothing, I want nothing from you". Aria's words belied her actions as she pressed her body up against his. "I just want you to let me do what I want".
"You know I can't, Aria," Ezra said as he stared down into her molten eyes. "You can't just do what you want if I don't set any ground rules".
He shouldn't have touched her, but he had to. He arms went around her body as he held her close, kissing the top of her dark head, before pulling away. She stopped him, her hands clutching his shirt as she held him in place, staring up into his eyes as she pulled his face down towards hers. She crushed her lips on his, kissing him as mind-blowingly as he fought to breathe. He didn't know whether to push her away, or kiss her back. He decided on the latter, kissing her back as she urged him to open his mouth to her. He did so as she pushed her tongue inside, stroking her tongue against his almost shyly as she moaned deep into his mouth as her arms went around his neck.
Ezra knew that he should stop kissing her, but he couldn't as he pushed open his bedroom door with his shoulder and they tumbled inside, grabbing each other's clothes and skin, anything they came into contact with. He groaned as her naked body fell on top of his as she straddled him, loving how her full breasts flattened against his hard chest. He kissed her neck, chest, and shoulders, his tongue gilding along her sweet smelling skin as he suckled on her flesh as her head fell back in ecstasy, long silky tresses sweeping her back and backside. She strained against him; her beautifully shaped mouth forming in an O as shuddering gasps left her mouth as she grinded against him. He could feel how hot she was, how wet as he guided his hard shaft to her small entrance, and then he plunged inside, stretching her to the point that she felt stuffed. Her breath let her body as her nails dug deep into his shoulders as she squeezed her inner walls around him, keeping him in place.
"Don't," Aria gasped out when he started to thrust into her, his baby blue eyes gazing up into hers. "Don't move. I want to savor the feel of you inside me".
He did as she asked, his hands stroking up and down her back, ghosting across her flesh as her body reacted to his touch.
He was finally allowed to move when she gave him the okay, his thrusts hard and deep as he moved underneath her. She moved against him, rotating her hips as she rode him with much energy. Ezra couldn't take his eyes from the picture she made astride him, her full breasts bouncing around with her eyes closed in concentration. She was more than gorgeous at that moment; she was truly alluring as he pushed up into her, again, and again. Her hands trailed slowly down his chest, her fingers passing lightly over his v-cut abs as she rode him slow, timing herself to keep in pace with him. He couldn't stop his hands from wandering up her body, her thighs, then her flat stomach, and then her soft breasts as he cupped them with care, mulling the tumid nipples over with his thumbs.
Aria gave deep grumbling moans as she felt the intense feeling surging through her body, making her helpless to keep it from happening. Ezra knew how she felt, he felt it too. He felt the same intense emotion gripped every part of him as he grasped her moving hips in both of his hands as he gave powered thrusts back to back inside her constricting walls, not able to keep his groans quiet. This is what it feels like to be inside of her, feeling her so wet around him, he thought. It felt too good to be inside of her again, feeling as she moved up and down on him, swirling her hips in the process as his mouth replaced his hands on her breasts. He kissed their fullness, sucking and teasing them, just before biting down softly on each nipple, and then drawing the swollen buds into his mouth.
Ezra sat up and wrapped an arm around her back and held her body tight to his, his thrusts coming harder now as he drove into her upward. She pushed back against him with everything she had, rocking her hips back and forth as he plunged much deeper inside her. He couldn't stop, he didn't think he could, feeling as involuntary shivers went through her. She was not only hot and wet, but she was deliciously tight as well. His other hand held the back of her neck as she rested her head on his shoulder, her teeth biting into the skin as her long curly dark hair fell over them like a silk sheet, covering his shoulders and chest and her breasts. She used his neck as leverage to lift herself up and down, circling her hips and clamping down her inner walls around him at the same time as she came, moaning her pleasure into his neck as she buried her face into it. He began to pound up inside her heated walls, thrusting until he came just a few minutes after her had.
