To be perfectly honest, I'm having difficulty coming to some focus on this chapter of entries. As a result I am going to likely write two add on chapters involving Pops and Angela to come into play with this one, so this episode will have a three chapter arc. I hope that it works, and that the entries I came up for for this episode work for everyone. These deal much more with the angsty emotions that each would be feeling when they are at home alone after that. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
From the Journal of FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth:
April 8, 2010: Is Bones right? Will an us fail? Will we be hurt? Will it ruin the best professional partnership that either of us have ever had? What a fucking mess. I don't think I'll ever forget that scared, petrified look on Bones' face when I took a chance tonight. When things fell apart after our first time working together I was hurt, and it took a long time to get over what I had been feeling for her. Now I'm facing the same thing, but it hurts so much more. Now I have to move on, if only to make being around her possible. But can I move on? She makes my current life possible. I stopped gambling after meeting her. I began to feel like the world had space in it for Seeley Booth. The last five years after we began working together all the time have been the best years of my life, if extremely aggravating when seeing her with other men. Now because I had to listen to Sweets it's all in ruins. Sweets is wrong. It needs to be her, not the gambler. Her fears, and what she stands to lose is so much more than what I could lose. Ever since she got back from Guatemala last year she's made so much progress in how she looks at the possibility of love and relationships, and now because I decided to listen to Sweets, yet again, she's back in her shell. The worst part of all this is, is what if I find, now that being with Bones doesn't seem possible, that there's no one out there for me? Everything that I believe in, and Bones proved to me by her very presence in my life, about fate and soul mates, despite her non-belief in those ideas, is now in doubt. What if the real lie has been the last six years? What if I haven't been just lying to Bones the last few months, but instead been simply lying to myself the last six years?
From the Journal of Dr. Temperance Brennan:
April8, 2010: What have I done? The man I want, the man I love, finally is willing to take a chance and I refuse. I tell him I'm broken. That it won't work. That it can't work. I made a mockery of his trust and belief in me, as well as his own personal beliefs. It's like what I did six years ago, only this time it won't be either of us walking out, but both of us staying until this partnership, and likely our whole friendship, implodes. Angela once told me that I needed to catch up to my reality. Now I know that she was telling me that if I didn't find out what my heart needs, then it would fall apart all around me. Can I deal with seeing Booth involved with another woman? Can I be with another man knowing that Booth will be hurt by it? Either, or both, of those scenarios could destroy the one thing we have left: our work. I placed work above Seeley Booth. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself, and when the partnership ends, which I can't see how we can make it work despite our best efforts, I don't think I'll be able to compartmentalize. I went out with a guy once a few years ago and it was a disaster. It didn't even last beyond dinner. He said I was a cold bitch. I was offended, and promptly forgot about it. Now I'm thinking maybe he was right. Only a cold bitch would shatter Booth like I did tonight. What little trust in psychology I have gained from Sweets is now gone, and I will never let myself be taken in by a soft science again. I only hope that one day Booth can understand and forgive me.
A/N: These two entries are done based on emotions of the characters. Bones' came from the almost frantic, and near crying she evinced when she told Booth no and then in a terrified way asked if they could still work together. The emotional content of the entries will make more sense when the next two add on chapters with Pops and Angela are done. I should have the first one posted tomorrow and the second one the day after that. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg.