Chapter 21 – Faces of the Fallen

I wake with a start, clutching my throat my breathing shallow. I wipe sweat from my forehead and let out a relieved sigh. It was just a nightmare, a low tapping sound fills my ears and I stand cautiously heading to the landing. The tapping is louder as I head down the stairs and into the hall. I grab the first potentially dangerous item I can find, which just happens to be a pencil and wrench open the door ready to attack. The person before me, stops me in my tracks.

"Hi…" Maverick says, giving me a shy smile. I lower the pencil and stare at him for a moment too stunned to speak. I'm not sure if I want to hug him or attack him. I decide to slap him instead.

"OUCH!" He cries out clutching his hand to his cheek. "What was that for?" He asks rubbing it absently.

"You weren't there!" I reply through gritted teeth. "You weren't there to meet me at the train station!" I continue, my hands begin to shake and I press so hard against the pencil that it snaps in half. He's expression looks puzzled as he begins to speak.

"Emery I-" I cut him off too angry to hear his excuse and I feel my face flush with anger.

"I return home after the worst experience of my life and there was no one. I was surrounded by strangers. No one could be bothered to make the journey." I say bitterly, Maverick lets out an annoyed sigh, folding his arms across his chest.

"Emery…I was at the station." He says and I laugh because he must be lying. "Emery, you didn't see me because I was part of your guard." He says fixing me with a sincere stare. "I took your hand…you didn't know it was me." He continues bowing his head. "I couldn't say anything to you." I stare at him, remembering the peacekeeper who took my hand and I begin to laugh and he looks a bit taken aback.

"That was you!" I say through fits of giggles and a smile appears on his face. He lets out an amused laugh nodding.

"I should have figured you wouldn't know it was me." Maverick says and I nod the smile still on my face. This must be the first time I have smiled and it's been genuine. "You're such dimwit!" I say amused. "I thought you were some weirdo trying to come on to me!" I say and be both begin to laugh again.

"Were you planning to attack me with that pencil?" He asks finally after we finish laughing. I look down at the pencil abandoned in two parts on the door step.

"I was planning to stab someone in the eye." I shrug, he raises an eyebrow at me and a perplexed look appears on his face.

"Why? Are you in trouble or something?" He asks confused.

"No, I've just been on edge since I got back." I reply my cheeks burning red, because now I think of it my fear is totally irrational.

"Um, anyway…" Maverick says clearing his throat. "The reason I came all the way here is because we're throwing you a little party up at the Academy." He says giving me a small smile.

"Oh, um sure..." I say bewildered.

"Great, I'll meet you outside the station around six?" He asks grinning at me. I nod and be hug before he jogs down the steps and down the cobble stone street.

I stand in front of the mirror my hair tided back in it's usual ponytail and a new dress I had to go and buy down in the market. I left my reaping dress in The Capitol and I didn't have anymore nice clothes to wear. When I went to the town square everyone just stared at me. Many approached to congratulated me and a lot of people offered me free products. All I could think is why they would do that when I have more money than they could earn in a lifetime? Most of the clothes in Two are mundane, there isn't much cause for nice clothes so I decided to buy some black trousers, brown boots and a white blouse.

"Hey, where are you off to?" Hephaestus calls as I reach for the door. I turn to see him jogging down the stairs grinning at me.

"A party up at the Academy…" I reply frowning at him. "Why do you want to know?" I ask curiously and he just shrugs.

"I worry about you." He says with a joking smile, I roll my eyes and turn to leave. "Emery!" He Hephaestus calls again and I turn back to him once more. "I really do worry about you." He says my seriously. I nod a give him a reassuring smile.

"I worry about you too, but I'll be fine, you don't have to worry anymore." He returns my smile and waves at me to go.

As I arrive at the train station I see a crowd of people hovering on the platform. At first I wonder if something bad has happened, but when a girl shouts and begins to point at me I realise that I am what they have been waiting for, word must have leaked about the party. Suddenly people begin to grab my hands and shake them, people pull me into hugs and tell me they love me, and they want to be just like and all I can do is thank them. It takes about twenty minutes for the crowd to finally leave and I spot Maverick leaning against a lamp post his arms folded in annoyance.

"Sorry!" I say quickly, a few people still linger their eyes fixed on me. Maverick peers over my shoulder at them and then back to me.

"It's okay…we missed our train but another will be along any minute." He says looking up at the clock. "You look nice." He says after a few minutes of silence, it feels weird begin around him again. I don't know why as I use to see him practically every hour of everyday.