Aria picked up sped as she continued riding him, spreading her thighs on either side of him as she sink more into his lap as she rode out the remainder of her orgasm. Broken gasps left her mouth as she bounced up and down on his swelled cock, bringing their bodies into deeper contact and friction as she crested for a second time. All Ezra's senses were heightened as he watched her though dark-lidded eyes, watching as her gorgeous youthful face contorted up in undeniable bliss. Just observing her brought him to his second orgasm, groaning out her name as he did so. He didn't trust himself to speak as he got his fast beating heart under control. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the look she was giving him, her big brown eyes swallowing his as she stared down into his face as one of her hands covered her mouth and the other one fisted her hair. She seemed just as shocked as him at the level of desire that had consumed them just a moment ago. He didn't know if he could move, didn't know if he wanted to give up being inside her.
He was confused at what had just happened between him and Aria for a third time as he scurried to wrap his head around it. Hadn't he told her he wouldn't sleep with her again? What had gone wrong? Why couldn't he resist her? What had he been thinking? He had no answers. He didn't find regret in her eyes nor did he find disgust in them. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling as she tried to speak, her words failed her. His deflated member twitched as she locked her ankles behind his back, her fingers grasping the sides of his neck as she pulled herself up more. He wanted to tell her to stay still, not to move, but he didn't. Being buried deep in her had stolen his senses.
He knew this was wrong, knew he was too old for her.
Aria leaned forward to kiss him, her chattering lips pursuing his as she molded them to hers. Her kiss was deep and hungry for more as she breathed into his opened-mouth, wanting him to response to her. He didn't know if he could, didn't know if he could think about anything else but her. Her enticing kisses were taking all his oxygen as they teased him, wrapping him up in her completely. He didn't know if he liked how she made him feel. His cock rising at attention again, hearing the audible gasp that escaped her as she gripped the back of his head and started to move up and down really slow, her eyes focused on his as he fought with himself not to move as she gradually went up, and then back down again, the breath expelling from her lungs as she cried out from the trickling sensations that spiked down her spine as she felt herself lose control. It wasn't long for she climaxed again, her body stiffening up as her head fall back and her fingers clutched at his shoulders. Her drunken eyes fluttered closed as she held on to him tight, moaning softly as her shudders subsided.
Only when she felt in control of her body did she pull back from his face, silken tresses in tangled snares as they hid her face from him. She used a hand to brush it back as she gave him a dazed smile, her brown with the hints of gold glittering with satisfaction as she peered down into his baby blue eyes. He was still painfully hard but he didn't thrust into her, afraid of falling even deeper into hell for continuing to sleep with her. It was wrong, everything about it was wrong. He felt ashamed of himself, guilty that he had let Alex down in the worse possible way. He tried to block out everything in the room, the smell of sex, the way that their bodies were still connected and the feel of his sweat and other body fluids were mixed with hers, and the way she was staring into his eyes as though she wanted to go another round with him. He looked away from her face, his eyes vague and unapproachable as he stared off into the distance, calling himself every name in the book. She exhaled, drawing his eyes back to hers as her fingers grazed his skin in skittered hesitation.
What more did she want from him?
"That was…" she couldn't finish, her voice sounding as though she had ran up a flight of stairs. "I can't even think up any words to describe it. What did it feel like to you?"
Should he lie?
Lying wasn't in his character.
Did he want to run the risk of angering her?
"It felt wrong, Aria". Ezra didn't recognize his own voice as detached baby blue eyes held hers. "What you and I are doing is wrong, what I'm doing isn't right".
He could vividly see the challenge forming in her big brown eyes as she prepared to argue with him.
"It doesn't feel wrong too me, Ezra," Aria said his name like a whispery caress, the dazed smile still present on her full pink lips. "We're two consenting adults".
"To you it doesn't, but to me it does," Ezra said in a voice that was so low that he could barely be heard. "But you're not an adult, Aria. You're a teenager, someone who's far younger than I am".
He could feel that spark of defiance resurfacing again as she stared down at him stupidly, hating him for ruining this moment between them.
"Okay, let's just agree to disagree than". Aria's voice held anger. "You can't say you didn't want this, we both did".
"I'm not denying that, Aria". Ezra felt as though she wouldn't listen to him either way. "But it still doesn't make what we did right".
