Emma looked at herself in the full length mirror. The black knee length dress didn't look right. She took in a breath and pulled her hair into a messy bun. She was all alone in the bathroom of the church on the morning of her father's memorial service. She looked down at her phone, no new messages. She sighed again. She was about to reapply her mascara for the -nth time when the bathroom door swung open. A mourning Rebecca entered and looked up, "Oh baby." She cried wrapping her arms around her daughter. Emma just stood there, uncomfortable. Even though Rebecca was possibly the last person she wanted to see today, she felt bad for her mom and returned the gestures, "I'm so sorry baby." She cried against Emma's shoulder.
Emma didn't really say anything. She wasn't sure what to say. To be honest she hadn't said much of anything in the week since Ted passed away. She kept low, barely coming out of her room to eat and shower, let alone socialize. She evaded Ethan. Every time he called, she ignored it. When she saw him in the halls at school she would exit quickly avoiding eye contact. She barely spoke to anyone outside of Sutton. Somehow Sutton was the only person she needed at the moment. She knew today it wasn't going to be so easy. She knew that even though she didn't ask him to come, he was going to be there anyways. She released her grasp from around her mom and kindly excused herself.
It wasn't long after she'd turned the corner from the restrooms that she saw him, resting against the wall, his foot propped up in the savant kind of way. She wanted to turn the way but it was too late, when he saw her he pushed off the wall and strode her way. It wasn't that she was mad at him, or even that she didn't want to see him. She just wasn't ready to be a happy couple again, "Hey." He said coolly. She looked up at him, still his chocolate eyes melted her like a popsicle on a hot summer day.
"Hey." She said back.
"So why are you avoiding me?" He looked past her shoulder and then back at her, waiting for an answer.
An answer was not exactly what Emma was ready or wanting to talk about right now, "Ethan, seriously? This is not the place to be discussing this. I need to get back with my family." She pushed aside him and walked into the large sanctuary. She was sure that almost a thousand people had turned out to say their good-byes. After all, Ted Mercer was a well-loved man in his community and in his field. She spotted Kristen sitting in an all black dress suit, Laurel and Sutton on either side of her at the front of the church. Emma strode down the long aisle to meet them, and when she did, Kristen stood up, wrapping her arms around Emma. Behind her, a projection screen played a slideshow of photo's Kristen put together. Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" played softly along with the clips. Several of the photo's were from Sutton and Laurel's childhood. Ted dressed as Santa Clause at Christmas holding a toddler Laurel, Sutton grinning wide-eyed arms wrapped around his leg. A family vacation from a white water rafting trip they took when Laurel and Sutton were pre-teens. A photo more recently of Sutton and Ted in the hospital playing a card game. One of Kristen and Ted at their wedding and another one from their 10 year anniversary cruise when Laurel and Sutton spent a week with Mads and Thayer. emma watched each photo pass by, her heart sank with each childhood photo she saw of Sutton. She had missed all of these years with her father and her sister. Silently she cursed Rebecca for what she did when she was a baby, but then a photo caught her eye, it was from the father daughter dance earlier that year. A candid still of Ted leaning Emma back mid-dance. She was laughing and he looked at her with so much love. Even though at the time he thought it was Sutton, a caption caught her attention: My dearest Emma, I didn't know it back then, but I realize now this was you. I would give up anything to go back to this dance. To have knowingly had the chance to dance with my other daughter, it meant the world to me then and it would mean the world to me now. Tears welled in Emma's eyes. Kristen leaned over and said, "He wanted me to tell you that, Emma and I never got the chance to. He really loved you sweetheart." Emma's heart pulled and she let her tears fall, splashing on the black cotton skirt. If there ever was a time in her life when she needed her daddy it was right now. Just as the slideshow came to an end, the service began.
Emma leaned over to Kristen, "Will I have a chance to say a few words?"
Kristen nodded, "Of course baby." She gave Emma's hand a squeeze.