"Thanks, I just bought it today as I had nothing nice to wear." I say quietly. The train arrives and we take a seat near the middle. Not long after we sit down two people recognise me and take a seat in front of us.

"Hello Emery." The youngish girl says smiling at me.

"Hi…" I say smiling at her politely.

"I voted for you as tribute, I knew you would win!" She begins excitedly; I flick my eyes quickly towards the boy beside her. His eyes have been fixed on me since we boarded the train.

"Thank you for voting for me." I reply quickly.

"Well, the next stop is ours…it was nice meeting you Emery!" She says brightly as the train begins to slow. I wave goodbye before turning to Maverick who looks like he's about to burst into laughter.

"The Emery I know would tell anyone like that to take a long walk off a short pier." Maverick says and I roll my eyes at him letting out an annoyed sigh. "I didn't expect it to be like this…" Maverick continues peering at me.

"Me either." I say with a small laugh.

I enter the Academy breathing in the familiar smell and I feel calm for the first time in a long time. I am home. As we enter the large gym all faces turn and a round of applause begins. My old head instructor appears beaming at me and clapping a hand on my shoulder.

"You have done your District proud." He says over the noise and I smile at him, I feel like I want to punch him for even putting my name forward. But then I think back to how naïve I was before the games, how naïve I still am. "What do you say about teaching the young kids here the basics?" He says grinning at me. I want to shout at him, and tell him that training kids to fight is wrong but the best years of my life have been spent in this place. This place was my home for so many years. I have to remember that the Academy is not just to train people for the games; it's getting the majority ready for a job as a peacekeeper or jobs in the nut. If I hadn't been voted as a tribute I would have volunteered along with many others.

"Sure, that would be great." I say shaking his hand.

After finally greeting old faces and new faces I find Maverick sat at a table joined by Toni, the girl who was also a potential tribute for last years games. I take a seat beside Maverick who takes a long sip from his cup. "Hi Toni." I say giving her a pleasant smile; she smiles back shyly before averting her eyes. "So, now you've graduated what are you doing?" I ask, feeling suddenly awkward. I never really knew her so I don't know why I feel compelled to try and make conversation.

"I'm a trainee in The Nut." She replies quietly. "We're not suppose to talk about it." She continues. They obviously picked her because she's not likely to talk about anything that happens there. I decide to leave Maverick and Toni to themselves, I wonder if anything is going on between them? The thought sparks a pang of jealousy within me and it maddens me even more that this bothers me.

"What are you all pissed about?" Says a deep voice from behind me, the voice is familiar but not someone I know well. I turn to see Titus, the tallest boy (or should I say man) in the room. "So, you're a victor now. How's that going for you?" Titus asks peering down at me. His father is District Two's first ever victor, I've never met his father.

"It's only been a few days…hard to say." I reply shrugging,

"Right, of course you're just getting use to it." He says giving me a wide grin and taking a swig from his cup.

"So, what are you up to now?" I ask casually, not wanting to talk about anything related to the games.

"Oh you know, just working with the Mayor." He replies shrugging. "But it's only temporary." He says with a small smile. I nod once again feeling awkward, I've never been very talkative and trying to make small talk feels strained. "Well, I'll see you around maybe?" He says obviously sensing I'm not planning to say anything else.

I close the door to my house as quietly as I can the light in the kitchen flicks on and Hephaestus appears in the hall.

"You're home early, how was the party?" He asks raising his eyebrows at me.

"Fine…" I say tiredly pushing past him and into the kitchen. "I can't travel anywhere anymore though." I continue, rubbing my forehead and collapsing in a chair. "All I've done is meet people, and you know very well that I'm not a people person!" I mumble Hephaestus laughs a little, placing his hand on my own.

"It'll die down, don't worry." He says reassuringly, how very wrong he was.

The victory tour approached far too fast for my liking, and life in District Two had changed dramatically. I spent most of my days back at the Academy as it's where I feet most comfortable, acting as instructor for all up and coming tributes. According to The Capitol my 'official' job title is a teacher, which I suppose isn't far off. I teach the newest and youngest recruits the basics, like how to hold a weapon, surviving in the wilderness and how to defend themselves.

I have become yet another icon in District Two; we have a total of 12 victors in the village, including me. I haven't spent a lot of time getting to know them, a few are withdrawn too scarred by their games and the loss of their own tributes they mentored. I will be acting as mentor for the twenty-sixth Hunger Games, but it hasn't been decided who my partner will be. I know Cathal will not be acting as a mentor this year to my disappointment.

