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BPOV

I was enjoying my time with Edward more than I thought possible. Being with him made me happy, being alone with him made me even more happy. I felt a sense of freedom not having to go to class, do homework or go to work. My solitary, independent life seemed to have disappeared and now my life was fused to Edward. Our worlds revolved around one another. Things would be different when we returned to Fairbanks, I knew this without a doubt.

We had been in Denali for several days and my relationship with Edward had physically progressed, much to my delight. Kisses, while still close mouthed, were placed everywhere. Clothing had begun to be removed. Caresses and gentle touches were given in delicate areas. Edward even started giving me full body massages, which made me relax to an almost zombie like level. It all felt natural and right, I felt safe and comfortable with Edward, but we had yet to go all the way. We both seemed to be pushing the boundaries and I hoped and expected that all this build up was leading to something.

Every moment wasn't spent in one another's arms, although a good deal of time was devoted to that. We also had other fun, watching movies, reading together, playing cards (Edward couldn't cheat because he couldn't read my mind), a few times we took the snowmobile for a spin and Edward let me drive. I was even able to write, not for a school deadline, but for my own pleasure. Edward played the piano while I finished a chapter and it was inspiring.

On Thanksgiving we cooked together and Edward insisted on setting the table as if a dozen people were coming over for dinner. He didn't eat, of course, but it was still very special. In the evening I called Renee and Charlie to check in, it was tradition to call on holidays and birthdays. Renee noticed an excited, happy tone in my voice, but I didn't mention I was celebrating Thanksgiving in a cabin deep in the woods with a man I just met. Charlie wasn't home, probably at La Push with his friends, so I left a message.

I felt a little melancholy after talking and not talking to my parents. It was hard not to compare them to Carlisle and Esme. While they were gorgeous, young looking, adoptive parents and vampires, there was still an undeniable closeness between them and Edward. I noticed the love they showed him when we met, in the way they spoke to him and looked at him with pride. I knew my parents loved me, but they had never looked at me that way. I rarely spent time with my parents, but Edward had a dozen stories about the quirks of Carlisle's personality or special times he'd had alone with Esme.

While Edward cleaned up the kitchen, I sat in a chair, thinking of these things, while watching the snow fall outside. Completely distracted, I didn't notice that Edward was finished until he came up behind me and kissed my neck. Warmth spread throughout my body at his touch and I craved more of him, but my brain didn't follow. Edward instantly noticed I wasn't responding and kneeled in front of me, putting his hands on my thighs and leaning his head against mine.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking of your family. Carlisle and Esme – they're really nice."

He nodded and paused. "I want them to be your family, too."

I blushed. Was he referring to marriage? I wanted to be with Edward for as long as I lived, but the idea of getting married was not appealing in any way. Renee and Charlie married young and it crashed and burned.

"I don't want to get married," I confessed, awkwardly. I hoped I didn't hurt his feelings, but I didn't want to presume he was thinking of marriage if he wasn't.

"I want to marry you," Edward responded. "But, I'll wait until you're ready...if you're ever ready."

Edward wanted to marry me? Wow. I blushed again in surprise. "And if I never want to be married? Would you leave?"

He looked offended and took my hands into his. "I will never leave you, Bella, whether you want to be married not. I don't need a wedding ceremony to commit myself to you, I'm already tied to you, til death do us part."

His words should have been comforting, but they only caused my eyes to fill with tears.

"That's the thing – I will die one day...and you won't. I can't bear the idea of being separated from you, even by death."

It was sudden and irrational, but my emotions were real and strong. Edward was immortal and I was not. I could enjoy these moments we were sharing, but one day he wouldn't be with me anymore.

The thought made me inconsolable.

Edward picked me up and carried me to bed. I curled up into a ball and he held me until I calmed down.

"How embarrassing, I'm sorry for being such a mess," I whispered quietly, my voice hoarse from crying.

"If I could cry I would express myself the same way as you did at the thought of us being separated. It's my greatest fear."

Edward was being too nice. I was sure he didn't feel the same way I did. I rolled over so that we faced one another.

"I'm being sensitive...I think I'm PMSing," I explained dismissively.

Edward's eyes raised in surprise and I wondered if I offended him by talking about my period. It was crude to admit, but if Edward and I were going to get more physical, I hoped it was before I started. Otherwise, I didn't know how that would work, especially with a partner who was a vampire that thirsted for blood. Even though he told me I wasn't a temptation, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Also, wouldn't it be messy?

"You're aware that you're ovulating?" he asked, almost clinically.

I was confused by the question. "Um...I guess? I don't always keep track of it, but I sort of just know when it's around that time."

"Hmm...Carlisle sort of mentioned that you were, so I'm surprised..."

I was mortified. "Carlisle knew I was about to start my period and told you? What? First of all, that is so embarrassing, and second of all, uh...why?"

Edward now looked embarrassed. "He told me to talk to you about it, but the timing hasn't been right. Along with a need for rest, it was also another explanation of your symptoms – fatigue, heartbeat, temperature..."

"Okay, but why would he tell you? This must happen to me every month, it's normal for human women."

Edward seemed to search for the right words. "It's more complicated than that because of our relationship...we're not the same species and I was afraid of how physically that would affect you."

Oh. Edward did ask Carlisle about sex and I didn't even notice. How did I miss that?

Now I was searching for the right words. "And did he say if it was okay if we..."

Ugh. How could I be ready to have sex if I wasn't ready to say the word out loud?

Edward smiled shyly. "Carlisle gave me some technical advice...and Alice gave me some protection."

I blushed yet again. I knew there wasn't anything to be ashamed about, but Edward getting advice on sex from his father and condoms from his sister was just unexpected. They were definitely a very close family. Butterflies of excitement filled my stomach.

"So are we going to try?" I asked quietly.

"If you want to, yes."

There was an awkward pause as we stared at one another in silence.

"I do," I whispered. "Do you?"

"Yes," Edward groaned, his eyes ablaze with passion.

I swallowed nervously. Edward wanted me and I wanted him. My heart began to beat wildly. Edward pressed his hand against my chest, which only made it thump harder, and leaned in to kiss me.