When it was time for the Eulogies, Sutton went first. She spoke about all the times she had taken her father for granted, how she realized in hindsight that he only wanted what was best for her and that even though the way her life wasn't exactly ideal, it was the best a man could provide for his wife and daughters. In the end, she closed with a lyric from his favorite song, "Faithfully" and then headed down the steps of the alter. She met Emma at the bottom with a hug and joined her mom and Laurel back on the pew. Emma looked out into the dark crowd. The bright white lights blinded her and she looked down at the podium, "I grew up not knowing who my family was. It wasn't until Sutton contacted me on the internet that I even knew I had a twin sister." She paused, "before I came to Phoenix, I lived in a foster home in Vegas. My life was nothing to be idolized. When I came to Phoenix, I realized that my life was anything but ordinary." She paused again, unsure of what she was about to say was exactly the best thing to say at a funeral, but she drew in a breath, "My twin sister and I are products of an affair." She licked her lips and looked out into the crowd, "My birth mother separated Sutton and I when we were born. Selfishly wanting to keep one of us for herself." Her heart was beating fast now and she felt dizzy. Sweat beaded her hair line, but she kept her calm, "When I was three, my birth mom left me at a day care center and never came back for me. That's how I ended up in foster care. I was shifted through six different homes and a dozen schools before finally landing in a home in Vegas. My foster mom was anything but a mom. She worked late nights at a casino and she slept through the day. She didn't care who I was with or where I went. She barely knew my name. When I came to Phoenix I immediately excepted into the Mercer family. Granted, they thought I was Sutton and saw nothing wrong. What they didn't know was that the little lost girl in me had been crying out for a family like this. The family my birth mother never could have ever provided for me. When I found out that Ted wasn't just Sutton's adoptive father, he was our biological father, I felt closer to this family than I could have ever imagined. Laurel wasn't just a friend, she was a sister by blood. I finally found my family." Emma pushed a tear from her cheek and looked away drawing in a deep breath, "But the one person who never stopped loving me no matter if I was Sutton or if I was Emma, was Kristen. She was a victim in all of this and yet she loved me unconditionally from day one. I had never experienced the kind of love I experienced with Kristen. The eternal, unconditional love of a mother." Deep down Emma knew her words had to be cutting Rebecca like a knife. After all, no matter how badly Emma didn't want it to be true, Kristen wasn't her mother, Rebecca was. But se didn't care, Kristen had given her everything she dreamt about in foster care, "Ted was my birth father. Sutton is my twin sister and Laurel my half sister. But the one person I'm not related to by blood has been my biggest supporter since I came to Phoenix and that's my mom. And even tough, this was supposed to be in remembrance of my dad, I wanted Kristen to know how much her love and her presence in my life has impacted and meant to me. Daddy, wherever you are. Save me a dance in Heaven." She fought back tears again, "I love you." Then she blew a kiss up into the sky and thanked the crowd. Back at the pew, a crying Kristen stood and embraced her daughter, a unison "aw" rode through the crowd, "I love you mom. No matter what, you will always be my mom." Kristen kissed her daughters forehead and they sat back down as the minister began his sermon about the life we live on earth and the life we have prepared for us in Heaven.
After the service, Emma stood outside the church. The sunlight on her shoulders warmed her since the church was as cold as a freezer. She was alone when Rebecca approached, "What the hell was that?" She asked under her breath.
Emma remained calm, "What was what?" She knew what Rebecca meant, but she evaded the question.
"That speech in there. I am your mother. Not Kristen." Rebecca's comment made Emma's blood boil and she sucked in a breath.
"You may have given me my life, Rebecca. But you are not my mom. You are the furthest thing from it. You ruined my life. So excuse me for clinging to the one person who ever made me feel like my existence was wanted.
"Emma, you know I-" Rebecca started.
Emma cut her off, "Don't you even dare say that you wanted me. You abandoned me, mom. Do you remember that? Because I do. I remember that day and every day after. I remember when I was 12 and the night my foster dad raped me. HE RAPED ME! And you let it happen. If you ever think I will ever consider you anything close to a mother, you have another thing coming. I'm done with this conversation." With that, she turned on her heel and walked back down the hall of the church, leaving Rebecca stunned on the sidewalk.
Inside, she ran into Ethan again, "Not you again."
Ethan looked at her, his brow furrowed, "You know what? I'm getting kind of sick of this Emma. I didn't do anything to you. As a matter of fact, I was there for you the night your father died. And every day since you've avoided me, not answered my calls and basically treated me like shit. What did I do to you to deserve this Emma? I know you're hurting. I get that, but you don't have to take it out on me again. It was a wonderful service. Sorry for your loss, but I have to get home now." He pushed past her and headed out towards the parking lot.
"Ethan, wait." But it was too late, she watched him push past the crowd of mourners and down to his motorcycle, "DAMN IT!" She spoke a little loudly and a group of young girls looked up at her. She just gave them a sheepish look and walked away. She needed to be alone so she grabbed her keys and headed to her car not bothering to let anyone know she was leaving.