I stand with my arms folded my eyes fixed on two recruits as the spare on the mat in front of me. The young girl is only eight years old; she is slight with hardly any muscle whilst her opponent is a ten year old boy who is tall for his age and very broad. He lifts her with ease and almost throws her off the mat.

"Stop, stop, stop." I say stepping onto the mat. "Dorian, you're meant to be attempting to knock her off her feet, not throwing her across the room." I say scolding him, he folds his arms in defiance and narrows his eyes at me.

"You shouldn't have pitted me against a little girl then!" He sneers, to be honest some of these kids scare me. Although I feel conflicted training these kids, I know this training could ultimately save their life one day down the line. Plus the majority of them will go on to be Peacekeepers, which is one of the better jobs to have here in Two. "Okay Dorian, next time I'll pick a worthy opponent." I say, he just sniffs and stalks off the mat to join his friends.

"Emery, when are you going on the victory tour?" One boy asks his name is Eli, he isn't the strongest fighter, but he's fast and cunning.

"In a few days, I'll be heading off to the train station and off to The Capitol" I say ruffling Eli's hair; he pushes my arm way, his cheeks flushing a bright pink.

"I can't wait to become a victor!" A small dark haired girl says, I smile weakly at her as she acts out stabbing a girl beside her in the chest. My hands begin to shake and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Emery, are you okay?" Eli takes hold of one of my hands and I stare at him in a daze. Dorian and a few other kids are laughing, the rest look uncertain or frightened.

"I'm fine Eli, just feeling a bit sick." I say quietly, more to myself than to Eli. "Um, we'll leave it there for today guys and I'll see you all after the tour." I announce and the group disperses.

After I finish at the Academy I quickly head to my car, not many people in District Two have them, but I've found I have too many admirers to travel publically anymore. I am constantly followed everywhere I go, people wanting to know what I'm doing every hour of every day. I find myself in front of Cathal's door, consistently knocking until the door flings open and Cathal appears looking rather annoyed. I haven't spoken to him since I returned home. Usually keeping to myself, and I try to avoid talking to anyone I meet about the games, but it's hard to escape from it when that's what you're known for.

"What do you want Emery?" He asks, he's sweating a tank top sticks to his muscular chest.

"I…um, I need to talk to you." I stammer averting my eyes from his body and fixing my eyes on my feet.

"About?" He asks harshly, and I flinch at his cold tone.

"You're my mentor, I thought-" I begin but he cuts me off abruptly.

"I WAS your mentor." He corrects me, I look up at him and suddenly my eyes fill with tears and his face softens and he steps aside. "Come in then." He says and I step through the door, clutching my arms around myself. "Come into the kitchen, I'll make you something." He says without looking at me. I follow him into the dimly lit room and he offers me a seat by the fire. He places a hot cup of tea into my trembling hands and takes a seat opposite me. "You haven't spoken a word to me since coming home, why are you here now?" He asks, his voice smooth and calm.

"It's getting worse." I begin, taking a long slow sip of the tea. "The nightmares, the flashbacks…" I say letting out a sigh, it feels good to finally talk about it. For months now I have been acting like everything is fine. I thought victor Emery wouldn't have to show her face again after the games, but she is my identity most of the time, even with my family.

"Is it getting worse the closer the victory tour approaches?" Cathal asks quietly, he places his warm hands around my trembling ones and squeezes them reassuringly and I nod. I don't feel like crying anymore. I just feel numb. "How much sleep do you think you get at night?" He asks a growing of concern in his eyes. "It's fitful, I sleep maybe an hour or two but even when I'm asleep I'm plagued by nightmares." I murmur. "In the day I get flashbacks, not every day but occasionally." I continue and Cathal listens nodding without interruption. "I thought if I could avoid you, and the other victors I could forget. But working at the Academy reminds me of it everyday." I say finally.

"Maybe talking about this will help you come to terms with it?" Cathal answers, he stands peering out of the window.

"How do you cope with it?" I ask and he laughs gruffly.

"I told you on the train home, I don't." I frown at him, he seems perfectly fine in himself. He turns to face me, a small smile on his face. "I fill my day with activities to keep my mind busy, and partly in the hope that I will fall asleep just through exhaustion." He says matter-of-factly, "But even then I could be trapped in a nightmare. Soon they won't be just your games that plague your dreams; you'll be visited by your fallen tributes too." He says bitterly, balling his hands in and out of fists.