"What is wrong with you?" Aria asked him angrily as she climbed off him and started searching for her discarded clothing, her long dark curly hair tumbling down about her face. "Why can't you just bask in the great sex?"
"There are a million things wrong with this picture," Ezra said as he pushed himself off the bed and stood up slowly, limping to where his own clothes were. "Sex I shouldn't be having with you".
Aria was so mad that she was shaking, putting her clothes on in any order. He thought to tell her she had her underwear inside out, but he thought better of it. He kept his mouth shut.
"You initiated the sex, not me," Aria accused as her eyes flashed with defiance. "I can't believe this, I can't believe you".
He didn't want to fight with her on who initiated what. They both were at fault, but he would take the blame if it would appease her.
"It wasn't my intention to sleep with you, Aria, but I take full responsibility". Ezra's voice was slightly muffled as he tugged his shirt over his head, but Aria heard him. "Just know this won't ever happen again".
He was supposed to care for her, not sleep with her.
"Fine," Aria hissed, as she stepped into her short shorts and buttoned and zipped them back up again. "I really don't care either way".
For some reason that irked him, but he didn't say anything as he bit down on his tongue to swallow the words back. She made it all too clear that she had another option, that she had Dustin.
"Is this all you want from me?" Ezra asked as he studied her gorgeous profile across the room. She glanced over at him, blowing out an angry breath as she wrestled her curly hair into a knot on the top of her head, her fingers raking through the silky locks without much care. "Is sex all you want from me?"
"Yes!" Aria all about screamed as she continued fussing with her long hair. "From the very beginning sex was all I wanted from you".
He guessed he could appreciate her honesty even if it did make him feel used.
"Why do you even want me if you have Dustin?" he honestly wanted to know as she thought about his answer, finally succeeding in getting all of her hair into a knot on the top of her head. "I'm sure I'm nothing compared to him".
"Let's not talk about Dustin, please". Aria was even more furious he had brought Dustin up as she pulled her tank top down over her bra. "He has nothing to do with this".
"That still doesn't answer my question, Aria. Why sleep with me if you have Dustin waiting for you in the wings". He hadn't meant for it to sound condescending, but that's how the question presented itself. He turned his back on her as he pulled up his boxers and jeans, before turning back around to face her fuming features. "I'm just trying to make sense of you wanting to sleep with an old man, versus a guy much younger".
"Don't speak down to me," Aria said through clenched teeth, her eyes spitting rebellious fire at him. "Do you really want to know why?"
"I apologize if I offended you, Aria". Ezra's apology was sincere, but Aria didn't think so. "And yes, I would very much like to know".
"Because I enjoy having sex with you, and because it's all I can think about," Aria spoke the words she hadn't meant to reveal as she crossed the room to stand in front of him. "It feels so good when you're inside of me. I don't get that feeling when I'm with Dustin. Yeah, sex is good with him too, but it isn't the same".
He didn't want to hear this, didn't want to think about how he felt inside of her after what they had done.
"You may think it feels good right now, but you won't be feeling that way tomorrow, or even weeks from now," Ezra said as he backed away from the close proximity of her body, the strong scent of honeysuckles and freshness that emanated from her filled his nose. "I'm too old for you".
"I've never cared about your age," Aria said as she bit her lip and brushed up against his body, reaching up on her tip toes to let her arms encircle his neck, her fingers spooning his silver and brown hair. His baby blue eyes were intense, fixated on her face. "God, I'm so in love with your eyes".
He couldn't do this, couldn't be around her. He was afraid, afraid of catching real feelings for her.
"I can't do this," Ezra croaked out as he untied her arms from around his neck, putting some much needed space in-between their bodies. "I'm not what you want, Aria. I wish you could see that I'm right".
He took hold of his shoes, and then he left Aria standing in the middle of his bedroom. He had to clear his head, had to think about things. He didn't want this, didn't want any of it. He couldn't start having feelings for her if he knew she didn't feel the same way. He wouldn't take that chance.
Well, I didn't expect that, did you? Let me know you're thoughts! And Ezra is falling for Aria but he's afraid. I can't say I blame him lol